‘I’ll do that,’ Hanley responded, and went inside to direct the search.
SEVEN
By the first of March, the Vineyard winter had proven itself unseasonably mild. Adam and Charlie Glazer sat on Charlie’s porch, the sunlight warm enough that both men wore light sweaters. As Adam described Carla’s account of her relationship with Ben, Charlie listened so intently that he became completely still. ‘She really put it on the table,’ the therapist observed. ‘Sex with Ben, her feelings about you. How did all that make you feel?’
Adam fell quiet, sorting through his emotions. ‘After a while, I was relieved. It made what happened with Ben seem less important than what was happening with us. It felt better to have everything in the open …’
Hearing himself, Adam felt his own entrapment. ‘And you?’ Charlie asked.
‘She’s who I want, Charlie. More than I’ve wanted anything in my life.’
‘I wasn’t sure I’d ever hear that from you,’ Charlie replied gently. ‘Somehow it makes my own life feel a little more worthwhile.’ He sat back, reflective. ‘Freud said that there are certain places where analysis is of limited value. Sometimes you meet a woman, and just know that she’s your species – different from all the others. Mine was Rose. For you, that woman is Carla, and maybe you’ve always known it. It seems like she’s faced the worst about herself, and come out stronger. Now she’s trying to take you by the hand.’
Adam stood and walked to the edge of Charlie’s porch, both hands on the railing as he gazed at the Vineyard Sound. ‘She was. But it’s too late, Charlie.’
There was a long silence. In a quieter tone, Charlie asked, ‘Is this about Ben’s death?’
‘Yes.’ As completely as he could, Adam described his interactions with George Hanley and Amanda Ferris – the prosecutor’s suspicions; his refusal to answer Hanley’s questions; the search of his home; Ferris’s article distorting his relationship with Carla. ‘Hanley’s measuring me for prison wear,’ he concluded, ‘and all I can do is ask Carla to trust me. After this last article, I don’t see how she can. Or why she should.’
Charlie regarded him gravely. ‘Have you considered taking a chance, and telling her what you did?’
‘I can’t. This isn’t just about what I did, but what I know.’
Squinting at the floorboards, Charlie considered this before looking back at Adam, his gaze fixed, his voice soft. ‘I’ve always wondered if Ben was murdered.’
Adam met the therapist’s eyes, silence his only answer.
‘I see.’
Adam’s stomach felt empty. ‘I can’t put someone else’s life in Carla’s hands – for their sake, or for hers. Even if I could, how can I start a relationship by making her complicit in the death of her child’s father? We’d be living with this albatross, and she’d always worry that Liam would find out. The truth would ruin us, and so does lying.’ He paused, mired in his own helplessness. ‘Yesterday, facing Carla, all I wanted was to get off the earth somehow. I never should have let myself care for her. But like a fool, I did.’
‘Like a human being,’ Charlie countered. ‘At last.’
‘But it doesn’t matter, doesn’t it? I’m still living in compartments, each with its own lies and deceptions – all tied to how Ben died, and what I know but can never say. Especially to Carla. There’s no way out for me.’
Charlie frowned in thought. ‘Isn’t there?’ he enquired slowly. ‘Have you considered telling George Hanley what you know, and let whoever you’re protecting take the punishment they deserve? Why should you take it for them?’
Because Jack’s my father, Adam wanted to say, and I can’t live with putting him in prison for the rest of his life. Crossing the porch, he put a hand on Charlie’s shoulder. ‘You’ve done all you can,’ Adam said softly. ‘I only wish I could have helped you.’
*
Jack found him at the mooring on Quitsa Pond, gazing out at the trim sailboat in which, ten years before, Ben had striven to defeat Adam for the prize he had won so many times. But, in the end, all three men had lost. The story of their family.
Silent, Adam looked up at Jack. For so many years, he had loved this man as an uncle. Now he was a burden and a curse. His only wish was that Jack would disappear.
Instead, Jack sat beside him, his face appearing worn and tired. ‘I thought I might find you here.’
Adam still said nothing. Awkwardly, Jack placed a hand on his arm. ‘I was watching you the other day, after that article came out. Instead of gratitude, all I felt was shame.’
And now, here you are, Adam thought, awash in self-pity. In a monotone, he said, ‘I don’t need the second emotion any more than I need the first. It’s done.’
Jack withdrew his hand, sharing Adam’s silence. After a time, he said, ‘You’re in love with Carla Pacelli, aren’t you?’
Adam felt his temper fraying. ‘It hardly matters.’
‘It does to me,’ his father persisted. ‘Your mother and I went through life apart. She thought she was protecting you. But it distorted everyone’s lives. Now you’re protecting me, and it’s distorting your life – and Carla’s.’ His quiet tone held bitterness and regret. ‘What did my life add up to? And who is better off for my existence?’
At last Adam turned to face him. ‘Don’t come to me for answers, Jack. Or for absolution. I’m not qualified.’
The implicit rebuke caused Jack to wince. ‘I’m your father, Adam. There must be something I can do.’
But there was nothing that could repair the damage stemming from his birth, seeping endlessly into the future. The last line of The Great Gatsby, once his favourite, came back to Adam again: ‘So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.’
Perhaps Jack read this in his face. Without saying more, he stood and walked slowly back down the catwalk.
EIGHT
Carla sat on the deck with Liam, enjoying the sunny, mild morning. Face down on a blanket, the baby was making crawling motions, floundering on his stomach like a man trying to swim in quicksand. Watching this, she remarked, ‘No point in being an overachiever, Liam. I refuse to be a pushy mother. You’ll get the hang of crawling soon enough.’
At once she became aware of a man approaching – Jack Blaine, she realized with discomfort and surprise. Faintly smiling at her son, he observed, ‘I used to see Adam like that, and wish that I could stay with him for hours. But I couldn’t.’
Carla felt a jarring intimacy – though they had never spoken, Jack knew that she shared the secret of Adam’s paternity. ‘And I never thought I’d have one,’ she responded. ‘Like any baby, Liam takes his existence for granted. He’ll never know what joy he brought me just by showing up.’
Jack nodded his understanding, and then his long face became grave. ‘Do you mind if I sit? There’s something I need to talk with you about.’
Carla inclined her head toward the empty Adirondack chair. Sitting, Jack gazed out at the water, less to admire the view, she sensed, than to marshal his resolve. ‘There’s no easy place to begin this,’ he said at length. ‘But Adam is carrying something he can’t tell you, and I don’t think he can ever escape it.’
Feeling a terrible premonition, Carla forced herself to say, ‘This is about Ben’s death, isn’t it?’
‘It is,’ Jack answered, his tone reflective, almost wondering. ‘How many times have I passed that promontory since the night he died? I passed it again today. The memory is always the same, always shattering. Yet I keep on living as I have, doing all the things any man would do.’ He faced her, seeming to force the words out. ‘I lied at the medical examiner’s inquest. Adam is paying the price.’
A chill ran through her. ‘What happened that night?’
Jack hunched in his chair. ‘Ben threatened Clarice with a change in the will, giving pretty much everything to you. I went to confront him. He was at the promontory, admiring the sunset, no doubt on his way to see you. When I found him, years of hatred consumed us
both.’ His voice thickened. ‘He ridiculed me, as he had countless times before. He’d already changed the will, he said. When I grabbed the front of his shirt, filled with rage, Ben told me that Clarice would be looking for a rich man by Thanksgiving.
‘I lost control, forcing him to the edge of the cliff. “I could kill you,” I told him. “I’ve wanted to for years.” But Ben was utterly calm. “You’re a loser,” he answered. “And you’re about to lose again.”’
Stricken, Carla imagined the scene. ‘And so you pushed him.’
Looking away, Jack said, ‘I held his face an inch from mine. “Do you think that I can’t do this?” I demanded. Then he gave me that smile of complete disdain, and spat in my face.’ In profile, Jack seemed to flinch. ‘I stared into his eyes, and suddenly felt my hands let go. For a split second I was so blinded by hate that it didn’t feel like murder. But as soon as he vanished into the darkness, I knew exactly what I’d done.’
Carla swallowed. ‘And Adam knows all this.’
‘He forced it out of me,’ Jack answered wearily, ‘less than an hour after learning I was his father. I still can’t imagine how that felt. But he couldn’t let the D.A. prosecute Teddy, and he couldn’t bring himself to turn me in for the murder of a dying man. Instead, he tried to salvage all three of us, and hide what happened from Teddy and Clarice.’ Jack sat straighter, looking her in the face. ‘Lying to you is tearing him apart. But the truth would have endangered me and entangled you. Instead, he forced Clarice to compromise over the will contest, making sure that you and the baby were secure.’ Jack’s chest moved in and out, as though revealing the truth had winded him. ‘So now you know our secret.’
Sickened and confused, Carla struggled to accept that Adam’s father had caused the death of Liam’s father, and that Adam had always known this. ‘Why are you telling me?’
‘To free Adam from the curse of the Blaines. My life is much closer to its end than its beginning. Adam’s my son, and he deserves a better life.’ Jack’s voice softened. ‘If you go to George Hanley, I’m prepared for that. I think I could make a deal with him – my confession to Ben’s murder in return for dropping any charges against Adam. You’ve got no reason to protect me.’
Carla touched her eyes. ‘Except for Adam. He was willing to risk everything to keep you from dying in prison. So now I’m part of this, no matter what I do.’ She felt her stomach clench. ‘I always suspected someone in your family had killed him. But it’s so much worse to know that, and to know who did it.’
Jack looked away. ‘Would you rather I’d never told you? If so, all this is for nothing.’
Carla regarded her son, this small and innocent life. ‘How do you expect me to answer? Though at least you helped me see Adam whole.’
Slowly, Jack nodded. ‘I won’t tell him I came. You should have time with this alone.’
‘Thank you,’ she said in a dispirited voice, and felt the oddness of this courtesy.
He stood to go, then looked back at her. ‘Whatever else, please forgive him.’
Carla could say nothing. Instinctively scooping up her son, she watched Jack Blaine walk away – the death of Liam’s father on his conscience, and on hers.
*
Carla tried to go about her life, tending to Liam, scanning the graduate school applications on her desk. But the truth of Ben’s death consumed her. Only at night was she able to sit quietly, her mind distilling all she knew.
At last, she was ready to call Adam.
He appeared at her door in minutes. Seeing her face, he said quickly, ‘What is it? On the phone you sounded drained.’
‘I am.’ She walked with him to the living room, sitting across from him. ‘Jack came to see me.’
Adam’s face froze. ‘About what?’
‘Ben’s death.’ Carla struggled to compose herself. ‘He told me everything – what he did, and what you know. Somehow he imagined that would help us.’
Adam bent his head, touching the bridge of his nose in an agonized gesture that somehow resembled prayer. ‘My God …’
‘I understand that you were trapped, Adam. Jack explained that much.’
‘Not even Jack knows all of it,’ he said bluntly, then begin speaking in a rush. ‘I didn’t give a damn who killed Ben – in my mind, he was richly deserving, because of what he’d done to every one of us. At first I thought it was Teddy. So I broke into the courthouse, stole investigative files, and used Amanda Ferris to bribe an innocent cop with a wife in drug rehab who was eating up his savings. Then I anonymously mailed everything I had to Teddy’s lawyer and, in the bargain, tried to float you as a suspect.
‘When I found out the truth, I concocted a story that absolved Teddy, and left the police without a solid case against Jack. So now you know what I’ve done, and who I am – an accessory to the murder of Liam’s father.’ Adam looked at her with new directness. ‘There’s more. I lied to you, not just to protect Jack, but because I wanted to be with you. But all I accomplished was bringing our familial nightmare closer to your door. There’s no apology big enough to cover that—’
‘That’s a pretty comprehensive list,’ Carla cut in. ‘But please stop being such a martyr. Any more self-sacrifice, and you’d have to climb up on the cross.’ Her voice filled with emotion. ‘Maybe who killed Ben was news to me, but I always sensed it wasn’t news to you – I’m not completely stupid, after all. But did I kick you out? No – because we’re two of a kind, and I wanted you here. Despite everything.’
Adam stared at her, hope and doubt warring in his eyes. ‘And now?’
‘At least I don’t have to guess anymore. Including about you.’ Carla found the next words difficult to say. ‘Ben was dying, and Jack’s your father. So I’m not going to turn him in. He can live with what he did and, if he can manage it, with Clarice. I don’t envy him either one. I just hope you can slip by the district attorney.’
‘And if I do?’
Carla shook her head in dismay. ‘How can you even ask me? I’ll only know how that feels if it happens.’ She paused, speaking more calmly. ‘At least there’s one thing that has nothing to do with us. By coming here, Jack risked everything for you. Whatever else, you’ll always know that.’
To her surprise, tears formed in Adam’s eyes. Then he stood, kissing her softly on the forehead, and left.
NINE
For the next two days, Adam kept himself in motion – sailing for hours; making notes for a piece on sectarian strife in Lebanon. Anything to keep away from Carla. Constantly, he wondered if the price of truth was losing her for good. Better for her and Liam if it was, he thought. In his confusion, he avoided Jack.
On the third day, a call from Hanley broke his thoughts. ‘It’s time for us to talk,’ the district attorney said phlegmatically. ‘I’ll be in all day.’
Apprehensive, Adam arrived at Hanley’s office. The district attorney was in shirtsleeves, tie loosened, and greeted Adam with an impassivity that was impossible to read. On his desk were Adam’s laptop and cell phone.
‘You can have these back,’ Hanley said, giving Adam a shrewd look. ‘Not so easy to get your life back. Seeing how breaking-and-entering and obstruction of justice don’t sit so well with me.’
Adam wondered how to respond. Evenly, he said, ‘Suspicion isn’t evidence. You’ve still got no case.’
‘You’re not impressing me,’ Hanley retorted bluntly. ‘Forty years into this job, you learn to take chances if you think you’re right. There are worse things than losing, after all. I’m retiring in six months, and the death of Benjamin Blaine is the last big thing on my plate. Do I want to end my career, I keep asking myself, by walking out of here with a potential homicide unresolved? Hard for a man like me to just throw up his hands.’
‘Wish I could help you, George. But I’ve got worries of my own.’
‘True enough, and not just about me. Amanda Ferris really doesn’t like you. Use her like I’m sure you did, and she’s malevolent enough to hold a grudge.’ Han
ley shrugged this away. ‘Not that I mind when Ferris torments you. Though accusing Carla Pacelli of seducing you to get Ben’s money is pretty close to repulsive. Compared to you Blaines, Carla’s impressively straightforward, and she’s sure as hell not a gold-digger.’
What was the reason, Adam wondered, for this discussion? ‘When it comes to women, you’re an excellent judge of character.’
‘Actually, I am. So I can certainly grasp why you’re drawn to Ms Pacelli. But the small matter of this enquiry surely complicates your relationship. Even before you throw in the National Enquirer.’
Adam chose to respond with care. ‘I’ve had better weeks, it’s true.’
‘No more than you deserve,’ Hanley responded flatly. ‘You’ve had your fingerprints on this case ever since you got here. I also believe that Jack or Teddy murdered a dying man – and that you know which one it was.’ His phlegmatic words were etched with accusation. ‘Not hard to follow your calculations. If we go after Teddy, Jack’s testimony creates reasonable doubt. If we go after Jack, the physical evidence suggests that Teddy is a better suspect. But you’ve understood that all along, haven’t you? That’s why you told Jack what to say.’
It was so accurate that it took all of Adam’s training not to react. As his silence stretched out, Hanley nodded. ‘A less disciplined man would protest. But you’re too smart to bother, and it would only piss me off.’ The prosecutor leaned forward. ‘In one sense, you’re a real altruist – sticking your neck out to cover up someone else’s crime. Guess you thought you could blow the whole thing by us.’
Still Adam said nothing.
‘Tell me who killed him,’ Hanley demanded bluntly. ‘Then you can walk.’
Adam allowed himself a moment before sealing his fate. As calmly as he could, he said, ‘Sorry, George. No disrespect intended.’
‘That’s what I expected.’ Frowning, Hanley stared at him. ‘I’ve thought about you long and hard. I don’t like being gamed like this. But I’ve had a long and, I hope, honourable career, and I don’t want to end it by turning my personal pride into a vendetta. Ben did enough damage when he was still alive.
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