“Are you saying you think the bar is a bad influence on us? We’ve been there a while. You never had a problem with it before. Why now?”
“I don’t know if it’s the bar, but I do feel as if something is happening.” She wished she could blame it on the bar, Nathaniel and maybe Samantha, too, but she couldn’t discount the Speaker. “Phillip, how well do you know Nathaniel?”
“Well, he only just came to the bar mid semester, but he’s a trustworthy guy. You think Nathaniel’s a bad influence? I’m having trouble following you.”
“Do you know you say that almost every time Nathaniel is mentioned? That he’s a trustworthy guy? Why do you do that?” She looked over at Phillip and opened herself as much as she could.
Phillip shrugged his shoulders. “I just trust him. I can trust him.”
“What about Samantha? Can you trust her, too?” Elena Sensed his emotion was real. He trusted Nathaniel. She was a little afraid at what she would sense regarding Samantha.
Again Phillip shrugged his shoulders. “She’s fine, I guess. She’s never lied to me or given me a reason to distrust her. She thinks I can make it big. She thinks she’s the one that can make that happen. You know I doan really care about that. Sometimes I feel like she might see a meal ticket when she looks at me. I doan know if she can deliver on her promises. Her head is in the cloud sometimes.”
Elena was relieved that she did not Sense any attraction when he thought of Samantha. She wanted to ask about what he meant, but Phillip spoke. “What do you mean that Jacob and I felt the same?” She looked over at him ready to choose her words carefully. Very quietly and gently he said, “What do you really mean, cher?”
She looked straight ahead at the road. He was feeling a mix of hope, nervousness, and a tiny bit of disappointment. Like he was already hearing a non-answer from her. Elena wanted to protect him. She didn’t want to lose him. She also didn’t want her ‘protecting’ him to drive him away. She could Sense the disappointment growing as time stretched out. Her voice was small when she finally answered him, and her heart felt like it was trying to escape her chest. She couldn’t seem to keep her hands still. God, please don’t let her be making a mistake. “I can feel your emotions, sometimes.” That was all she could get out.
“You look scared to death, cher. Doan be afraid to tell me. Anything. I can see music. Feel it, too. I thought everyone could. As a kid, I was surprised when I learned that people didn’t. Some people are great athletes. Some are geniuses on the computer. So you can read people more than others. Believe it or not, Elena, I already knew that about you.” His tone had turned wry, but his happiness surrounded her filling up the car. “Is that why you have trouble in crowds? Too many emotions to deal with?”
Elena nodded her head, as conflicting emotions ran through her. So relieved at how well he was taking it. So worried that she had gone too far for her and not far enough for him. As she feared, Phillip’s questions weren’t finished. “Does your necklace have something to do with this?” The words were a question, but Phillip said them more like a statement.
Elena felt a chill run through her body. Swallowing hard, she nodded again but could not make words come out of her mouth. Phillip waited for her while he rubbed an encouraging hand along her thigh. Elena soaked in his emotions, letting them give her courage. “Phillip, please don’t be upset with me. I can’t give you all the answers to the questions that I am sure you have. I need the necklace. Can we leave it at that?” Her heart, still trying to make its escape, thudded hard in her chest. Phillip was still mostly feeling happy and hopeful, with an intoxicating amount of love thrown in. He was also nodding and smiling at her as he took her hand. She didn’t even let the ‘for now’ that he threw in dampen her spirits or diminish her relief.
They continued driving and catching up on the day to day of their lives. She learned that the cousins had been pushing to add their own songs to the play list, but that the bar wanted only cover bands right now. Phillip also wasn’t too impressed with their originals. She learned a little more about Samantha. The way Phillip described her, she could hardly stay in one place for any length of time. She seemed to leave the bar only to come back multiple times a night. She told Phillip about picnics she had taken with her parents when she was young. He was surprised by how much time outdoors she had spent as a child, teasing her a bit about how hard it must have been for her parents to pry her out of the library. Elena flipped through radio stations, and Phillip sang along to the songs that played.
The ride flew by, and they almost missed the turn off. The two parked the car, gathered their supplies, and started to hike on the trail. Elena allowed herself to relax and completely open up. She used her Sense to move away from other campers, and they left the trail behind. Phillip was grumbling about the cooler he was struggling with when they came upon a very small stream. The water was surprisingly clear and the gurgling sound was so very peaceful. Elena announced they were stopping here, and Phillip sank down groaning in relief.
Smiling to herself, she laid out the blanket, promising to rub his poor shoulders. Phillip plopped down on the blanket. “I’m goan to take you up on that. Elena, you look more rested now than when we started. Maybe you should carry the cooler out. Maybe you should carry me.” Elena nudged him onto his stomach and began to rub his shoulders and back. She was stronger out here. She didn’t have to divide her concentration or spend any energy focusing inwardly. Her mind could just be open. She felt safe here with Phillip. She used her Sense to guide her hands finding where he liked her to massage.
“Thank you for carrying the cooler. I’ll rub your back when we get home too, if you need it. I don’t want to carry it. Or you. Relax for me.” Phillip was growing sleepy. She must really have kept him up last night. As he drifted off to sleep, Elena thought about her nightmare. More like a memory that had been twisted into a nightmare with new faces replacing the old ones that had been lost to her.
This was the second time she had tried to make a life outside of the Twist. The first time had been an abysmal failure. She had picked a colder climate. Very different from home, feeling the differences would serve as reminders to her. Looking back, she realized that it had also filled her with such a sense of adventure. The kind the young and the foolish have. She had only been Sensitive. Not nearly as strong as she was now, but also with even less control. She had picked a small community college with a good reputation for their Wildlife and Fisheries program. As a child, her parents had used the open spaces of sparsely populated areas to help her learn control of her Talent. She had grown to truly love the outdoors. When it became apparent that she would need to leave her home, even as ridiculously young as she was, she had thought to build not only on that love of the outdoors, but to also take advantage of a career that would allow her some isolation from people. She picked a career that would make it easier on herself.
It had started out okay. She was living in a small apartment complex of mostly college students. She had even made a few good friends. Her only truly close friend, though, was a girl named Sarah. Sarah was a shy girl and didn’t really like crowds. That was probably part of the reason that she and Elena became friends. It was definitely how they started hanging out. At the beginning of the semester, it was easier than she thought it would be. Starting school in the fall was a concern for her. She was using an anklet at the time. Having a birth date in the Spring meant she was moving to the area when her Object of Power was starting to fade. She remembered being so proud of herself. Everything had started out so well. She did struggle some in class in the early weeks, simply because there were so many people’s emotions to filter out. She adapted quickly and surprised herself with how strong she became at focusing inward. One of the biggest problems that those like Elena face is a difficulty differentiating between other’s emotions and her own. She was routinely patting herself on her back thinking she had conquered that particular obstacle.
The problems built so slowly that she hadn’t realized
what was happening. As she settled into routines and got to know the people around her better it actually amplified her natural ability. Instead of becoming easier to filter their emotions from her own, it became more difficult. She knew them better, was around the same people more and more, both in class and out. Their differing emotions became commonplace, almost a habit to her. In hind-sight, she realized that she had most likely been adapting to the people around her, and not truly strengthening her focusing abilities. Perhaps it was a little of both. Whatever the reason, she became less and less able to differentiate other’s emotions.
There finally came a night when she realized it. She had been at Sarah’s apartment just watching a movie on tv. There was a party going on next door, as usual on a weekend night. This night, however, Sarah’s neighbor was determined that Elena and Sarah join them. She was attracted to Sarah. Elena had known that and also knew that although it made Sarah slightly uncomfortable, it also made her feel flattered. That night, the two quiet girls allowed themselves to be talked into going to the party. Elena remembered with some shame how she had been so certain that this would be so good for Sarah.
One of the guys in a couple of her classes was also there. He was very good looking, and he knew it. That night, he set his sights on Elena. Elena always felt a confidence in herself when he was around. His cockiness and arrogance didn’t spread to her. Those feelings were too foreign to her. She recognized them as outside herself. But his confidence, well, that she soaked up without even realizing it.
He was definitely hitting on Elena, certain of his success or progress, perhaps, because Elena can remember feeling as if she could accomplish anything. Elena, however, began to focus on Sarah and her neighbor. Her name was Michelle and she had Sarah over in a corner, mostly talking with her, occasionally touching her arm. Sarah, normally so nervous in a crowd, was laughing and really seeming to enjoy herself. In fact, the whole vibe of the party had changed. The music was turned off, everyone had stopped drinking, both very unusual for this crowd, and everyone was set to conquer the world. Elena stopped talking for a second and just let herself Sense the room. Every person’s emotion was the same. Exactly the same. It was that moment that she realized she was Projecting. She had taken in the guy’s confidence, she thought she remembered his name was Alan or Adam or something, and spread it out through the entire crowd. Elena hadn’t even known she had the capacity to Project to that extent. Her power had always flowed inward, so she had never exerted much effort learning to control Projection, the outward flow. There had never been a need until that moment, and she was completely unprepared. She abruptly left the party and basically locked herself in her apartment.
Over the next few days, she went to class and paid close attention, not to the lecture, but to the emotions of the crowd. She began to suspect that she had been Projecting in all her classes. It was easier to manage just one emotion, instead of several possibly conflicting ones. Elena had not, in fact, been improving in focusing inward. She was just taking the most common or strong emotion and spreading it to the entire group. Once the group had it, the emotion kind of bounced back and forth, taking on its own momentum, requiring very little to almost nothing from Elena to sustain it. Her suspicions were confirmed when she overheard one of her professors talking. He was noting how this one particular class always seemed to be in sync. The whole class was either completely focused or completely not focused. They either were all actively asking questions to the point of interrupting him or all studiously taking notes without speaking. Some days not a single student seemed able to focus on anything class related. He noted he never knew what he was going to get, but he could always count on the whole class providing whatever ‘it’ would be that day. He called it his Hive class.
That in and of itself wasn’t too damaging, Elena had thought, unless people really started to notice that something different was happening. The bigger problem, in Elena’s eyes, was how it affected those she personally knew. After the party, Sarah had become almost hermit like. It took days and days for Elena to piece together what had happened after she left the party. Even then, she picked up a large portion of the story from others, like Michelle. Feeling the positive vibe in the room and thinking she was reading Sarah’s interest in her correctly, Michelle had made her move on Sarah. She kissed her in the room, right in front of everyone. From what Elena gathered from a very bitter and embarrassed Michelle, Sarah was the first girl she had approached. Michelle had not really come to terms with her own sexual orientation. Her parents didn’t even know, although Elena could Sense from Michelle that she knew they suspected. Michelle just wasn’t comfortable with herself yet. It was her first year in college, after all. She was only eighteen. The attempted kiss had not gone well. Sarah had actually screamed a bit before running out of the apartment. The party broke up pretty quickly after that. There were a couple of jerks who continued to tease Michelle and Sarah about it whenever they came across either of them on campus.
For Sarah’s part, she had finally confessed to Elena that she had been feeling so proud of herself for finally making friends. She was at a real party and was talking and laughing with the host and many of the others there. She told Elena she had always felt awkward in crowds and didn’t feel as if she made friends easily. She thought she was really starting up a great friendship with Michelle. Until Michelle tried to kiss her. The whole situation left her doubting herself even more than she already had. Not to mention feeling completely humiliated at how she had run out of the room. Ran home like a child was the way Sarah had actually described it. Elena had thought she Sensed interest towards Michelle from Sarah. Well, in one respect, she was right. Sarah was desperately looking for connections, for friends. Elena had interpreted the attraction, which was one sided coming only from Michelle, incorrectly. She had pushed a bit for them to go to the party, not only for herself, but because she thought she was doing Sarah a favor. And then, things had gone from bad to worse. When Sarah mentioned she was considering dropping out that semester and going home, Elena knew she needed help. She wrote to her mother.
It turned out that ‘help’ was already on the way. Her mother had Seen Elena attracting attention on campus. She had Seen others outside the University suspecting cult like activity. She sent the Speaker to assess the situation. The day he showed up unexpectedly outside of Elena’s door was burned in her memory. The Speaker had ‘helped’ Elena cope with her Talent in her childhood. His power with Voice had left her terrified of him, something she never really outgrew. Of course it didn’t help that the Speaker was almost devoid of emotion. Elena felt as if he had driven it out of himself. A Sensitive like Elena found that bewildering. His showing up at such a low point in her life did not help to alleviate any of her fears, rational or not. For her personally, he couldn’t have come at a worse time
The Speaker wanted her to explain everything she could, any concern or doubt she had, about her blending in to her new college life. And so she had. For about two hours straight, Elena spoke of details only half remembered and fears of mistakes she may have made. Many of the fears, Elena hardly even remembered herself. Some of what she related was just her own personal doubts. Nothing remained private. She felt stripped bare of who she was and of the life she was trying to build. And all before the Speaker - the cold hearted boogey man who had used Voice on her as a child to ‘help’ her control her ability. He had returned, as she made her first attempt at life on her own, using Voice once more, and all of her shortcomings were brought under the spotlight. By the time she was done talking her voice was hoarse.
Elena had felt the worst was the damage she had done to the individuals in her life. The Speaker did not agree. His opinion differed dramatically. His conclusion was that Elena had brought too much attention to herself and the University. That she was risking exposing her differences. In the end, he decided the solution would be to make Elena all but disappear. He meticulously used Voice so that everyone she had come in contact with remembered Elena
as a quiet girl that they had rarely spoke with. Professors recalled her as an average student who left less than halfway through the semester. At Elena’s multiple requests, otherwise known as begging, the Speaker did strongly suggest that Sarah and Michelle allow the embarrassing memory at the party to fade. He told Elena he “smeared” it. But he would not make them forget, and he refused to suggest to Sarah that she stay and finish the semester. The last time Elena had seen Sarah, she had looked at Elena with only the barest of recognition in her eyes. As they passed each other in the hall, Elena could Sense the sadness and the loneliness. Elena had to leave the University immediately. Sarah lasted only about a month longer.
Phillip had rolled over to his side in his sleep. Elena lay down and snuggled her back to his front. Immediately his arms went around her. It helped Elena to shake off these sad memories. Regret served no purpose. She could not go back. Only hope to learn from her mistakes. She did her best to let go of the bitterness too. The Speaker’s actions were extreme. Unfortunately, Elena was the only one who held that opinion. Her parents maintained that he acted as was needed. She could Sense their total belief. It was their honest opinion. She felt betrayed by them. She knew it wasn’t rational. Her mother had Seen the danger, probably even before Elena had written the note to her. They were probably right. Still it was hard for Elena to believe that the Speaker hadn’t gone too far. Erred too much on the side of caution. She focused on the warm feel of Phillip against her back, letting his warmth pull her away from this downward spiral. She had so much more to lose this time around.
Phillip shifted in his sleep allowing Elena to roll over into his arms and rest her head on his chest. It was so peaceful here. Within minutes she was dozing off, in and out of a light sleep. She woke up to the sound of Phillip’s stomach growling. He was hungry again? As she sat up and pulled out of his arms, he woke up. He smiled at her sleepily. Yes, she decided once again, he was sexy, not cute. “Your stomach is growling. I’ll get our food ready. Are you rested now?”
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