Bangkok, Thailand:
Please maintain temperature at 1 degree from 25, any higher or lower will only make the room hotter or colder.
Italy:
This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.
Bosnia:
Guests should announce the abandonment of their rooms before 12 o’clock, emptying the room at the latest until 14 o’clock, for the use of the room before 5 at the arrival or after the 16 o’clock at the departure, will be billed as one night more.
In a bed-and-breakfast establishment near Giverny, France:
Welcome in your home.
We are pleased to share with you our way of living. Please listen to these few words.
The genuine antics in your room come from our family castle. Long life to it.
Please avoid coca watering, cream cleaning, wet towels wrapping and ironing drying. For your linen we have at your disposal garden and ironing facilities.
Due to our location in the countryside, care not to throw anything (no rubber) in the toilet (WC).
Don’t hesitate to use the terrace or the lounge. More comfortable than a bar in your bed.
Have a nice stay. We’ll do our best to please you and help you discovering French typical surroundings.
Sorrento, Italy:
The concierge immediately for informations. Please don’t wait last minutes. Then it will be too late to arrange any inconveniences.
Leipzig, Germany:
Ladies, please rinse out your teapots standing upside down in sink. In no event should hot bottoms be placed on counter.
Ankara, Turkey:
Please hang your order before retiring on your doorknob.
India:
No spiting on the walls.
Tel Aviv, Israel:
If you wish breakfast, lift the telephone and our waitress will arrive. This will be enough to bring up your food.
Madrid, Spain:
If you wish disinfection enacted in your presence, cry out for the chambermaid.
Colombo, Sri Lanka:
Please do not bathe outside the bathtub.
Switzerland:
It is defended to promenade the corridors in the boots of the mountain in front of six hours.
Copenhagen, Denmark:
Take care of burglars.
Italy:
Please report all leakings on the part of the staff.
Hue, Vietnam:
Toilet was cleaned and spayed.
Austria:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
Athens, Greece:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.
Moscow, Russia:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
Japan:
Cooles and Heates:
If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
Acapulco, Mexico:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
Hotel rate card in Chiang Mai, Thailand:
Extra Bad – 150 baht.
Brasov, Romania:
Dear Guts.
Serbia:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. Turn to her straightaway.
Mexico City:
We sorry to advise you that by a electric disperfect in the generator master of the elevator we have the necessity that don’t give service at our distinguishable guests.
Moscow:
The passenger must get free the room before two o’clocks of the day they are abandoning in other case, as the passenger fracture the day and must the administration pay for full.
Zurich:
Do you wish to change in Zurich? Do so at the hotel bank!
Italy:
Do not adjust yor light hanger. If you wish more light see manager.
Japan:
Depositing the room key into another person is prohibited.
Lobby shop in Kuantan, Malaysia:
Found in the lobby.
Japan:
Please to bathe inside the tub.
Taiwan:
Do not wear slippers to prevent falling in bath.
Thailand:
Please do not bring solicitors into your room.
Gaspe Peninsula, Canada:
No dancing in the bathrooms!
Tokyo:
Keep your hands away from unnecessary buttons for you.
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil:
Visit the hairdresser in the Sub Soil of this Hotel.
France:
Wondering what to wear? A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trousers.
Japan:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
Hotel on the Ionian Sea:
In order to prevent shoes from mislaying, please don’t corridor them. The management cannot be held.
Palma de Mallorca, Majorca:
Every Sunday very greay kocks fights at Ca’n Veta jurt in front of the ancient rase horces.
Guest questionnaire from a hotel in Lavenham, Suffolk, UK:
Was there a particular member of staff who made you stay memorable?
Guest questionnaire, Vinales, Cuba:
1. What did you look for?
2. What did you find it?
Possible ‘How was the service?’ answers:
A. Excellent
B. The awaited one
C. Almost the awaiting one
D. Nothing
Poland:
Sweat dreams.
Zurich:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
Beijing:
No permission to wench.
You’d think that if there was one thing on which hotels would make themselves clear, it’d be their fire procedure. Think again . . .
Finland:
If you cannot reach a fire exit, close the door and expose yourself at the window.
Florence, Italy:
Fire! It is what we can be doing, we hope. No fear. Not ourselves. Say quickly to all people coming up down, everywhere, a prayer always is a clerk. He is assured of safety by expert men who are in the bar for telephone for the fighters of the fire come out.
Milan:
In case of a fire in your room and your inability to put the fire out: Leave the room closing the door, find the exit following the signals. Don’t bother with your luggage. Don’t use the elevators (lifts). Don’t shout or run. Try to inform the desk, any personnel you might get across.
France:
In the event of fire the visitor, avoiding panic, is to walk down the corridor to warn the chambermaid.
Moscow:
By all means report the fire to the floor-attendant or to any other authority of the hotel.
Copenhagen:
In the event of fire, open a window and announce your presence in a seemly manner.
Beijing:
No smoking in bed. If it’s on fire the guests should be disperse according to the safety way.
Vienna, Austria:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
Saudi Arabia:
In case of fire, please read this.
Japan:
In case of fire, try to use the fire ex-ting wisher.
London, UK:
All fire extinguishers must be examined at least five days before any fire.
Laon, France, English translation of a sign in French, reading ‘En cas de feu - restez calme’:
In case of fire do not lose your temper.
Sometimes it’s even more serious than fire . . .
Tokyo:
In case of earthquake, use the torch to pass yourself out.
Feeling peckish? Why not pop down to your friendly h
otel restaurant? . . .
Madrid:
Our wine list leaves you nothing to hope for.
Belgrade:
Restauroom open daily.
Torremolinos:
We highly recommend the hotel tart.
Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam:
Tasty tacos and beautiful tarts are the order of the day.
Vietnam:
Compulsory Buffet Breakfast.
Jakarta, Indonesia:
Wondering where to eat? Grill and roast your clients! Open for lunch, dinner and Sunday brunch.
Nairobi, Kenya:
Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
Bulgaria:
If you are satisfactory, tell your friends. If you are unsatisfactory, warn the waitress.
Poland:
As for the tripe served you at the Hotel Monopol, you will be singing its praises to your grandchildren on your deathbed.
Sri Lanka:
A La Crate Menu.
Ankara:
You are invite to visit our restaurant where you can eat the Middle East Foods in a European ambulance.
Miyanoshita, Japan:
We now have a Sukiyaki Restaurant with lodging facilities for those who want to have experiences on Japanese bedding.
Jakarta:
JP Bistro – a contemporary brassiere-style restaurant . . .
Of course, competition in the hotel industry is fierce. Owners will do anything to get your business. Anything, that is, except check what they’ve written . . .
Sicilian travel brochure:
Bath in room, pavements in cooked.
Replies from German hotels in response to enquiries about accommodation:
We have ample garage accommodation for your char.
In the close village you can buy jolly memorials for when you pass away.
I send you my prices. If I am dear to you and your mistress she might perhaps be reduced.
We are also noted for having children.
I am honourable to accept your impossible request. Unhappy it is I here have not bedroom with bath. A bathroom with bed I have. I can though give you a washing with pleasure in a most clean spring with no person to see. I insist that you will like this.
I am amazing diverted by your entreaty for a room. I can offer you a commodious chamber with a balcony imminent to the romantic gorge and I hope you will want to drop in.
A vivacious stream washes my doorsteps so do not concern yourself that I am not too good in bath. I am superb in bed.
Sorrowfully I cannot abide your auto.
Having freshly taken over the proprietry of this notorious house, I am wishful that you remove to me your esteemed costume.
Standing among savage scenery the hotel offers stupendous revelations. There is a French widow in every bedroom, affording delightful prospects.
I give personal look to the interior wants of each guest. Here you shall be well fed up, and agreeably drunk.
Our charges for weekly visitors are scarcely creditable.
Peculiar arrangements for gross parties.
Our motto is ‘ever serve you right’.
A hotel should be a home from home. But then again, it’s at home where most deaths occur.
Assistant public relations manager of a Jakarta hotel after a death there (reported in the Jakarta Post):
Please tell the public not to kill themselves on hotel property if they want to die. It only confounds us. They can do it in the river for example.
Advert for a Tokyo hotel:
Our staffs are always here waiting for you to patronize them.
Hotel brochure in Qingdao, China:
Hua Tian Hotel is among the few best foreign affairs hotels.
Hotel in Sorrento:
Syrene Bellevue Hotel joins a modern functional equipment with a distinguished and smart style of the 18th century. The restaurant salon with a large view of the Gulf of Naples, a restaurant service with a big choice, the private beach to be reached by a lift from inside directly, complete the undiscussable peculiarities of this unit.
Driven to Distraction
One of the easiest ways to get lost in translation is by car . . .
Japanese road sign:
Stop. Drive sideways.
Sign in a hire car, Tokyo, Japan:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Outside a shop in Athens, Greece:
Park one hour. Later dick dock goes the money clock.
Sign in Tokyo:
Cars will not have intercourse on this bridge.
And another:
Try bigger and bigger but keep more and more slowly.
‘Dead end’ road sign, Istanbul, Turkey:
No more. Please pack up now.
Sign in Beijing, China, warning of dangerous road surface:
To take notice of safe, the slippery are very crafty.
Instructions on Japanese driving rules:
At the rise of the hand of the policeman, stop rapidly. Do not pass him, otherwise disrespect him. Do not explosion the exhaust pipe. Avoid entanglement with your wheel spoke. Go soothingly on the grease mud as there lurks a skid demon.
From owner’s manual of Toyota car:
Please not to listen to cassette while the radio is talking.
Road signs in India:
Avoid Overspeeding.
Always Avoid Accidents.
Luxor, Egypt:
Parking in wrong places will make you accountalbe to law apart from being a trespassing on the right of the citizen and the state.
Traffic sign, Karachi, Pakistan:
Please avoid accidents here.
Notice at a Tokyo immigration office:
Do not use parking lot as we expect a great deal of dustle.
In a Japanese taxi:
Safety first.
Please put on your seatbelt.
Prepare for accident.
Sign on a car in Manila, Philippines:
Car and owner for sale.
Japanese brochure:
Toyota E-com will be come a main type of car suitable for commutation in metropolis and the suburbs nearly in the future.
Sign at a car repair shop in Bali, Indonesia:
Cat Oven.
Solvent sold in Finland for unfreezing car locks:
Super piss.
Petrol station, Santa Fe, New Mexico:
We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
At a motoring event on the French Riviera:
Competitors will defile themselves on the promenade at 11 a.m., and each car will have two drivers who will relieve themselves at each other’s convenience.
On a Japanese car engine:
The ARC Product is wonders assenbiled project. They present comfortable and unknown car life with ARC power.
On the spare wheel cover of a Japanese 4×4:
It’s an outdoor sport that has recently started to shine. Outdoor sport is the science to raise spirits. To choose sports for fashion or your personality. The basic idea is to enjoy yourself. That is important.
Another:
Nissan Terrano is for the car enthusiast who wants to feel the beat of life in his own life.
Yet another:
Whenever and everywhere, we can meet our best friend – nature. Take a grip of steering!
On the front of a Japanese lorry:
Challenge safe driving for the 21st century.
Sticker on the windscreen of Japanese sports car:
OFFRIMITS
On the side of a Japanese van:
We think that we want to contribute to society through daiamond drilling and wire sawing.
And on another:
Brain Location Service.
Advert for a Japanese car:
Lost in Translation Page 2