She nods. “There’s a difference between leading and controlling. You have to set an example, not dictate.”
I stare at the glowing runes. “Can I go back then? Will Underhill still make me immortal?”
Sara’s bare toe points to a branch on the jagged A rune. “Here is where you made your choice to let go. And here,” she indicates a branch further down the letter, “Is now.”
“Can I see them?” I whisper. “Like the way you showed Aiden to me.”
Sarah’s smile is knowing. “Wondering if they’re not all better off without you?”
I’m having a rough time swallowing past the lump in my throat. “Are they?”
She waves her hand again and another image rises from the water. Freda on horseback, her blonde braid trailing from beneath her winged helmet. She’s riding through a field alone and from the way she’s bent down low on her horse’s back it appears as though she’s in a hurry.
“Why is she alone?” I frown at the image. “Where’s the rest of the Wild Hunt?”
“Dead.”
“Not possible. Freda would never just abandon them.”
“She’s on a mission, her last.”
I swing my gaze to her. “What, how?”
As I watch, a wall of fire billows out from behind Freda. She hunches low in the saddle. Her horse flies over the ground but even the mighty steed bred for the Wild Hunt can’t outdistance the wave of flames. With a mighty surge, the fire overtakes her, burning all in its path.
In its wake there is only ash.
“No,” I breathe.
The scene changes and I see the aftermath of a terrible battle. The sky is nothing but a wall of ominous black clouds and bodies litter the scorched landscape. Trees jut from the ground looking like burnt toothpicks. The only bit of color is a spot of brilliant flame, the man wielding it has hair of the same red gold. Loki, he’s free.
“Ragnorok.” The word falls from my bloodless lips.
Sarah nods. “The end of the world.”
My stomach twists but I need to know. “What about Aiden?”
She points, wordlessly as a wolf charges from the trees, hurling himself at Loki.
He never makes it. An army of corpses rises up from the ground, their bony hands gripping him. He snaps and twists but the horde is relentless, pulling and tearing at him. On a distant hillside, barely distinguishable stand two figures with swirling silver eyes. I gasp, recognizing Chloe and Addy. “Why aren’t they doing something?”
“The Norns can’t interfere with a set course. You know that.” There is an edge of resentment in her voice.
“Stop,” I breathe but he can’t hear me. He yelps in pain as the hands seize him, but continues his hopeless fight, snarling, and tearing. The light of hatred in his eyes winks out seconds before the corpses’ hands tear him apart.
A tear slides down my cheek as his blood coats the dead earth. There’ll be no regenerating from that. He’s dead.
High above his father’s laugh of madness rings out across the barren landscape as his army continues to rip his son to pieces.
“Turn it off,” I bark, sickened yet unable to look away from the horror.
“There’s more you must see” Sarah’s tone is light but insisting.
A demon emerges from the mist, and beside him a great wolf. Fenrir. At the edge of the massive plain a wall of water crashes to the shore, the writhing shape of the world serpent rearing up. To stand by its hideous family.
Then the rainbow, a blaze of color in a now colorless world. They’re coming, the gods of Asgard. Odin to die in Fenrir’s massive maw, Thor to kill and be killed by the world serpent. Hemidal and Loki to destroy one another. They’re coming to stop the inevitable, to face their own doom. It’s fate, playing out the hand it was dealt.
But my gaze reverts to where Aiden fell. I know Death in all her forms, but never has seeing her in action felt so final. Why hadn’t he waited for the gods, worked with them to stop this?
I must have spoken aloud because Sarah turns to me, her lips a rueful smile. “You know why.”
I did. “Because the gods used him, cursed him with the wolf.”
“Maybe if he had a fey queen to talk reason into him, he would have waited. But Aiden has been set on this path since the moment you died.”
Mercifully, I can’t see anymore because my eyes are full of tears. He can’t die like that, alone, fighting an unwinnable battle. At his own father’s command. I round on her. “This hasn’t happened yet. Tell me I can stop it.”
She does a palms up gesture. “It has happened. It will happen. There’s no stopping it.”
“Then why show it to me?”
“Because all is not predetermined. Some things can be changed. Your wolf isn’t marked for death, he chose it. Because he lost you.” Her lips turn up in a slow smile. “But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can change things, for everyone.”
“Great, one problem though. I’m still dead.”
She points her toe to the glowing runes on the tree. “If you intersect this rune with the other, you can go back as an immortal, at the moment of death, if that’s what you want. Careful though, if you only use the resurrection rune you will become Draugar.”
“Draugar as in Viking zombies, guardians of the grave who move with the mist and can grow to be the size of a house?”
“Or larger.” Sarah adds. “And let’s not forget that Hel is the one in charge of them.”
I grimace. Aiden’s half-sister is one of Loki’s three monstrous children and guardian of the ignoble dead and the gloomy world that holds them. I doubt she would be kind to me if I accidentally fell into her service.
I stare at the pulsing runes. “And if I don’t? What happens if I don’t go back?”
Her toe drops back into the dirt. “Then you can go on. Become part of the Veil or be born again, the way I was. Ragnorok will happen exactly as you foresaw.”
My heart pounds. “So, it’s either reclaim the Shadow Throne or leave everyone I love to their fates?”
She nods. “This is the hardest part. You get to choose what path to take. This one,” she points to the lower branch on the A “Onwards to rule the Unseelie Court of Alba and witness the end of the world as you know it or this one,” her toe moves to the higher branch, “To whatever awaits.”
I swallow. “If I go back, will I die?”
“All things die. But you get to choose how you want to live. This is your time, Nic. Consider all your options carefully.”
I let out a breath. If what Sara is saying is true, Aiden had already felt my loss. Our bond is broken not because of his choice but because of mine, because I’d let go. And his self-destructive course would see him ended in that horrible way. But the question is, can I stop it? Can I convince him not to make that suicidal run that will end in his being torn to pieces?
“One more thing,” Sarah says gently. “If you choose to go on, you won’t remember any of this. Not your life as a fey queen, not being a teenage serial killer. Nothing. You have a true La Tabula Rasa. A blank slate. No more Goodnight Kiss or fey powers. No more deep secrets or bodies to bury. A simple human life.”
Could I move on, let my soul serve another purpose? It sounded restful. No more hunting. No more killing. No more being asked what to do, having people turn to me for answers I didn’t have.
No more Aiden.
Did I want to go back badly enough?
Sarah is winding the swing up again. “Think about it Nic. Cookie dough and quinoa and top ten on the radio. Maybe we can be friends again, grow up together, go to the same school, have sleepovers and stream old episodes of Star Trek on Netflix.”
I pull a face. “You almost had me until that last part.”
She meets my gaze. “No, I didn’t.”
“No, you didn’t,” I agree with no little regret. “I want to go back.”
She nods. “You love him that much?”
I shake my head. “It’s not about him.”
<
br /> “Stubborn to the last. Is that why you leap at every chance to leap on him?”
“I don’t—”
“Don’t bullshit me. You were all over him in Wardon’s sand castle.”
“That was Underhill. The price for using magic.”
Sarah looks at me as though I’m incredibly naive. “Cascadia told you there is no price for using your own natural gifts. And yet you practically tackled that wolf.”
My lips part. Is that true? Had those feelings been mine alone? “But why did it come over me all of a sudden like that?”
She shrugs. “Probably because you’ve been repressing those urges. You always were the Ice Bitch.”
I roll my eyes, though my stomach flutters.
“Take it from me, babe. Lie to others, but never to yourself. Do you really think you would have run into a burning building for just anyone?”
She lets go and the swing starts to spin. “This is our last goodbye. Don’t forget me, Nic.”
My throat’s gone dry. “I won’t.”
But the swing is empty once more and I’m alone in the clearing.
I turn back to the tree, where the glowing runes wait. With one hand I touch the point she indicated, the moment where I died. With the other I reach for the second symbol, the downward facing arrow.
My hands connect and there is a bright flash of light and the clearing is empty once more.
“DON’T EVEN THINK IT. Just give me time!”
I hear his voice first, the pleading in it. Then the cold registers, the water icy and rushing past the lower half of my body. My arms burn where I hold on to the tree roots.
I look upstream to where the massive tree is barreling toward me like a freight train.
It worked. I’ve been here before. I died here before.
Not this time.
“Don’t let go!” He’s frantic, green eyes glowing with a wild light. “Nic!”
“I won’t,” I swing back and try to pull myself further up, to reach for his hands. I’m stronger than I remember being, but not strong enough to break free of the current. “Hurry!”
He doesn’t respond but in my mind, I sense his panic, his determination and almost sob with relief. It’s back, our bond is back, clear as a bell and stronger than ever.
And I’ll be damned if he will watch me die again. Some things I can’t change. But this I can.
No consequences for using my own gifts. I fling out my hand and a gust of air rushes from me, sending enough force to stop the log in its tracks. It spins there in the current not five feet away.
“Gotcha,” Aiden grunts as his hands close over my wrist. He drags me up through the snarl of roots, just as the air disperses and the log crashes into the space my body occupied seconds before. “Damn, that was close. Woah.”
The last is in response to me throwing my arms around his neck. “Aiden!”
“It’s okay. I’ve got you—” The last of his sentence is cut off because I seal my lips over his in a ravenous kiss.
Not just a kiss, I devour him. My hands are in his hair, my body pressed flush against his and my mouth claims his. Nothing held back, every feeling that I’ve experienced since encountering Aiden is right there, out in the open at last. I can’t get close enough, can’t help but absorb him like air and water and all the good things in the nine worlds.
To his credit, he doesn’t waste time asking stupid questions, like what prompted my sudden desire. His arms band around me. Holding me close, his hands gliding along my back, following the bumps of my spine. The heat from his body radiates through my soaked underwear, warming me, igniting the secret heart of the Ice Bitch.
The way only Aiden can.
“Sorry to interrupt,” A droll voice says from not too far away. “But I just threw up in my mouth a little.”
I’d know that snide tone anywhere. “Freda?”
It’s her, winged helmet gleaming in the moonlight, Seelenverkäufer strapped to her hip.
I scramble upwards and behind me a naked Aiden does the same. I throw my arms around her, feeling a bit like Ebenezer Scrooge getting a second chance to find the people who matter and make amends for past misdeeds.
“Ummm...?” Freda stands frozen in place.
“It’s so good to see you,” I tell her.
“You as well, my queen.”
I step back, grinning like an idiot up into her confused face. “Freda, for the love of the gods, call me Nic.”
“All right my—Nic. Forgive the delay. We would have come to you sooner but I had word that the Unseelie forces are congregating outside the underground palace.”
“Word from whom?”
“From me,” I turn and spot the Spriggan.
He kneels down, head bowed low. “Forgive me for leaving my post unguarded. My father—”
“Get up,” I haul him to his feet. “It’s okay. I understand.”
Alric frowns. “You do?”
I nod. “It’s your sister. You had to go.”
A wave of dizziness washes over me. I see the underground castle, the seat of power of the Unseelie Court. And bodies, withered to husks. Heaps of them, piled everywhere.
No longer a palace but a tomb. My knees buckle.
“What’s wrong with her?” Freda asks as Aiden catches me before I can face-plant in the dirt.
I swallow, my gaze going unfocused. On the far side of the river I see Cascadia, Fjord and the rest of the river sprites. The light around them is an unusual golden hue. Cascadia blows me a kiss and the wind seems to sigh her message for me alone. “Don’t forget us.”
I blink down at my palms, at the two runes that have been inscribed there. Time travel and resurrection. The conversation with Harmony comes back to me. The ability to see the future is earned, not bestowed...crossing into the underworld and returning...you have to die to earn it.
And then there’s Loki’s poem.
Pretty dead girl
What will you gain?
Knowledge is power
Unless you’re not sane.
HAD IT HAPPENED? HAD any of it really happened? Am I seeing the dead because I’d been among them? Or am I losing my mind?
“Nic?” Aiden’s tone is full of worry.
“I’m okay.” The lie tumbles easily from my lips.
Sarah’s words. Lie to others, but never to yourself.
My chest feels as though it’s been hollowed out with an extra-large melon baller. “We should go home.”
Freda draws her sword and slashes a hole in the Veil. Beyond I can see the farm, the farm I had left in early autumn, not the one from Underhill where I’d run into Sissy. Into Sarah. Where my mother had deposited me.
Unless you’re not sane.
Aiden makes as though to carry me but I shake my head. “I can walk.”
He squeezes my fingers in his and I have to fight to keep my expression calm and neutral as I recall the final lines of his father’s eerie ass poem.
Third time will do it. The wolf at your bosom will be sure to see to it.
Home Sweet Home
The sounds of home surround me. The wind in the trees carries the scents of turning leaves, apples ready for picking, dust and pollen so thick it clogs the sinuses. Fallen acorns crunch underfoot as we stride up the hill to the farmhouse. Distantly I realize Freda is talking.
“The traitor Rena was captured. She’s the fey who was guarding the tear when the Valkyries crossed into our world. I have her confined in the barn. I’ve questioned her but thus far she refuses to speak.”
I’d forgotten all about the traitor. “Good. That’s good.”
“Nic are you sure you’re all right?” Aiden places a solicitous hand at the small of my back.
It’s a gesture of support, but I can’t stifle the flinch as his hand connects with my bare skin. I try to cover it with a smile. “Just cold.”
“Let me take you directly to your room.” He reaches his other hand toward me, clearly intending to shift us to sparks.
“No.” The last thing I want is to be alone with him. “That is...um, I need you to watch the fairy hill.”
He frowns. “What?”
“Yes.” I nod, warming to the idea. “If Alric is right and the Unseelie are massing an army to march on us, you can get back here faster than anyone else.
He stares at me for a beat and I keep my fingers crossed, hoping he won’t question my motives for wanting him gone.
“As my queen commands.” Aiden nods in acknowledgment then shifts to sparks and drifts away on a gust of north wind.
“Alric,” Freda snaps. “Since the queen’s been so generous as to not have you punished, you’d best go look after your beasts.”
“As you command, First.” Alric bows once then strides off down the hill.
“I still say we should punish him.” Freda shakes her head. “To run off like that...”
“Tell you what, you punish him in your own special way.” I cast her a wink and she grins.
“So, everyone’s returned? How’s Nahini?” I ask, sobering.
Freda removes her winged helmet, the gold gleaming in the sun. “Nahini is awake and eating, though she hasn’t spoken. Her brother is with her, as well as that Valkyrie spirit. They’re guarding her night and day. I’d give it another day before you approach her though.”
“What about Harmony and Bard?”
“Fine. I have them housed in with a few of the troops, living of course. Harmony is a big hit with the soldiers, helping them cheat at cards and dice. Having a seer will be an asset to us. And Bard is exceptionally popular. He’s doing his level best to spread the tale of the brave mortal queen who outsmarted Wardon, the greatest strategist in Underhill.”
I can imagine. The shifter was a one-man USO show. “How much time has passed here?”
“Less than a day. You left last night, the Valkyrie came to me mid-morning, and Alric, Nahini and those other two strays you picked up were back by noon.”
Judging from the position of the sun, it was somewhere in late afternoon now. “I did it. I passed through the gauntlet.”
Her eyes round. “You’re immortal now?”
“I guess so.” Though I can still lie. “What changed for you, after you passed it?”
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