by Amy Cross
“It's complicated.”
“It's not complicated at all. I'm willing to have children with you, if you leave your wife and marry me. Although I hope you realize that I'm not the kind of woman to mope about all day, planning some vague online project that'll never come to fruition. We'd have to hire a nanny, because I'd want to get back to my career pretty quickly after each birth. In the PR world, you can't afford to take time out. If you're standing still, you're going backward.”
I open my mouth to reply, but suddenly my throat feels rather dry.
“You're tempted, aren't you?” she asks, kissing my bare shoulder.
“It's complicated.”
“Life's always complicated, Jonathan. If you can't handle complicated, you might as well slit your throat right now.”
She rolls onto her back.
“Think about the offer,” she continues. “It won't last forever. I'm fine being your mistress for now, but sooner or later I'm going to want a ring on my finger. I'd like it to be from you, but sometimes we don't always get what we want. Believe it or not, there are other attractive, successful men in this city. Eventually I might have to trade up.”
“It's complicated,” I reply, before sighing as I look back up at the ceiling.
“What do you think she'd do?” Caroline asks. “If you left her, I mean. What the hell would that stuck-up bitch Victoria actually do?”
“I don't know,” I whisper, unable to even imagine such a thing. “I honestly don't have a clue.”
I pause for a moment, as I feel a growing sense of hope in my chest. For the first time, I'm starting to think that Caroline might have a point.
“But maybe,” I add finally, “it's time to find out.”
Chapter Forty-Three
Today
“A train?” Sophie stammers, staring in shock as we sit in the front room. “What the hell?”
“I can barely believe it myself,” I reply, looking down at my phone and seeing the news reports that confirm the grizzly details. “Shortly before seven this evening. At least it would have been quick, I suppose.”
I hesitate for a moment, trying to imagine what it must have been like for Lynn down on the tracks.
“Yes,” I continue, trying to reassure myself. “It would have been very quick. Instantaneous, really. She probably never even knew what was happening.”
“But was he sure?” she asks, her voice trembling as tears start running down her face. “I mean, have the police confirmed that it was definitely Lynn? There might have been a mistake!”
“It was her, alright,” I mutter. “Elliot was certain. Apparently she was seen ranting and shouting at the edge of the platform before she fell. I can only assume that some combination of drugs must have completely ruined her mind. The poor woman has been going through a lot lately, and I don't think she's been entirely honest about her prognosis. I'm wondering whether she'd been given some bad news.”
“You think it might have been suicide?”
“I'm not saying that. God, no. I just...”
My voice trails off as I see her again in my mind's eye, struggling desperately to get off the tracks in time. I can only hope that after she fell, the train hit her very quickly and there was no pain. No fear. No real awareness of what was happening.
“I'm going to try calling her,” Sophie says suddenly, grabbing her phone. “She might be fine. This might be a big mix-up.”
“It's not a mix-up, Sophie,” I tell her.
“But if -”
“Call Elliot if you don't believe me.”
She freezes, and I can see the fear in her eyes.
“First Nick,” she says finally, “and now Lynn. What the hell's going on?”
She puts her head in her hands and starts sobbing. I know I should go over there and console her, but I'm not sure whether that would be entirely appropriate. Besides, a moment later Victoria appears in the doorway, so hopefully she can do all that fussy, emotional stuff.
“Mince?” she says brightly, holding up a pack of meat. “Should I fry some up with a quick tomato sauce?”
“I don't think I have much of an appetite,” I tell her, as Sophie continues to cry on the sofa.
“What about you?” Victoria asks, heading over to Sophie but holding back from actually putting a hand on her shoulder. “Would you like something to keep your strength up? I'm sure Lynn wouldn't want us all to be sitting around like this, moping and acting as if the sky is falling down. I don't cook very often but -”
“I need to go to my room!” Sophie says suddenly, getting to her feet and hurrying around the sofa. “I'm sorry!”
“She's upset about Lynn,” I point out, as Sophie disappears into the spare room and swings the door shut.
“Mince?” Victoria replies with a faint smile, as she holds up the packet of meat.
“A woman is dead!” I hiss.
“I know, but -”
“And she saw Laura before she died!”
This, at least, seems to catch Victoria's attention. The smile fades from her lips, and she seems genuinely at a loss.
“I didn't want to mention it in front of Sophie,” I continue, “but Elliot was talking to Lynn on the phone just a few minutes before the accident at the train station. Apparently Lynn said several times that she'd seen Laura. She was almost hysterical. She was on her way to Elliot's, he was going to try to talk to her. He says there's a chance she was hallucinating, but I think he's also worried that...”
My voice trails off.
“That what?” Victoria asks, with an edge of steel in her voice. “That Laura's ghost has come back for revenge? That Nick and Lynn are just the first to die?”
“The first?” I ask, raising a skeptical eyebrow.
“You know what I mean,” she says firmly. “It's quite...”
She hesitates, as if she's troubled by something. After a moment, she looks down at her trembling hands.
“Well,” she stammers finally, “we both know that ghosts aren't real, and that -”
“Do we both know that?” I ask.
“Of course!” she hisses. “Don't be tiresome, Jonathan. Laura died ten years ago, there's absolutely no doubt of that. Anything else is just foolishness and childish nonsense.”
“Are you sure you don't believe in ghosts?” I reply.
She stares at me, as if she's not sure she can answer.
“It's a simple question,” I continue. “Can't you give a simple answer? Do you believe in ghosts, darling?”
“I should go and put this meat back in the freezer,” she replies, turning and heading toward the kitchen before stopping suddenly, as if some long-buried memory might be starting to come to the surface.
I watch.
Waiting.
Is this the moment when she's jolted back to reality?
“Could you do it?” she asks finally.
“Could I do what?”
“The meat.” She sets it on the dining table, and her hands are really trembling now. “Could you pop it back into the freezer for me? I don't... I mean, I can't... Could you just do it for me, Jonathan, and not ask so many infuriating questions? Have a little pity. Please?”
“I suppose so,” I reply, getting to my feet and heading over to take the pack of meat, while keeping my eyes fixed on Victoria. She looks so upset and troubled, but I don't think she's quite made the breakthrough yet. If I pushed, though, I might be able to get her to see the light.
Assuming that's what I want.
“I think I should rest for a while,” she says finally, reaching up and touching the side of her head, almost as if she's in pain. “I'm going to get a dreadful headache if I'm not careful. Be a darling and just sort things out, won't you? And if Sophie feels like something to eat, you two should go ahead without me. I'm not very hungry.”
I watch as she heads through to our bedroom, and finally she swings the door shut to leave me standing all alone in the quiet apartment.
That was close.
; Taking a deep breath, I can't help wondering whether I should have taken the opportunity to push Victoria right over the edge. God, I can be such a coward sometimes. I probably should have done it, but at least I know now that it's possible. I can wait for the perfect moment, and to be fair the perfect moment isn't likely to be while Sophie is here. I need to wait until Victoria and I are alone once again, and then I can send her over the edge. While we have a visitor, I suppose we must maintain the status quo for a little while longer.
But once she realizes the truth about what she's done, I'm certain that Victoria will cease to be a problem.
Chapter Forty-Four
Six months ago
“Johnny! Hey, Johnny boy!”
At first, it doesn't occur to me that someone would be shouting at me in such a manner. As I make my way along Bond Street, I simply ignore the constant calls, until finally I hear footsteps running to catch up.
“Jonathan!”
Turning to my right, I'm surprised to find a rather breathless Nick at my elbow. A moment later, feeling someone else nearby, I turn to the left and find that Lynn is also here. It would appear that I have been ambushed in some kind of pincer movement.
“We were yelling your name from way back there!” Nick gasps, stopping to take another drag on his cigarette. “Are you deaf, or what?”
“Sorry,” I reply, as my mind starts racing. Could they have seen me leaving the restaurant with Caroline? If they did, I'll need to come up with an excuse, but I'm hoping that they only spotted me once Caroline and I had gone our separate ways. “You know how it is,” I continue, forcing a smile. “Sometimes, one simply gets lost in one's own thoughts.”
“Yes,” Nick mutters, “one does, doesn't one?” He chuckles. “When did you start acting so bloody, posh?”
“It's Victoria's influence,” Lynn suggests, as the three of us start walking along the crowded street. “Where is she, anyway? Back at the apartment as usual?”
“I'm afraid so,” I reply.
“I can't remember the last time I saw her out and about,” she continues. “She's not becoming one of those hermits, is she? I hope she actually leaves the place from time to time.”
“Of course,” I lie, trying to sound relaxed about the suggestion. “Why wouldn't she?”
“Are you gonna have another of your big dinner parties soon?” Nick asks. “It's been a while since we came over and drank a load of your posh wine.”
“Soon,” I tell him, and that's another lie. Well, kind of. I mean, Victoria might well have a dinner party in the near future, once I've left her, but I most certainly won't be there. As those thoughts cross my mind, it occurs to me that perhaps I shall be losing some of my old friends once my marriage is over. Then again, I suppose one must be prepared for such things. “There's been a lot on lately,” I continue. “A lot of business.”
“It's alright for some,” Nick mutters. “I've been working my ass off all day at the careers office, and spending most of my nights alone. I haven't had a date in months.”
“Your poor thing,” Lynn replies. “I've been quite busy too. Of course, I've also got the cancer, so I suppose there's that.”
“And how are you doing now?” I ask.
“Lots of chemo.”
“I'm leaving my wife tonight,” I want to tell them. Damn it, I want to shout the news from the rooftops and make sure the whole of London knows. I want it over with.
I don't say any such thing, of course.
“So how about the pub?” Nick asks. “One drink?”
“I'm afraid I can't possibly,” I reply.
“Come on, don't be a stick-in-the-mud,” he continues, nudging my arm. “We can go somewhere posh if you like. Somewhere the beers are a tenner each, and the cheapest whiskey is twenty quid. Of course, drinks'll be on you, but you can afford it. You're rolling in dough, right?”
“Another time.”
“I think he's hiding something,” Lynn says suddenly.
Stopping, I turn to them.
“He's got that shifty look in his eyes,” she continues with a smile. “Oh yeah, I'm sure of it now. Our dear Jonathan is up to something, and he doesn't want us to know about it.”
“I can assure you -”
“I think you're right,” Nick adds, taking another drag on his cigarette. “Definitely. What is it, Johnny? Are you -”
“Please don't call me Johnny!” I say firmly.
“You haven't got a bit on the side, have you?” he continues. “Then again, I wouldn't blame you. I'm assuming dear old Victoria doesn't suddenly defrost as soon as she gets into the bedroom.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I snap.
“Nothing, just -”
“I'm busy!” I tell him, before turning to Lynn. “It was nice seeing you both, but I'm afraid I have to hurry. I've got an appointment. Victoria will be in touch soon to arrange a dinner party, but until then I'm afraid I have a lot to get done. Please, enjoy your afternoon. I'm sure you have better things to do with your time than stand here and bug me.”
With that, I turn and hurry away. I know I was rude, but I certainly couldn't stand there and listen to their snide insinuations. As I reach the next corner, however, I suddenly realize that I might never see them again. Turning, I look back through the crowd, but there's already no sign of either Nick or Lynn, and I feel a flash of remorse as I realize that once I've left Victoria, I might find myself totally and permanently cut off from all my old friends. Not just Nick and Lynn, but Sophie and Elliot too.
Oh well. I suppose one has to pay a price if one wants to be happy. And as I turn and hurry away, I know that I shall be happy once I start my new life with Caroline. I shall go far, far away from Victoria and I shall never have to endure another night in her company.
I shall be free.
Chapter Forty-Five
Today
“So does Victoria never leave the apartment anymore?” Sophie asks as we stand in the elevator, waiting for the door to shut. “I can't remember the last time I saw her outside.”
“It's complicated,” I reply, tapping the button for the lobby. “This bloody door always takes forever.”
“You always say it's complicated when you don't want to talk about something,” she continues. “What's up with her? Seriously, is she turning agoraphobic or something?”
“It's really very complicated.”
“But something's wrong, right? When was the last time she went out the front door?”
“Oh, not that long ago,” I lie, tapping the button again. “A week or two.”
“Huh. I suppose that's not too bad.”
If only she knew the truth. If only she knew that Victoria hasn't left the apartment in more than six months.
“Somebody should look at this door,” I mutter, hoping to change the subject. “It shouldn't take a minute or two for them to slide shut.”
“There's something else I've noticed,” Sophie replies. “Call me crazy, but Victoria seems to get very weird in the kitchen, especially near the freezer. Is -”
“Shame about Lynn, eh?” I say suddenly, interrupting her and hoping to get her mind onto something else. “By all accounts in the newspapers, she didn't die quite instantly.”
When Sophie doesn't reply, I turn and see that she looks shocked, and now there are tears in her eyes. Still, at least she's stopped asking about Victoria.
“Sorry,” I continue, forcing a smile as the door finally slides shut and the chamber starts to descend. “That was a tad insensitive of me, I know. Still, I shall see you later for dinner. I hope your meeting with Toby goes well. Perhaps a reconciliation is on the cards, eh? You never know your luck!”
***
“It's very kind of you to accommodate me,” I tell the bellhop as I step into the hotel room. “I'm dreadfully sorry that I had to be picky, but I did so want a room on this particular floor, and on this side of the building.”
“That's quite alright,” he replies politely. “Only too
happy to help. But are you sure you don't have any other luggage with you?”
“Quite sure.” Turning to him, I hand him a crisp £10 note. That should be more than enough to get rid of him. “Thank you. That'll be all.”
He still seems a little hesitant, but at least he doesn't ask any more questions. Instead, he steps back and pulls the door shut, finally leaving me all alone in the neat, tidy but rather small room. I certainly would never normally be caught dead in such a hovel. Still, as I turn and look around, I console myself with the thought that I shan't be here for more than a few hours. Once I've seen what I need to see, I shall be able to check out.
Heading over to the window, I peer out and immediately spot the apartment building. Reaching into my shoulder bag, I take out the pair of binoculars I purchased on my way here. I've never used such things before, of course, so it takes a few minutes before I'm able to figure out how they work. Finally, however, I manage to train them on the building, and I peer through the viewfinder as I wait to find the right set of windows.
“Come on,” I mutter under my breath, “where are you?”
It takes quite a while for me to work out which apartment is which. Frankly, from this distance they all look more or less the same, but eventually I spot the familiar scene of my own lounge area, complete with the designer furniture that cost me a small fortune a few years back. Of course, it's rather difficult to steady my hands so that I can see properly, and several more minutes pass before I'm able to start watching the apartment properly.
Sophie is out, of course, so the only person home should be Victoria.
Right now, there's no sign of anyone at all.
The light are off, leaving the apartment looking rather dull and almost dead. I can't help thinking that all the black and dark brown decoration might have become a tad overbearing, and at the back of my mind I'm already thinking that when I get my new apartment, I must make it bright and colorful. Victoria was the one who wanted everything to be so dark, and I never quite mustered the strength to argue with her. As with so many other things in life, I rolled over and let her get exactly what she wanted and now -