by Penny Grubb
Though she made good time, Glasgow was well awake and bustling. The traffic demanded her concentration as she drove through and out towards the ferry docks. Cars bounced up the ramp as sea-birds screeched overhead then swooped into squabbling bundles on the water’s surface. She nudged her car on to the deck and climbed out to spend the few minutes of the crossing up on the foot passengers’ walkway, where she leant on the rail. The sea air rushed over her as the ferry pushed its way across the Clyde. The light changed, the clarity of early morning giving way to the haze and heat of the day. For a minute, she surrendered to the sensations of coming home, the smell of the sea, the empty mountains rising up ahead.
Her aunt’s voice on the phone had pulsed with excitement. A massive drugs consignment, Annie. So exciting … lost in the hills … your father’s had a terrible time.
She could dilute out her aunt’s exaggeration, but her father had confirmed a Customs sting gone wrong. Drugs had come this way. Not the huge pantechnicon that her aunt imagined, Drugs Consignment Ltd blazoned on the side of the lorry, but something big. She wondered if it had crossed here, on this ferry. And where had it headed, how had it been lost? A customized vehicle maybe, or customized people. As she squeezed back into her car, she looked at her fellow passengers, but surely there were no drugs mules amongst this lot.
Last lap now. Tell him and get it over with, face the consequences. No other option. He’d give her a rough ride, but he would come through for her. Facing him would be part of the penance.
If she still had the BMW Aunt Marian had bought her, she’d almost be home. But the old Nissan coughed as she jigged it down the ramp, and she daren’t take the direct route over the mountain passes.
As soon as she could, she’d swap this overheated vehicle for tracksuit and trainers, and get into the hills. Nothing cleared the mind better than forcing muscles to their limits. She’d taken to pounding up the Victorian stairways of the older stations once she’d moved to London. They were every bit as good at getting thighs and calves to screaming pitch and lungs to white heat, but lacked the challenge of the hills, hidden ravines waiting to trap the unwary who strayed from the tracks.
As Annie parked outside her father’s house and shut off the engine, a movement caught her attention. A small figure carrying a covered basket scuttled down the path that led from the mountain track. A memory superimposed itself, then fragmented. Annie stopped. Her mother’s face shimmered just out of reach at the edge of her mind.
The girl’s head shot up, maybe sensing Annie’s stare. Their eyes met. It was the girl from the Doll Makers delivering dolls to the shop. The girl ducked her head and scurried on.
Annie turned away. This drugs thing had better be nothing. She didn’t want to find her father weighed down under his own problems, she’d brought enough new ones with her. Bag over her shoulder, she marched up the path.
The door swung open and her smile froze. It was the housekeeper, not her father, framed in the doorway. For a moment they stared their mutual dislike and then footsteps hurried up from the darkness of the hallway. ‘Annie, you’re early,’ her father said. ‘How are you?’
She sensed more than saw the tiny twitch of a knowing smirk. Mrs Latimer might be the stupidest woman alive, but animal instinct told her Annie was in trouble.
I’ve bad news, Dad …
She swallowed the words. ‘Fine.’ She greeted her father with their customary arm’s-length hug and brief touching of cheeks.
Dad … The moment slipped away.
‘I’ve to do a couple of hours this morning,’ he said, with an apologetic nod to the jacket of his uniform as he tucked his warrant card into the pocket. ‘I wasn’t expecting you so early. You have a rest after your journey. We’ll go down to the pub at lunchtime.’
‘Aye, you’ve set off in the middle of the night to be here by now.’ This from Mrs Latimer. ‘There’s nothing wrong, is there?’
‘No, everything’s fine.’ Annie gestured towards the bag where her running shoes hung by their laces. ‘I’ll go out for a run. Get the journey off me.’ We’ll go down to the pub at lunchtime. Just like old times.
She turned and looked Mrs Latimer in the eye, catching a shaft of disappointment. Mrs Latimer thought she’d scented a false trail. Annie didn’t allow herself to feel smug.
The afternoon found Annie lazing outside the pub, a pint of heavy in her hand, legs stretched out. The vast expanse of the loch spread in front of her, the sun glinting off small waves, the incoming tide hustling pebbles along the shore. Children raced about, their laughter and shrieks overlying the rhythmic slap-slap-slap of water against the wooden landing.
She breathed deeply, trying to relax, wanting to eavesdrop on other people’s conversations if she couldn’t be alone. The voices wouldn’t come together. They were a blurred backdrop to the rhythmic slapping of the water, the low growl of the pebbles. The loch stretched out in front of her, dark, cold; untouched by the heat of the day.
A shout from the crowd of children down by the jetty pierced her protective shell. ‘Dad! See what I’ve got!’
Dad … It’s bad news …
She cut her eyes towards the group, half-focused on the young boy, pulling at something he’d snagged below the quay. Freddie Pearson. She had a memory of him outside the shop playing a pseudo-gruesome tug-of-war with another child where a straw doll jerked back and forth between them and eventually ripped apart.
Then she saw her father, his stocky form framed in the doorway of the pub, blinking as he stepped from the gloom of the bar to the bright sunshine. She watched as he wandered over. This was the perfect opportunity. Dad, I’ve bad news …
‘DAD!’ Freddie Pearson’s voice ripped through the summer breeze at a volume that couldn’t be ignored. Annie saw Freddie’s father glance over his shoulder, rolling his eyes in good-natured exasperation to his mates round the table. ‘Good lad, Fred,’ he shouted. ‘Reel it in like I’ve showed you.’
Annie lifted her feet off the ground, flexing muscles that weren’t used to these hills.
‘Looks like the rain’ll hold off.’
Her father pulled out a chair to sit beside her. He smiled.
‘Dad …’ She paused to swallow, her mouth suddenly dry.
As she met his gaze and started to speak, they were both jarred by a bellow from down by the water.
‘DA…AD!’ Freddie was seriously frustrated now, his yell so sharp that everyone turned. He’d reeled in his catch, struggled to lift the rod high enough for his father to see what swung on the end of the line. High enough for everyone to see.
Annie’s mind gave a horrified lurch – a flashback to two boys laughing over a torn doll, its smile incongruous as straw spilt from its severed limb. She saw the pint-pot slip from her grasp in slow-motion, tipping as it fell, brown liquid and foam spraying in the splintering of glass. As it shattered at her feet, her eyes focused again on the children by the landing.
That was no doll on the end of Freddie’s line.
Chapter 2
There was a moment of absolute quiet, then pandemonium erupted. The smashing of glass, the scraping of chairs as people scrambled to rise, shrieks losing all sense of play … and underlying the mayhem, the steady slap-slap-slap of waves on the jetty. The loch was no longer backdrop to a benign summer’s day.
Annie couldn’t drag her eyes from the water’s surface, knowing that under the silver glint of the waves were fathoms of cold, heavy darkness. And somewhere out there was the rest of it … the rest of Freddie’s catch.
People shouted. Someone ran screaming towards her father. She jumped up and tried to shake her mind back on track. Where were the lightning reflexes she took such pride in? She looked at the crowd round the quay, then out again over the water. The rest of it wouldn’t be out there, it would be caught under the wooden structure the children had been fishing from.
She took a deep breath, remembering that she could cope with nasty situations, and turned towards her father. Briefly she
met his eye, saw realization dawn. She had to help him deal with this. Matching his step, she strode with him towards the landing, bracing herself for the worst. Whatever … whoever … was down there was in an advanced stage of decay for Freddie to have reeled in just part of a leg.
The frenetic panic pushed Annie aside with the rest of the crowd, as hurried calls brought in officialdom to take over the scene and lay down order in flapping tapes and specialist teams. She stayed on the periphery, and watched her father pace up and down. He spoke into his phone and joined grim-faced confabs with colleagues, or just marched back and forth as though measuring the ground, a dark crease of worry above his eyes.
She listened to the excited horror in hushed comments from the people around her. Freddie Pearson, sitting on a low wall, his father at one side, a young policewoman leaning solicitously over him, was the only one whose expression showed undisguised delight at the sudden drama. Something on her father’s face stopped Annie from joining in the eager speculation, as though she was the one in the crowd with a missing relative.
But Dad, I have to talk to you … And how could she burden him with her own problems now? She remembered Aunt Marian’s excited speculation about the drugs heist. How much was her aunt’s exaggeration? How big the nugget of truth? And even if it was nothing, now he had this. She glanced again towards the pier, then turned away. No one needed her here. She headed for home.
By evening, the house was dark and quiet but for the padding footsteps of her old enemy. The clock on the mantelpiece gave a tinny chime announcing seven o’clock as Mrs Latimer entered the room and started straightening cushions. Funny how priorities change, Annie thought. She could manoeuvre Mrs Latimer out of her father’s life now if she put her mind to it. It had once been her greatest ambition, but the need was gone. Mrs Latimer was a stupid woman who would never be more than a housekeeper to him.
‘Oh why don’t–?’ She stopped and took a deep breath. Then she turned and began again, keeping her voice neutral, not letting the irritation show. ‘Why don’t you get off now? I’ll see to things.’
Mrs Latimer pursed her lips. Annie watched the inner struggle. Would she stay just because she knew Annie didn’t want her, or would the wish to get back to her own house triumph? Annie let out a sigh as home comforts won the day and Mrs Latimer went to get her coat.
‘Make sure that you tell your father …’ A peremptory stream of orders followed, designed to show who was really in charge. Annie switched off, gazed into the middle distance and didn’t move until the door slammed and she was alone.
She moved aimlessly round the house until the ring of the phone interrupted her thoughts. Her hand was outstretched for the handset before she registered the muted sound. It was ringing in her father’s office, not in the hall. That meant Mrs Latimer had forgotten to switch it through before she left.
Annie hurried to the kitchen and flicked through the rack of keys on the wall. She was at the office door when she heard the answer-phone cut in. It took a few seconds to get the door open and for her to cross the room. She stopped within an inch of her target. Mrs Latimer’s voice came through the machine.
‘Just a reminder, Annie. Don’t forget …’
Annie tensed in a wave of irritation. Mrs Latimer was reminding her to go into her father’s office to switch the phone back so it rang in the hall. The woman had forgotten but wouldn’t admit it. Why couldn’t she simply say, ‘I forgot. Please would you …?’ The office was Mrs Latimer’s domain, always had been. I’ll do that … I’ll get it … You know your father hates anyone in the office when he’s not there …
And now the woman was giving detailed instructions on where to find the key. She’d raised her voice, obviously picturing Annie helpless the other side of the door with her ear pressed to the wood. This was too much. She reached out, plucked the receiver from its rest and put it straight down again with a huff of satisfaction at shutting the woman up.
This room had always been her father’s sanctum, children not allowed. It was still a forbidden room, but he trusted her enough these days not to hide the key. The desk was tidy and locked. There’d been no photos on its surface for nearly twenty years. Dark wood and leather gleamed at her, just as it had all that time ago. And the same tang of furniture polish hung in the air daring any speck of dust to settle. The silvery sheen of a filing cabinet was new, but otherwise the room was as it had always been. She thought back to childhood days when she’d tried every trick to find a way in. Then, when she was eight years old, they’d laid her mother out here and the room lost even the appeal of the forbidden. It was somewhere she didn’t want to be.
She was aware of a movement and saw that one of the cats had slipped in. She followed it across to the window and looked out over the garden. Musing on the past opened a vista on territory that was safe from current problems and severed limbs, but still uncomfortable.
It was almost twenty years since she’d stood in this room by the coffin. Memory conjured up the warmth of Inspector McMahon’s hand as it engulfed hers. Be a brave lass, Annie. She tried to catch the memory that would translate the scene to the funeral at the church. Had it been at the church? Why didn’t she know?
McMahon was long gone. She’d heard he worked himself into the grave over those twelve months up to his retirement, but had to give up with the killer on the loose. As memory showed her Inspector McMahon’s face, she recalled the look she’d seen in her father’s eye, down by the quay. It had been gone almost at once, overtaken by the practicalities. He’d become the efficient copper in charge of the situation. A terrible rush of déjà vu gripped her. It hadn’t been a pleasant sight for any of them, but her father had seen more in it than an anonymous severed limb swinging from Freddie’s line.
She wanted him home quickly, early, to show it wasn’t anything serious. It was hardly going to be trivial, the loss of a leg, but she wanted to hear there was a rational explanation, that it was nothing sinister, that whatever he’d thought, he was wrong, that maybe she’d be able to talk to him after all.
It was a big house. Too big for him on his own. But it had been too big for years. Her mother’s murder meant no more children in it. In fact, it meant the one child they had would be shipped out. Memories of her mother’s death reached out and touched her from all sides. The fights with Mrs Latimer. Her father, a fleeting presence, a white-faced fury who appeared only to shout.
‘Behave yourself, Annie!’
‘Annie! Be quiet!’
I had to shout, Dad. It was the only way to get you out from behind that door. Why didn’t you see? I needed you so much.
Where were these ghosts coming from? She’d laid them to rest years ago. She and her father had had all this out. Here in this room, seven years after her mother died, when she was fifteen years old.
‘Why did you throw me out?’
‘It wasn’t like that, Annie. I didn’t want you to go.’
How strange that she should feel the pain in his voice across the years when she hadn’t heard it then.
‘You wanted me out of the way so you could shag the Latimer bitch.’
Slap.
Christ! Had she really said that to him? Is that what she’d believed?
I’m sorry, Dad. I was only fifteen. Fifteen and packed with rage.
Involuntarily, her hand went to the side of her head, as she relived the sting of the blow that had almost knocked her off her feet. And she saw the shock in his eyes, horrified at what he’d done. Her own pain had been so sharp, so urgent, she hadn’t seen his. Maybe he really had tried to do his best for her. But he’d shipped her out to live with her mother’s elder sister. It had been an open wound of resentment that left Mrs Latimer victorious in Annie’s real home. From the age of nine, she lived with Aunt Marian and home was just a place to visit. Had years of denying the memories obliterated them? Had she had one real conversation with her father since she was fifteen years old, and why couldn’t she remember her mother’s funeral?
/> The sun set over the loch, crimson tendrils snaking out across the water. Framed by the office window, it was a picture-postcard end to the day. An incongruous backdrop to a body in the loch and to a crumbling dream that pulled the ground from under her.
The cat twisted round on the windowsill, eyes bright, ready to explore the forbidden room. She scooped it up and tucked it under her arm.
She’d die – really die – before she saw her aunt caged in a home. If she was on her own in this, she’d keep quiet, let the flat go and hole up in the rented lock-up. She’d climb back out of this pit, like she’d climbed out of others. Oh yeah, she’d be fine. But Aunt Marian …? I have to tell him. I can’t just let it land.
Watching out over the garden, a cat draped across her arm, Annie mulled over being wrong about a body caught up in the wooden struts of the jetty. The team her father brought in searched under and around and found no sign of it. And thinking back to the way he’d looked, the way he’d acted, she wasn’t sure he’d expected them to.
It was a classically beautiful view, down the glen, out over the loch and to the mountains beyond, but Annie felt none of the peace it usually gave her. The sense of something rotten she’d brought with her pervaded the whole landscape. The smooth water was no more than a silk sheet covering a decomposing corpse.
Back in the kitchen she made sandwiches and cocoa. There was one image she could be sure of at least. Her mother had made cocoa to soothe her at the end of a long day.
The chocolatey smell of the dark powder mixed into her earlier musings and brought a memory into focus. It hadn’t been her father’s boss, McMahon, who’d told her to be a brave lass. It was here in the kitchen that a warm hand had engulfed hers. It must have been Aunt Marian who’d tried to console her. She smiled and then shuddered as she relived the way she’d gulped out the involuntary sobs that were all that were left of full-blown hysterics.