by Lynn Rider
“You have no reason to be. I don’t want anyone but you, Meagan. I’ll be home in three weeks. The last four shows are in New Jersey and New York.”
“SO HOW DOES THIS work?” I asked, looking up to his solemn face.
“You do what you normally do and I watch. I’ll just blend in,” he replied casually.
“Uh, Dave, you’ve got to be six foot eight. You don’t blend in anywhere.” I laughed quietly at my own joke until I took in his firm features glaring back at me. “Sorry,” I said meekly as he opened my door. “So you get to drive my car too?” I asked as I slid into the passenger side.
“My car will be here tomorrow. We can get one of Ashton’s if you prefer, but yes, I drive when you’re with me,” he answered before shutting me into my car. Dave wedged his large body between the driver’s seat and steering wheel of my small SUV. “We may have to get one of Ashton’s.” A small smile played on his lips as his big leg moved so that he could push the button to start the car.
“So how long have you worked for Ashton?” I asked as he pulled into traffic.
“About three years.”
“Are you married? Surely your wife hates when you go on tour with them.”
“No.”
“Kids?”
“No.”
“You’re not one for small talk are you?” I asked, glancing in his direction.
“No.”
I nodded and pulled out my phone.
1 New Text Message-Ashton
‘I woke up this morning and was perplexed as to how Dave was going to fit in your Mercedes”
‘That’s a random thought. Is there a word of the day in there?’
He didn’t reply, so I put my phone down.
“What time do you finish rehearsals?” Dave asked as we approached the employee entrance.
“I have rehearsals from ten to twelve then a two-hour break and then two to four.”
“I’ll pick you up at twelve.”
“You don’t have to. I usually just walk to the diner or deli across the street.”
“I’ll meet you at this door and I’ll walk you over,” he said as the car rolled to a stop.
I sighed. “Is this really necessary?”
“It’s not my job to decide that.” He glanced at me quickly before looking at the traffic lining up behind him in the rear view mirror.
I opened my door and walked into the concert hall, calling Leah.
“Hey,” she answered happily.
“Hey.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I’ve been assigned a security guard and it’s not cool.”
She laughed. “Like a real security guard?”
“Yes, but not like a nerdy one in a mock police uniform. A big brooding, not very personable one named Dave,” I said dryly.
She laughed harder now. “That’s funny, Meagan. Is that because of the photographers or Douglas?”
“He said photographers. He’s over the whole Douglas thing. Can you meet me for lunch? I don’t want to sit through two hours of uncomfortable silence.”
“So is he always like that?” Leah asked as she watched Dave scanning the restaurant under his dark glasses.
“So far,” I said with a shrug. “Although, I did manage to get a couple of subtle grins cast my direction over the past twenty-four hours.” I smiled before popping a bite of my salad in my mouth.
“Can’t imagine his face being able to stretch in that direction.” She laughed lightly as she studied him.
“You should have seen the look I got when I took a picture of him wedged behind the steering wheel of my little SUV for Ashton. His car won’t be here until sometime today.”
“So I’m going to totally change the subject now. Cliff played golf with Douglas before he left.” My eyes flipped to hers, but otherwise I remained indifferent. A slow smile formed on her lips. “Good girl. I thought you might lose your shit. I’ll be honest, when I saw that picture of the two of you, even I wondered if you were over him.”
“Leah!”
“I know, it’s terrible. But that look in your eyes held such emotion that I would have to be blind not to wonder. You’ve told me before that you want what I have. I see it in your eyes when you see Luke and I together. Douglas was totally husband and father material. I’m not sure about Ashton.”
“Leah, you’re so wishy-washy. First you tell me Douglas is wrong for me and how right Ashton is and now you’re telling me the opposite.”
“No, I’m not saying Douglas was right for you. I just think he was closer to being able to give you the family you want.”
“I know. I saw you and Cliff outside on the patio one morning in the Hamptons. I was happy for you but jealous too. I love Ashton. Really love him. I’ve never felt electricity like I do with him, and my body heats just from his look. But we’ve only just started dating, so who knows what will come of it.”
“I just want you to be happy, and I don’t want you to be torn between a man who could give you a great future and one who you love,” she said matter-of-fact.
“Leah, that’s where I was the entire time I was with Douglas. I didn’t want to feel the highs of being in love because it made me susceptible to the lows too.”
She looked at me quizzically. “I didn’t know that. I thought … never mind what I thought. You passed my test. I just hope this Ashton can be domesticated.” She giggled.
“Hey, you’re the woman from the tabloid the other day,” the nosy clerk informed me as I took my groceries from the cart and put them on the conveyor belt.
I looked up and gave her a small smile before returning my attention back to my cart, hoping she understood I didn’t want to talk about it. I could feel her stare burning the side of my face, so I worked feverishly to get everything unloaded, throwing items in no particular order onto the black rubber. Maybe sneaking out at night without Dave for an impromptu supermarket trip wasn’t a good idea.
“You are her, right?” she asked again, narrowing her eyes at me.
I looked at her once again. She was no longer scanning my items as she stood there holding my bottle of aspirin. My mouth turned dry as I realized she wasn’t going to quit. I looked around, noticing the cashier next to her and another customer are looking in my direction.
“Maybe …”
“So are you and him dating, or is what they’re saying about you true?”
I removed the last of my groceries from my cart and pushed it through, not answering her or acknowledging the stares. I was happy to hear the beeping of the scanner resume as I ignored her, throwing my items into a bag.
“I’ll tell you, I wouldn’t blame you if you were stalking him. He’s one hundred percent male goodness.” She smiled at her own comment as my stomach lurched. I wanted to set her straight, but it wouldn’t do any good. People would believe what they wanted. I was guilty of that just a few months ago.
As I pushed the cart out to the dimly lit parking lot, I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I was being watched. I pressed the button to open the back of my SUV and started slinging groceries in as quickly as possible.
The sound of my name followed by a sudden flash and then another and another broke through the darkness. I tried frantically to move my bags from the cart to the car as he blasted me with questions and fanned around me, taking dozens of pictures.
In my frenzy to load my groceries in the car, I dropped my keys. I was blinded by the flash and his circling gave me no vantage point to avoid it. I run my foot over the ground hoping to make contact with them as I could barely see for the flashes of light. I knew he was still shouting out questions, but I couldn’t hear him for the beating of my own heart. I was scared and now realized I needed Dave. Finally, my foot made contact and I reached for my keys. As I made my way around to the driver’s side, he shoved a paper in my direction.
“What do you think about Ashton’s new girl?”
I moved into the driver’s seat and he tossed the tabloid at me j
ust before I shut the door. I put my car in gear and pulled away with a rapidly beating heart and trembling body.
‘ASHTON HAS MOVED ON’
The headline sat just above a picture of a man embracing a woman in an almost pornographic hold. I couldn’t see his face because it was locked to the blondes, but there was no mistaking the tattoos.
I couldn’t bring myself to read the story, but the picture told me all I needed to know. Nausea planted itself in my stomach and wouldn’t let go as I sat for hours pondering what had become of my life. This was the hurt that I’d so desperately tried to avoid. I needed numbness and the only way to find it with Ashton in my heart was to sleep, so I climbed into bed and cried.
The insistent banging on my door woke me up. I glanced at the clock to see it was two thirty in the morning. As my feet hit the floor, I felt the heart clenching ache in my chest.
I looked through my peephole and saw a very angry Dave glaring at my door. I slowly opened it and peered up at him. His angry expression softened when he saw my face.
“Are you okay?” he asked, almost gently. “Ashton told me to get over here. You weren’t answering.”
A sob escaped as I ducked into the darkness of my apartment to get a tissue. Dave stepped in and quietly shut the door. When I left the bathroom, Dave was holding the tabloid in his hand. He looked up at me and shook his head slowly.
“This isn’t true. He wouldn’t do this to you.”
“What do you know? You’re here babysitting me,” I said as I folded myself into a ball in the chair.
“Because Ashton isn’t this man anymore.”
“I hate to break it to you, but there’s no denying that’s him. Look at the tattoos.”
“There’s some explanation.” He tossed the paper down and collapsed on the couch.
“I’m tired, Dave. Why are you here?”
He looked up at me. “Your phone, where is it?”
I got up to go in the kitchen where I had put my purse down when I came home. I emptied the contents and it wasn’t there. “I don’t know, maybe in my car,” I said, remembering my purse spilled from the seat as I drove away from the supermarket parking lot.
“No, you had it tonight when I dropped you off.”
I looked down at my hands, knowing I was in trouble. If I’d listened, I wouldn’t have known any of this. I needed to know, I’m glad I went. “I went to the store after you dropped me off.” I cringed, waiting to hear it, but he didn’t say a word. He nodded and grabbed my keys from the counter before he strode from my apartment.
A few minutes later I heard Dave’s deep murmur approach the apartment door. His eyes connected to mine as he stepped inside. “Yeah, man, she’s fine. She left her cell phone in my truck. I don’t see her. She may be in the bathroom. I’ll have her call you right back.” He dropped the phone into his pocket.
“Why did you lie to him?” I asked as he handed my phone to me.
12 – Missed Calls
“Because you need some time to get your shit together. And I wanted to tell you once more, that isn’t Ashton on that cover. I know him, I travel with him. I don’t want to be vulgar, but I see what gets thrown at him and he turns every one of them down without even sparing a glance in their direction.”
I sat pondering his statement. “Should I ask him about it?”
“Now that’s more personal than I’m willing to go. I don’t offer relationship advice, but I will vouch for my boy’s character. And I’m telling you, he’s a changed man. Whatever you decide, you need to figure it out. You have to call him.” He walked to the door but turned around before he walked out. “Don’t let me get another call telling me to come over here again tonight. I need my beauty sleep.” He winked before turning and quietly walking out of my apartment.
Shit, Dave is human. I smiled.
I staring at the screen of my phone. Twelve missed calls and twelve voicemails. The screen lit up in my hand.
‘Ashton – Cell’
I pressed the screen and took a deep breath.
“Hi.”
“Babe, I’m sorry. I was so fucking worried.” I could hear the relief in his words.
“We need to talk, Ashton.”
“Okay.” He drew out the word with worry.
“I went to the supermarket tonight without Dave—”
“What!”
“I know, I need you to not interrupt. Don’t speak until I’m done. This is hard enough. I need to say what I have to say. I’ve been thinking about it for hours and I need to get it out.”
He sighed. “Okay, Meagan.”
“The cashier recognized me as being the groupie, stalker slut from the tabloids—”
“Meagan—”
“Ashton, please! She recognized me and wasn’t very nice, so I was a bit frazzled when I got to the parking lot. I didn’t notice the man’s approaching until he was next to me—”
“Jesus, Meagan, are you okay?”
“Ashton please,” I pleaded around the lump forming in my throat.
“No, Meagan, I’m on a fucking bus in bum fuck Egypt, Georgia and you’re telling me this story so goddamned slow that my mind is jumping ahead and filling in the gaps. Are you okay?”
“No, but it’s not for the reason you’re thinking. I’m safe, Ashton, I’m just breaking,” I cried.
“Oh, babe. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m not there for you. I’m sorry I’m stuck on this fucking bus. I’ll get on the next plane.”
I heard doors opening and closing as I sat on the line trying to stop crying. “Hey, man, where are we?” I heard Ashton’s muffled voice ask, then the inaudible reply of a man’s voice. “Where in the fuck is Waycross, Georgia?”
“Ashton. Ashton!”
“I’m here, babe,” he said sweetly.
“I need you to listen before you start making plans. What I have to say will change your mind. The man approached with a camera.”
“Son of a bitch.”
“He took several pictures of me putting my groceries in my car, but he gave me something and it changes everything.”
“What are you talking about? What did he give you?”
“He threw a tabloid into my lap just before I shut my door. The tabloid had a picture of you with another woman in an embrace, a not so censored embrace, Ashton.” My stomach clenched at the mention of it.
“Meagan, listen to me. I haven’t been with another woman in a long time.”
“Ashton, pictures don’t lie!” I interjected acidly.
“Really, Meagan, you want to talk about pictures that don’t lie? How about the one of you holding hands with your ex-boyfriend in a coffee shop? Was that a lie? Was that a misrepresentation of the moment?”
“My hand was sitting on top of his in a crowded coffee shop. Your tongue was down her throat! It’s a bit different, Ashton!”
He sighed heavily into the phone. “What do you want me to do, Meagan? I’m at a disadvantage here. I’m stuck on a bus, can’t see the picture you’re talking about, and you’re pretty adamant about not believing me. I don’t know where we go from here.”
“We go nowhere, Ashton. That’s what I’ve wanted to tell you. I promised you when we started this that I wouldn’t just run anymore. That I would tell you what was making me feel like I needed to. Well, here it is. I can’t do this. I’m not a secure enough person to handle it. I can’t have your indiscretions highlighted to the world and thrown in my face. I just wanted to get groceries tonight without the looming presence of Dave, paparazzi or the assessing eyes of a damn cashier who thinks she’s better than me.“
“No, Meagan. I’m not giving you up. Whatever you saw, whatever you read, is a lie. There has to be an explanation for it because I swear to you, outside of posing next to some fans, I’ve not touched another woman. I don’t know how to make you believe me, but I’m going to make it my mission to find the fuck out.”
“Don’t, Ashton. It’s not worth it. This will always be a battle between us and I don’t wa
nt to spend my life wondering where you are, who you’re with or what you’re doing.”
“Meagan?” I could hear the emotion in his voice and I was cracking.
“Goodbye, Ashton.”
I hung up before I heard anymore.
“YOU CAN’T JUST BLOCK him out,” Leah said as my phone vibrated across the counter for what seemed like the hundredth time this morning.
“I have to, Leah. It’s the only way I can cope. I can’t hear his voice.”
She gave me a disapproving grin. ”What are you going to do with the hulk who’s keeping his watchful eye on you outside your door?” she asked, referring to Dave, who was dutifully standing outside my apartment door.
“I don’t know. I’m hoping he gets the message soon enough and calls Dave back on tour with him so that I can get my life back on track.”
“Meagan, do you love him?” Her voice dipped with sincerity.
“Of course I do, Leah. Why would you even ask that?”
She looked down at my phone vibrating again with a pointed look.
“I can’t,” I whispered.
“Yes, you can. I know I don’t know him, which we need to correct. You two need to come have dinner at my house. Anyway, you took the cowardly route. You’ve given him no opportunity to explain and he’s stuck. He has thousands of fans, bandmates and a slew of record executives that are depending on him to be in Atlanta tonight.”
“What was I supposed to do?”
“He was going to be here tomorrow. You could’ve just shown it to him and talked about it then. Meagan, I love you, but sometimes you’re so selfish,” she said sternly.
“Wow, Leah, tell me how you really feel.” She was right, though.
“Answer the phone or I will.” She handed me the vibrating phone again.
I groaned as I snatched the phone from her hands and walked toward my room. “You’re a persistent one.”
“Fuck Meagan, I needed to talk to you. I found that picture. It took me all fucking night, but I found it. That was taken three years ago.”
I remained quiet. If that were true, why was it just being published now?
“Hello? Meagan, did you hear me?”