by Lynn Rider
He looked at my salad and wrinkled his nose. “I can’t believe you think that rabbit food is enough to stay alive on. No wonder you’re so damn skinny.”
“What? I’m not skinny.”
“Yes, you are. You need to eat.” He pushed a fork full of some noodle type crap toward my mouth. I laughed and ducked away from the foul smelling stuff.
I noticed small scraps of paper on the table. One was crumbled and the other tightly folded. “Phone numbers,” he said coyly. “Don’t mess with my system.”
“What’s your system?”
“If a girl is a possibility, I crumple it and put in my pocket. If she’s a strong possibility, I fold it neatly and put it in my pocket.”
I shook my head. “What if she’s not a possibility?”
“Then her number gets put right in the trash.”
I picked up the two numbers, walked to the trash and pushed them in. I smiled deviously as I sat in my seat.
“That’s okay. You didn’t mess with my play. One is sitting over there watching us and the other is over there watching us. I’m sure they’d be willing to write those digits down again if I really wanted either of them.” He laughed.
“Pathetic.”
Austin stood. “All right, Bugs, you done with that rabbit food?” he asked, gathering our trash on the trays. I nodded as he cleared the table.
“Amber was there that night. Wasn’t she?”
He stopped loading the tray and nodded before resuming. I didn’t say anymore, but silently wondered if he wasn’t doing an Ashton—trying to get his life cleaned up before he came for his girl.
“WHAT DOES THAT MEAN for me, Jim?” I heard Ashton in the kitchen talking.
“It means that her doctor won’t allow it. Says it will put undue stress on her and the baby. She’s had a history of.”
I cleared my throat as I entered the room. I’d already heard enough to know what they were talking about.
“Jim, this is my girlfriend, Meagan. Meagan, this is my attorney, Jim Lawson.” I reached for his proffered hand and shook it. “Jim was just telling that the request for a paternity test has been denied by her attorney citing that her doctor won’t approve it because of possible stress on her or the baby.”
“Yes, apparently this young woman has had a history of fetal loss. Therefore, her doctor won’t approve it.”
“What happens now then? She makes demands on him and publicly announces it’s his baby without evidence of such and he has no rights to demand a test? There seems to be something terribly wrong with that. For God’s sake, he can’t even remember what she looks like.”
“Well, Meagan, I’m sure you don’t want to hear this, but musicians are known for their promiscuity. It would be difficult to use that as grounds for anything.”
“Jim, he wasn’t the only one in that bed that night.”
Jim’s face shifted a bit with my rebuttal. “I can ask the court to demand a court ordered paternity test, but it’s unlikely,” he said to Ashton.
“What makes you think her doctor can be trusted? Can you request another doctor to review her medical records? If she’s making these types of accusations and sitting under the protection of one doctor, then Ashton should be able to have his doctor examine her and review her medical history. Can’t you request that? That only seems fair, if it’s his baby, he’ll want to make sure it’s getting the best prenatal care available.”
His eyes shifted back to me. “Yes, I think those may be avenues worth pursuing.” He pulled out another folder. “Ashton, do you want to go over the other matter?” He handed the folder over the counter.
“No, I’m going to talk to Meagan first. I’ll call you tomorrow with how to proceed.”
“Very well. I’m sorry I didn’t come with better news. I’ll get those other requests filed right away. Meagan, it was a pleasure to have finally met you. I wish it were under better circumstances.”
“Thank you, me too,” I replied quietly as I wrapped my good arm around Ashton’s waist.
Ashton and I walked to the edge of the living room as Jim saw himself out.
“Fuck, Meagan, remind me to never piss you off. You should be a lawyer.”
“You need to fire his ass. I think he’s in over his head. He needs to be looking for every angle possible, not how promiscuous you are or were.”
“This isn’t exactly his area of expertise.” He wrapped his arms around me. I shook my head and snuggled into his chest, trying to forget the nightmare we’re living.
“How was your day with Austin?”
“Good, never a dull moment. Do you know he got phone numbers at the mall? Who does that?” I laughed.
“Apparently Austin. I hope he’s not getting in over his head with dating too soon.”
“I don’t think he was interested in dating, and I threw the numbers in the trash.”
He pulled away slightly. “You’re full of surprises.” He laughed. “What do you have planned for the rest of the day?”
“Nothing, I didn’t go to the gym with Austin, hoping to come back to spend time with you.”
His smile widened before he walked back the kitchen and picked up the folder that Jim had left. “I want to talk to you about something, but I want you to keep an open mind and not freak out. A few weeks ago I started looking for something and I was going to do it without your knowledge, but I’m not sure what to do now this woman’s accusations have been made. We’ve talked about being honest and open with our feelings, so I’m telling you that I don’t know what to do with what’s in here because I’m not sure how you’ll react. I’ve not wavered in my decision, but I don’t want to spook you.”
“What is it?” I asked cautiously.
“I’d rather show you personally if that’s okay.”
“Okay.” I hated seeing this nervous Ashton. I wanted my cocky, self-assured Ashton back, and I hated myself for being the one who had turned him into the uncertain man in front of me.
“Let me make a call.”
“Are we going to Kyle’s?” I asked as we headed away from the city.
“Kind of,” he said with a crooked grin. I smiled and grabbed his hand, holding it in mine. I loved that grin.
We rode in a comfortable silence for a little while longer and I realized we were actually going toward Leah’s area rather than Kyle’s. “Okay, you’ve peaked my interest.”
He smiled as he turned onto Leah’s street. We passed their large white colonial and slowed at the house next door. He turned into the driveway and stopped the car, watching me. I followed the length of the drive to an incredibly large, southern-style brick home. The landscape was perfectly manicured with a vast green front yard and perfectly shaped shade trees. The front porch spanned the entire length of the house and was outfitted with black wooden rockers and even a swing. The brown brick, black shutters and dormers added to the country appeal.
Once my appraisal was over, I looked at Ashton, not knowing where he was going with this. He put the car in gear and proceeded down the long driveway to the side of the house where a five car garage sat. He turned off the car, got out and trotted around the front. He opened my door and pulled me from the low seat.
“Ashton, what did you do?”
“I did nothing … yet.” He smirked as he took my hand and led me back around to the front and up the porch. He opened the front door and gestured me in first.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was a huge open floor plan with a kitchen island three times the size of my current one. The stone from outside was used in the kitchen and on the enormous fireplace. The house was perfect, beautiful.
“Ashton, why are we here?” I whispered in awe.
“Let’s go upstairs. Then I’ll show you outside.”
We traveled up the large staircase and looked down into the living area from above. There were six massive bedrooms, all with their own bathrooms. The master had his and her showers, a Jacuzzi tub, double sinks, a walk-in linen closet, and two toilet rooms
.
“This is amazing, Ashton.”
“I know, that’s why I wanted to show you rather than tell you,” he said softly.
We made our way back down the stairs. I was stunned speechless as I took in the enormity of all the space and beautiful detail of this house. Ashton opened a set of wood framed glass doors and stepped out to a covered patio that ran the length of the house. An outdoor kitchen contained all the necessary high-end appliances, including a dishwasher. The pool had a large waterfall and slide built within the rocks. At the end of a flagstone path from the patio was a guest house.
Ashton watched my every move.
I peeled my eyes from the yard. “Why are we here?”
“I want to buy this house for us.”
“Ash, you can’t.”
“Tell me why and I’ll listen and I’ll respect your wishes. But, Meagan, this is going to happen for us. It may not happen in this house or right now, but I’ve told you before and I’ll continue telling you, you’re the one for me. I will do whatever makes you happy, but I would really like you to keep an open mind.”
“I’m trying. This is just too much, too soon.” I waved my hand around at the amazing house. “Ashton,” I pleaded when his body wilted slightly in defeat.
“Do you like the house?” he asked.
“Of course, what’s not to like? It’s absolutely beautiful, but we can’t do this, not now.”
He nodded and took my hand, leading me back to the car.
“I’m sorry, Ashton,” I said quietly after several long minutes of silence.
“I know, babe.” He patted my knee.
I laid my head back and closed my eyes, trying to only listen to the faint roar of the engine and not all the voices that told me I had just sealed the fate of my relationship.
Ashton drove back to my apartment and left within a few minutes. I cried myself to sleep that night knowing he was slipping away.
I woke early the next morning to the sound of an incoming text.
1 New Text Message – Ashton
Hoping I’m not waking you. Have a busy day today. I’ll call later.
I read the text ten more times before I set the phone on my nightstand. I could no longer see the words for my unshed tears. Eventually, the storm of tears and sobs started and I couldn’t shut them off. I cried for hours as I ran every scenario through my mind.
What if it isn’t his baby and I’ve doubted him again? What if it is his baby? Can I still love Ashton? Could I love another woman’s child?
I picked up my phone and rubbed the lingering tears from my eyes as I pressed the call button. It went directly to voicemail. I hung up, not bothering to leave a message. The day came and went without any word from Ashton. I made an attempt every once in a while to call with the same result, so I finally went to bed and cried myself asleep.
I opened my eyes as daylight peeked over the horizon. I got up, wrapped my cast in plastic and stepped in the shower. Once I was done, I padded into the kitchen, trying to regain some sense of routine and make a cup of coffee. I sat at the bar and picked up my phone.
3 New Text Messages
9:52 P.M. Leah – Hey stranger! Where have you been? Taking Luke to get his driver’s license in the morning. LOL! Call me!!!
10:24 P.M. Austin – Ash is fine. I think he’s sleeping now. He had a meeting with his attorney today. Didn’t go well. Keep your chin up!
10:40 P.M. Ashton – I’m sorry I fucked us up. I love you.
My heart broke.
I recalled Ashton’s number and it rang this time.
“Hey,” he said in his hoarse morning voice.
“Do you have plans today?”
“Um, I don’t think so. I was supposed to call Kyle later, but I think it was to just check in.”
“Can we talk?” I asked, my voice wavering.
“Yeah, do you want me to come there?”
“Please.”
“Okay, I’ll be over soon. I just need a shower first.”
“Okay.”
My doorbell rang forty minutes later and my heart plummeted into my stomach. Why wasn’t he using his key? I opened the door to see a tired looking Ashton looking back at me. I stepped to the side to allow him entry.
“Why didn’t you use your key?”
“I didn’t know if it was appropriate any longer,” he answered honestly.
I nodded, closing and locking the door behind him.
“Would you like something to drink or eat?” I asked as I made my way to the kitchen.
“No, I’m fine.”
I turned to see his large frame slumped on the edge of the couch with his head in his hands. I took my bottle of water into the living room and sat curled in a ball on the opposite side of the couch.
“Ashton, when you told me about this woman, you also said that we need to be honest with one another and that I need to tell you when I’m sad, angry, hurt, whatever I’m feeling. You said you wanted to hear it, but I haven’t been doing that. As hard as I try, I find it incredibly difficult to do. I don’t like where we are, I want to go back to where we were, but things have changed and I don’t know how to get there.”
I let out a huge breath I hadn’t realized I was holding and watched him. He rolled his head in his hands so that he was now looking at me.
“When you showed me that house this week, I want that with you, but I’m scared that’s more than I can do at this stage. You did nothing wrong in having sex with that woman, we weren’t even together then, but I can’t stop being angry that the decision you may have made that night has the potential of changing both our lives. Three weeks ago I would have bounced into your arms and said yes, but this woman and the potential child skews my vision of us in that house or any other. My mind just can’t create the image. As much as I try, it won’t.”
As I took a deep breath, I felt the lump growing in my throat. “You say that your gut tells you that she’s not carrying your child, and I want to believe you. For the most part, I do. However, you and I have to be prepared that it may be your child and I’m scared of what will happen to us then. I’m afraid my love for you will change if you’re suddenly part of a package. I don’t know if I’m capable of loving another woman’s child, even if it is part of you.”
Tears welled in my eyes and with each blink they are falling. Ashton makes no effort to move in my direction and that scared me.
“I talked to my attorney yesterday. The court ordered paternity test request was denied, stating it is a woman’s right to decide what she will and won’t allow to have happen to her body. They also won’t allow my doctor to go in and open her medical records, but he did cease and desist on their demands for payment of her medical bills until she gives birth and paternity can be determined. Jim is filing another request, demanding that she no longer speak publicly about the father of the child until paternity can be performed. I know that doesn’t change anything you said because we know no more now than we did, but I wanted you to know.”
“Thank you.”
Ashton took a deep breath then exhaled heavily. “I want to go back to where we were too, Meagan. More than anything in this world I want to make you happy. When you said no to the house, the realization hit me that I’ve brought you more misery than happiness. That realization hurts like hell.”
“No Ashton, that’s not true,” I stated sharply.
“No? Where are you, Meagan? You’re sitting here, broken-hearted because of a decision I made months ago. You have a broken arm that may forever affect your ability to play your instrument and you’ve lost your job. I’ve tried to make things better, to get you to see a future with me where all that doesn’t matter, but I can’t. I can’t make someone okay with something when they’re not.”
“What are you saying, Ashton?”
“That I’m scared. I have worked so hard my entire life to stay in control and while I understand I’ve not always been successful, I’ve never felt as powerless as I do when it comes to you. The
selfish part of me says I can’t live without you and to fight like hell for you. The unselfish part of me says I should let you go so that you can find someone worthy of your love.”
A violent sob rumbles from deep within my body. Ashton didn’t move, allowing me to bury my face in my knees and cry. Eventually, I looked up. He was leaned back on the sofa, staring at the ceiling.
“Please tell me the selfish side will win,” I said quietly.
He lifted his head from the cushion and studied me with cautious eyes before reaching his arms out. I gladly came, crawling the length of the couch and into his lap. He held me tight as I cried again.
“How do we fix this?” he murmured against my hair.
I shook my head, “I don’t know, but we don’t stop until it is.” I pulled away and looked into his eyes.
He grabbed my face, pressed his lips to mine and held them there for a lingering kiss. “I love you, Meagan.” He rested his forehead against mine.
“I love you too.”
The shrill of Ashton’s phone woke us from the couch. Ashton answered it groggily.
“I’m at Meagan’s. You all right? … Okay, I’ll be there soon. Tell him to hold tight.” He hung up the phone and sighed, but tightened his arms around me. “The saga continues. Jim is at my place.”
“Let me get dressed.” I jumped from the couch and headed toward my room. I wasn’t letting him do this by himself. I was as much a part of this as he was at this point.
THE SHORT DRIVE FROM my place to Ashton’s was made mostly in silence. We’d come to an understanding that we both wanted to be together, but it hadn’t eradicated the tension of what may be waiting for us with Jim’s impromptu visit.
“Jim,” Ashton said firmly as we both walked into Ashton’s kitchen where Jim was sitting with an open briefcase.
“Ashton, Meagan.”
“To what do I owe for this unexpected visit?” Ashton asked.
Jim looked at me nervously before setting his eyes back on Ashton. “I’m sorry to come over so early. I have court all day today and I couldn’t reach you late yesterday afternoon, but I wanted to make sure to talk to you as soon as possible. Ms. Johnson would like you to be at her scheduled sonogram next week.”