Japanese copy of a Meatloaf album includes the tracks:
‘You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouse’ and (for ‘Two Out Of Three Ain’t Bad’) ‘Sixty Six Per Cent Is All Right’.
Bootleg CD available in China:
Seargent Peeper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.
And, by the same band:
‘Hey Tube’.
On an Indonesian bootleg U2 album:
‘Angle of Harlem’.
Caption in a Japanese magazine next to picture of famous actor:
Jude Low.
And That’s Official
They can lock you up, take your money and ask you lots of impertinent questions. So it’s nice to know that when it comes to language, the powers that be sometimes have powers that aren’t . . .
Vietnamese customs form:
Objects must be declared. If there isn’t any object mark X only at the quantity Yes column and if there are any objects, cross out letter No and at the same row write exact amount of weight of these objects in words or in figures.
Same form forbids:
Giving false declaration or having the action of tricking.
Letter sent by Rotterdam police:
You did not report yourself by the Alien police. You have to do this in a short time, otherwise you get troubles! When you don’t come to our office, we demand you to come! And when you don’t come again, you maybe have to pay a fine, and it is possible that you will be expanded.
On a Hungarian visa form:
Your answers should be typewritten or printed in case of handwriting.
Recorded information line, Australia (set up to answer questions about the new Goods and Services tax plan):
If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2.
From a meeting in the European Commission:
The chairman called the meeting to order and asked if there were any matters to discuss under the table.
Shop Soiled
The first rule of retail is that the customer is always right. The second seems to be that the grammar is always wrong . . .
In a Majorcan shop:
English well talking here speeching American.
In an Israeli butcher’s:
I slaughter myself twice daily.
Shop in Budapest, Hungary:
Very smart! Almost pansy!
Shop sign on Lovina Beach in Bali, Indonesia:
Feel like shopping? We have no good things to sell.
Grocer’s shop, Japan:
Flesh Food.
Sign outside Chinese store:
We try our best to decrease your life.
Name of shop in Medan, Indonesia:
68% Perfect Shop.
Notice in a dry-cleaner’s window in Bangkok, Thailand:
Drop your trousers here for the best results.
Clothes shop in Paris, France:
Dresses for street walking.
Laundry in Rome, Italy:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
Sign over a pet store in Osaka, Japan:
Fondle dogs.
Store in Amman, Jordan:
Visit our bargain basement – one flight up.
In the same store they sell:
Pork Handbags.
Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
Outside a tailor’s in Hong Kong:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
Shop in Tokyo, Japan:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find they are best in the long run.
On a Japanese shopping bag:
Now baby. Tonight I am feeling cool and hard boiled.
On another:
Switzerland: seaside city.
Advertisement for a Tokyo antique shop:
This shop has been moved to the present place for 35 years.
Tailor in Rhodes, Greece:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush, we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Sign in a shop on the island of Cozumel, near Mexico:
Broken English Spoken Perfectly.
Notice on a soup terrine in a German cash-and-carry store:
Pie Soup.
Chiselled in the marble façade of a Japanese clothing shop:
Dresses for ladies and gentlemen.
At a Hong Kong costume shop:
This merchandise is to be used for turning a trick on Halloween.
Turkish shop:
All peoples welcome for the gifts.
Clothes shop in Brussels, Belgium:
Mourning and sportswear.
Gift shop in Nice, France:
Our police: no return, no exchange.
Sign in a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience, we recommend coitus, efficient self-service.
Shop in Shanghai, China, aiming for ‘Cashier’:
Accept Silver.
In the window of a Japanese store:
We wish you are Merry Christmas.
Philippines photographic firm specializing in bridal photos:
You tie the knot, we freeze you.
Store in Tokyo:
Welcome to the best place where makes you happy.
Advertisement for a wedding shop in the Enfield Independent (London, UK):
Bridesmaids from £65.
Sign in the window of a shop in Hadleigh, Suffolk, UK:
Any underage person found trying to purchase cigarettes or alcohol is liable to be banded from these premises.
Price is a very important factor in any purchase . . .
Hong Kong store, advertising a final clearance:
Anal Clearance.
Cards handed out in front of shop, Mexico:
Come to Juan’s Jewelry Shop. We won’t screw you too much.
Shop in Sapporo, Japan announcing a sale:
Beat the price off!
In the window of an Indian shop:
Why go somewhere else to be cheated when you can come here?
All Part of the Package
Never judge a book by its cover, they say. But should you judge a product by its packaging?
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
On a Japanese toothpaste:
Gives you strong mouth and refreshing wind!
Warning label on a Chinese lint-cleaning roller:
1. Do not use this roller to the floorings that made of wood and plastic.
2. Do not use this roller to clean the stuffs that dangerous to your hands such as glass and chinaware.
3. Do not use the roller to people’s head, it is dangerous that hair could be sticked up to cause unexpected suffering.
Various product names from around the world:
Clean Finger Nail – Chinese tissues
Kolic – Japanese mineral water
Creap Creamy Powder – Japanese Coffee Creamer
Last Climax – Japanese tissues
Ass Glue – Chinese glue
Swine – Chinese chocolates
Libido – Chinese soda
Ban Cock – Indian cockroach repellent
Shocking – Japanese chewing gum
Homo sausage – East Asian fish sausage
Cat Wetty – Japanese moistened hand towels
Hornyphon – Austrian video recorder
Chocolate Colon – Japanese cookie
Shitto – Ghanian pepper sauce
Pipi – Yugoslavian orangeade
Polio – Czechoslovakian laundry detergent
Superglans – Netherlands car wax
I’m Dripper – Japanese instant coffee
Zit – Greek soft drink
My Fanny – Japanese toilet paper
Colon Plus – Spanish detergent
On a range of products produced by a Japanese company:
Too fast to live, too young to happy.
Russian ammunition box:
&nbs
p; Hurting cartridges.
Thai amplifier:
The whisper amplifier device is a micro one used for someone who rare to hear or interception.
Clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
Japanese toy:
Danger! A dangerous toy. This toy is being made for the extreme priority the good looks. The little part which suffocates when the sharp part which gets hurt is swallowed is contained generously. Only the person who can take responsibility by itself is to play.
A game made in China called ‘Top Bingo’, which lists its charms as:
Free More Funny!
Increase Brain.
Interesting.
Amused.
Food packaging is a particular bane of modern life. Days can pass as you try in vain to get at your Red Leicester. At least now you’ve got something to laugh at during the struggle . . .
Crème brûlée in a Paris supermarket:
Preheat your oven on grill, strew your cream with sugar. Knock over the recipient to get rid of the excess. Let the cream warm for few minutes before eating.
Jar of jam in India:
Contains no fruit whatsoever.
Instructions on a packet of convenience food from Italy:
Besmear a backing pan, previously buttered with a good tomato sauce, and, after, dispose the cannelloni, lightly distanced between them in a only couch.
Japanese low-fat yoghurt:
For Gourmet and Ladies.
On a Japanese Coca-Cola can:
I feel Coke & sound special.
On a Japanese chocolate bar:
Soft and mild, like a Japanese woman. Good flavor and full of juice.
On a Japanese tea bag:
Do not wet with water.
On a Russian ice-cream bar:
Do not taste our Ice Cream when it is too hard. Please continue your conversation until the Ice Cream grows into a softer. By adhering this advisement you will fully appreciate the wonderful Soviet Ice Cream.
On a Japanese food package:
This cute mild curry uses 100% Japanese apple and cheerful hamster.
Label on the Japanese soft drink Pocari Sweat:
Highly recommended as a beverage for such activities as sports, physical labor, after a hot bath, and even as a eye-opener in the morning.
UCC Mocha Blend Coffee label, Japan:
This coffee has the smooth and harmonious taste with full of aroma.
UCC Drink it Black Coffee label, Japan:
Black coffee has great features which other coffees have never had: Non-sugar.
On a bag of sweets bought in Wardour Street, London, UK:
Sweet candy, taste of pure candy, bring a pleasure.
On a box of ChocoBouchees, a Japanese chocolate dessert cake:
Confidence of creating deliciousness. This tastiness can not be carried even by both hands.
Label on an orange-flavoured drink, Japan:
This light and smooth taste drink is the best refreshment to you. Anytime, anywhere, just like your friend.
Kasugai Fruit Gummy snacks, Japan:
The gorgeous taste of fully ripened pineapple, imposing as a southern island king crowned in glory, is yours to enjoy in every soft and juice Kasugai Pineapple Gummy. Its translucent color so alluring and taste and aroma so gentle and mellow offer admiring feelings of a graceful lady. Enjoy soft and juicy Kasugai Muscat Gummy.
From a Tokyo trade guide:
Daily sweat is nullified by this admirable coffee set at free chatting. You can afford to grind coffee grains while having coffee itself & enjoying hand works to powder, befitted to lay on the interior item made of wooden at anywhere wanted to. Coffee fragrance matches to the article in a cute and quiet circumstance.
In an Italian advertising campaign:
Schweppes Toilet Water.
French cheese:
This crud is from the finest milk solely from the cows of the Brie region.
Sign Language
There’s something particularly beautiful about a sign that’s got lost in translation. All that effort, all that metal, all that paint – but no one stopped to check the words . . .
Sign on the grass in a Paris park:
Please do not be a dog.
Temple in Burma:
Footwearing strictly prohibited.
Indian national park:
Notice: Ramganga River is inhabited by crocodiles. Swimming is prohibited. Survivors will be prosecuted.
Tibet:
Reception Centre for the Unorganised Tourists.
Street sign in Japan:
Waiting Will Be Prosecuted.
Sign in Le Touquet, France:
Instructions to Users of the ascenseur, Persons ignorant of the maneuvers of the ascenseur are prayed instantly to address themselves to the concierge.
Sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
On a tap in a Finnish washroom:
To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
At the Eiffel Tower:
Renovating with curtsy to history: The elevator in the East pier is currently being widely upgraded. The current renovation involves updating these controls to the latest state of the art. Société Nouvelle d’exploitation de la Tour Eiffel apologises for all the temporary inconveniences.
Chinese sign:
Little grass is smiling slightly, please walk on the pavement.
Amusement ride, Saudi Arabia:
For your safety this game is not allowed for those who suffer from hearts, diabetics, nerves, high pressure and pregnants.
Bank in Bucharest, Romania:
Count change over the counter. Ulterior complaints are not listened.
The government in Seoul, South Korea, established a hotline for taxi passengers who encountered rudeness. A sign in taxis advised of this:
Intercourse Discomfort Report Center.
In a temple in Bangkok, Thailand:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
A private school in Nairobi, Kenya:
No trespassing without permission.
Oklahoma City, USA:
No dumping – trespassers will be violated.
Calcutta (Kolkata), India:
Do not spit here and there.
And another:
Commit no nuisance.
Japanese ‘Do not enter’ sign:
Don’t get into this.
Malaysia:
Caution water on road during rain.
Tai Wo station, Hong Kong:
The toilets will be partially suspended for use.
Spanish rental apartment:
Deposit: The owner asks for a deposit of 25.000 ptas as a guarantee for the flat. This amount will be returned at the end of your stay if any damage has been done.
Ski chalet, Nagano, Japan:
Let’s skiing.
Bus station, Laos:
Figure out fare office.
Museum of the Revolution, Havana, Cuba:
The museum are making different constructions work. Please we entreat excuse.
Saldanha Bay, South Africa:
Warning! To all seagulls swimming in red water is strictly prohibited.
Log Flume ride, Europa Park amusement park, near Freiburg, Germany:
Do not leaning or reaching out of the boat is stridly forbidden.
Museum in Shanghai, China:
Be careful to butt head on wall.
Liaocheng, China:
Care the stairs.
Next to a bin in Wuhan, China:
Poisonous and evil rubbish.
Plastic sign warning Japanese passers-by of ongoing work on electric cabling:
Execution in progress.
In a small town outside Beijing, China:
<
br /> Welcome to tourism holiday spot Hurauo and expect everything to turn out as you wish.
Outside a Japanese office block:
The most finest address.
Resort at Iguaco Falls on the border between Argentina and Paraguay:
Lost in Translation Page 5