by Julie Benson
“If you and I make love again, it will be a very big deal, and it won’t be just a casual fling.” He linked his hands with hers and drew her to her feet. Then he lowered his lips to hers. Her body instantly relaxed and molded to his. Fire raced through him as if he were made of drought-stricken grass. Avery clung to him, her hands running over him, exploring, teasing, fueling his need.
He ran his hands through her hair, marveling at the silken texture. Her lips nibbled at the sensitive spot where his neck joined his shoulder as she ground her pelvis against his hard flesh. Blood pounded in his ears, blotting out every thought but the feel of her in his arms.
Her heated breath fanned his neck. He’d been missing out on so much by shutting himself off emotionally for years. “Avery, I’ve missed you. More than I ever realized.”
“I’m right here. Where I’ve always been.”
His mouth captured hers, all the longing he’d felt for years flowing out of him into her.
A click sounded somewhere around him, but he ignored the sound. A door creaked and giggles echoed in the small room. He and Avery jumped apart. He ran a hand through his disheveled hair, while Avery straightened her blouse. A few minutes longer and who knows what Jess would’ve walked in on.
“I knew you two liked each other, but, jeez, you’re setting a bad example.”
Jess had returned to release them. There was no denying the truth now.
* * *
THE NEXT MORNING AS AVERY examined the shelter’s newest feline arrival she realized she and Reed had never actually decided how to proceed with their relationship. They’d talked about dating, but then they got distracted. She smiled at the memory of Reed’s kisses.
After Jess discovered them in the closet, they’d spent the remainder of the night talking, dancing and being proper chaperones. When the dance ended he walked her to her car and kissed her good-night.
But where did they go from here?
“Emma said I’d find you here.” Reed’s strong voice sent excitement coursing through her system.
She looked up to find him leaning against the doorjamb of the exam room, none of the uncertainty or awkwardness that she felt over what happened last night evident on his classic features.
“Want to go out for dinner and a movie tonight?”
“Sure.” She scratched the tabby behind his ears in effort to keep her hands from fidgeting. She hadn’t been this nervous the first time he asked her out when they were both sixteen.
He smiled, and butterflies set up residence in her stomach, their wings beating at a frantic pace. “I’ll pick you up at seven.”
Then he said he knew she was busy and was gone before she could protest, leaving her just as unsure about where things stood between them. Guess she’d find out tonight.
She finished the cat’s exam and turned him over to Carly—a part-time vet tech and a prime example of why never to judge a book by its cover. The tech might look tough with all her arm tattoos, piercings and short spiky ebony hair, but there wasn’t a softer heart around.
She returned to her office to check her emails. One week. That’s all they had left until the Pet Walk. They’d registered a record number of people for the event. At fifteen dollars each, they’d already exceeded last year’s total in that regard. Many of the attendees had said they’d stepped up their pledging efforts, which would help, too. Smaller sponsors had kicked in twice as much money as last year, while Devlin Designs and Griffin’s network had each donated five thousand dollars. Those amounts still floored her. In previous years, the shelter’s largest sponsors gave, at most, two thousand dollars. Any other year she’d be thrilled with what they’d achieved, but would all her work be enough to reach their goal?
The first thing she noticed when she reached her office was the big black leather desk chair with a giant bow wrapped around it.
Even before she opened the card placed on the seat, she knew it had come from Reed. She lifted the envelope and sank onto the chair. Air whooshed out from under her. She leaned back and sighed. Now, this was a chair.
Inside the envelope she discovered a sheet of folded computer paper. Reed’s bold handwriting was scrawled across the page. “Consider this an early Christmas gift. I didn’t want you to have to wait for Santa. Enjoy. Reed.”
That was so like the man she’d fallen in love with years ago. She’d wondered if the sensitive Reed was still there, buried deep within the workaholic. Now she knew.
But what should she do about her feelings? The things that drove them apart, his living in California, her life being in Colorado and their different expectations about children, still existed.
But things were different, too. Reed would be here for a year until Colt returned from Afghanistan. They had time to figure things out. Maybe his views on children would change after spending time with Jess. He probably didn’t realize it, but his relationship with Jess had changed a lot already.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If she didn’t explore a relationship with Reed now, she’d always wonder what might have been. Better knowing than forever wondering.
She wanted to see Reed to tell him how much she wanted to be with him.
History had repeated itself. She was in love with Reed. Again.
Chapter Eleven
Ten minutes later, Avery parked her truck by the Rocking M’s barn, walked to Reed’s front door and knocked. What could she say? Hey, thanks for the desk chair. I don’t think you’re a complete ass anymore. In fact, I think I might be in love with you?
Maybe not.
When he didn’t answer, she walked to the barn. Once inside, she inhaled deeply, trying to control her racing thoughts. The familiar earthy smells washed over her. A horse nickered, and then she heard Reed’s low voice.
“Hey, pretty lady. Let me take a look at that leg.” The horse whinnied. “I’ll be gentle.”
His voice rippled through her, leaving her warmer than a man had in—well, she couldn’t remember how long.
“That a girl. I need to figure out why you’re favoring this leg.” Mesmerized, she followed the sound of his voice.
Avery’s heart fluttered. This was the Reed she used to know. The gentle cowboy who spent hours in the saddle with her exploring the world around them, who teased her and whom she loved to distraction.
She entered the stall and found him kneeling beside a chestnut mare, his large hands cradling the animal’s hoof.
“Do you want me to take a look at her, since I’m here?”
“It’s just a stone. I can handle it.” He released the animal, reached into his back pocket and pulled out a pocketknife. “What are you doing here? You aren’t going to cancel our date for tonight, are you?”
“I wanted to thank you in person for the chair.”
“I thought I’d help Santa out this year.” His boyish grin made her insides as gooey as caramel inside chocolate.
“It was very sweet of you. I’m sure it’ll greatly increase my productivity.”
“I’m glad you like it.”
She thought about the website. Jess hadn’t done the work by herself—Avery would bet on it. “You helped Jess with the website, didn’t you?”
“Did she tell you? She promised me she wouldn’t.”
No matter what Jess said about designing a website being easy, doing one took time. Time that Reed had taken away from his own business to help hers. “She didn’t say anything. I guessed. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You were pretty mad at me—not that I blame you.” He worked to dislodge the stone. “I was an ass at the shelter, and you had every right to throw me out. I went on the shelter’s website to make a donation, and then I realized you’d say I was taking the easy way out. I wanted to do something that would help you and the shelter, but Jess did all the hard work. I was just the id
ea man.”
“I’ve known the website needed work, and the board’s been on my case about it, but I didn’t have the money or the time to deal with it.” Avery stopped. This conversation wasn’t going at all as she’d imagined, but then she wasn’t sure what she’d expected.
You expected by now you’d be in his arms.
She’d made the move at the dance, and she wasn’t about to do the same thing here. She possessed some pride. “I see the ranch work is coming back to you, city slicker.”
“It’s been like riding a horse, except for the sore muscles part.”
“That’s what you get for letting yourself go.”
How had she gotten those words out, even as a joke?
He straightened, a mischievous glint in his eye. Then he leaned back on his heels. “Take a good long look, sweetheart. Then tell me you think I’m out of shape.”
Her heart rate spiked. His jeans and tight T-shirt revealed a physique most men would sell their soul for. She could keep the shelter running for a year if she sold posters with a picture of him in this pose with the fire raging in his eyes like it was now. She’d seen that smoldering gaze countless of times before, but this was different. Reed was different. Stronger. Even more sure of himself and, she guessed, more sure of what he could make her feel.
As he advanced, the small confines of the horse stall became more intimate. The air crackled from the passion firing between them. His gaze raked over her. “Want me to prove what kind of shape I’m in and how much stamina I’ve got?”
“Yes, please.”
Reed smiled, and her heart did cartwheels. “I’ll do my best.”
“I said that out loud? I didn’t mean to.”
“I’m so glad you did, darling.”
As he closed the distance between them, she realized how much she wanted this. How much she needed him, and not just physically. He’d changed, but deep inside, he was the same man she’d loved since kindergarten. Strong. Decisive. Sensual. He was part of so many of the memories she held dear: birthdays, prom, graduation, being accepted to college.
Their lives were intertwined.
As his lips covered hers, she melted against him. Desperate to touch him, she pulled his shirt from his jeans and slid her hand under the material, finding warm, firm skin. Strong muscles flexed under her palms, and his groan rippled through her. It wasn’t enough. She tugged at his shirt, but her hands tangled in the garment. He gently swept her hands aside and finished the task.
She stepped back to admire him. His broad chest rose and fell with his rapid breathing. “I take it back. Every last word I said about you being out of shape.”
Then she was in his arms again, and his lips found hers. She deepened their kiss, growing bolder. Her hands moved over him, exploring and teasing as she reacquainted herself with his body. She refused to worry about the future. Nothing mattered right now but Reed and being with him.
* * *
AVERY FILLED HIS SENSES as her hands roamed over his heated body. Over in her stall, the horse nickered. What was he thinking? “We’re too old to make love in the barn.”
“I can’t wait.”
He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. All the passion he felt, all the emotions he kept so tightly reined in poured out of him. He hadn’t realized it, but he’d been dreaming of this moment for years. “I’ve made so many mistakes with you. I want to do this right.”
“Trust me. You are.”
She caressed him through his jeans. He moaned, and for a moment he gave in to the pleasure of her touch. Pleasure built, threatening to consume him. His control fading, he scooped her into his arms and headed for the barn door.
As he walked outside, she alternated between kissing his neck and nibbling on it. Her hands caressed his chest, finding his sensitive nipples, sending his motor revving into a new gear. “Keep that up and I might drop you.”
“I’m capable of walking.”
He set her on her feet, and pulled her against him. He ground his erection against her pelvis as his hands covered her breasts, kneading the tender flesh. Her steamy breath fanned his heated skin. When she moaned, he almost exploded. He lifted her again, and this time practically ran to the house.
Once in his room, he placed Avery on the bed. Despite vowing to go slowly, to savor every minute with her, he couldn’t. They frantically worked to undress each other. Urgency and need churned inside him, growing with her every touch as they tumbled back onto the bed.
Her hands and mouth everywhere on his body tested his control, making him feel like an untried youth. As he caressed her heated flesh, she writhed beneath him, and her nails dug into his shoulder.
“Now. Please,” she urged.
He rolled away from her and searched in the nightstand for a small foil packet. Seconds later, he pulled her under him. As he eased into her, he bit his lip to keep from crying out. How could he ever have left her?
They moved together. Tension escalated inside him, building and straining. His hand slipped between them and he stroked her. Her gaze locked with his. The naked emotion in her eyes stunned him. He’d never connected with anyone the way he had with Avery. She always could see into his soul.
He drove deeper and her body tightened around him as she climaxed, sending him to his own fulfillment.
Afterward, as he cradled Avery in his arms, Reed found a sense of peace he hadn’t known he craved. What he’d found with her—the completeness, the fulfillment—left him stunned and more than a bit shaken. He remembered how much he loved her. How she’d kept him grounded and made him feel that he could do anything.
She awakened a part of him he’d thought no longer existed. The part that longed to be connected to someone. The part that knew life would be better if he came home every night to someone who loved and understood him. If he came home to Avery.
What had he done?
“Why’d you break up with me in an email? Why wouldn’t you return my calls?”
He closed his eyes as her soft questions evaporated his joy. Memories crowded in on him.
“Mom said you’ve been running for years. Was I one of the things you were running from?”
He stiffened beside her, reluctant to spoil the perfection they’d shared, but she had the right to know. She deserved the truth. He owed her that. He should’ve told her before they made love, because knowing who he really was and the stock he came from could have changed her opinion of him.
“I told you things were bad at home, and I hated being there, but I never told you how bad things were. My dad used to beat my mother, and when she died, he started in on me and Colt.” The story poured out of him. The helplessness he’d felt at first over his father’s constant criticism and unrealistic demands, and how he’d resented his mother for staying. Instead of taking her sons and leaving the first time her husband beat her, she rationalized his behavior. If she were a better wife he wouldn’t hit her. If the boys would do what their father said, everything would be fine.
The words his father hurled at him one night hammered away at him. What makes you think you’ve got what it takes to make it anywhere but here? You think you’re smart, but all that book-learning can’t change who you are. You think you’re better than me? You aren’t. Mark my words, you’ll be back here someday with your tail tucked between your legs.
“That night I nearly beat my father to death made me take a hard look at my life. Your dad said he saw glimpses of my father in me. Like I didn’t realize that every time I looked in the mirror. But he was right. My anger was getting out of control.”
Her hands cupped his face, forcing him to meet her unwavering gaze. “I never once worried you’d hurt me.”
“I did. I was worried enough that I took anger-management classes while I was at Stanford, and things got better. But when I’m here, I’m scared
I’ll get pulled back under. Your mom was right. I have been running. From my past. From my fear. From you.
“When I got to Stanford I could start over. No one knew me. I left my past behind. I couldn’t come back. Then I thought about you, and how I couldn’t see you living in California. I couldn’t ask you to leave your family. And you wanted kids. You’ll be a wonderful mother someday. I see it every time you’re with Jess. You always know how to handle things, how to make her feel better.”
“You’re doing better with her than you think.”
He twined his fingers with hers, needing her strength, her comfort. “I’ve screwed up so many times with her it scares me.”
“But you admit your mistakes and you work to fix them. That’s what a good parent does.”
“I couldn’t deal with the stress.” Avery, forever the optimist who saw the good in everyone, no matter how hard she had to look. “I wrote you an email and didn’t return your calls because I couldn’t bear anything more personal. I couldn’t tell you how worried I was about dragging you down with me.”
Her hand, the one not clutching his, rested on his chest above his heart. He wondered if she noticed how fast it was beating. “You should have told me. I’d have understood. I would’ve helped you.”
Of course she would have. That was part of the problem, back then and now. She always knew what to do. She always cared. She was always too good for him.
Knowing he wasn’t good enough for her, that he never would be, he gathered her into his arms. While the first time they made love had been unbelievable, they’d both been almost frantic. Now he wanted to take his time. He wanted to forget about everything else and lose himself in Avery.
* * *
THE DAY OF THE PET WALK, Avery arrived at Stanley Park at the unholy hour of six-thirty to begin setting up. Sun glistened off the mountains surrounding the park. She still couldn’t believe how wonderful the past week had been. After she and Reed had made love that afternoon, she’d returned to the office and worked on details for the Pet Walk. Then she met Reed for dinner and a movie. Their first date. No doubt about it, she was madly in love with him. Since then, they had spent every spare hour in each other’s company. And now she finally understood what had driven him away.