by Sean Shake
She raised an eyebrow at me. “What, you mean your earthly Santa suit? Red and white with black boots and black belt, snow-white beard and hair? I bet you even wore those fake little glasses, didn’t you?”
“No,” I lied.
“Well that’s something you guys do sometimes. Anyway, your suit is… not exactly wrong, I guess. But it ain’t exactly right either, to quote a song from your world.”
“What song is that?”
“You ask a lot of questions.”
“Well seeing as how I was just taken away to another world by a beautiful woman claiming to be Santa Claus’s daughter, who I met by the way as I was getting off my shift as a fake Santa Claus at a mall, where I sit all day and listen to children whine and bitch at me about all the gifts they want, meanwhile they are richer than I am—not their parents, mind you, the kids themselves are richer than I am—and then I run into a drunk girl in a short dress who worms her way into my truck and into my life like a goddamn country song, goes home with me—without my permission, I might add—and then takes my bed up, so I have to sleep on the floor. Then the next morning she kicks me. I wake up, I’m sore everywhere from sleeping on the floor, and then she tells me we have to find her friend Rue, who’s Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer. Oh, who by the way is a girl, not a boy reindeer. Oh and it turns out you’re not even a reindeer at all are you? You… deceptor. And then she tells me her parents are Santa Claus, and we have to save Christmas, because Krampus, her perverted uncle—actually I don’t think she said perverted, maybe I’m adding that. Anyway, it sounds better that way—her perverted uncle Krampus, ruined Christmas and kidnapped her parents. And then, she tells me to drive through some rocks and instead I end up driving through some portal and getting transported to another world. Then she takes me to her secret hideout in a tree in this other world, then she tells me we’re getting married, and we have to consummate the marriage.
“Which is the best part of this whole messed up day.
“I hope anyway.
“I hope she doesn’t have more surprises. Like that she’s a man. And—”
“I guarantee you she’s not a man.”
“Well good. And then she takes me down here in her secret hideout and you train a gun on me. And you’re not even a reindeer. And by the way, your nose doesn’t glow that bright.”
“Wow. You done?”
“For now.”
“Well first of all, and most importantly, I did not write that stupid song. Okay? And no, I’m not a reindeer. At least not a reindeer of your world. But I am a reindeer. I am the quintessential reindeer.”
“You’re the what?”
“I am the essence of reindeers. All reindeer descend from me.”
I didn’t really know how to respond to that. It was strange, but so many strange things had happened to me today, that it almost seemed unremarkable to find out that this beautiful girl had somehow birthed all reindeer.
Though thinking of it like that kind of unnerved me. “How does that work?” I asked hesitantly, not sure I really wanted to know the answer.
“Ugh. You humans are disgusting. I don’t mean descended literally.”
“Oh. Well that’s good. So do you have… human parts?”
“You’re about to get married playboy, focus on your future wife’s female parts, not mine. But yes I do have human parts. Would you like to see them?”
“Well,” I shrugged “if you’re—”
“No I’m not gonna show you! Jesus.” She looked around as though expecting someone to appear. Then she put her hand to her chest.
“Look at you, getting me all worked up. This is supposed to be a secret hideout, we can’t let anyone know we’re here.”
“Um… okay?”
“Wait here. I need to go get your suit. Alexa’s going to be ready by now and wondering what’s taking us so long. Luckily she’s so innocent that she won’t get suspicious.”
“But nothing is—”
She left before I could finish.
9
I stood next to Alexa, who was in a rather beautiful long shimmery gown, that sparkled purple and blue and white and red, the purple the exact shade of her eyes. Which I realized now were probably not contacts.
I was in a… well, a Santa suit, I supposed. That’s what Rue said it was. She said I’d wear it for the ceremony, and while doing all of my Santa-ly duties.
It didn’t look much like any Santa suit I’d ever known.
It looked more like some futuristic spacesuit, one that clings tight to your body.
The only thing that would give you a hint that it was a Santa suit, was the coloring. It was red and white, though the shades were a little different. Muted, like those modern superhero costumes. The white was more gray, really, and there was also a lot of black.
When I’d joked about the hair and the beard, Rue had replied cryptically that they would come later.
I wasn’t sure what that meant.
I, however, was more focused on the consummation part.
When Rue had come back in with my suit, she’d had me finally take off my boxers.
As she put the suit on me—refusing to let me do it myself—she’d commented on how I smelled nice—thank you Old Spice—and that I should make a good impression for the princess’s first time.
I hadn’t understood what she’d meant by the princess at first, then I realized she was talking about Alexa.
“Her first time?” I’d asked.
“Of course it’s her first time. You don’t see any other Santas after her father, do you? For her to take a man, that makes him the Santa Claus.”
And so now I stood here next to my soon-to-be wife, eagerly awaiting our consummation, and hoping I made her first time good.
Better than good.
I’d never been with a virgin before. The first time I had sex I was sixteen, and it was with a seventeen-year-old girl. She’d been with one guy before me a few times when she was fourteen, but no one since then. So while she wasn’t super experienced, she was more experienced than I was, and she was definitely no virgin.
After that, every girl I’d been with had already been with someone else.
I had a friend, Chad, who’d been with three virgins in his short life—well not so short now, twenty-four years—and he’d said it was awful. Nothing like he’d been promised by all those movies.
“Blood. Blood everywhere,” was his succinct summation.
So now I stood in anticipation, but also in dread of the bloodbath I might be about to embark upon. I wasn’t sure the fact that Alexa was supernatural—if that’s what she was—would make it better, or if it would it make it worse.
Would there be buckets of blood like in Carrie?
Would I float off the bed?
Would we both float off the bed?
Would there even be a bed?
All these questions, and no answers. At least not yet. Though there would be soon.
Future me would know all of these things.
And future me wasn’t far away.
I glanced nervously at a large screen which was displaying a vaguely moving photo of a forest.
Wasn’t how I imagined getting married would go. A barefoot wedding to Santa Claus’s daughter in a secret lair in another world.
Rue stood to one side like a priest, except she was dressed in something like a toga.
The fabric was thin, and seemed to expose more than it covered.
One of her breasts was completely out, the other had fabric only just draping over the nipple. From here it trailed down to her crotch and just covered what was there.
It looked like her entire backside was uncovered, but I couldn’t be sure from this position.
I also hadn’t had a chance to see her walk around in it, as after she’d gotten the suit on me, she’d told me to wait in the room until she called me.
Which she did a couple minutes later, and everything had been set up, her and Alexa standing ready, looking at me.
“Alexa, daughter of the Santa Claus,” Rue began, “by the treaties of the spirits of the realms, I am here today to officiate this ceremony of saints, and to bind you and Nicholas in an eternal bond, fulfilling your destiny. Do you accept this responsibility?”
Alexa nodded somberly, more somberly than I’d ever seen her in the short time I’d known her. “I do.”
Rue looked at me, and even with her barely visible pupils, it was as though she was looking into me, not just at me.
“Nicholas Alcor”—I didn’t bother asking how she knew my last name even though I hadn’t told her or Alexa. That was honestly way way down there on the list of weird unexplainable things so far today—“by binding yourself to Alexa, daughter of Nicholas, heir to the Santa Claus, you, too, will be binding yourself eternally to her, and to the quest to fulfill the prophecy, and bring about Sareit Oga. Do you accept this burden?”
“Sar eat oga? What’s that?”
“It is not for your kind to know.”
“Then how am I supposed to fulfill it?”
“That is something you must discover on your own.”
I felt Alexa fingers graze mine, and I looked down at her.
She nodded almost imperceptibly.
Well fuck it, I thought, why not? What’s the worst that could happen? “I do. Accept.”
Rue stared at me. “You… what?”
“I accept the burden. Isn’t that what I’m supposed to say? I do.”
“No, I mean, yes. I’m just surprised. I didn’t expect you to go along with this. Are you sure?”
“Yes I’m sure. You don’t seem very officiating right now.”
“You let me worry about my job.” She stared at me. Then finally with a sigh, “Well okay then I guess. So you do and she does. Now you get to do each other. To quote a song from your world, you may now bang the bride.”
10
Alexa looked up at me, eyes big and expectant, and slipped the dress off her shoulders, letting it fall to her feet, revealing her perfectly naked body.
I looked to my right, at Rue, who was staring at us.
We hadn’t moved from—well it wasn’t exactly an altar—but from where we had been standing in front of the TV that had the forest projected on it.
I looked back at Alexa.
“Now we must consummate,” she said, “for you to become the Santa Claus. But you must remove your armor, husband.”
I looked at Rue again. “Don’t look at me. She’s the one you need to consummate with.” She shook her head. “Your eyes are always wandering. Got a beautiful virgin before you, and you’re looking at the reindeer girl. Men.”
I looked back to Alexa, licked my lips. “We’re doing this here? With her watching?”
“Of course. She has to officiate. If she didn’t watch, how could she know we did it?”
“She could take our word for it.” I remembered reading something about how in the past, in certain towns, the groom would put a white cloth under the bride as they consummated their marriage, and then hang it in the window so the other townsfolk could see the blood and know they’d done it. Or maybe that the wife was indeed a virgin.
But I wasn’t about to suggest that.
I felt hands on me and saw Alexa was undoing the nearly invisible closure—I didn’t know what else to call it, it wasn’t a zipper or velcro, just something that sealed together almost seamlessly—of my suit.
Then she was peeling down the top of the suit and kneeling before me.
I instantly was hard and pressing against my new outfit as she kneeled naked before me.
I glanced nervously at Rue again.
It wasn’t that I minded having a beautiful girl watch, it was just that I’d never been in this position before, and I felt a bit strange.
Plus, to be fair to me, this day had been really strange so far, and Rue was technically a reindeer.
Or was she technically not a reindeer?
Then there was the fact that her nose and cheeks were starting to glow an even brighter red, which hinted at something more than a clinical interest in officiating our ceremony.
I felt myself pop out of my pants as Alexa shimmied the one-piece suit down my body.
I looked at my erection, Alexa’s lips inches away from it.
She looked up at me with her big, wide purple eyes, her bright blonde, almost white hair trailing down her back, then continued pulling my suit off.
I stepped out of it, and Alexa stood up and pressed her very warm naked body against mine.
I glanced again at Rue, whose face was now definitely glowing bright red, before focusing my full attention on Alexa.
This was her first time, and I was damn well going to make it memorable.
11
I wrapped my arms around Alexa, around my new wife, my erection pressing against her stomach between us.
She was hot, physically hot, and heat radiated off of her into me. Which was good because it was rather cold down here. Not as cold as outside, but still quite cold to be naked in.
My erection against her stomach felt as though it was already inside her, that was how hot her skin was.
It felt amazing.
Our lips met and she let out a little moan into my mouth that seemed to trigger something in my brain, make it so all I wanted to do was ravage her.
I roamed my hands up and down her smooth body, gripping her ass, then running my fingers up her lower back, then up higher, feeling the bumps of her spine all the way to her neck and head where I grabbed a handful of blonde hair, eliciting another moan, this one louder and more obviously of pleasure.
Rue made some sound, but I didn’t pay attention to it, this was Alexa’s moment, and more than anything I wanted to make this memorable for her, I wanted to make it special.
This wasn’t about me or even us, this was about her.
I hadn’t expected to be chosen for this. How could I have expected to be chosen for this? Before today I didn’t know any of this existed. I thought Santa Claus was a fairytale told to children, made up by Dutch immigrants based on some old guy that lived a thousand years ago.
But this at least I understood. Pleasuring her, making her first time special. It was a gift I could give her, and something I was gonna try my best to do.
We slowly went down to the ground and I knelt between her legs, and just looked at her.
Her hair was spread out on the floor under her, a halo, her purple eyes big and bright, the pupils huge. Her nipples were hard, and her large soft breasts settled enticingly, now affected by gravity as they hadn’t been in the elevator.
I trailed my eyes down her stomach to her hot slick sex and ran my fingers over it and then against her slit.
This was even hotter, almost hot enough to burn. In fact I got the sense that it should burn me, but wasn’t, because I was changing, even as we consummated. Somehow marrying her, it had changed me.
I then noticed that I wasn’t cold anymore.
I lowered myself down and kissed her on the lips and then on the chin and neck, where I could feel her throbbing pulse.
Heat poured into me from the contact, into my lips and then spreading throughout my body, into every extremity, warming me even further.
I kissed my way down to her breasts, where I licked around her hard nipple and then sucked it into my mouth.
She moaned and arched her back and I kissed my way across and sucked the other nipple.
Then I moved down, kissing her gently all the way down her stomach to her pubic mound and then further.
The moment my lips met her other lips, a greater heat than I had ever felt poured into me, and I felt as though I might catch fire.
But the only thing that caught fire was my lust for this beautiful girl and I felt as if my erection grew even larger.
I pressed my tongue against her slit and trailed up and down, feeling more resistance than I would’ve expected.
I licked her slit and then her clitoris, causing her moans to inc
rease.
She wasn’t the only one making sounds. I could hear Rue panting, but then brought my full attention back to my new wife.
I kept at it for minutes, enjoying every bit, and when it seemed as though Alexa was on the brink, I stopped and moved up to her other lips and kissed them, pressing my tongue into her mouth.
Then I looked into her bright purple eyes. “Are you ready?”
She nodded silently.
I grabbed myself and ran my head up and down her slit, getting another moan, then tried to press into her.
There was resistance, and her moan seemed to change in timbre as I pressed ever harder, trying to push in.
Then suddenly I slipped inside her, having gone deeper than I’d intended, not expecting the resistance to end so suddenly.
She let out a shriek of pain that was followed by an exhalation of absolute bliss as I sunk fully into her, her now spread lips pressing into the base of my erection.
I stayed like that for a moment, resting on my arms, looking down at her, at her heaving chest, her now-closed eyes, her flushed cheeks, her slightly parted pink lips, which she now licked, sighed again and then slowly opened her eyes, a pretty smile playing at her lips, as those eyes locked onto mine.
What started off slow and gentle soon became hard and powerful, until I felt her tense, and finally came inside of her as we orgasmed together.
12
“So… am I the Santa Claus now?” I asked Alexa.
My wife.
Wow. This was the craziest day ever.
We were laying together, still naked, her head resting on my chest, one leg draped between mine.
Her body heat was still intense, but it didn’t bother me. It made me think of how she was always warm, how she was sweating even in the AC of my truck, and made me wonder if now that would be me. Although the fact that I could tolerate her heat, enjoyed it in fact, suggested otherwise.
Rue had left us, her officiating job completed.