by T. S. Eliot
MICHAEL. I told you he’d come to London looking for a man
For an important post on his staff —
CHARLES. A post the nature of which is left very vague
MICHAEL. It’s confidential, I tell you.
CHARLES. So I can imagine:
Highly confidential …
GOMEZ. Be careful, Mr. Barrister.
You ought to know something about the law of slander.
Here’s Mrs. Carghill, a reliable witness.
CHARLES. I know enough about the law of libel and slander
To know that you are hardly likely to invoke it.
And, Michael, here’s another point to think of:
Señor Gomez has offered you a post in San Marco,
Señor Gomez pays your passage …
MICHAEL. And an advance of salary.
CHARLES. Señor Gomez pays your passage …
GOMEZ. Just as many years ago
His father paid mine.
CHARLES. This return of past kindness
No doubt gives you pleasure?
GOMEZ. Yes, it’s always pleasant
To repay an old debt. And better late than never.
CHARLES. I see your point of view. Can you really feel confidence,
Michael, in a man who aims to gratify, through you,
His lifelong grievance against your father?
Remember, you put yourself completely in the power
Of a man you don’t know, of the nature of whose business
You know nothing. All you can be sure of
Is that he served a prison sentence for forgery.
GOMEZ. Well, Michael, what do you say to all this?
MICHAEL. I’ll say that Hemington has plenty of cheek.
Señor Gomez and I have talked things over, Hemington …
GOMEZ. As two men of the world, we discussed things very frankly;
And I can tell you, Michael’s head is well screwed on.
He’s got brains, he’s got flair. When he does come back
He’ll be able to buy you out many times over.
MRS. CARGHILL. Richard, I think it’s time I joined the conversation.
My late husband, Mr. Carghill, was a business man —
I wish you could have known him, Señor Gomez!
You’re very much alike in some ways —
So I understand business. Mr. Carghill told me so.
Now, Michael has great abilities for business.
I saw that, and so does Señor Gomez.
He’s simply been suffering, poor boy, from frustration.
He’s been waiting all this time for opportunity
To make use of his gifts; and now, opportunity —
Opportunity has come knocking at the door.
Richard, you must not bar his way. That would be shameful.
LORD CLAVERTON. I cannot bar his way, as you know very well.
Michael’s a free agent. So if he chooses
To place himself in your power, Fred Culverwell,
Of his own volition to contract his enslavement,
I cannot prevent him. I have something to say to you,
Michael, before you go. I shall never repudiate you
Though you repudiate me. I see now clearly
The many many mistakes I have made
My whole life through, mistake upon mistake,
The mistaken attempts to correct mistakes
By methods which proved to be equally mistaken.
I see that your mother and I, in our failure
To understand each other, both misunderstood you
In our divergent ways. When I think of your childhood,
When I think of the happy little boy who was Michael,
When I think of your boyhood and adolescence,
And see how all the efforts aimed at your good
Only succeeded in defeating each other,
How can I feel anything but sorrow and compunction?
MONICA. Oh Michael, remember, you’re my only brother
And I’m your only sister. You never took much notice of me.
When we were growing up we seldom had the same friends.
I took all that for granted. So I didn’t know till now
How much it means to me to have a brother.
MICHAEL. Why of course, Monica. You know I’m very fond of you
Though we never really seemed to have much in common.
I remember, when I came home for the holidays
How it used to get on my nerves, when I saw you
Always sitting there with your nose in a book.
And once, Mother snatched a book away from you
And tossed it into the fire. How I laughed!
You never seemed even to want a flirtation,
And my friends used to chaff me about my highbrow sister.
But all the same, I was fond of you, and always shall be.
We don’t meet often, but if we’re fond of each other,
That needn’t interfere with your life or mine.
MONICA. Oh Michael, you haven’t understood a single word
Of what I said. You must make your own life
Of course, just as I must make mine.
It’s not a question of your going abroad
But a question of the spirit which inspired your decision:
If you wish to renounce your father and your family
What is left between you and me?
MICHAEL. That makes no difference.
You’ll be seeing me again.
MONICA. But who will you be
When I see you again? Whoever you are then
I shall always pretend that it is the same Michael.
CHARLES. And when do you leave England?
MICHAEL. When we can get a passage.
And I must buy my kit. We’re just going up to London.
Señor Gomez will attend to my needs for that climate.
And you see, he has friends in the shipping line
Who he thinks can be helpful in getting reservations.
MRS. CARGHILL. It’s wonderful, Señor Gomez, how you manage everything!
— No sooner had I put my proposal before him
Than he had it all planned out! It really was an inspiration —
On my part, I mean. Are you listening to me, Richard?
You look very distrait. You ought to be excited!
LORD CLAVERTON. Is this good-bye then, Michael?
MICHAEL. Well, that just depends.
I could look in again. If there’s any point in it.
Personally, I think that when one’s come to a decision,
It’s as well to say good-bye at once and be done with it.
LORD CLAVERTON. Yes, if you’re going, and I see no way to stop you,
Then I agree with you, the sooner the better.
We may never meet again, Michael.
MICHAEL. I don’t see why not.
GOMEZ. At the end of five years he will get his first leave.
MICHAEL. Well… there’s nothing more to say, is there?
LORD CLAVERTON. Nothing at all.
MICHAEL. Then we might as well be going.
GOMEZ. Yes, we might as well be going.
You’ll be grateful to me in the end, Dick.
MRS. CARGHILL. A parent isn’t always the right person, Richard,
To solve a son’s problems. Sometimes an outsider,
A friend of the family, can see more clearly.
GOMEZ. Not that I deserve any credit for it.
We can only regard it as a stroke of good fortune
That I came to England at the very moment
When I could be helpful.
MRS. CARGHILL. It’s truly providential!
MONICA. Good-bye Michael. Will you let me write to you?
GOMEZ. Oh, I’m glad you reminded me. Here’s my business card
With the full address. You can always reach him there.
But it takes some days, you know
, even by air mail.
MONICA. Take the card, Charles. If I write to you, Michael,
Will you ever answer?
MICHAEL. Oh of course, Monica.
You know I’m not much of a correspondent;
But I’ll send you a card, now and again,
Just to let you know I’m flourishing.
LORD CLAVERTON. Yes, write to Monica.
GOMEZ. Well, good-bye Dick. And good-bye Monica.
Good-bye, Mr…. Hemington.
MONICA. Good-bye Michael.
[Exeunt MICHAEL and GOMEZ]
MRS. CARGHILL. I’m afraid this seems awfully sudden to you, Richard;
It isn’t so sudden. We talked it all over.
But I’ve got a little piece of news of my own:
Next autumn, I’m going out to Australia,
On my doctor’s advice. And on my way back
Señor Gomez has invited me to visit San Marco.
I’m so excited! But what pleases me most
Is that I shall be able to bring you news of Michael.
And now that we’ve found each other again,
We must always keep in touch. But you’d better rest now.
You’re looking rather tired. I’ll run and see them off.
[Exit MRS. CARGHILL]
MONICA. Oh Father, Father, I’m so sorry!
But perhaps, perhaps, Michael may learn his lesson.
I believe he’ll come back. If it’s all a failure
Homesickness, I’m sure, will bring him back to us;
If he prospers, that will give him confidence —
It’s only self-confidence that Michael is lacking.
Oh Father, it’s not you and me he rejects,
But himself, the unhappy self that he’s ashamed of.
I’m sure he loves us.
LORD CLAVERTON. Monica my dear,
What you say comes home to me. I fear for Michael;
Nevertheless, you are right to hope for something better.
And when he comes back, if he does come back,
I know that you and Charles will do what you can
To make him feel that he is not estranged from you.
CHARLES. We will indeed. We shall be ready to welcome him
And give all the aid we can. But it’s both of you together
Make the force to attract him: you and Monica combined.
LORD CLAVERTON. I shall not be here. You heard me say to him
That this might be a final good-bye.
I am sure of it now. Perhaps it is as well.
MONICA. What do you mean, Father? You’ll be here to greet him.
But one thing I’m convinced of: you must leave Badgley Court.
CHARLES. Monica is right. You should leave.
LORD CLAVERTON. This may surprise you: I feel at peace now.
It is the peace that ensues upon contrition
When contrition ensues upon knowledge of the truth.
Why did I always want to dominate my children?
Why did I mark out a narrow path for Michael?
Because I wanted to perpetuate myself in him.
Why did I want to keep you to myself, Monica?
Because I wanted you to give your life to adoring
The man that I pretended to myself that I was,
So that I could believe in my own pretences.
I’ve only just now had the illumination
Of knowing what love is. We all think we know,
But how few of us do! And now I feel happy —
In spite of everything, in defiance of reason,
I have been brushed by the wing of happiness.
And I am happy, Monica, that you have found a man
Whom you can love for the man he really is.
MONICA. Oh Father, I’ve always loved you,
But I love you more since I have come to know you
Here, at Badgley Court. And I love you the more
Because I love Charles.
LORD CLAVERTON. Yes, my dear.
Your love is for the real Charles, not a make-believe,
As was your love for me.
MONICA. But not now, Father!
It’s the real you I love — the man you are,
Not the man I thought you were.
LORD CLAVERTON. And Michael —
I love him, even for rejecting me,
For the me he rejected, I reject also.
I’ve been freed from the self that pretends to be someone;
And in becoming no one, I begin to live.
It is worth while dying, to find out what life is.
And I love you, my daughter, the more truly for knowing
That there is someone you love more than your father —
That you love and are loved. And now that I love Michael,
I think, for the first time — remember, my dear,
I am only a beginner in the practice of loving —
Well, that is something.
I shall leave you for a while.
This is your first visit to us at Badgley Court,
Charles, and not at all what you were expecting.
I am sorry you have had to see so much of persons
And situations not very agreeable.
You two ought to have a little time together.
I leave Monica to you. Look after her, Charles,
Now and always. I shall take a stroll.
MONICA. At this time of day? You’ll not go far, will you?
You know you’re not allowed to stop out late
At this season. It’s chilly at dusk.
LORD CLAVERTON. Yes, it’s chilly at dusk. But I’ll be warm enough.
I shall not go far.
[Exit CLAVERTON]
CHARLES. He’s a very different man from the man he used to be.
It’s as if he had passed through some door unseen by us
And had turned and was looking back at us
With a glance of farewell.
MONICA. I can’t understand his going for a walk.
CHARLES. He wanted to leave us alone together!
MONICA. Yes, he wanted to leave us alone together.
And yet, Charles, though we’ve been alone to-day
Only a few minutes, I’ve felt all the time …
CHARLES. I know what you’re going to say!
We were alone together, in some mysterious fashion,
Even with Michael, and despite those people,
Because somehow we’d begun to belong together,
And that awareness …
MONICA. Was a shield protecting both of us …
CHARLES. So that now we are conscious of a new person
Who is you and me together.
Oh my dear,
I love you to the limits of speech, and beyond.
It’s strange that words are so inadequate.
Yet, like the asthmatic struggling for breath,
So the lover must struggle for words.
MONICA. I’ve loved you from the beginning of the world.
Before you and I were born, the love was always there
That brought us together.
Oh Father, Father!
I could speak to you now.
CHARLES. Let me go and find him.
MONICA. We will go to him together. He is close at hand.
Though he has gone too far to return to us.
He is under the beech tree. It is quiet and cold there.
In becoming no one, he has become himself.
He is only my father now, and Michael’s.
And I am happy. Isn’t it strange, Charles,
To be happy at this moment?
CHARLES. It is not at all strange.
The dead has poured out a blessing on the living.
MONICA. Age and decrepitude can have no terrors for me,