by Elle James
“I can imagine,” Emily said.
“Yeah. There were times I was glad I was the single guy. I didn’t have to worry about coming home to find my wife had left me for another guy, taking the children and the dog, while I was out defending the nation.” He’d been with several of his buddies through their drinking binges, when they’d tried to drown their anger, disappointment and gut-wrenching sorrow over the loss of their families.
Her eyes rounded. “That happened?”
He gave her a weak smile. “All too often. Some left to go home to their mothers. They couldn’t handle being alone or wondering if their husbands would come home on their own two feet, or in a box.”
“That’s awful,” she said, her hands twisting together, her gaze shifting to the windows overlooking the driveway. “You’d think they’d have known what they were getting into and stick it out.”
Colin shook his head. “I hated seeing my buddies suffer. The pain of losing a loved one lasted longer than the pain of a wound.”
“Having been on the other end of that scenario, I can understand.” Emily snorted. “And I thought marrying an accountant was a safe choice,” she murmured, the shadows in her eyes darkening. “I’ll get that blanket.” She spun and walked away.
Colin’s gaze followed her up the stairs. When she disappeared into a room on the upper landing, he exited the house and hurried out to his truck, wondering if he was doing the right thing. Being with Emily brought back all the feelings he’d had for her. Having been away for so long had not diminished his longing for the woman at all. In fact, his desire had grown. He wanted to hold her in his arms and keep holding her for a very long time.
Though Colin had wanted Emily in his life, her choice to marry Alex had been the right one for her. Her father, a military man, had died in combat when Emily had been young, leaving behind her mother and sister to make it on their own. She’d always said she never wanted to leave Montana, or the family and friends she had here. They were her roots and the stability she’d always craved.
Colin had known he would enter the military from the time he’d learned to walk. His father had instilled in each of his boys the structure and desire to serve in the military branch of his choice. Each had gone into a different branch, forging his own way, while following their father’s footsteps.
Now, they were all back in Montana on leave to find their father.
Colin’s gut clenched. His father had been a hard man to live up to, but they all loved him and wanted to see him come home. The longer he remained missing, the slimmer the chances of finding him alive.
Colin stepped out onto the porch and drew in a deep breath of the Montana night air. He’d have to keep a rein on his feelings. Three months wasn’t a great deal of time to mourn the death of a husband. And just because Alex was dead didn’t make it right for Colin to swoop in and claim Emily as his own. Nothing had changed in the past ten years. Emily still wouldn’t want a man who prioritized his career before his family. Even if his career was in defense of his country.
He grabbed the go bag from behind the back seat of his king cab pickup, slung it over his shoulder and headed back to the house, his gaze continuously scanning the immediate vicinity for movement.
No matter what Emily wanted or didn’t want, Colin couldn’t leave her to defend herself alone. Even if she could take care of herself, she needed someone to have her back when she wasn’t looking.
He entered the front door in time to catch Emily descending the staircase with a pillow and a blanket.
She was every bit as beautiful now as she had been when they were in high school. Maybe even more so.
When she handed him the blanket, their hands touched.
A spark of electricity raced up his arm and spread throughout his body.
Her gaze shot to his before her eyelids descended, cloaking her expression and feelings.
Had she felt the spark as well?
His pulse humming through his veins, Colin opened his mouth to ask, but then closed it immediately. He had no right to ask her if she’d felt something more than friendship at their touch. She was the widow of his best friend, and he had to remind himself that was all they could ever be.
“We have a spare bedroom upstairs, if you’d rather sleep in a real bed,” she offered.
He’d rather sleep with her.
And there he went, right back to where he had no business going.
“I’ll be fine on the couch,” he forced out between clenched teeth. “Go to bed.” Before I do something really stupid, like kiss you.
As soon as that thought popped into his head, heat burned a path from his lips down to his groin.
“Are you sure?” Emily asked.
“Go, Emily,” he said, his voice gruff. He nodded toward the staircase. “The sooner you’re upstairs, the sooner I can sleep.”
“Oh,” she said. “Okay, then.” She walked toward the front door. “I’ll just lock up.”
“I’ll take care of the doors and check all the windows. Just go.” His chest was so tight, he thought it might explode.
She frowned. “Did I say something that made you mad?”
“No,” he said tightly, then sighed. He couldn’t take out his frustration on the woman who was causing it. It was his fault he had no control around her. Not hers. “I’m just tired.”
Emily gave him one last glance. “Thank you for being there when I needed you. I can’t tell you how badly I needed a friend at that exact moment.”
“I’m glad I was there as well.” But he didn’t want to be her friend. Yes, they’d started as friends, but by the time he’d gone to boot camp, he’d known they could never be just friends ever again.
He’d made the mistake of kissing her.
And he wanted to kiss her again. Now. In the house she’d shared with Alex.
His thoughts and desires were all wrong. If he made it through the night without acting on his desires, he’d have to come up with another solution to protecting Emily. He was in Eagle Rock to find his missing father, not to act as Emily’s bodyguard. But he wouldn’t feel right leaving her safety in the hands of anyone else. He’d made a promise when she’d married Alex that he’d be there for her should anything ever happen to Alex.
Caught between a rock and a hard place, Colin knew what he had to do.
He’d made a promise. He had to protect Emily.
Chapter 4
Emily lay awake into the night, staring up at the ceiling of the guest bedroom where she’d slept for the past six months, even before Alex’s death.
She’d moved into the bedroom right after she’d learned she was pregnant. He’d been coming home from the office later and later at night. She’d hinted at his having an affair, what with his late nights and secretive habits. Alex hadn’t shared what he’d been up to, cementing her suspicions that he was indeed having an affair.
When she’d woken up after his death and the death of their unborn baby, she’d wished she could take back all the ugly words they’d thrown at each other. No matter how angry she’d been with him, she hadn’t wished him dead.
She didn’t know what had happened over the years. They had known each other for so long. When had they stopped being friends?
Images of her, Alex and Colin racing horses across the fields of Iron Horse Ranch came back to haunt her. They’d been so close. All that had changed when they’d become aware of each other as more than best friends.
Colin had kissed her behind the barn one bright sunny day, before Alex had arrived for their afternoon of horseback riding.
Her response to the kiss had scared her so much, she’d made it a point not to be alone with Colin, again. She’d never felt so out of control as she had during that one kiss.
Shortly after she’d kissed Colin, she’d kissed Alex. His kiss had been gentle and nowhere near as explosive as Colin’s.
Her father’s death, and the resulting instability in her family life, had imprinted a need for her to have control o
ver her fate. Colin’s kiss had left her confused and had made her heart pound so hard, she’d thought it would jump out of her chest. She’d decided he was dangerous to her ability to regulate her body, her mind and her future.
When he’d told her he was going into the military, she’d known she couldn’t go with him. Her father’s death had sent her family into a tailspin. Her mother had never gotten over it. She’d grieved herself into an early grave, passing away from cancer and a broken heart months after Emily graduated high school.
Brenna had been in her sophomore year when their mother had passed. At that same time, Emily hadn’t let her heart decide which of her best friends she should marry. Her head led her to choose Alex and stay in Eagle Rock to see Brenna through her last two years of high school. And why not? She’d loved Alex. He’d had always been there for her, just like Colin. Until Colin had left and Alex changed.
Now, Colin lay on the couch downstairs, in the house she and Alex had lived in together.
And her heart beat so fast, Emily thought it would jump from her chest.
She sat up in bed, breathing hard, her lungs unable to keep up with her pulse. What was it about Colin that made her lose focus? Why did she react the way she did around him? Every touch was like a burst of flame, racing through her system.
He frightened her. Not in a horror movie kind of way but in a wild, unfettered way. She should send him away…tell him she would be fine without him. She reached into the nightstand where she kept the loaded .40 caliber pistol Alex had given to her last Christmas.
At the time, Emily had thought it an unusual present. Not anymore.
“Oh, Alex…” she moaned, staring down at the weapon. “What happened? What did you get into?” A sob escaped her. She hadn’t realized just how alone she was in this big old house until now. The thought of sending Colin away made it all too real. But he couldn’t stay. He owed her nothing. And she couldn’t rule her own thoughts and feelings whenever he was near.
The crack of floorboard sounded outside her door.
Emily’s breath caught in her throat, and her heartbeat quickened. In the dim moonlight streaming through the window, she could see the doorknob turn.
Her hand shaking, Emily raised the gun, aiming it at the door. She thumbed the safety lever and waited for the door to open.
Had the person who’d been following her found her in her own home? If so, how had he gotten past Colin?
Dear God. Had he hurt Colin?
Emily’s hand steadied, and her thundering pulse slowed. She sat up straighter and stared across the shadowy room as the door slowly swung open.
With her finger resting lightly on the trigger, she focused all her attention on the intruder.
“Emily?” a voice whispered. Colin appeared in the doorway, barefooted, wearing only his half-buttoned jeans.
“Are you out of your mind?” she cried, pulling her finger out of the trigger and switching the safety on. “I almost shot you.”
He chuckled, leaning against the doorjamb. “That wouldn’t have been the first time I’ve been shot.”
Emily dragged in a deep breath and willed her suddenly racing heartbeat to return to normal. However, seeing Colin bare-chested and standing so near to her bed only made her pulse race faster.
His dark brow dipped, and he entered the room, stopping beside her bed. “Emily, are you okay?”
Hell no, she wasn’t. Not when he was standing so close, all those naked muscles bathed in the blue light from the moon.
“I’m fine,” she said, her breathing coming in short rapid breaths. “I thought you might be an intruder.”
“I wouldn’t let anyone pass me to get to you,” he assured her, brushing a strand of her hair back from her cheek.
“I thought you might have been injured. I was ready to pull the trigger and kill the bastard.”
His low chuckle warmed her inside, sending heat all the way to her core. “You were worried about me?”
She shrugged and moved the pistol from her lap to the nightstand. “You’re not invincible, you know,” she said, her voice low and annoyed. “No one is.”
Colin touched her shoulder. “Scoot over.”
“Why?”
“Because my feet are cold, and I want to sit.” His brow twisted. “Unless I’m making you uncomfortable. Is that it? Do I make you uncomfortable, Emily?”
Yes, he did. But she wasn’t about to admit it. “No. Of course not.” She inched over on her bottom, giving Colin enough room on the edge of the bed.
He lowered himself until he sat beside her, tucking his feet beneath the sheets. Then he slipped his arm around her shoulders. “There. Isn’t that better?”
“For who?” she grumbled, loving the feel of his body close to hers, the vague scent of his aftershave teasing her senses.
“For me, of course. I shouldn’t admit it, but I sleep better in my boots. At least then, my feet don’t get as cold.”
Typical Colin. He made her laugh when she was at her most disturbed. “That’s such an old man thing to say. Have you considered sleeping in a pair of socks? My mother did that.”
“And ruin my reputation as a ladies’ man?” He shook his head. “No way.” His arm tightened around her shoulders. But not so much that she couldn’t get away, if she really wanted.
And she didn’t want to.
“But seriously,” he said. “I didn’t come back to Iron Horse Ranch to die.”
Her eyes welled with tears. “I’ve had four of the people I love die. I’m beginning to think it’s me. I’m the common factor in all of their lives and deaths.” Her eyes widened. “Brenna. Oh, sweet Jesus. What if—”
Colin tipped up her chin. “Sweetheart, not everyone around you is going to die. And those who have, didn’t die because of you.”
She gave a very unladylike snort. “How could it not be me?” A sob rose up her throat. She tried hard to swallow it back down but failed miserably. Tears welled in her eyes and slipped unchecked down her cheeks. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing is wrong with you. Your father gave his life for his country and the safety and freedom of his children. Your mother died of a terrible disease. As for Alex, we need to figure out what happened there.” He kissed her forehead. “The main thing you need to remember is that none of these things were your fault.”
She shook her head, knowing he was right, yet her losses made it hard to believe she wasn’t the cause. “I couldn’t live if you or Brenna are harmed.”
“We’re okay. And we’re going to stay okay.” He brushed his lips across the tip of her nose. “Right now, you need to sleep. In the morning, we’ll start searching for answers.”
She sniffed. For the first time in a while, she felt a spark of hope. “But you’re here to find your father.”
“We’ll kill two birds with one stone. While I’m asking around about my father, we’ll ask questions about Alex.” He stared down into her eyes.
Emily fell into his gaze, wishing life had turned out differently than it had.
“I’m going to help you find Alex’s killers,” Colin said.
“And I’ll help you find your father,” Emily replied, her voice fading into a whisper as Colin’s lips descended to sweep a feathery kiss across her mouth.
“Now, sleep,” Colin said, his voice gruff. “Before I forget you were the wife of my best friend.”
“We were all best friends before I married Alex,” she reminded him.
He gave a curt nod, settled his head back against the headboard and closed his eyes. “I’m trying to remind myself of that, every minute I’m near you. Please, quit talking. You’re making it hard for me to focus on sleep.”
Emily lay still in his arms, reveling in the warmth of his skin against hers. Sleep didn’t come quickly. She lay listening to Colin’s breathing, wishing he would kiss her again.
It wasn’t until Colin was fully asleep that Emily could relax. Then sometime during the early morning hours, her sleep filled with
nightmares about the day Alex died.
She woke in Colin’s arms, her cheek pressed to his naked chest, his arm flung across her midsection.
For a long moment, she considered moving away, giving him space. The lingering horror of seeing her husband’s blood on her clothes, and waking to the news she’d lost her baby, kept her close. She needed the strong arm around her and the solid body beneath her cheek. Colin grounded her at the same time as he sent her spiraling out of control.
Emily didn’t care. She was glad she’d found him in that bar in Bozeman when she had. Fate must have drawn her to him.
Again, Emily slept.
The sound of glass shattering woke Colin just before dawn. His arm had fallen asleep beneath Emily’s head and tingled sharply.
He extricated his arm from beneath Emily, waking her in the process.
“What’s wrong?” she whispered.
“I heard something that sounded like breaking glass.” He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood on the cool hardwood floor, wishing he’d slept in his boots.
Emily rolled out of bed on the other side, pulling her robe over her shoulders, and slipped her feet into a pair of hard-bottomed slippers. “You can’t go downstairs barefooted.” She crossed to where he stood.
“I can’t stay up here,” he said and crossed to the open door.
“At least, take this.” Emily placed her .40 caliber pistol in his large hand.
He curled his fingers around it. “Thanks.”
Leaning across the threshold, he paused and listened. Nothing stirred below, but the acrid scent of gasoline tickled his senses, and smoke rose from the first floor.
“I’d say stay here,” Colin said. “But I think your house is on fire. Follow me, but not too closely, in case we have an intruder.”
Her eyes widened in the darkness, but she nodded and waited for him to step out.
Colin led the way down the stairs, hurrying toward the living room and the smoke filling the air.
In the hallway, he hurriedly shoved his feet into his cowboy boots and continued to the living room. Broken glass littered the wood flooring where the remnants of a bottle lay shattered against a wall and flames consumed the gasoline the bottle had contained.