by Nicole Sobon
“Just go, Em. Everything will be alright, I promise.” Liam did his best to force a smile, but I knew he didn’t mean it. Nothing would ever be alright again, especially not between us. Soon, he’d be dead, and there wasn’t a dang thing I could do to stop it. I couldn’t even try to help him. Not if he wouldn’t believe me.
“No.” I shook my head, tucking my loose hair back behind my ear. “I’m not giving up this easily, Liam. You’re dying. Do you understand that? You’re going to die soon.”
“Emma, people are beginning to stare,” Avery tugged on my arm, trying to pull me back towards her – towards the nurse who stood near the end of the hall.
“I don’t care, Avery. Let them stare.”
“Come on.” She offered a reassuring smile. “Let’s get you some help, okay?”
“Avery. Stop.” Liam lowered his head. “Come with me, Emma?”
I hesitated, unsure of what his intentions were. “Are you going to send me to the nurse?” I questioned. “Because if so, no thank you.”
“No,” he said. “Just come on.”
He pulled me through the crowd, and even though I could feel their eyes burning a hole in my back, I didn’t care. Let them stare. I wasn’t going to allow him to die without making an effort to save him.
When we reached the front steps of the building, Liam turned to me and sighed. “Help me.”
“Help you with what?” I asked, careful not to assume he believed me.
“Help me understand.”
But it wasn’t that simple. It never was. I knew that he wanted to believe me; that he didn’t want to think I was insane. But maybe I was. After all, how many teenagers did you know that could sense death? Last I checked, there weren’t many. I just happened to be one of the lucky ones, apparently.
And now I needed to figure out a way to explain to Liam: how I knew that he was dying, and how he didn’t have much longer before death consumed him.
“I can’t.” I pressed my palm against my forehead. “You don’t get it Liam. This isn’t a game. This isn’t something I can easily teach you. There are no instructions, there isn’t a manual. All I know is that you’re dying, and from the looks of it, it is only a matter of time before the light strengthens.”
“What does that mean?” he asked, crossing him arms.
“It means that you have less than twenty-four hours to live as of right now.” Liam’s eyes opened wide, and I could see him struggling to swallow. “I may be able to help you. I can give you an extra day or two at the most, but I can’t save you.”
“You have to be able to do something.”
“I wish.” And I did, more than anything because Liam wasn’t just any other person. He was someone worth saving. “But there’s no escaping death. Once a person has been marked, that’s it. You no longer belong to this world. The afterlife has officially claimed you, and there is no pulling you back from that.”
Liam crouched down next to the stair railing, his hands gripping at his brown locks. “So this is it?” he asked.
“Not yet.”
“But you just said that I can’t beat it,” he countered. “That is exactly what you just said to me!”
“What do you want me to do?” I asked, slowly becoming agitated. “Do you think I want any of this? Do you think that I haven’t gone over every possible scenario in my head, Liam? I want to help you, I do, but this is completely outside of my power.”
“So, what it is at least? Why am I dying?” Tears trickled down Liam's cheeks.
“You know why,” I replied. “But I need to ask why you didn’t think to tell me.”
“I couldn’t.” He stood up slowly, gripping his palms around the steel railing. “Would you have stayed had I told you that I had cancer? It’s my disease, it wouldn’t have been right to make it yours as well.”
“But I could sense it,” I told him. “I knew that you were sick, Liam, but you were beating it. I didn’t think... I didn’t think this would happen. I thought you’d beat it, and then life would go on, and eventually, you’d tell me. But it didn’t work out that way.”
“I guess not,” he forced a smile.
“You said you could help me?” Liam fidgeted with his hands, avoiding eye contact with me at all costs. “How? I need more time, Emma.”
“I can only give you an extra day or two, Liam. That’s it.”
“That’s better than nothing,” he glanced up at me. “It’s long enough to say goodbye.”
Goodbye. There was a certain permanence in goodbye. And as selfish as it might’ve been, I was not ready to say goodbye. Part of me wanted to correct him, to tell him that it would all be okay. Because it should’ve been. Everything should’ve been okay. He should’ve been in remission, moving on with his life – preparing for graduation. He shouldn’t have been dying. His life shouldn’t have been ending, not now, not when it was only beginning.
But it was. He was dying, and there was nothing that I could do to stop it from happening. Nothing. Sure, I could give time a little longer to say goodbye, but that was it. In the end, nothing would change. I’d still lose him. I’d still lose.
“Emma, please. I need this.”
“Give me your hand,” I stumbled over the words as I struggled to hold back my tears.
Liam extended his palms out to me, more than eager for whatever help I could provide him. I wrapped my hands over his, allowing my energy to flow into his. There would be consequences for helping him, and I knew that, but if the only thing I could give him was time, then I didn’t really care what would happen to me.
My energy would weaken significantly, and it would make it harder to help others down the line, but that didn’t matter because I wasn’t the one dying - Liam was. In a few days, I would still have a life to live. He wouldn’t.
“What are you doing?” he whispered. As our energies combined, a bright orange light illuminated our hands. The heat of the connection seeped under my skin, rushing through my veins. “Emma?”
“Shush,” I hissed. “I’m helping you.”
“No.” He yanked his hands away.
“What are you doing?” I shouted.
“Look,” he reached forward, taking a hold of my hand. “I’m not going to allow you to throw your life away in order to help me.”
I glanced down at my hand, which Liam had cupped between his. Where his hand touched mine, a small red circle pulsed beneath my skin. “You see that?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“No.” I shook my head. “This isn’t happening.”
“What’s going on?” he demanded. “What does that mean?”
“I’ve upset the balance.” I responded. “I’ve upset the balance by trying to help you.”
“I don’t get it, Emma. What are you trying to say?”
I closed my eyes. “They’ve marked me, Liam.”
IS LOVE: VOLUME 1
Chapter One
“Ridley Mulligan, do you understand your crime?” the judge’s voice echoed throughout the marble hall.
“No, Sir. I’m afraid that I do not.” I folded my hands in my lap, trying to appear calm. Even though I could feel the fear creeping through, trying to penetrate the false courage I presented to the Council.
“Ms. Mulligan.” Judge Evans removed his glasses and placed them gently on the podium. “You are here because you were found to have violated the Caiden Act, remember?” I didn’t answer. “Council, please present the footage of their arrests. Maybe that will help to jog Ms. Mulligan’s memory?"
Please, no. I wanted to run forward, to admit my wrong doing. To stop what was about to happen. But I didn’t. I couldn’t.
“They’ll just add a Defiance Violation onto your sentence. Don’t fight them, Ridley. It isn’t worth it,” Vera Knight, my appointed defense advisor, whispered. She leaned forward, laying her hands atop mine. “You can’t dispute the evidence.”
She was right. I knew that. But it didn’t help to calm me down. I watched in horror as the wall in front of me projecte
d my worst fears. My time with Kieran was on display for the entire Council to see.
“With this footage as evidence, Ms. Mulligan, I hereby find you guilty of violating the Caiden Act. You will be sentenced to two years in the outer compounds, where you will serve your time as a Matron of the Order.”
“Your honor, if I may?" I took to my feet. I could feel the tears rushing down my cheeks as his words processed in my mind. “Please,” I pleaded, “Can’t I remain here? I can offer my assistance to the Hall of Caiden.”
“Ms. Mulligan, your sentence has been issued. You have until dawn for your goodbyes,” he leaned back in his chair. “Do not pack any belongings, the Council will provide you with everything that you’ll need.”
“Your Honor!” I screamed.
“Mrs. Knight, please escort your client out of the Hall, or else I will be forced to add a Defiance Violation onto her sentence, prolonging her stay in the compounds.”
“I’m sorry for the disturbance, your honor; we will be on our way now.” Vera grabbed a hold of my wrist, dragging me out of the hall. Once we were safely out of the Service Hall, Vera spun around and slapped me across my face. “What were you thinking, Ridley?”
“I was thinking that I don’t agree with the judge’s verdict and that it isn’t right that I’m being punished for going against the Caiden Act,” I replied, rubbing my right cheek. “He’s sending me to the outer compounds, Vera. We both know what happens out there.”
The entire city knew what happened in the outer compounds. It was, for the most part, a death sentence. Hardly anyone survived out there, and the few that did, when they came back, they were never the same. There was an edge to them, a sense that, at any moment, they could snap.
The outer compounds were for criminals, and I wasn’t a criminal. Caiden Act or not, I was not a criminal. “I don’t belong there, Vera.”
“You violated the Caiden Act, Ridley. The judge didn’t have any other option.” She placed her hands on her hips. “It’s not so terrible, you know.”
“What do you mean it isn’t so bad?” I hissed.
“The Caiden Act,” she replied. “They know what is best for us, Ridley.”
But they didn’t, and I couldn’t understand why Vera was unable to see that. The government could give two craps about us. The only thing that they gave a damn about was my ability to conceive a child. My happiness, my life, it meant absolutely nothing to them. They didn’t care that I was miserable, as long as they produced their “perfect” offspring.
“What is going to happen to Kieran?” I asked softly.
“He’ll be sent to one of the Detention Centers within the outer compounds.”
Detention Centers was the polite way of saying torture centers. He’d spend a few months there, and then they would send him back, and assign him to a proper match. They’d wipe me from his memory as if I never existed. And I’d be left to my misery, trapped in the outer compounds, where I would be forced to complete a two year sentence, before being sent back to the city of Caiden.
That was, assuming that I survived the compounds.
“I should be on my way,” I stated. “I only have a few hours to say goodbye.”
Vera smiled, reaching for my hand. “Goodbye, Ridley.” I turned to walk away, but she pulled me back. She moved in so that her mouth was near my ear. “Whatever it takes to survive out there, you do it. Do you understand me?” she whispered. “I need you to promise me that you will do everything that you can to survive in the compounds.”
I nodded and yanked my hand free of her hold. “Goodbye, Vera.”
I could feel my heart shattering in my chest as I said goodbye to my family. Knowing that they were disappointed in me only made it worse. I let them down, and I knew that, but I couldn’t deny what I felt. I couldn’t pretend to be happy with someone else determining my life for me.
I’d spent enough time around my parents to know that I didn’t want what they had.
Their lives were constructed for them. They didn’t love one another, and it showed, no matter how much they tried to hide it from me and my sister. Happiness was a hard thing to fake.
“You’ll be okay,” my mother cried. “You’ll be okay.”
I wanted to believe her, I did, but I knew that the world outside of Caiden was much different from anything I could ever imagine.
The outer compounds, which were also referred to as the Rings of Chaos, were not meant for the weak. And I was weak; far too weak to fight for a life I wasn’t sure was worth living anymore. What was the point when I would only be forced to succumb to the Caiden Act in the end anyway?
My heart ached for Kieran, the one bit of happiness I’d allowed myself in Caiden.
But I’d need to forget about him in the compounds.
I’d need to forget everything that I allowed myself to feel.
A guard knocked on the open door. “It’s time, Ms. Mulligan.”
Chapter Two
The guard led me outside, where the rest of the community gathered to watch as I was escorted to an awaiting SUV. I knew that I shouldn’t be bothered by their stares; after all, I was well aware of what I was getting myself into when I welcomed my feelings for Kieran. But the judgment in their eyes and the disbelief that I would go against the ways of Caiden pulled at my heart strings.
Maybe I could’ve fought harder. Maybe I could’ve ignored the way that Kieran made me feel. Then I wouldn’t have been sentenced to two years in the outer compounds; then I wouldn’t have had the entire community judging me.
But then I also wouldn’t have experienced the power of love.
It was worth it, I told myself.
Each moment spent with him over the past six months was worth it, even if it had led to this.
“Ridley Mulligan?” a petite woman asked, her hands fumbling through a stack of paperwork. She was dressed in a green, cotton dress. Her wavy blond locks were tied back in a loose braid, which lay over her right shoulder. The small screen attached to her dress identified her as Claire Phillips, Head Matron of the Order.
I nodded my head in response and cupped my hands at my waist nervously. It was all becoming too real; the fact that, for the next two years, I would have to let go of everything that I knew if I stood any chance at surviving.
“Well, come along then. They are awaiting your arrival in Compound One,” she stated, turning to open the car door. I watched as she climbed inside of the vehicle and scooted over behind the driver side seat, leaving room for me to move in next to her.
I spun around, taking one final look at the place I’d known as home; at the small, concrete house that I’d spent the past seventeen-years in, at the residents I had once considered my family, at my parents who couldn’t stand to look at me. And then my eyes darted to the fields, the tall fields that shone brightly beneath the sun’s rays, the last place I’d seen Kieran before I was brought before the Council.
I recalled the panicked look in his green eyes when the guards found us lying beside each other, gazing up at the night sky brimming with stars. When they’d asked for our identification cards, I knew what would follow. I wasn’t his match, nor I his.
I wasn’t Rena Phillips, and he wasn’t Colin McKenna.
It was as simple as that.
We were brought to nearby cells, left to await separate hearings before the Council all because we’d found something in one another that couldn’t be manufactured – we’d found love.
The Council didn’t care how we’d felt about one another. No matter how much I wanted to try to explain, to reason with them, I knew it was pointless.
Natural love in our society had long since ceased to exist.
From what we’d been told, our world had fallen victim to some sort of plague, taking with it any bit of stability our people had once known.
It took time to rebuild our world as the government struggled to establish compounds throughout the plague stricken nation. Even now, thirty-years later, we were still struggling to exi
st.
Eager to regain stability, the government drew the Caiden Act, which made it so that residents were to be matched upon their seventeenth birthdays. Matches were expected to spend six months getting to know one another before they were expected to participate in a Promise Ceremony before the community.
Colin and I had been matched five months ago.
Our ceremony had been scheduled for the following month. But now that I’d been sentenced to serve two years in the outer compounds, he’d be matched with someone else.
I knew that I should be hurting; that I should be jealous even, but the truth was that I didn’t care. I didn’t care because he wasn’t Kieran. I didn’t care because it wasn’t him that my heart longed for. It would never be him, and I knew that.
“Ridley, we do not have all day,” Claire called from inside the SUV, forcing me out of my head.
Except we did – or at least I did.
I had two years to waste away; I wasn’t in any rush to meet my fate.
Accepting that I no longer belonged here, to live among those who believed in our system, those who welcomed lives constructed for them, I made my to the SUV, climbing in beside Claire.
“You do understand what will happen, correct?” She asked, reaching for my hand. She secured a thin metal bracelet around my wrist – one of many trackers they’d place on me before I arrived at the compound.
“I understand that I will serve as a Matron of the Order and that I will do as is expected of me,” I said, trying to blink away the tears that were beginning to form. “And I understand that the compounds are not meant for the weak – for people like me.”
I waited for Claire to respond, but she didn’t. Instead, she reached forward, grabbing hold of a small plastic box that sat beneath the driver seat. On the center of the clear box was an inscription: Subject 415.
“What does that mean?” I asked, eyeing the inscription suspiciously.
Claire offered a reassuring smile as she unlocked the case, removing a long silver chain with a small red chip hanging from it. She brought it to my neck and stared at me expectantly. When I didn’t react, she finally spoke, “Your hair, Ridley.”