by Ami LeCoeur
I laughed. “Honey, you’re already cute as a bug. I bet you turn into a beautiful butterfly.”
She smiled at me. “You always make me feel special, Miss Maria. And you never yell at me.”
“I would never have a reason to yell at you.” I watched her face, the innocent, sweet, guileless face.
“Mommy does,” she said quietly.
“I’m sorry, honey,” I said, picking my words carefully. “Is that why you hide?”
She looked down at the chrysalis again. “Sometimes.” Then she smiled up at me. “But it’s always better in the morning, so I just hide until it’s better. That’s when I make up my stories.” Her voice dropped lower as she looked away again. “I feel better when I think about… other things. Sometimes I can even sleep. After it gets quiet.”
My heart literally ached hearing her talk like that. I pulled her close and gave her a hug to cover the tears that pooled in the corner of my eyes. I couldn’t begin to imagine why anyone would want to yell at this wonderful child.
She slipped her arms around me and we held each other for several moments in silence.
“Maybe your mommy would like to hear about our book?” I suggested, thinking that might give her mom something to be happy or proud about. “Would you like to call her?”
“Oh. Can I?” Emily asked, pulling away slightly, suddenly animated again.
“Well of course,” I laughed, handing her the phone. “Do you know the number?”
She gave me her version of an ‘are you kidding me?’ look. “Of course, Miss Maria,” she said patiently. “Daddy taught it to me. I am almost ten, you know.” I covered a grin and didn’t point out that she hardly sounded ‘almost ten’ as she sang the numbers in a sing-song rhythm while pushing each one on the keyboard, “5-5-5-4-2-4-2.”
“Would you like a soda?” I asked as she waited for the call to go through. “I’ll be right back.” I wheeled out of the room for the kitchen, giving Emily a chance to share the good news with her mother, and giving me time to wipe away my tears.
###
“But… but… Mommy! It is true.” I heard Emily sobbing into the phone when I returned. “Miss Maria, she’s helping… really truly… Mommy… (sob)... okay.”
“What’s wrong, Emily?” I asked as gently as I could when she hung up the phone.
“Mommy doesn’t believe me,” she sobbed, stricken eyes overflowing with tears. “She said I… I… was lying.”
Oh shit The last thing I’d meant to do was make things worse. “I’m sorry. I thought your mommy would be happy to hear about our book.”
She sniffed, shaking her head. It killed me seeing the pain in her eyes.
“Well then, we’ll just have to make sure we give her a copy when it comes out.”
Emily’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. She sniffed again then said, “Oh, could we? I didn’t think about that. Then she can’t say I’m lying.”
Damn. I wasn’t sure what was going on at Emily’s home, but now I would have to make sure the book got published—regardless of the publicist or stupid contract. Just seeing the look on the sweet child’s face, I knew it would be worth whatever it took to help make things right between Emily and her mom.
Chapter 13 — Thompson
“Hello?”
I made the word as polite as possible, even when I knew who was calling. It was Rachel and every cell in my body tensed. I was still pissed off, impossibly so, after Maria told me what Emily had shared with her earlier.
My hands tightened on the steering wheel as Rachel’s voice screeched into my ear. “I’ve been calling you for hours. Why the hell haven’t you answered?”
“Well, good evening to you too, Rachel. Hope you’re having a lovely weekend.”
“Fuck you, you giant shit,” she spat back at me. “Why haven’t you answered your phone?”
“Not that I owe you an explanation, but I’d left it charging in the car. I’m driving home at the moment. I was thinking I might return your call later.”
“Home, huh,” she sneered. “Let me guess, you’re just leaving that woman, Mary’s, house.”
“It’s Maria,” I corrected her, and checked the rear view mirror. Em was asleep in the backseat. I kept my voice low so she would stay that way. “And where I’ve been is really none of your concern.”
She snarled. “It absolutely is my concern if you are shacking up with some woman and bringing my innocent daughter into your dirty relationships.”
The bitch. I gritted my teeth together to stop myself from saying what was on my mind. I needed to speak with my attorney about what Em had told Maria earlier today. Fuck. Locked in her room? Hiding under her bed? Scared? Alone? Yeah, I was going to be on the phone with Jack Monday morning.
“What do you want, Rachel?”
“I want to know about this book Emily is gushing about and I want to know why I’m just hearing about it now. I’m her mother, her legal guardian, and only I—not you—can sign legal documents for her.”
“Nothing has been signed, Rachel. We’re simply exploring options right now.”
“Well, you better not explore anything without speaking to me first, do you hear me? I will take you down Francis Lorain. I will have you arrested for false representation. Then, I will take you to court for pimping out your child’s creativity to make a buck.”
Money. That’s what this is about. Money and power. Rachel is afraid she won’t get a slice of Emily’s pie.
“Good luck with that,” I say into my Bluetooth, then click the button to end the call.
For the millionth time, I find myself thinking... what in the world did I ever see in that spiteful woman.
Of course, in the beginning she wasn’t like she is now. She was actually sweet and so much fun. A real party girl in the beginning, which was exactly what I’d wanted. I’d thought I was so in love, even though we’d only gone out a couple of months. And then she’d knocked on my door that fateful Sunday morning nearly ten years ago…
“Oh, I’m sorry. I woke you up,” she’d said as I opened my apartment door. I pulled on some shorts, but it was pretty clear I’d just rolled out of bed.
I opened the door wider, welcoming her in. She looked beautiful that morning. Blonde, shoulder-length hair brushed back from her face skimmed an embroidered scoop necked blouse. She looked so nervous, clutching her fingers around her purse. She’d only offered her cheek when I bent down to kiss her.
“What’s wrong,” I asked her and she moved away, turning her back to me. She walked to the couch and sat down, dropping her face into her hands. Her shoulders had begun to shake as harsh sobs had wracked her body.
Confused and concerned, I sat beside her, pulling her into my arms. “What’s wrong,” I asked her again.
“I’m late,” she finally said, after blowing her nose into a tissue I’d thrust in her hand. Comforting emotional females wasn’t my thing. I awkwardly patted her on the back.
Late? For what?
I opened my mouth to ask her when it hit me… shit. That kind of late.
“Have you been to a doctor or taken a test?” It was the only thing I could think of to say. I had already packed up my apartment and would be heading to basic training in just a couple days.
She shook her head and blew her nose again before rummaging around in her purse. She pulled out a box. A pregnancy test. I honest-to-god thought I was going to pass out.
“I didn’t want to take it alone. Can I do it here?” The words were weak, like those of a little girl.
I had to man-up, pull my thumb out of my ass and get my shit together. I stood up and held out my hand. “Sure. Let’s do it now.”
Three minutes later, I learned I was going to be a dad. Two days later, I was a married man. Four days later, I was saying goodbye to my wife and unborn baby.
Five days after my life had changed with the appearance of two pink lines on a little stick, I was doing push-ups by the dozens and running mile after mile. I pushed myself, was the be
st at everything in my squad. I had something to live for… to die for… to fight for.
For the first time that I could remember, I had a family.
Chapter 14 — Maria
At the aquarium I invited Emily to sit on my lap. It seemed a lot easier than worrying about her getting tired.
“Oh, do I get to ride this time?” she asked. “This was just what I’ve been thinking about!”
“Yep, your daddy is going to push us both today.”
“Good thing he’s strong!” she said, then frowned when we laughed. “If he wasn’t strong, then how could he push us both?”
The aquarium was full of families wandering through. Babies being pushed, toddlers running back and forth—pressing their faces up against the glass. We saw all kinds of fish—big ones, little ones, some that sparkled in the lights, electric ones that shone from within.
“See those fish that seem clumped all together?” I pointed out to Emily. “The ones that swim like they are little parts of the same fish? Those are called ‘schools’.”
Emily gave me a little grin. “Is that why I don’t see any of the baby fishies there?”
“You don’t?”
“Cuz’ they’re in PRE-school!” she giggled, covering her mouth and delighting at catching me in a joke.
“Oh yeah? What do you get when you cross a school of fish with a herd of elephants?” her dad chimed in.
“Really BIG fish with long noses that like peanuts?” she asked.
“You get swimming trunks!” His answer set her off in giggles again.
“Knock, knock,” I contributed.
“Who’s there?” they both answered.
“Fish,” I said.
“Fish who?” asked Emily.
“Bless you, honey, do you need my hankie?”
“Eww!” they both responded.
“Let me try again,” I said. “What’s a fish’s favorite game?”
“Hide and seek,” Thom offered.
“Nope! Name that Tuna!”
“I got one,” said Emily. “What part of the fish weighs the most?”
“I know, I know,” I said, excited to finally get one right. “The scales!”
“Okay, one more,” Thom said as he wheeled us into a giant tube where fish swam overhead. “What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbors?”
“Sharks!” I said.
“Too easy,” he laughed. “Good guess, but wrong answer. Look - there’s a cousin to the neighbor,” he said pointing at the seabed.
“A crab?” Emily asked.
“Close. A hermit crab!”
“Look, Daddy, there’s a shark!” Emily pointed up at the large fish swimming overhead. “What do sharks eat?”
The shark circled overhead and came back around to swim past the window where we were sitting.
“It varies.” he said. “Sharks mostly eat smaller fish. But some of them - some of the different species - will eat seals, or sea lions, and other creatures that live in the ocean.”
Softly, “Do they eat mermaids?”
Thom looked at me, his eyebrow raised slightly.
“Well, honey, sharks do sometimes attack people, but usually only when they are confused or curious. So, if a shark saw someone splashing in the water, it might try to investigate. Then, if the shark got confused, thinking it was a seal, he might accidentally attack.”
“But what about mermaids? They kinda look like people, and kinda like fish. Wouldn’t the shark be extra confused?” I felt Emily tense on my lap, like she was holding her breath.
“Are they real?” she asked. “Mermaids? I really like mermaids. Sometimes I even pretend to be one. Like when I’m in a swimming pool and don’t need my legs to move around with. I can do everything with my arms, and I didn’t need my crutches or braces.” She took a deep breath and pressed her hands together, moving her arms up in that little waggle like yesterday. The movement that looked like a fish going through water. Then she stopped. “But, I don’t want to be shark food!”
“Well,” I chimed in. “I think mermaids must be extra smart. They can swim pretty fast. And they would know where the very best places were to hide. It’s their home, after all. If you were a mermaid in that tank, where would you hide from the shark?”
Emily let out her breath and looked around the aquarium for the perfect place. “So, like right there, in that space between the rocks?”
“Mm hmm. Why did you choose that space?”
“Because it’s smaller than the shark could get into, but big enough for me to squeeze in. And, I could see what’s going on. I don’t like hiding in the dark. It’s lonely and scary.”
I hugged the girl in my lap, and whispered, “I don’t like to hide in the dark, either!”
She hugged me back.
“That’s a smart place to hide - where you can see everything,” I told her. “You know, there are lots of ways to hide, though. You don’t have to be in the dark. For instance, look at that little fish right there.”
I pointed at a spot on the rock. “Look really close.”
“Where?” she asked. “Oh! I see it! It looks just like a part of the rock. But when I look really close, I see its tail move in the water.”
“That fish is using a rock that’s the same color as he is. That’s called ‘camouflage’. He’s hiding almost in plain sight, but unless you know where to look, or what to look for, you would miss him.”
“Wow. Daddy, can you see all the fish hiding in the rocks and the wavy grass? There are lots of little fishies hiding out, and even some of the bigger ones, too.”
“There’s another way to hide and protect yourself,” Thom told her. “It works best with camouflage, but sometimes you’re not lucky enough to be the same color as your surroundings. In those cases, if you sit very, very still and don’t move a muscle, no one notices you are there.”
“Really?”
“Yep. When you don’t move, people will often just assume you are part of the background. So, unless you obviously stand out, like maybe you are wearing a bright yellow color and everything else is blue, then it can be almost as good as camo.”
“That’s a good secret. Sometimes I didn’t want people to notice me. Like Mommy when she was angry, or some of the mean kids at school.”
I glanced up at Thom, trying not to be too obvious. I was starting to worry about this child after our conversation yesterday. The steely look in his eyes said her comment wasn’t lost on him, either.
He pushed us further into the underwater tunnel to a spot where really big turtles swam overhead.
“Look at that fish kissing the glass,” Emily giggled. “He just keeps coming up to the glass and kissing it, over and over.”
“Actually, he’s sucking up the nutrients in the water and the stuff that collects on the glass,” Daddy said. “He’s a scavenger. It’s more like he’s cleaning up the environment, his home.”
“We learned some fish stuff last year in school,” Emily said, grinning up at her dad. “But this is much more fun to see them for real. You know everything, Daddy!”
“That may all be true,” I said, wrinkling my nose. “But I like ‘kissing fish’ better.”
Emily nodded and grinned at me, “Me, too.”
As we watched the giant turtles swimming up and down, Emily said, “If I was a mermaid, I could sit on their back, riding along for the fun of it. I could play with the ‘schools’ of little fishies, or let my long hair trail back into the water. I could pin a starfish on top of my head, and be the queen of the sea.”
I smiled, visions of images running through my own mind. “Sounds like a story we should write.”
“Oh, yes!” she said. We watched one of the turtles swim into a cave and I felt her shiver. “That cave is so dark. I’m glad I wasn’t on that turtle’s back!”
“But, you have strong arms so you could always swim away,” I told her.
She hugged me again, and I felt my affection for this child grow even more.
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“Mmm. You smell good,” she said as she settled her head against my shoulder. I kissed the top of her head, then looked up at Thom, watching us, his eyes half closed and a satisfied looking smile on his face.
Chapter 15 — Thompson
I gripped the steering wheel, enjoying the firm, solidness of the circle.
I loved to drive, loved the control of knowing my destination. If I wanted to turn left, I flipped a lever and the world knew I was turning left. If I wanted to stop, I pressed my foot on the brake and red lights told everyone my intentions. Here, I had total control within a world that had otherwise gone crazy, at least for me. A small sigh of contentment escaped my lips.
Everything’s okay. Here I’m the one in control, no one else.
Driving west, I flipped up the visor that had protected my eyes from the bright beams of the setting sun. It had finally sunk out of sight, but the earth hadn’t yet surrendered to darkness. Instead, it had been blanketed by a thousand shades of red and pink streaking across a sky that only moments before had been as blue as the ocean.
God, how I used to hate the twilight hours, dreaded them in fact. When the sun disappeared and night appeared, I knew I would be thrown back into the “shadow time” as I’d come to think of it. More often than not, nightmares would follow. A bottle of whiskey would help, some. But…
I looked over at Maria, her eyes blinking slowly up and down… her head bobbing as she drifted somewhere between wakefulness and light slumber. Trusting me. Assuming that everything was good and she’d be taken care of.
My chest warmed as I realized how lucky I was. The company of a good woman, friendship, laughter, maybe even love, was the softest blanket of comfort and peace that I could imagine.
I sighed again, taking a deep breath, and wishing—hoping—I could learn to trust relationships. I shook my head, turning back to look at the road. The trees flashed by in the darkness, the headlights catching their leaves in a bright sparkle of light as they disappeared behind me.
Sparing a glance in the rearview mirror, I smiled as I watched Emily’s head totter forward before she jerked it upright and sleepily repositioned herself, this time out of my line of sight. Another of my girls, exhausted after our full day. I was glad to have her with me, she was like a healing balm that covered the pain. When she wasn’t with me, the wound always seemed to fester and even grow worse.