I looked away and cleared my throat. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of a worried-looking Josie. She was twirling her strawberry blonde hair around her finger as her eyes darted between the two of us.
“So, will you come with me?”
I was at a loss for words.
I really wanted to see Taylor Swift in concert. I’d watched dozens of videos and articles about this tour and knew it was an amazing show. I’d even looked into getting tickets, but they were pricey unless you wanted to sit in the nosebleed section.
But, going to a concert with Mason felt like crossing a very large, glaring, red line.
It was one thing for him to text me frequently. Those could all be chalked up to a blossoming friendship. Nothing that we’d said in those texts could be construed as anything other than friendly. Going out with him felt like a huge step in a direction I knew I shouldn’t be heading in.
But, the idea was so tempting.
Mason lit up every time he saw me, and his blue eyes never left mine while I spoke to him–like what I said actually mattered. He took the time out of his day to talk to me even if it’s something silly or unimportant.
When was the last time Bryson had called or texted me for no other reason than to say ‘hi’? When was the last time his face lit up when I walked in the room?
I couldn’t remember.
I bit my lip as the options swirled around my head.
I could go to the concert and spend more time with Mason while also seeing one of my favorite artists live, or I could turn him down and spend another lonely night at home with my barely thee husband.
Decisions, decisions.
“Come on, Kenny. I promise to have you home by midnight if you’re worried about turning into a pumpkin.”
I smiled despite myself and realized I genuinely wanted to hang out with him outside the office. I wanted to talk to him in person and not just through text. I wanted to bask in the attention he gave me and spend an evening having fun instead of focusing on my sinking marriage.
It was on the tip of my tongue to agree to go with him, but something stopped me. There was an uneasiness in the pit of my stomach and I gave him the only answer I could at the moment.
“Can I think about it and get back to you later?”
Mason’s smile dimmed slightly, but he shrugged good-naturedly. “Sure, Kenny. Let me know.”
With that, he turned around and walked across the office floor back to his desk.
I didn’t want to look, but Josie’s penetrating gaze was practically burning through me, and I knew I’d have to face her at some point. Her desk was opposite mine after all.
“What was that?” she asked, her tone not betraying her feelings at all.
I smiled weakly and shrugged. “You heard him, he has an extra ticket to Taylor Swift tonight.”
Josie raised one perfectly plucked brow and quirked her lips. “Uh huh.”
I sighed. “Okay. Let it out.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Oh, yes, you do. You’ve got something to say and we won’t get any work done until you’ve said it, so let’s go.”
Josie raised both brows while she studied her fingernails. “I was just wondering what Bryson would have to say about you going to a concert with Mason.”
I laughed humorlessly. “I think you’re putting too much stock into what Bryson does and doesn’t care about these days.”
She tilted her head. “That may be true, but don’t you think you should at least tell him first?”
I nodded once. “You know what? You’re right. I’ll tell him right now.”
I pulled my phone from my desk drawer and typed out a quick text to Bryson.
Me: A coworker offered me a ticket to see Taylor Swift tonight. I think I’m gonna go.
Satisfied for the moment, Josie and I got back to work on our respective projects. It wasn’t until over an hour later that I received a response from Bryson.
Bryson: Sounds like fun. Have a good time.
I held my phone up triumphantly for Josie to read Bryson’s response. She seemed pacified until her eyes scanned up the message thread. She pursed her lips and folded her arms across her chest. “I notice you didn’t mention who offered you the ticket.”
Busted.
I shrugged a single shoulder and tucked my phone back into my drawer. “What does it matter?”
Josie scoffed. “I think it might make a difference if he knew it was Mason taking you.”
“And why’s that?”
Josie shook her head. “Don’t play dumb with me, Mack. I know you see the way he looks at you and I know you know this isn’t just a simple outing between friends.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m married, Josie. Mason knows that.”
“He may know that, but that doesn’t mean he respects it.”
“What does that mean?”
She just shook her head. “Just tread lightly okay?”
I waved her off and ducked my head back to the project I was working on, but Josie’s words were still in my head.
Was going to this concert a bad decision?
We were just friends, right? Friends could go to concerts together. Just because I was married didn’t mean I wasn’t allowed to be friends with the opposite sex anymore. And we were going to a huge arena, not somewhere secluded where something inappropriate could happen.
Not that something inappropriate would happen, of course. Like I told Josie, Mason knows I’m married. He’s not trying to come between us, he’s just trying to be my friend. There’s nothing going on and there’s no reason to worry.
Right?
Right.
At lunchtime, I strolled around the office until I found Mason in the break room. He was talking with one of our coworkers but broke away from the conversation when I entered the room. It’s not lost on me that his eyes brightened as soon as he saw me, but I did my best to ignore it.
“Kenny. Are you here to blow me off in person?” His tone is light, but I can see the wariness in his eyes.
“The opposite actually.”
His smile is infectious and his hands twitch like they want to reach for me.
“Seriously?”
I held up my hands in mock surrender. “You had me at ‘Taylor Swift’.”
He laughed loudly, the sound ricocheting off the walls of the small room and filling my ears with the happy sound. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d made Bryson laugh like that.
“So, I’ll pick you up at six?”
“What? No.” I did not want Mason showing up at my house and I refused to explore why that thought sent me into a mild panic. “I’ll meet you there.”
He frowned but relented. “All right meet me at the front gates at six-thirty then.”
I smiled and reached out to squeeze Mason’s arm. “Sounds great. And thanks for thinking of me. I’m so excited for tonight.”
Mason looked down at my hand before meeting my gaze. “Me too.”
The PNC Arena was bustling with preteens, so it wasn’t hard to find Mason in the crowd. He’d dressed down in a pair of dark jeans and a gray Henley that accentuated all the sharp lines and bulges on his arms. I shook that thought out of my head and fixed a smile on my face.
Mason’s eyes caught mine as I made my way through the crowd. His eyes snaked down my body slowly before settling on my face. I hadn’t dressed up tonight, opting for my favorite pair of skinny jeans, tall leather boots, and a royal blue sweater, but Mason made me feel like I was in a ball gown at the Met.
“Hey,” I greeted him, suddenly feeling more awkward than I ever have around him.
His lips stretched into a wide smile. “Hey, Kenny. Thanks for showing up and saving me from this pre-pubescent nightmare.”
I laughed loudly, probably louder than was necessary, but it felt nice. To joke and laugh with someone again, to not worry you’re saying the wrong thing or that you won’t be heard at all. It felt nice to just to be, and su
ddenly all my nervousness vanished, and it was just me and a friend, out to enjoy a concert.
He held out a bent arm that I wrapped my hand around and led me to the entrance where he presented our tickets. We found our seats, and I understood why he didn’t want these tickets to go to waste.
“These are great seats!”
Mason smiled. “Glad you like them.”
And that was pretty much the end of our conversation for the next couple hours. The opening acts fired up the crowd before Taylor herself made an appearance. Soon I was out of my seat and dancing along to her upbeat tracks and singing along to just about every song.
Unsurprisingly, Mason stayed in his seat, but every time I caught his eye, he was smiling at me, so I figured he was having a good time too.
When there was a stretch of a few slow songs, I took that opportunity to have a seat and catch my breath.
Mason leaned close and whisper-yelled in my ear. “Are you having a good time?”
I leaned toward him to respond, close enough that the whiskers of his dark beard tickled my face. “I’m having an amazing time. I can’t thank you enough for bringing me.”
He pulled back to scan my face before reaching over to tap his fingers under my chin. “I’m happy you’re happy.”
I smiled but retreated quickly. How he could make it feel like we were secluded in an arena full of thousands of people was beyond me.
A few minutes later, Taylor Swift sang her last song and then reappeared for two encores. When it was clear she was done for the night, Mason and I shuffled our way out of the arena and into the brisk evening.
“Where are you parked?” I frowned for a second before pointing in the general area I thought I’d parked my car in. Mason chuckled and placed his hand on the small of my back. “Come on, I’ll walk you to your car.”
We spent the ten-minute walk in easy conversation about the show and I’d almost forgotten that his hand hadn’t left my back the entire time.
When we finally found my car, Mason waited patiently while I dug my keys out of my purse and unlocked it.
“Thank you again for this.” Mason waved my words away, but I persisted. “No really, I know how much those tickets must have cost and I’m so grateful you thought to bring me.”
Mason dropped his gaze from mine and reached up a hand to grab the back of his neck. “Actually, I have a little confession to make.”
I frowned. “What is it?”
He met my eyes then, all hesitancy gone. “I didn’t buy those tickets for my niece.”
“I...” I began but trailed off when I realized I had no idea what I wanted to say. What I could say to that.
If he hadn’t bought those tickets for his niece, then who did he buy them for?
On one level, I knew I was being a little dense, but I needed this cleared up. Immediately.
“What does that mean, Mason?” I asked warily.
He shrugged and smiled self-deprecatingly. “I knew if I told you I bought them for you that you wouldn’t come.”
“I…” Once again, that was all I had. One word, a syllable, a single letter in answer to his confession.
I didn’t know whether to be flattered he’d bought these tickets for me or upset that he lied. I sort of felt both if I was being honest with myself.
The minutes stretched between us and I was no closer to coming up with something intelligent to say to him, so I went with honesty.
“I really don’t know what to say right now.”
Mason shrugged again. “You don’t need to say anything. You got to see your favorite artist in concert, and I got to spend some time with you. That’s a fair trade I think.”
He said he got to spend time with me like he’d won the lottery. As if it was a lifelong goal of his that he’d finally achieved. I couldn’t help but compare his reaction to my husband’s, the man who spent every night with me, and chose to spend it working or losing himself in ESPN instead of me.
Seeing that I still didn’t have a response for him, Mason leaned in and placed a short, chaste kiss on my forehead. My eyes closed against my will as I savored the feel of his lips on my skin for that split second. When I opened them, Mason was standing closer than ever, his blue eyes soft.
“See you tomorrow at work, Kenny.”
Chapter 8
Past
Bryson and I are wrapped up in each other on our couch at home, watching trashy reality tv when my phone rang.
“Hey, Connor, what’s up?”
My brother didn’t call often, so I was immediately curious about this variation from our norm.
“Hey, Mack. Are you busy?”
“No, I’m home watching tv with Bryson. What’s up?” I ask again.
Connor took a big breath that comes through the phone line loud and clear and I’m instantly worried. “Is everything okay?” I asked.
His laugh is breathy. “Yeah, Mack. Everything’s great. I have some news.”
I sat up on the couch and Bryson’s eyes met mine. I shrugged to let him know I’m as clueless as him and gripped the phone tighter.
“Okay, what’s up?”
What is it he could possibly need to tell me that he won’t just spit out?
“Dina’s pregnant.”
The news hits me in waves.
First, I’m excited. This will be the first grandchild in the family, and my first niece or nephew and that’s cause for celebration.
Next, I’m happy. I knew they’d been trying for a few months and had some trouble, and I’m so glad they’d finally been successful.
Last, and most embarrassingly, I’m jealous. A tiny, green-eyed monster is running rampant through my insides. Poking holes in the excitement and trying its best to squash the happiness.
But, I won’t let it.
I won’t be that woman who lets envy rule her emotions and color her happiness for others.
I realize I haven’t responded when Connor speaks up again. “Hello?”
“Sorry! Oh my god, congratulations! You and D must be so happy!”
Connor lets out what sounds like a breath of relief and chuckles softly. “Yeah. We are. We’re scared shitless too. But, mostly happy.”
I laughed. “If you weren’t at least a little bit scared, I’d worry about you.”
“Yeah,” he draws the word’s syllable out. “We’re a little scared, but it’s a good kind of scared, you know?”
I nodded although I knew he couldn’t see me. “I absolutely do. How far along is she?”
“Almost three months. We waited to tell everyone.”
I nodded again. “That’s pretty standard. I can’t believe she was pregnant when I saw you guys a month ago at Thanksgiving dinner. How did you keep it a secret? I’d have been bursting at the seams.”
He laughed again, the sound carefree and light. “It wasn’t easy.”
I snuck a look at Bryson and made a snap decision. “I might be next.”
Connor paused. “Next for what?”
“The next one pregnant. We’ve been trying since the honeymoon. Hopefully, I’ll be pregnant soon too, and me and D can be pregnant together.”
“She would love that.”
“I would too.” My voice was soft. Wistful as I imagined all the possibilities.
“Hey, listen, I gotta’ run, I just wanted to tell you the good news. You’ll tell Bryson for me?”
“He’s right here. He heard.”
“Congrats, man,” Bryson called.
“Tell him I said thanks. I’ll talk to you later, Mack. I love you.”
“Love you, bro. Tell Dina I love her too.”
We hung up, and I looked at Bryson who was wearing a knowing look I didn’t want to discuss.
“You okay?” he asked tentatively.
I smiled. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
Bryson raised a brow. “I know you, Mack. I know you’re happy for them, but I’m sure you’re also a little sad too.”
I took a deep breath and let it out
slowly before shaking my head. “I’m not sad.” He raised that damn brow of his again. “I’m not,” I insisted.
When he wouldn’t relent I rolled my eyes and flopped back on the couch. “I’m not sad, but I am a little… I dunno’. Anxious?” I looked at him for confirmation, but his gaze was steady, waiting for me to continue. “I guess I feel like there’s a timer now. Like I need to hurry up and get pregnant or I’ll be left behind.”
“It’s not like that, Mack.”
I huffed. “I know that, Bryson. I’m just telling you how I feel. I never said it was rational.”
He laughed a little and pulled me into his arms, resting his stubbled chin on my head. “It’s gonna’ happen, babe. Try not to stress.”
“I’m not. I promise. I’m just so excited. Tomorrow’s ten DPO, by the way.”
He pulled back to look me in the eye. “What the hell is a ‘DPO’?”
I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help laughing at his perplexed expression. “DPO stands for days past ovulation. Tomorrow is day ten so I’m gonna’ take a test in the morning with FMU.”
“What the fuck is an ‘FMU’?”
I laughed loudly then, which made Bryson crack a smile too. “FMU is first morning urine. It’s the best kind to use for pregnancy tests.”
“Oh, right. Of course. Who would dream of using anything but FOM?”
I punched him in the bicep. “It’s FMU.”
“Right, right. FMU.” He nodded, his face the picture of seriousness. “And why do you have to take a test tomorrow?”
“Well, I don’t have to. But, I can’t wait. They say you should wait to test until the first day of your missed period, which should be day fourteen, but most tests can pick up on a pregnancy up to five days sooner than that.”
Bryson looked like his head was spinning, so I took mercy on him and gave his cheek a little pat. “Don’t worry about the specifics, babe. I’ve got it all under control.”
He turned his head to kiss my palm and smiled. “I’m counting on that.”
The next morning, I woke up and ran to the bathroom. I’d never been so eager to pee in a cup in my life. I dipped the test in the urine before setting an alarm on my phone and finishing my business.
Trying Page 6