by JL Madore
"You're one smart lady."
I bumped his shoulder and smiled. "High praise, coming from you."
I opened a new window and pulled up a fact sheet on liquid Succinylcholine chloride, or Sucostrin, as it was called. "This is seriously nasty stuff. Used for immobilizing wildlife, Sucostrin isn't exactly a tranquilizer. It acts as a muscle blocking agent, essentially paralyzing the animal, leaving them fully awake, aware and able to feel pain."
Julian cursed. "That's disgusting. So, what's the delivery system . . . Tranq dart?"
I fingered through the photos strewn across the table and pointed to a glossy shot of a glass wall case housing dart guns and jab poles. "Yep, that would be my guess."
I glanced up from the screen and gasped. "Damn, Aust. I gotta get a bell on you."
Aust tensed, not two feet away. "Apologies. You both seem so engrossed."
Julian laughed and patted his chest. "Not a problem, my man. We could probably use the break anyway. Mika's supposed to be resting after all."
I laughed and let Faolan jump up and lick my face. "Are you kidding? I feel better after an afternoon hunting down bad guys than I ever would lazing around feeling sorry for myself. This was the best medicine I could get, Julian."
Julian bumped fists with me and returned his attention to our computer searches.
I stretched my neck and turned back to Aust. He looked no better. "So, what's new with you? Faolan smells like she's been in the river."
Aust nodded, pulled a chair out from my table and looked at my laptop. "I see you are up and running." He looked to Julian, who gave him a thumbs up.
I smiled. Colloquialisms sounded incredibly awkward coming from Aust's lips. "Yeah, I'm reconnected to the world."
"In that case, could you and I go for a surf on the Internet, neelan? Lexi and Jade said they would help me, but with all the happenings of late, I hate to ask."
"Sure, what are we looking for?"
Aust settled in beside me. The mauve discoloration below his eyes a disturbing contrast from his pale skin.
"Did you get any rest at all?"
"Fash not, reverie is fickle. It comes as it wills." Aust made a visible effort to brighten and pointed to the screen. "I seek a design to craft a mating gift for the wedding. I thought a keepsake box or a—"
"Oh, Aust, your nose is bleeding." I grabbed a box of tissues from the washroom, plucked out a few and handed them over. "Do you get these often?"
"Verily, this is my first."
After only a few seconds blood soaked through the tissue.
I pulled the waste-basket out from under the desk and angled it so he could get rid of them. "Tip your head back a bit and put pressure here."
After handing him a second and then a third handful, I returned to the washroom. Flipping the faucet on full, I grabbed a facecloth and held it under the icy flow. "A cold cloth sometimes helps. I used to get nosebleeds as a kid. It's no biggie, just a pain in the ass."
Aust exchanged the next round of bloody tissues for the cloth and stared at me sideways. "It would seem to be more of a pain in the face."
Well-duh. I laughed.
Julian noticed the state of the cloth and frowned. "Gods, you're really gushing, man. Try pinching the bridge of your nose, buddy."
The facecloth hadn't done any better than the tissues. I grabbed another cloth and a sickening dread took root in my gut. My skin tingled. "Okay, I don't like this. I'm calling in the troops. You stay here with Julian."
Launching down the hall in my bare feet, I took the stairs down one floor, along the corridor to my left and jogged up the three steps leading to the master suite at the end of the hall. Faolan apparently thought we were having fun. She bounced at my side, tail swishing and cutting through the air. When I came up to the carved double doors, I knocked, hard and fast.
Please, Jade, be inside.
"One moment." Galan open the door, fastening the ties of his pants, a pink flush to his normally ivory complexion. "Mika, what a—"
"Is Jade here?" I leaned around him before my mind caught up to what I'd interrupted. "Shit. Sorry, Galan, but this is important."
"What is it, sweeting," he asked.
Jade came to the door pulling the lengths of tussled hair from beneath her knit sweater. "What's wrong? Is it Bruin?"
I shook my head and started to jog back up the hall. Faolan was even more excited by the addition of two more people running the halls. "It's Aust. He has a terrible nosebleed. We can't get it to stop."
Galan cursed something in Elvish and bolted up the stairs and disappeared down the hall.
When Jade gasped, my stomach dropped. "Translation, please. What did he say?"
Jade caught my arm and pulled us to a halt in the hall outside my suite. "Scareg morttha is Elvish for scarlet death."
My ears buzzed as the blood rushed from my head. Scarlet death?
I followed Jade inside. Galan squatted in front of Aust's chair, a melodic flow of Elvish passing between the two of them. The expression on Galan's face made my chest ache. In the minutes it took me to fetch help, Aust had gotten a shitload worse. The wastebasket was littered with a sopping red mash of pulp and Julian had taken to holding a towel against Aust's face.
Aust looked like he was about to black out.
Jade went straight to work. Spreading Aust's knees, she stood between them and splayed her fingers on his cheekbones. "Mika, grab me a damp towel so we can clean him up and see what we're dealing with. Galan, tell me what you know about this."
"Scareg morttha," he said, "is a mysterious infliction which comes as unexpectedly as it goes within the Highborne race. On the rare occasion someone succumbs to it, the victim exsanguinates within the hour of onset."
"What?" I froze, handing Galan the damp towel. "What the hell do you mean exsanguinates? I thought the name was dramatic. People die from this?"
Galan's ocean blue eyes burned against a face that had drained dead white. His voice spoke in my mind. Always.
Well, not this time. I thought right back at him.
Jade took the towel and wiped Aust's face. "I'm going to get this bleeding stopped. Were there any theories of what causes it?"
Galan swiped his fingers through his silver hair. "We believe, after an extended absence from a proper reverie, the blood vessels weaken and lose their structure. In every occurrence, someone close to the deceased mentioned the loss of reverie."
I gasped. "Dammit, Aust. You knew this could happen and you didn't tell anyone you haven't been sleeping?"
"I told you." He hissed as Jade pressed on his sinuses. "Apologies, neelan, had I known my condition had reached this level, I would have sought aid."
"Don't apologize to me." I looked from Jade to Galan and shook my head. "He first mentioned it to me the morning the stripes appeared, but I'd guess getting kicked out of the village and his father's death was the start of it. He has nightmares. To avoid causing anyone to worry, he runs the grounds at night with the wolves. I assumed he was lying down through the day to catch up, but apparently not."
"Fash not, Mika." He held out a bloodstained hand. "Jade is a marvel. All will be well."
If Jade could help him. I squeezed his hand and shuddered at its icy touch. Jade's healing doesn't work on natural health issues. Does it?
Galan didn't meet my gaze, but shook his head.
I stumbled back a few steps and strong hands caught me. Julian. There was more talking at that point, deep voices speaking while Jade's ethereal singing voice filled the suite. Sing as she might, she couldn't save him.
The thought of losing Aust made my gut seize. I grabbed the smudge stick from where Grandfather had hung it on the back of my door and struck a long matchstick from the fireplace. Settling on my knees beside his chair, I closed my eyes and drew a ragged breath. "Earth Mother, please hear me."
When the warm breeze picked up my hair and swirled it gently against my face, I continued. "Earth Mother, lend Aust your strength as he faces this trial. He i
s truly one of your children, a gift to nature and all your creatures. Touch his life with your love as you touch mine. In your name, we serve you, forever and always."
Jade cursed and slapped at his pale cheeks. "Aust? Aust, wake up. Don't you die on us. Open your eyes, sweetie. Aust?"
He'd lost consciousness, his body limp in the chair.
I lit the smudge stick and arched the braid in shaky sweeps. Grandfather did this much better. The scents of sage, cedar and lavender caught in my throat. "Earth Mother, I beg of you."
We waited. Please. The scent of spring rain filled the room and my heart raced.
"Okay, Aust. Earth Mother is here. Can you feel her power? Don't resist her. Give yourself over. Trust her. Trust me." He didn't stir. Could he even hear me? "Aust, please, I need you to try . . . try to let her in."
I continued to chant and smudge while Jade resumed singing. Earth Mother's power built until the hair on my arms stood on end. Still, Aust looked no better.
Come on, Aust. Fight this. Come on.
As the breeze kissed my cheek and receded, I searched Aust's face. Did it work? Time froze, suspended as if held in one long breath. Aust lay deathly pale beneath a layer of crusting blood. Faolan whined and I absently scrubbed her ruff.
"All right, we're almost stopped up here." Jade exhaled. "He's coming around."
Tears broke free and I realized then how badly I was shaking. Julian squeezed my shoulders and rubbed my back as I sobbed. "Thank you, Earth Mother."
Aust's eyes fluttered open.
Jade straightened. "Don't scare me like that again, Aust. Do you know how close you came to being beyond our help?"
His ashen face lolled to the side, his head too heavy to hold. "Verily, I believe I do."
Jade brushed back his golden waves, kissed his forehead and wrapped her arms around him. "Okay, let's get you cleaned up and into bed. You're getting some rest, even if I have to tie you down and knock you out myself."
"I've got it," Julian said, jogging for the washroom.
Aust frowned, but Jade pressed her fingers against his pale blue lips. "I'm putting you down for a healer-induced nap. I'll use my powers to hold off the dreams while you rest, and we'll continue to do this until you're through the rough patch and able to find reverie yourself. No arguing. I'm more than your healer. I love you."
Faolan pushed her head through the bodies and found Aust's hand. As he stroked her fur, they both seemed to settle a bit more.
"Mika, you don't mind if we all climb in to your bed, do you?"
I shook my head, stripped Aust's bloody tunic off and tossed into the wastebasket. "Of course not. I'll be glad to know he's getting some rest." But God help us if Bruin smells Aust in my sheets. Galan's head snapped up and he frowned.
Aust shook his head and struggled to get up. "I shan't impose on Mika. If you insist, on this course of treatment, let us return to my suite."
"Great idea," Jade said, brushing back her deep red curls. "And when Elora comes to check in with you, should we tell her how close to death her son got? Do you think she won't take one look at you and know?"
Aust's lips tightened into a fine line. Jade had him cornered and we all knew it. With everything his mother was going through, he would never cause her more worry.
I squeezed his shoulder. "I'm glad you have the strength to argue, but don't. Go get cleaned up and for once in your life, let us take care of you."
Twenty minutes later, Julian and Galan came out of the bathroom, helping Aust to my bed. He was shivering and his lips had turned a sickly shade of purple-blue. The guys made it seem as if their arms around his back were merely guiding him, but I knew better. Jade and I pulled back the sheets and the men laid him in the center of the bed.
Faolan bounded up and curled into a ball at his feet.
Galan patted the wolf then met Aust's gaze. "Allow these ladies to comfort you for a few hours. No argument shall dissuade us and you are far too weak to escape. Besides, Jade needs rest after a healing. You will do her, and therefore me, a service to join her in rest."
Galan settled Jade in beside Aust, drew the quilt over her and kissed her cheek.
"Actually," I said. "I'll sleep in Bruin's room. I'm close if you need me and . . . it's safer for everyone if I respect the needs of Bruin's bear. Just give Julian and me two minutes to grab our stuff and we'll be out of your hair."
Galan nodded, slid in beside Aust, and pressed his lips to Aust's damp hair. "Never again, brother mine. You mean too much to too many, to lose you."
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Moving myself into Bruin's room had seemed like a good idea . . . until I tried to sleep. After lying awake in his bed for hours, with the scent of him filling my mind and tingling through my body, I realized something I think I'd known all along. He was part of me.
Whether I liked it, or not. Planned it, or not. I had fallen for him.
Bruin was part of me. It was more than hormones. It was more than sex. It was him.
"I'm sorry that me trying to love you has been such a goddamn burden."
I flung the covers off as his words ran a repeating loop in my head. He'd tried to love me . . . and I'd thrown it back in his face. Grandfather was right. I hadn't wanted to see or hear it. But, my stubborn refusal hadn't done either of us any good.
Part of me had blamed him for the bonding. Why? He had no control over it. Because he understood more about this world? Because he was happy about it when I wasn't?
God. I really was a nightmare. I stared out the window at the moon, floating in the star-smattered sky, blurring behind a wall of tears. A small slice of darkness on the one side of the lunar globe kept it from being completely round. The full moon marked the end.
Raising the bear claw skirl to my mouth, I blew.
Bruin materialized immediately. Knife drawn. Ready to fight.
"Shit. I'm sorry." I stammered, my voice quivering with tears. "Julian said this was for emergencies and I forgot. I . . . uh, wasn't thinking."
Bruin sheathed the wide silver blade at his hip and strode for the door.
My heart sank. "Don't go. Please, Bruin. I don't deserve it, but please hear me out."
His hand hesitated on the handle, his shoulders stiff. After a long silence, he turned and leaned against the closed door to the hall. He folded his arms over his chest and waited. He looked bad . . . like run-over-by-a-train-and-dragged-along-the-rails, kinda bad. The cold turquoise glare he pegged me with said I was indeed the locomotive in question and needed to talk fast.
"I'm sorry," I said, trying to tighten up my voice. "I got twisted up about the mating, and the pressure of being pigeon-holed as your other half, and I handled it badly. Very badly."
Didn't even blink.
I swallowed and tugged at the hem of his t-shirt I'd worn to bed. "Aust almost died tonight. Jade couldn't save him and . . . we almost lost him."
That stirred something in him. His jaw tensed and he opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again. Damn. He was really upset.
"He's all right. Jade and Galan are with him in my room."
Cold eyes narrowed as he glanced to the closed adjoining door.
I eased a step closer. Shit, my legs were trembling. "I moved myself in here, so you and your bear wouldn't misunderstand. He's only in my bed because he collapsed while in my room and Jade didn't want Elora to see him until he recovers."
His gaze shifted back to me.
My voice cracked again, but I kept trying. "It hit me tonight. Jade couldn't help him and I thought he'd die. Julian held me but it wasn't his arms I wanted around me. It was yours."
Still nothing. I was too late.
My vision got blurry again and I blinked fast, but my lids couldn't keep up. "And earlier, when Julian and I were sleuthing through the slaughter of your friends . . . I wanted to talk things over with you. I missed not being able to bounce ideas off you and have you listen to me."
I swiped at traitorous tears and tried to breathe. "Yo
u were right. I didn't realize it, but you were. You asked who hurt me so bad I couldn't trust love. My father. He . . . he hurt me."
A rumble rose from his chest and his eyes flashed gold.
"No. Not physically." I swallowed and tried to organize my jumbled thoughts. If I didn't get this right, I wouldn't get another chance. "My parents married because my mom was pregnant with me. I don't know if he loved her, but he married her. It was his obligation to accept his circumstances and man-up."
I swallowed past the lump in my throat, and rubbed my aching chest. "As time passed, he spent more and more time away. Mom bought new clothes and changed her hair and I kept my room extra clean and minded my manners. But nothing changed. After a few years, he dropped out of our lives and she dove head first into a bottle of whiskey. In a few more years, she'd drank herself dead and I went to live with Grandfather."
Bruin cursed and the rigidity in his shoulders eased a little.
"So, I grew up the child of a walk-away father and a mother lost in the bottom of a Crown Royal bottle. She died loving a man who settled for duty over love." I wiped my tears and moved until I was standing directly in front of him. "I know we're not them, but part of me is still that little girl waiting for you to realize that I'm not enough for you. What if you wake up one day and realize I'm just a stupid Mundie you got stuck with?"
The air around us surged as Bruin flipped his bangs out of the way. Both man and bear front and center. "I'm not going anywhere. It's the opposite. Everyone left me too. I know the pain of being abandoned and alone."
"Your family didn't choose to leave you. They loved you."
He brushed my tears with his thumb and frowned. "I'm sure your parents loved you. They just sucked at showing it."
"What makes you think we'd be any better?"
Bruin opened his arms. "Because I'm the perfect man for you. I'm bound to you . . . mind, body, soul and bear. You hold the reins of my life and I love that. Just claim what's been yours from the beginning and I'll be whole for the first time in my life."
"Your friends think that you being saddled with an average-looking Mundie is the cruelest thing the Fates could have done to you."