Isaac shot him a warning look. But he didn’t stop.
“I came here to say a lot of things.” Carson ignored Isaac. “But what I want to say most is thank you.”
Jack stepped forward and hugged him, tight. “Mercy. I don’t deserve it. But thank you.”
“You deserve it, Jack. You do deserve it. I don’t.”
Carson hadn’t thought of it before. Mercy. Forgiveness for someone not deserving. He couldn’t even forgive himself let alone ask anyone else to forgive him.
“No one deserves it, Carson. That’s the key to mercy. It is undeserved. I’m not sure what you’re carrying around, but you need to find some forgiveness for yourself before it eats away at your soul. You’re going to miss out.”
By missing out he guessed Jack meant Kylie. But Kylie deserved more. She insisted she was happy with her life here. He wanted her to have more.
“I’ll think about it.” He hugged Jack one last time. “I’ll be back in a couple of weeks.”
“You’d better.”
Isaac gave him a quick man hug. “You’re okay for a bossy older brother.”
Carson drove away a few minutes later. It was early morning and the sun was shining into the back seat. His kids were having a conversation about leaving and about Kylie and Jack and Isaac. Maggie did most of the talking but Andy added a word or two from time to time.
Mercy Ranch changed lives. It had changed theirs.
As he drove through town, he saw Kylie’s car at Mattie’s Café. He thought she was probably having a milkshake and curly fries.
He considered stopping and asking her if she would ever consider a man whose heart was on the mend. He wasn’t quite whole but he was getting there. He kept on driving.
She claimed she was happy with her life. And he wasn’t going to offer her anything less than his whole heart.
* * *
Kylie watched Carson’s SUV slow down, then keep going. Her heart had skipped a beat or two when she saw his brake lights. She’d thought maybe, just maybe.
“Do you need anything else?” Holly asked. The café was empty. It wasn’t breakfast or lunch. Even the gossip club had gone on back to their farms to take care of chores.
“No, I’m going to pay and head back to the house.” She started to get up but Holly sat down.
They’d known each other as kids, although Holly was a few years younger. “They’re hard men, the Wests.”
The comment surprised Kylie. “Yes, I guess they are. You were the same age as Colt. I guess you were in school together?”
Holly grinned. “Yeah, we were. He was mean. A bully. But then he grew out of it.”
“How do you know that?”
Holly arched a brow. “He’s been through town a time or two. He checks on Jack.”
“Jack has never said anything to me about Colt visiting.”
“Jack doesn’t know it.” Holly patted her hand in an awkward attempt at offering comfort. “There’s a lot Jack doesn’t know. But it’s been about five years since the last time Colt was in town. We had a falling-out. Anyway, they’re hard to understand. And Carson is like one of those troubled romance heroes. He’s in love with you but he won’t let himself love you because he feels guilty. Maybe he feels like he’s cheating on his wife by loving someone else.”
“Yes, maybe.” Kylie put money on the table. “Thanks, Holly.”
Holly handed her the money. “My treat.”
“Holly, how long have you owned the café?”
Holly turned a little pink. “Five years. When Mattie put it up for sale, I was able to come up with a down payment to buy the place.”
“Maybe Jack knows more than you think.” With that Kylie left and she heard Holly chuckle as the door closed behind her.
When she got back to the ranch, Jack was sitting on the patio with a book and a cup of coffee. She sat down next to him.
“They’re gone.” Jack looked up, his reading glasses perched on his nose. “I worry.”
“About?”
“What if there is a time they come to visit and I don’t remember them.”
“You should have told him your fears, Jack. He would have understood. But we’ve talked about this. It could take years for you to develop the dementia associated with Parkinson’s. Or it might not happen at all.”
“Getting old is going to happen.” He looked back at his book. “The same as night is going to happen, and the same as tomorrow is the day after today.”
“You have a point. And we’re all going to get somewhat forgetful.”
“I don’t want to forget my kids, or the family I have on this ranch. Or you.”
“I won’t let you. We’ll start more memory books. Maybe one of the ranch. We’ll take photos of the rodeo coming up.”
“That’s a good idea. And I’ve contacted a lawyer.”
“Why?”
She poured herself a cup of coffee from the thermos on the table. Jack took off his reading glasses and folded them. His left hand made the task difficult.
“I want to know that there’s a trust, for the ranch, for my family, for you. I want it protected. Sometimes I think I’ve spent my whole life trying to protect this place. I got married to protect it. I got sober to protect it.”
“Here’s a thought. You could relax and just enjoy it,” she joked with him.
“I’m enjoying it. I’d enjoy it more if we could get your smile back.”
“I’ll get my smile back,” she promised. She stared into the coffee cup. “I’m happy here, Jack. That’s the story, my story. And Carson has to find his happiness. I think he’s close. I think being here on the ranch with you helped him. Maybe when he gets to Chicago he’ll finally find peace.”
Jack patted her hand. “It wasn’t me or the ranch that helped him find anything. It was you. He’s just too stubborn to see it. And you, you’re just as stubborn. You think this ranch is it for you. You made a choice when you were injured. You married a man you loved, but you weren’t in love with him. And then you lost him and you blamed yourself for that. You and Carson are doing a lot of the same things, but the difference is that you’re a step ahead on the forgiving yourself part of the journey.”
“Maybe so. And that’s why I love you. You’re always straight with me.”
“I always will be. You’re one of my kids.”
“I’m going to go check on Eve. Do you need anything before I go?”
“I’m good. I have my pills, in case I have a spell. Isaac ran to the barn but he’ll be back soon. Is Eve going to be okay?”
“Yes, she’s just exhausted. We’re trying some new exercises the physical therapist gave her, and they wear her out.”
“Good deal. You let me know if she needs anything.”
She got up, kissed the top of his head and left. As she walked across the lawn to her apartment she prayed for peace, she prayed for Carson and the children. She prayed she would know what God wanted from her, because she suddenly felt unsettled.
It was time to start a new chapter in her story. Over the years she’d become an expert at starting new chapters. This chapter would be about finding a way to get over missing Carson and his children.
She’d try her best to get over them. But she knew the truth.
This would be the most difficult chapter ever.
Chapter Seventeen
Carson opened the door to the hotel suite with a brilliant view of the Chicago skyline and led Andy and Maggie inside. It had been a long day. It had been a longer week. He’d applied for the job and had been turned down. A closed door. That’s what Kylie would have told him. So if that door was closed, it meant God had opened another somewhere else. He’d sent out feelers at other hospitals and clinics. So far nothing.
They’d spent the day looking at homes. He’d made a spreadsheet of the best sc
hools, the neighborhoods he was interested in and he’d searched houses closest to the schools. They’d also looked at a few apartments. Nothing they’d seen today looked like a place they could call home. But he wasn’t giving up.
After house hunting, they’d gone by a few of the schools. Large, sterile places with locked doors and security. He understood; this was the city. In Dallas they’d lived in a suburb. Here, to be close to the special schools he wanted for Andy, they would have to be farther inside the city than they were used to.
Maggie had climbed up on the sofa with a book. He sat down next to her and stretched his legs out. His phone rang. He hoped it might be Kylie. He could tell her about the job search, the houses and all his doubts.
But it wasn’t Kylie. He answered. “Hey, Colt, what are you up to?”
They hadn’t talked in months. That was normal for them. Since Colt ran off at sixteen, they hadn’t spent a lot of time talking. Colt had skipped college and opted for bullfighting school. He’d earned money in competitions and then he’d taken a job for the pro bull riding circuit. He told Carson not to worry about him.
“I’m standing in the lobby of this five-star hotel you’re staying in, freezing my tail off and wondering if you’ll give your brother a big old hug.”
Carson laughed. “No hugs and the lobby has a rip-roaring fireplace.”
“You wound me. And I just came in from outside where it’s very cold.”
“Come on up.” He hung up and went to the door to wait.
“I miss my pony,” Maggie randomly said as she looked through her book.
“You don’t have a pony,” Carson reminded her as he waited. “You have a dog named Rambo.”
“I had a kitten. And Kylie. I like Eve, too.”
“I know you do.” Carson glanced at his watch. It was almost dinnertime. That meant another restaurant, another take-out meal or more room service. All of the options were starting to taste the same. They should have picked up bread and some bologna. Anything would be better than another meal prepared by a fancy chef.
Andy had settled on the floor with paper and crayons, Rambo stretched out next to him. “Andy, what do you want for dinner?”
“Eggs.” He kept drawing. Carson grinned and it felt good, to find something amusing.
He could cook eggs. If he had eggs. The suite had a kitchen. He could get taco sauce. Andy liked taco sauce. He tried to remember what else Kylie had put in her eggs.
Kylie. She was on his mind a lot. Maybe because Andy and Maggie mentioned her daily, hourly, maybe more. It could be she was on his mind because he missed her.
A sharp knock on the door meant Colt had found them. He opened and motioned him inside. “Imagine seeing you in Chicago.”
“Yeah, well, I thought I’d better take the opportunity while I can. You’re hard to keep up with. Two weeks ago you were in Oklahoma.” Colt took off his hat and tossed it on a coffee table in the small living area. He sat on the sofa, close to Maggie. Rambo issue a low growl.
“Uncle Colt.” Maggie wrapped her arms around his neck. “We got a dog. And almost a cat.”
“How do you almost get a cat?”
“It’s at Grandpa’s with Kylie,” Maggie whispered close to his ear. “It’s gray.”
“With Kylie, huh?”
“Stop,” Carson warned.
Colt didn’t even grin. “Anyway, I just thought I’d stop by and see how you all are doing. Daisy said you sounded sad to her. You don’t look sad. You look like your normal serious self.”
“Thanks.” Carson sat down in a chair and studied his brother. “How do you know anything about Kylie?”
“I don’t. I’m just guessing. You went to Hope. You saw Kylie at Jack’s.” Colt cleared his throat.
“You know Kylie lives at Mercy Ranch. Sounds like you’ve kept up with things a little better than I did.”
“You had some kind of weird amnesia when we left. It was the trauma, I think. I’m not a therapist, but that would be my guess.”
“Could be. So where are you off to next?”
“Jack’s surgery is in two weeks,” Colt said. “I guess I’ll be there.”
“That’s good. He’d like that.”
“It’s more for me than him. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself and all that nonsense.”
“Right.”
“Are you going?” Colt asked as he leaned to look at Andy’s picture. “Hey, that’s pretty good.”
“Yes, I’m going.”
“Good. I guess you don’t want to work at Jack’s clinic, then?”
“I guess you don’t want to tell me how you know everything about everyone in Hope?”
Colt grinned and shook his head. His dark curly hair and dimples made him look more innocent than he’d ever been. “Not much to tell you. I’ve been to Hope. I have friends there.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“No, you’ve kinda had other things on your mind the past few years. How are you?”
So they were going to be brotherly. It had been years since they’d had real conversation. Carson sat back, watching his children. Maggie with her book. Andy with his drawing.
“I’m good. I...” He stumbled over his words. But he pushed through. “I have days when I don’t think of her. And I think of Kylie every single day.”
“You’ve got to give yourself a break.” Colt leaned back and chuckled. “Hey, Andy, what are you drawing there?”
Andy looked up, his expression serious. “Family.”
“That’s pretty awesome. Can you show your dad?”
Andy lifted the paper and showed it to Carson. Carson didn’t know what to say. But Colt did. He laughed and slapped Carson on the back.
“Andy, that is just about the best drawing ever. See that, Carson? That’s something you ought to frame.”
“Yes, I probably should.” Carson pulled out a dollar. “Can I have that picture when you get done? I’ll trade you a dollar for it.”
Andy nodded and went back to coloring. Carson watched as his son added a veil to the stick figure in the center of the picture and a cowboy hat to the figure standing next to her. Next he drew a stick figure boy and a smaller girl. A dog, it had to be a dog, sat next to the boy.
“What are you going to do, stick it on the fridge and tell yourself what a gutless wonder you are?” Colt asked as Carson watched his son finish the picture.
Carson had never hit a man before, but he considered hitting his younger brother. “I’m going to order pizza for dinner. Are you hungry?”
“Starving.”
Carson took the picture to the kitchen and used a magnet to stick it on the refrigerator. He smiled at the image and wondered what Kylie would think.
* * *
Kylie caught Jack as he fell. She slid him to the floor of the stable office and yelled for help. He smiled up at her and whispered that she shouldn’t worry.
“Be quiet, Jack. Don’t tell me not to worry.” She pulled the bottle of pills out of his pocket. “Jack, they’re empty. Why are they empty?”
“Forgot.”
“Call 911,” she screamed. “Someone call an ambulance.”
Isaac rushed through the door, followed by Matt. Jack had gone limp. “Help him,” she whispered.
She ripped open his shirt and moved Isaac back. He was on the phone with the emergency dispatcher. She started chest compressions. When she got tired, Isaac took over. In the distance they could hear the ambulance. What was taking so long?
“Hurry, hurry, hurry,” she prayed. “Come on, Jack.”
The paramedics entered the room. Isaac pulled Kylie to her feet and held her as they worked. She watched as they used paddles to shock him.
“We have to call Carson,” she whispered. She hadn’t let herself think about him. But she knew that he’d want to know abou
t Jack. She knew that she needed him here.
“I’ll call,” Isaac assured her. “I’m going to get the truck so we can follow the ambulance. I told them to take him to Grove but they’re probably going to have to get him stable and send him to Tulsa.”
She nodded, still numb. Still afraid they might lose Jack. She hated that he’d written up that stupid trust, as if he’d known this would happen. As if he feared he would leave loose ends.
Jack woke up briefly as they loaded him in the ambulance. He reached for Kylie and she took his hand. “We’re calling Carson. We’ll all be at the hospital.”
He nodded. And she knew he mouthed that he loved her. “I love you, too. So get better.”
Don’t you dare die on me, she thought to herself.
Isaac pulled up with the truck. “Get in. I called Carson. He said Colt is staying with him for a few days. They’ll head this way together. Daisy is living in Tulsa.”
Kylie got in the truck and closed her eyes.
“Pray out loud,” Isaac said. “I need to hear some prayers.”
She prayed and prayed. And then she cried.
“I know he’s your father, but he’s the closest I have to one.” She wiped at her eyes. “And that’s really selfish of me. I’m so sorry, Isaac.”
“It’s okay. Hang in there, Kylie. He’s too tough to die on us.”
It took thirty minutes to get to Grove, and that meant going over the speed limit at times. Kylie kept her mouth shut. She wanted to get there as badly as Isaac did.
When they pulled in to the hospital, a nurse met them. Kylie began to shake.
“He has to be okay,” she whispered.
“We have doctors with him right now,” the nurse assured her as she led them to a small consultation room. “He’s conscious. We’re going to stabilize him and send him to Tulsa. That’s where you want him, right?”
Isaac nodded. The nurse focused on him. “Are you next of kin?”
“Yes. I’m his son.”
“Does he have a DNR?” she asked.
Isaac looked lost. “I have no idea.” He looked at Kylie.
She shook her head. “He doesn’t.”
Isaac’s hand went to his face, covering his eyes. Kylie put an arm around him and tried to be the person he could rely on. Falling apart wouldn’t do them or Jack any good.
Reunited with the Rancher Page 17