As I saw Armanell’s expression, startled and disconcerted I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my dress was a success. Had she expected me to appear in shining mauve satin? I thought dryly. It was not in her nature, I knew, to be pleased at another woman’s success and I saw her eyes narrow. As she regarded me her face seemed subtly to alter and she seemed to appear older. For a few seconds she was silent: I knew she was casting about in her mind to find words and with a little flash of contempt I thought she was desperately trying to force herself to say something civil, or perhaps she was casting about in her mind for some belittling remark that would make me feel small and spoil my pleasure in my purchase.
But I had been mistaken there. When at last she spoke she mentioned all the little points that a discerning woman would note and I felt rather ashamed of my suspicions. It wasn’t until she said,
‘Of course you bought it with an eye to the ball, didn’t you?’ that I felt a hint of change in her attitude. For an instant I was about to deny it, then told myself that I was growing absurdly suspicious where Armanell was concerned. Anyway, she would see me wear it at the ball: it would be absurd to deny it.
‘Yes, of course. It’s much too elaborate for anything else. Dear me, what a pity,’ she said, and into her voice had crept that peculiar cooing tone that I had come to associate with mischief. ‘To think that you must have spent so much money! It must have been outrageously expensive, I’m sure. Marsden’s things always are.’
I listened in silence, feeling doubt creep over me.
‘You see, Judith,’ she continued gently, ‘we’ve changed our plans.’
I tried to hide my disappointment and dismay. ‘You mean—
mean the ball is going to be put off?’ I stammered.
‘Well, no, not exactly, but we’ve decided to make it a fancy dress ball—so much more exciting and colourful, don’t you think, especially if it’s masked.’
I stared at her in silence. Somehow it didn’t ring true. I was convinced she had not thought of such an innovation until that moment. Her purpose, of course, was crystal clear. Garth had invited me to the ball and she intended to exclude me by any means in her power.
I realized I was not mistaken in her motives when she went on still in that silky tone she used when she was at her most dangerous.
‘I know it’s a dreadful pity you didn’t know before you purchased your new dress, for you’ll hardly be able to afford a really decent costume for the ball—not, that is, unless you’re even richer than you appear to be. I must say it’s unusual to find girls who are as rich as Cleopatra employed in the capacity of governess.’
It flashed through my mind that perhaps I might thwart Armanell by procuring a costume for the ball, but of course her words now made that impossible. To have indulged in further extravagance would have left me open to the suspicion of being at Tregillis under false pretences. People opulent enough to indulge in such luxuries didn’t apply for positions as governesses in a remote part of Cornwall.
But if she had only that moment dreamed up the idea of the fancy dress ball she showed no concern when Garth joined us in the library. He looked slightly surprised as he found me standing in my finery in the middle of the library floor and I hoped I didn’t look as bitterly disappointed as I felt.
‘Look, Garth, isn’t that a simply wonderful dress Judith’s wearing?’ Armanell cooed. ‘But I’ve just been telling her that we’ve decided to have a fancy dress ball instead—masked, of course, so that no one knows who they’re dancing with until the witching hour when we all lay aside our masks and discover who has been whispering sweet naughty nothings to us.’
‘Well, I must say this is the first I’ve heard of it,’ Garth said easily.
‘Nonsense! Don’t say you’ve forgotten we arranged it was to be a fancy dress ball. I mean, the ballroom’s just made for such an affair.’
‘No, I can’t say I remember,’ Garth said slowly. ‘However, if you say so—’
‘But I do say so, Garth. I distinctly remember mentioning it to you.’
‘Does this mean I’ll have to go to the trouble of getting a costume? Anyway, I hate fancy dress. I always seem to turn up as a cavalier and my fine feathers are getting a bit bedraggled.’
‘Well, if you turn up as a cavalier this time I’ll be furious. You must do something more original, Garth. You must come as Essex or, better still, Fersen.’
Fersen? For a moment I couldn’t think whom she meant, then it was as though loose leaves from my school books fell into place.
Axel Fersen, the romantic Swedish lover of Marie Antoinette! He had been unusually dark too, I remembered. Romantic, faithful to the frivolous and doomed queen, following her from gaiety and thoughtlessness of the days of Petit Trianon at Versailles to the dark and gloomy days when she had been a prisoner in the tower of the Gonciergerie in Paris and from which she had been led out to her death before the mob who had once applauded her. Yes, Fersen would certainly be a romantic choice for him to make and in some way suited him.
‘Essex or Fersen,’ Garth brooded. ‘I don’t know that I’d care to appear as either. They both met extremely sticky ends, if I remember. Something tells me I’d better be a cavalier once again.’
‘No, you mustn’t,’ Armanell said decisively. ‘I’ll be horribly cross if you do. It must be either Essex or Fersen. I’m adamant.’
‘If I were a psychologist I’d say it reveals your taste in men,’
Garth said dryly.
She shrugged. ‘Perhaps it does. I know that if I’d lived in another age they’re the sort of men I’d have fallen for, romantic, daring and utterly fascinating.’
He smiled. ‘And what character are you appearing as, if I may ask? Circe, no doubt!’
She giggled delightedly at the implied compliment. ‘I shan’t tell you. It’s a dead secret until the night of the ball. But I do admit that I’ve brought with me the most wonderful gown in the world. I wore it at a ball at Chalandon and I flatter myself I looked rather well in it.’
‘In other words, you wiped the floor with every woman within miles.’
She smiled secretively. ‘A pity,’ she said, with a change of tone, turning to me, ‘that you bought your dress before we’d finally settled on what form the ball was to take.’
‘Yes, it certainly was a pity,’ Garth said with what I thought was a certain dryness in his tone. Did he see through Armanell? I wondered.
His next words seemed to belie this idea. ‘Yes, a great pity. You would have looked wonderful, say as Mary, Queen of Scots with her red-gold hair or Marie Antoinette, who also had reddish hair.’
I saw a shade of irritation cross Armanell’s face. ‘You seem to be well informed concerning royalty. Do you see Judith as a queen?’
‘Yes, a tall, stately queen,’ he replied.
‘Oh well, there’ll be no question of that now,’ Armanell said decisively. ‘It’s a terrible pity, of course, but if she’d only spoken to me before she went shopping, I’d have told her of the change of plans and she wouldn’t have wasted her money.’
‘I’m afraid I don’t quite follow you,’ he said slowly.
‘How like a man!’ Armanell’s trilling laugh rang out. ‘The poor girl must have been saving and scrimping for her dress and then—
Well, I mean, there are not so many occasions when you could wear a dress like that.’
She was talking as if I were not there and I turned suddenly and ran upstairs before the tears which had gathered in my eyes could be seen and spill down upon my new finery.
All I wanted was to be alone for a little while to gather my senses about me once more and I was not too pleased to be joined by Melinda and Emile as I hurried along the corridor to my room.
‘Oh, what a lovely dress!’ Melinda cried rapturously as she trotted along beside me. ‘Are you really going to wear it at the ball?’
As I went into my room they followed me. ‘No, I’m afraid not,’ I said as calmly as I could manage. ‘You
see, it’s going to be a fancy dress affair.’
‘Oh, then you’ll get a wonderful dress for it,’ Melinda said with childish ignorance of the value of money.
‘Yes, you could go as the White Rabbit,’ Emile put in enthusiastically. We had been reading Alice in Wonderland together and the White Rabbit was his favourite character.
‘Stupid,’ Melinda said impatiently. ‘Of course she won’t go as the White Rabbit. She must look beautiful and glamorous, and rabbits aren’t beautiful.’
‘Yes, they are,’ Emile retorted with unusual temerity. ‘I have one at Chalandon and he’s beautiful with white fur and pink eyes.’
‘Pink eyes?’ Melinda put in scornfully. ‘Do you mean Miss Westall has pink eyes? Really, you are a very rude little boy!’
Poor Emile looked distressed at the way his words had been contorted and I said firmly, ‘Now, children, let’s not talk about this any more. I’m not going—and that’s that.’
‘But why not? There must be some reason,’ Melinda demanded stubbornly.
I knew I’d have no peace until I made some explanation.
‘Because—Because—’ I hesitated. ‘Because I’ve spent all my money on this dress and can’t afford to get a new one.’ As I spoke the galling thought crossed my mind that, with the legacy I had received from Diana, I was in a position to order any costume I wished for the occasion. But I was wary now of Armanell: it would be too much of a giveaway. It was a risk I simply daren’t run. It would ruin my facade of governess.
‘I’ve some money in my piggy-bank. You can have it if you like, to buy a dress,’ Melinda said with surprising generosity.
‘And you may have mine too,’ Emile piped up, although his voice quavered suspiciously. He had been saving up for a bicycle and was almost on the point of reaching his goal.
I gave them each a hug and my disappointment began to evaporate. Somehow I felt it was stupid of me to care so much. The children’s warm affectionate offers had helped to take the sting out of the situation. ‘No, children, you must keep your money. Anyway, I don’t really care. I don’t care a single bit whether I go to the ball or not.’
‘Oh, but you do,’ Melinda corrected me solemnly. ‘There were tears in your eyes when you came upstairs. You do care, and I’ll see that you go. I can turn myself into a fairy godmother when I want to, you know, and I’ll wave my wand and you’ll go to the ball. You must wait and see.’
CHAPTER ELEVEN
A FEW days later Paul proposed.
Somehow I had known he would. In many ways, in spite of his undoubted efficiency, he was rather a transparent person. I had tried to avoid being alone with him, but one afternoon as I was returning with the children from a sketching expedition in the woods I came upon him face to face.
It was a warm afternoon and the two children had run on ahead, eager to get home in good time for tea, while I followed more leisurely, fanning myself with a big floppy hat.
As Paul came along one of the side paths that converged on the avenue his expression brightened as he caught sight of me. ‘Well, it’s wonderful to catch you alone at last,’ he said as he joined me.
‘But I’m not alone,’ I smiled, pointing towards the two children.
‘They’re not near enough to hear me,’ he returned, ‘and what I have to say won’t take long, because I think you know already what I have in mind.’
My heart sank as I saw the expression on his face and I cast about for words with which to head him off. ‘Don’t, Paul—’ I began, but already he had plunged in.
‘I know you think I’m a bit “easy-come, easy-go” where girls are concerned,’ he began, ‘but I’m perfectly sincere when I say you’re the only girl I ever really cared for. The truth is that I’m sick of a bachelor life: I want to settle down and I know that you’ve grown fond of Cornwall. You like the life here and you get on well with the people around. If you care for me we could settle here and build up a good life for ourselves. What about it? Do you think we could make a go of things?’
‘It’s true I’ve fallen in love with Cornwall,’ I began slowly,
‘but—’ How was I to reject his proposal without hurting his feelings?
‘But you haven’t fallen in love with me,’ he ended my sentence.
‘I’m afraid that’s it, Paul,’ I said, grateful to him for having saved me from having to give him a flat refusal. ‘I like you tremendously. There’s no one I’d like more for a friend, but as to marriage—’
‘I’m not looking for an answer immediately,’ Paul urged. ‘After all, you haven’t been here very long and perhaps I made a mistake in asking you so soon. Later on I’ll ask you again when we’ve got to know one another better—’
‘No, Paul,’ I told him firmly, ‘I’m afraid time won’t make any difference. It’s just—well, I’ve told you how it is: I like you tremendously, but I’m not in love with you.’
‘Nor ever could be? Is that it?’ he asked.
I was silent for a moment, then said gently, ‘I won’t keep you hanging on a string, Paul. I like you too much to do that. There can never, never be anything between us.’
I had spoken more vehemently than I intended and was a little taken aback as he said, ‘So there’s someone else, is that it?’
‘I—I—’ I began confused. ‘No, of course, there’s no one else.’
‘That’s not the truth. And what’s more, I know who it is.
You’ve fallen for Garth, haven’t you?’
‘Oh, what difference does it make whom I’m in love with?’ I protested. ‘And even if it were Garth what future would there be for me in that direction? He doesn’t even know I’m alive. But then what chance could I stand with Armanell around?’
‘You mustn’t run yourself down, Judith,’ he said very seriously.
‘I can’t bear to hear you say it—and besides, I think you’ve made more impact on Garth than you realize. I have noticed how he’s forever bringing you into conversations. It’s as though you were in his thoughts a lot. It’s Judith this and Judith that. It’s made me jealous, I’ll admit, because I know how Garth can get his way when once his heart is set on anything. But I’m not a dog-in-the-manger. If it’s Garth you want I’ll step out of the picture—not that I stand a chance anyway!’
‘Well, his heart isn’t set on me,’ I said a little wearily. ‘And even if it were, there’s no possibility of our ever marrying. I could never be happy with a man who has—well, who has such a character,’ I ended lamely.
‘Yes. he’s rather too overbearing,’ Paul said doubtfully, ‘and I suppose that would put you against him. On the other hand he has a lot of good points. You must be the only girl in the district who wouldn’t throw herself into his arms on sight. And as for the governesses who came here—well, you must be the first who isn’t eating her heart out longing for him to throw her as much as a kind glance. It used to amaze me how obvious they could be.’
‘I’m not eating my heart out for a man who could do what he has done,’ I ended, unable to bring myself to say outright that I couldn’t marry a murderer.
He regarded me thoughtfully for a moment, then said, ‘You sound to me like a girl who has been receiving the brunt of Eunice’s confidences. It’s a pity she’s so antagonistic to Garth: she has done a lot of harm with her gossip and insinuations.’
‘I wish I didn’t have to believe what she says,’ I burst out, ‘but what am I to think? After all, she was watching from her window—and somehow I know she isn’t making it up. She’s utterly genuine: what she says has the ring of truth.’
‘I agree. Eunice is speaking the truth—as far as she knows it,’
he said. ‘It would look to her exactly as she has described it and when she says she saw Garth fling Giles overboard she’s being perfectly sincere. But remember, all that Eunice saw was what could be picked out by her binoculars from an upper window. It so happens I was there at the time and I have a different story to tell.’
I stared at him, wi
lling him to continue, my heart thumping. The suggestion that Eunice might have misinterpreted what she had seen was something I grasped at eagerly.
‘Actually I was standing near the boathouse that afternoon when Giles and Garth set off in the sloop. Garth and I had been talking business at the jetty when Giles came down from the house—or rather staggered down, for he was drunk. He tried to take out the sloop himself, but it was clear that he was in no condition to manage it. Garth tried to dissuade him, but in the end when he saw that Giles was determined to go out—alone if necessary—he agreed to go with him. Giles was in one of his ugly moods—full of accusations that Garth wanted to supplant him at Tregillis—that Garth wished him dead and so on. I won’t go into all that he said, but Giles could be pretty horrible when he got into those black moods where he hated everyone and couldn’t find words insulting enough to say to people. He was the same to me, but one could forgive him because he would be sorry afterwards and apologise.
But while they lasted it was as if he had taken a hatred against all humanity.
‘Anyway, to cut a long story short, nothing would do him but he’d take the sloop out, although the day was treacherous and blustery. Somehow I sensed disaster and instead of setting off about my business, I stood on the jetty for a while watching. I saw Garth trim the sails. Suddenly, while his hands were engaged, Giles sprang to his feet and hurled himself upon Garth. He seemed to be trying to fling him overboard. Garth grappled with him.
Meanwhile, of course, the sails were neglected and the sloop swung around. Anyway, they struggled, and I suppose to Eunice, watching through the binoculars, it looked as if Garth was trying to fling Giles overboard when in fact all he was trying to do was free himself. Anyway, in a moment or two Garth was able to disengage himself. But that was fatal to Giles.
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