by Beth Ehemann
Laughing at her reaction, I pushed the heavy door open and propped it so we had as much light as possible. The barn looked fantastic, better than I had imagined.
“Oh my God.” Kacie’s mouth hung open as she walked wide-eyed around the first floor of the barn. Every corner, every nook, had been swept and wiped completely spotless. Not one piece of hay or one speck of dust was visible. “This looks incredible.”
“It does.” I was pleasantly surprised as I wandered the first floor too. “They even cleaned the windows.”
“This is gonna look so pretty, Brody.”
I was happy to hear joy back in her voice. It was an added bonus that she hadn’t looked at her phone in a few minutes.
“It is. Where do you want to put everything?” I had no idea how this was actually going to work.
“I’m thinking the band will go over here in this corner so they don’t take up too much floor space.” She walked from the corner over to the far wall with the window above it, which was missing half its glass. “And I think the head table will look good here.”
“What’s a head table?”
“It’s where the bride and groom eat with their wedding party, but I’m pretty sure Alexa and Lauren are going to want to sit with Derek, Tommy, and Max, so we might switch it up and just have you and me. What do you think?”
“I’m thinking we make it a table for four and have it be you, me, and the Twinkies. What do you think?”
“Brody.” She tilted her head to the side as her eyes focused on mine softly. “I think that’s incredibly sweet. They’re going to think they are so cool sitting up front with us.”
“It’ll be our first official family dinner. We have to be all together.”
Kacie swallowed hard and sighed. “I still ask myself every day what I did in a previous life to deserve you, and I’m convinced I must have saved a bus full of children and puppies from falling off a cliff onto a senior citizen home or something.”
“Super Kacie. Got a nice ring to it, don’t ya think?”
“More like Super Brody.” She walked over and tucked her arms under mine, resting her head on my chest. Our hug didn’t last long as a loud chirp came from Kacie’s back pocket. She took her phone out and squinted to see the screen better. “Awww,” she cooed. “Look.”
She turned the phone my way. It was a picture of Lucy and Piper holding their new baby cousin.
“That was nice of him to send that,” I said sincerely.
She nodded, still staring at the picture. “Yeah, it was. He’s really trying, isn’t he?”
“He sure is.”
“Are you okay… with all of this?” She bit her lip nervously.
“Honestly, I was nervous at first, but he really seems to be making an effort with the girls and with you. As long as he keeps that up, I have no problem with him.”
“You know,” she murmured as she wrapped her arms around my waist again, “there is one big bonus to Zach taking the girls from time to time.”
“Oh yeah?” I reached down and grabbed her butt, squeezing gently. “I’m liking the way this sounds, Jensen. Go on.”
“It does allow us a little, uh, alone time in the evening. Something we don’t get often.”
“This is true, and if we can keep scheduling Zach’s days with the girls on my off days, that’ll work out real nicely.”
Hockey season was back in full swing, but Kacie and I had gotten very good at making use of the time we had together. Her and the girls had even started traveling with me every so often when they were off school or it was close enough to do a quick weekend trip.
She was rising up on her tippy toes, her lips less than an inch from mine, when her phone chirped again.
“Okay, if he’s going to text you every two minutes, I might have to kill him.” I groaned as she reached for her phone.
Kacie’s mouth fell open as her eyes read left to right quickly.
“What is it?” I craned my neck to peek over the top of her phone.
“It’s Derek. Alexa’s in labor—a month early. Come on. We gotta go.”
I drove as fast as I could back to Pine City. More specifically to Roger’s Memorial Hospital, where Kacie worked and Alexa was in labor. One perk of being engaged to a labor and delivery nurse was she knew right where to go when we got there. She practically sprinted through the halls and the double doors.
“Erica, what room is Alexa Harmon in?” she asked a woman in scrubs sitting behind the nurses’ station.
“Kacie!” Derek called out from the end of the hall.
Kacie didn’t wait for Erica to answer her, she just jogged straight to Derek. “How is she? What are they giving her to slow the contractions? Terbutaline?”
He put his hands up, halting her, both from running past him and talking. “They couldn’t stop it. He’s here. He came fast; she almost had him in the elevator.”
Kacie’s hands flew to her mouth as her voice cracked. “Him?”
“Yep. Joseph Derek Harmon. He weighed five pounds, three ounces. She’s holding him now, but he won’t eat yet.”
“Sometimes their latch is undeveloped this early. He’ll get the hang of it.” Kacie sniffed as a tear rolled down her cheek.
I held my hand out to Derek. “Congrats, Dad.”
He smiled as big as anyone I’d ever seen when he shook it. “Thanks. He’s pretty damn awesome, even for being an hour old. I think he’s a genius.”
“Ha! First-time dads.” Kacie rolled her eyes, playfully. “Tell her I’m coming in.” She pushed Derek back toward his room.
“Okay.” He laughed. “But the doc said no visitors until we’re in our real room.”
“What doctor?”
“Dr. Newman.”
Kacie waved Derek off. “Tell her it’s me and she just delivered my best friend’s baby. She’ll let me in.”
Derek stuck his head in the room and had a brief conversation with the doctor before pulling the door open. “She said fine, but just for a minute.”
Kacie looked back at me and grinned, elated to go meet Joseph.
I followed her into the room. The lights were dim and soft music played quietly as a nurse scurried about cleaning things up.
“Congratulations.” I walked over and kissed Alexa on the forehead.
“Thanks, Brody.” She smiled up at me, rocking that new mom glow I’d heard about. I walked over and tucked myself against the wall, out of the way.
Kacie walked up and squeezed Alexa’s shoulders. “Only you would look this good immediately after having a baby. Bitch.”
Alexa laughed, then held her stomach and groaned. “I’m glad I look good because I feel like shit. Why didn’t you tell me my vagina was going to rip in half?”
Dr. Newman shook her head and looked at Kacie over her glasses. “She didn’t even have an episiotomy.”
Kacie glared at Alexa and rolled her eyes. “Drama queen.” She walked over to the sink, rolled up her sleeves, and washed her hands and forearms, itching to get her hands on that baby.
“Gimmie, gimmie.” She giggled as she scooped him out of Alexa’s arms. “He looks so good, Lex. Not very jaundice yet either.”
Kacie gently swayed back and forth with the tiny white and blue blanket in her arms. She dipped her head and closed her eyes as she rubbed noses with Joseph. I stood in awe, staring at her as she fell in love with that baby right before my eyes. Surprisingly overcome with emotion, I could suddenly imagine our whole future, except it would be our baby she would be cradling and rubbing noses with. She was already the most amazing mom on the planet, and I couldn’t wait to make her a mother again.
I was nervous.
Not I-hope-I-make-it-on-time nervous or even please-don’t-let-this-cop-pull-me-over nervous. I was interview-at-a-job-I-really-want, first-day-at-a-new-school, about-to-take-my-state-boards nervous, all rolled into one.
It was the dead of winter in Minnesota, temperatures were barely in the double digits, and I was freezing my ass off si
tting on a wrought iron bench, but I just wasn’t quite ready to go into the coffee shop and see my dad. You would think that after all that time, no matter what the circumstances of his leaving were, I’d be excited to see him, but I wasn’t. I was terrified.
What if I didn’t like him?
What if he didn’t like me?
What if I lost the courage to ask him everything I’d wanted to ask him over the last fifteen years?
You know how you’ll find out, Kacie? Go inside.
I don’t know if it was my brain or my cold toes talking, but something willed me to start walking up the concrete steps and into the tiny green shop. A bell above the door clanged as I pushed it open. Soft music, warm air, and the smell of coffee immediately filled my senses, making me feel cozy and at ease. Maybe this would be a great day after all.
I took my coat off, intentionally not looking around at the tables. I don’t know why, but I wanted him to see me first. As I moved in slow motion to hang my coat on a hook behind the door, I took a deep breath. Everything would be different when I turned around. Good or bad, it would be different.
One more big breath, and… turn.
My eyes scanned the restaurant, but I didn’t see him. What was that feeling in my stomach? Disappointment? Relief? I wasn’t quite sure, but something was weighing me down like a rock. A man in the far corner caught my attention as he stood up and waved at me.
Him.
My stomach flipped again as I smiled and waved back. I scooted past tables and chairs, trying to figure out what I was going to say to him. Thankfully, I didn’t have to think for long. He went first.
“Kacie. Wow! Look at you,” he boasted as I got closer. Walking around the side of the table, he held his arms out. I wasn’t sure I was ready for a hug, but there was no going back now. As his scruffy cheek brushed mine, the smell of his aftershave instantly transported me back in time twenty years to when I would get a giant hug before he tucked me in to bed every night. It was amazing how people could smell the same year after year.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said as he hugged me tight.
“Thanks,” I offered back awkwardly. I pulled away and set my purse down in an empty seat, opting to sit across from him.
He settled into his seat too and took a cleansing breath. “So…”
“So.” I smiled politely. “Great weather we’re having, huh?”
My dad’s deep laugh echoed throughout the quiet little coffee shop, a little too loudly. “Oh, Kacie. You always were quite the jokester.”
What? No, I wasn’t.
I never joked much at all. I was actually the opposite. I was the weird kid who made my bed every single morning and made sure my stuffed animals were lined up perfectly, in alphabetical order, of course. I was also the weird kid who brought carrots and snap peas to school in her lunch every single day. I was the weird kid who wouldn’t swim for thirty minutes after eating for fear that I’d get a cramp and die in the lake. Joking was never my thing. That’s why Brody and I got along so well. He was the jokester, the yin to my yang.
“Can I get you something?” The waitress’s voice pulled me from my daydream and I stared up at her like she’d just asked me if I wanted to jump off the roof of the building. Her eyes darted to my dad then back to me. “Ma’am?”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” I shook my head to clear my thoughts. “I’ll take a hot chocolate, please. Extra whipped cream.”
“Sure thing. Be right back.” She smiled kindly and walked away.
“How’s your mom?”
I was surprised by my dad’s first question, but my mom was a source of comfort and strength in my life, so I knew we couldn’t go wrong there.
“She’s great. Amazing, actually.”
“Good to hear.” He nodded. “Where’s that superstar fiancé of yours? Thought maybe he’d be joining us.”
“Nope. They have a home game tonight, so he’s in the city.”
“Oh.” He sounded disappointed. “Do you go to a lot of his games?”
“As many as I can when I’m not working. I-I’m a nurse now,” I added, realizing he knew nothing about me.
“Really? Good for you.” He grinned proudly.
“Anyway, the girls and I love going—” I paused. “Do you know I’m a mom?”
His eyes went wide and his mouth fell open just a smidge. “No. I’m a grandpa?”
Resentment filled all my available head space when he called himself a grandfather. They already had two grandfathers—Fred, who’d been there for all their skinned knees and runny noses, and Bob, who’d made them the most adorable hot pink mini-picnic table for their birthday this past summer. He even stenciled their names and little white daisies on the corners of the benches. That was a grandfather.
“Yeah, you are. Twice, actually, in a matter of ten minutes.” I chuckled nervously. “I have twin girls. They’re six, almost seven.”
“No kidding. That’s amazing.” He shook his head back and forth slowly. As I watched him talk, I started realizing I got more than just my reddish-brown hair from my mom. My dad had a large nose that leaned slightly to his left at the bridge and a square face, two things I was grateful I didn’t win in the DNA lottery.
“I actually brought pictures of them.” Reaching into my purse, it took me a minute, but I dug out half a dozen photos of the girls and set them on the table. “Their names are—” When I looked up from my purse, my dad had his phone up in front of him, and he was typing something.
“Oh, sorry.” He fumbled to put his phone away when he realized I’d stopped talking. “What are their names?”
“Lucy and Piper.” A small sigh left my body as I told him their names. “I have more pictures of them on my phone if you want to see them, tons of them.” I laughed.
He picked the photos up and looked at them very briefly before dropping them back on the table. “They’re cute. That’s okay, you can show them to me another time.”
“Okay.” I was annoyed as I gathered up the pictures and put them back in my purse.
“Listen, I know it took three letters to get you here, but I’m glad you finally came. I want to talk to you about something.” He lifted the red mug to his mouth and took a sip of his coffee. “I never read the newspaper anymore. Like most people, I get my news on the computer, but that one morning in June, for whatever reason, I happened to pick it up and there it was, right on the cover. My baby girl engaged to Minnesota’s golden boy. It was perfect timing. A sign, if you will. Like someone was telling me it was finally time to get in touch with you.”
I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms over my chest, silently trying to figure out where he was going with this speech.
“Anyway, earlier that morning I had just been turned down for a business grant, and I think it might actually be a great investment opportunity for you.”
My heart sank and my mouth dropped open.
“Well,” he continued when he saw my reaction, “for you and Brody. You see, I’m trying to start a small consulting business, but I need the start-up money, so here’s what I was thinking—if Brody could give me fifty grand up front, we can work out a percentage that he would get back annually. I was thinking maybe three percent? It’s negotiable. With my money expertise and his cash to get it off the ground, I figure the business should really take off and I can have him paid back in no time. He can be the silent partner in my little adventure. What do you think?”
Quietly, I closed my mouth and inhaled deeply through my nose, just staring at him. As his words sank in, the few fond memories of him I’d protected like gold since childhood faded away. All I would ever remember was that after fifteen years, my father finally contacted me because he wanted money—from my fiancé.
I was nothing but a rung on his slimy ladder. One he was going to use to get wherever he wanted.
“KJ?”
The instant he used the nickname he called me as a kid, I lost it.
“This is why you called me here? For m
oney?” I hissed across the table, leaning forward.
“Well, I-I-I wanted to know what was going on with you too,” he stammered. “I just think we should strike now while the iron is hot and run with this.”
“Oh my God, you’re unbelievable!” I jumped up, nearly bumping right into the waitress that was carrying my hot chocolate.
“Listen, the boy can’t play hockey forever, Kacie. Get real.” He smirked smugly, completely missing why I was upset. “He’s going to need something to do after that. Why not invest wisely?”
“He is investing wisely. In me and my daughters. Life isn’t just about money, Don. It’s about family, and love, and living.”
“That’s naive. Sit down and let’s get us both to a point where we can benefit from this.”
His disgusting words dripped off of me and I suddenly wanted a shower.
“You sit there. I’m going home—to my real dad.” I spun around and grabbed my coat, hurrying out the door before I could even put it on.
I felt like such an idiot as I rushed to my Jeep.
How could I have been so dumb?
Why on earth did I think a man who’d walked out in his family the way he did could have a sudden change of heart and want a relationship again?
Then it hit me—because Zach did. Zach walked out just like my father did, but as it turned out, he had grown up and changed. He’d proven it every chance he got over the last year. Part of me was hoping for that same miracle in my dad but instead, history had repeated itself. The only difference was this time I was old enough to understand what was really going on, and because of that, I was the one who walked out.
By the time I got home, tears were streaming down my face. I was so grateful the girls would still be at school for a couple more hours. Once in the kitchen, I realized no one appeared to be home. Then I remembered my mom had taken up a spin class on Tuesday mornings.
The house was quiet.
Too quiet, leaving me with nothing but my mind, which had chosen to replay the last couple hours over and over again.