by Ami LeCoeur
“Daddy is a hero. Hero. Hero. Daddy is a hero. All the live long day.”
Emily’s sweet voice had been singing those words for the past half hour, ranging from small whispers to loud shouts. Maria had joined in and I felt my face turn poker red as my two girls sang my praise.
My praise.
My hands gripped the steering wheel tighter, as if attempting to hold on to the words I’ve heard so little of in my life. I even found myself humming along.
Once the emergency vehicles pulled up, there had been a flurry of activity, but I’d been thankful to hand the dysfunctional family over to EMS. Except Shelley. I’m still torn about her. I wished I’d been able to sweep her away from Daniel and drive away.
But I couldn’t do that, of course. Could I? I shook my head, thinking about the dressing down I’d given Daniel before we left…
“I need a word with you,” I’d told him just before it was time for us to go. We’d walked several yards from the SUV and anyone within earshot. “Are you on drugs?” I’d asked the question point blank, but with no judgement. “You need to tell me the truth because I’m 99.9% sure you’re about to get tested.”
I didn’t know shit, but I wanted to scare him into telling the truth. His eyes grew wide and he stammered, “Nothing illegal.”
I’d wanted to smack him; him and his justifications. “Not illegal, but not very smart.”
His eyes flashed in denial. “It’s for my nerves.”
I laughed. “Well, you might want to talk to your doctor, because whatever they’re prescribing isn’t working worth a damn. You look like you’re about to crawl out of your skin. And that woman you’re with? What the fuck is wrong with you? You want your daughter exposed to that shit?”
Daniel looked me in the eye. “That’s over. That’s why I didn’t see the deer in time and wrecked. We were fighting because I was taking her to her sister’s. I’d told her we were finished.”
I nodded. “Smart decision. What about Shelley’s mother?”
Daniel looked sick and kicked a rock that was near his foot. “She’s a good mother. The best. This was my weekend, I was taking her home after I dropped Alice off. I got ahold of Shel’s mom and she’s on her way. Gonna take me home.”
“You okay?”
Maria’s voice interrupted my thoughts and I reached over and squeezed her hand. “Yeah. Was just thinking about Shelley. Her mom seemed really nice, didn’t you think?”
“Yes, very nice. Think you can stop worrying so much about her now?”
“Maybe.” I smiled.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Maria turn around to peek back at Emily. Then she leaned closer and whispered, “Maybe I need to give you something else to think about. Maybe a nice reward for being a hero?”
I grinned, nodding my head slowly up and down. Maria reached across the console and placed her hand on my thigh.
Shifting in my seat, I made room for my expanding cock. Her hand moved a few inches up. Damn. This woman was going to fucking kill me.
###
Pulling into Rachel’s driveway, my heart twisted at the thought of dropping Emily off. I’m the very epitome of being in between a rock and a hard place. I have to bring Emily back for legal reasons. It’s bad enough she holds so much over my head. Even without that, I couldn’t fight for custody if I was charged with kidnapping or some bullshit thing.
I’d thought Em would fall back to sleep after all the excitement, but she was still bouncing and singing in the back seat. I don’t know how her throat wasn’t sore by now, but she seemed to be just fine. As I put the car in park, I turned and looked back at her as she smiled that big gorgeous smile and finished her song with… “Yes you… my daddy… is a HEROOOOOOO.” Her hands began to wave. “Yeah!”
I was laughing so hard I didn’t hear Rachel slamming out of her front door. It was only Maria’s “Uh oh” that clued me in.
I turned and sure enough, here came the blonde witch, stomping down the driveway. Her face was an angry mask.
“You’re late!” she screeched when she was close enough, so loud I heard her inside the running Suburban.
I looked at my watch as I pushed my door open to intercept her. “Seven minutes, Rachel. Not bad considering what we’ve just been through.”
She opened her mouth and then noticed Maria sitting in the car. She snapped her mouth shut and visibly forced herself to calm down. In a matter of seconds, the raging woman in front of me transformed into the epitome of calm.
“I’m sorry you’ve had a rough day,” she said calmly and pressed a finger to the corner of her eye. “But I’ve been worried half to death about Emily.” She sniffed and, honest to god, a tear fell down one cheek. The damn woman deserved an Academy Award.
Before I could say anything, Emily’s door opened and she came crashing out of the car, crutches moving at full speed. “Mommy, Mommy, guess what?”
Rachel turned to her daughter, a smile with too many teeth spreading across her face. “Emily, my darling. Tell me what happened.” I nearly gagged from the artificial sweetener flowing from her.
“Daddy’s a hero! A real hero, Mommy. He just saved a car filled with people. A lady who wasn’t a mommy, a daddy and a little girl. Isn’t that awesome? Daddy should get another medal for bravery.”
Rachel’s face held the smile, but her eyes looked cold above it. She turned to me. “A hero?” She lifted a brow and looked back at Emily. “Darling, are you still writing fiction?”
Emily looked confused.
“Darling,” Rachel continued. “It’s late. Why don’t you go inside so I can speak privately with your father?”
Emily’s face fell, but she nodded and moved toward me for a hug. I crouched down and took her in my arms, holding her tight for the longest moment.
“Now, Emily.”
Reluctantly, I let her go and gave her a big smile. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
A tear slid down her face and I wiped it away. “Promise?”
I lifted a pinky and held it out. She smiled and twined her pinky with mine. “Promise.” I leaned close to her ear and made another promise. “We’ll go to the zoo next time. I heard they have a baby tiger.”
She brightened at that. All concern, all fear, all worry floated to the sky and she practically bounced with enthusiasm. “Can we take a camera and take pictures and have Miss Maria paint them?” She bounded to the passenger side window and Maria rolled the window down. “Will you paint the baby tiger from the zoo? Will you? Will you? Please!”
Maria laughed and leaned over, grabbing Emily’s hand through the open window. “Of course I will. Will you help me?”
Emily squealed and nodded. “Yes! I’d love to help. Yes!”
By now, Rachel looked like a pressure cooker, I could almost imagine steam coming from her ears. With gritted teeth and another false smile, she said, “Emily, darling. Now please.”
Still floating with happiness, Emily began to make her way to the house. She stopped and turned, yelling, “Love you, Daddy. Love you, Miss Maria.”
Giving credit where credit is due, Rachel contained her anger quite admirably. Practically trembling with rage, she said, “If you are ever… ever… just one second late with her again, I will have your visitation privileges revoked. Nod once if you understand.”
God, I hated this woman. I don’t nod. I turned, opened the door and slid inside before the snake that was coiled deep inside my chest had a chance to strike.
“Oh, Miss Maria,” Rachel called through the still open window. “You might want to run away from this one just as quickly as you can.”
I threw the Suburban in reverse and hit the button to roll up the glass. But Rachel wasn’t finished. She shouted, “He’s a baby killer, you know.”
At my side, I heard the sound I’d been dreading for the past few months.
I heard Maria gasp.
Chapter 27 — Thompson
Silence is golden, or at least that’s what an old proverb sa
id. But right now, the silence between Maria and me was like black, sticky tar, threatening to suffocate me.
I gripped the steering wheel that was no longer my friend while Rachel’s last words—baby killer, baby killer—echoed in my ear.
The tentative dream I had of finding a future with Maria was… gone. Dashed. Disappeared. I could feel it. And I couldn’t blame her. Why would she want to be part of my messed up life, my messed up relationships? Why would she want to have anything to do with a man who has done horrible things?
She, like everyone else, was better off without me.
Pulling into her driveway, I thrust the Suburban’s gear shift into park.
Silence.
I turned off the car and opened my door. Afraid to face the worst, I avoided Maria’s eyes. I clicked open my door.
Silence.
I opened the tailgate and removed her wheelchair, setting it on the ground. Then, I took a deep breath and moved to her door, wondering if she would even let me touch her long enough to assist her into the seat and through her front door.
Pulling her door open, I was stunned when she reached for me. Stomach tight with tension, I lifted her and inhaled her scent, trying to sear it into my memory. Her arms locked around my neck and she wouldn’t let go when I tried to lower her into her chair.
“Carry me.”
Two words, spoken so softly they sounded like the wind. I kicked the car door shut and carried her inside her house.
“Couch please.”
Still speaking softly, I wondered if she was afraid I’d jump out of my skin if she spoke too loud. I leaned down to place her gently on the sofa, but she locked her arms around my neck again. I glanced down at her, really looking at her for the first time since Rachel dropped her verbal bomb. My Maria was right there. Her eyes were so soft, so gentle. Her beautiful lips were curved into a small smile.
“I want to be on your lap.”
I thought the place inside me where tears were created had dried up a long time ago. But as I sat and cradled her in my arms, and she leaned her head against my chest, the well flooded over. For the first time in forever, I broke down into great heaving sobs.
###
I don’t know how long we sat there like that. I don’t know how long she held me while I cried. I don’t know what she was thinking during that time. I don’t know what I was thinking either. All I know was that I was exhausted—emotionally, mentally and physically drained.
Silence filled the room once again, but this time it was softer, brighter. A mutual space between us. She sat up and shrugged her cardigan off her shoulders and down her arms, then she used it to dry my face before wiping away the tears that continued to stream from her own eyes.
When she was done, she leaned into my arms again, her hair soft beneath my chin. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then she twined her fingers in mine and said, “Tell me.”
I closed my eyes.
Silence.
I opened them and began to speak…
“I was on my last tour of duty. Iraq this time. God, I hate that place.”
No, that wasn’t true. I didn’t hate the country, I hated myself. I hated the memories. I hated what the country had forced me to become.
“Emily was six and didn’t really know me. She’d spent her entire life only having me show up in her life a few months or weeks at a time. I’d decided it was time to come home and be a dad to her. Rachel complained constantly and it was getting worse. I knew she was really struggling with raising a disabled child by herself. Although I provided for them, I wasn’t there to help. She seemed to resent my absence and nothing I did was ever enough.”
“How did Emily become disabled?”
I blew out a breath. “I don’t know, exactly. An accident. It happened while I was gone. She was born perfectly healthy, but when she was about three years old, she had a pretty serious fall. She was always a pretty active kid. Rachel said she must have been climbing on things in the laundry room because a shelving unit fell on her, damaging her spine and messing up her hips pretty badly. She’s had a couple surgeries and will have more as she grows older. They hope she can walk without her braces someday, but for now, she needs the support.”
I felt Maria smile. “Well, if I can walk again, maybe we both can, someday.”
I hugged her closer to me. “Dance. Climb trees. Chase butterflies.”
I felt her smile again. “Please continue your story.”
Heaving out a sigh, I mentally forced myself back to the worse day of my life. “We were on an urgent mission. Intel had evidence that an Al-Qaeda leader was housed up inside a building in Fallujah. Intel said he would only be there for a maximum of six hours, so we had to act quick. We couldn’t wait for a night raid.”
As if it were happening in front of me right now, I saw my troop scrambling for position and waiting for our command.
“We had two teams going in and my team was set up and ready to strike, waiting for team two to get set. There were all these old buildings around us, bombed to hell from all the fighting. The streets were cleared. When locals saw us moving in, they scattered.”
I stroked Maria’s hair now, needing something soft and clean to touch while the ugliness inside me became words. “Down the street, this door opened and this little girl steps outside. I can see her clearly through my scope. Long dark hair, huge brown eyes. She looked terrified. And she must have been, because, over this pristine white dress, this little girl, who looked like she was six or seven years old, was wearing a vest filled with explosives and she was holding a Beretta M12 almost bigger than she was.”
Maria gasped and whispered, “No.” She pulled away slightly to look up into my face. My eyes met hers.
“Yes.”
In silence, she lowered her head back to my chest.
“Shit like that happened all the time there. I’d heard so many stories, but in six years, this was the first time it actually happened right in front of me. The girl looked back and I could see men yelling at her, waving at her to run in our direction. Dammit, Maria, the girl was Emily’s age and they were sending her to her death. Forcing her to take as many of us with her as she could.”
Maria didn’t say a word, but her fingers fisted in my shirt. She was barely breathing, but I could feel the rapid beat of her pulse.
“It all happened so quickly. We were given orders to open fire on the girl, to stop her before she was close enough to detonate. Maria, she was just a scared little girl.” I shut my eyes again. I had lived this story so many times in my head, but that didn’t make it any easier to say out loud.
Softly, “What happened next?”
“Then I saw a man behind her. He was holding what looked to be a remote control trigger. He was pointing it at the girl and he was going to push the button and kill that child the moment she was within range.
“As we were given the command to prepare to fire, I aimed at the man instead. If I could just take him out…. It was a long shot, it would be a miracle if I came close, but I had to try.”
I shuddered at the memory and Maria let go of my shirt and began stroking my arm.
“The man was in my crosshairs, and he was wearing this smug look on his face. I don’t think he believed we could shoot the girl. I yelled for our troops to hold fire, then I pulled the trigger and hit the bastard in the center of his throat.”
I didn’t know if I could say the words that followed. Words fail to accurately describe the horror. I paused for so long that Maria lifted her head and asked me to continue.
“I didn’t know it, but he’d been holding a dead man’s switch. When I shot him, he let go and… and…”
“She died anyway,” Maria finished for me in a whisper. “I’m so sorry, Thom. So so so sorry. The world can be horribly unfair and unkind and… wrong.”
“Yes.” Damn, tears were hot behind my eyes again. “I had been very wrong. Terribly wrong and I have to live the rest of my life with the guilt.”
Her head snapped up and she grabbed at my shirt again, this time in anger, fisting bigger handfuls than before. She looked up at me. “No,” she shook my shirt in her hands. “You tried to save her. You did everything you could.”
“But—”
“But nothing,” she interrupted, her eyes flashing at me. She was angry, in a way I’d never witnessed. “You tried to save that child and she couldn’t be saved because there is evil in this world that is unimaginable. That was those men’s doing. Not yours.”
“But—”
“Stop saying but,” she interrupted me again. “I cannot believe that horrible woman called you a baby killer. She’s as bad as—”
I kissed her, pulling her close and taking her mouth with mine. It wasn’t to shut her up or put out the fire of her temper. I couldn’t believe I’d told her my terrible secret and not only didn’t she hate me, she was defending me.
At first her lips were tight, then they softened and opened, welcoming my tongue. I needed her with an urgency I couldn’t describe. From the way she was kissing me back, I think she needed me too.
“Take me to bed,” she said and then her mouth was on mine again. Her hands were on my face, in my hair, digging into my shoulders. It was as if she needed to touch me everywhere.
“Please. Now. I need you.”
I didn’t hesitate, I lifted her up and carried her to her bedroom.
Chapter 28 — Maria
The moment Thom’s ex-wife called him a baby killer, my entire body had gone numb—my chest, my throat. More than anything, I’d wanted to speak, wanted to say something, anything to break the silence that hung like a thick fog between us.
But what?
What could I say? Baby Killer? That didn’t sound anything like the Thompson I knew. Not the careful, protective man with the gentle touch and the softly dry sense of humor. I was stunned at the accusation, but simply had no words.
His face was expressionless as he stared straight ahead. Silence. Even more silence. I wanted to speak, but I simply didn’t know what to say. By the time we pulled into my driveway, I realized it wasn’t me who needed to speak… it was him.