by Shea Balik
“Is that for me?” she asked, completely forgetting her fear as she leaned a bit closer to him so she could try and peek into the bag.
Manuel chuckled and held up the bag in question. “As a matter of fact, it is. Would you like to open it?”
Her brown curls bobbed over her shoulders as she nodded. He handed her the bag and Emma didn’t hesitate to pull out the tissue paper to get to what was inside. Her squeals confirmed she liked it.
“Look, Uncle Syn. It’s toys for the doll house.” Emma proudly held up the box that had a miniature rocking horse, chalkboard, and wooden animals to play with. “Can I open it now?” she begged with so much hope in her little face.
It would have been more adorable if she wasn’t asking Syn like he was her guardian. PJ couldn’t explain it, but jealousy simmered inside of him that Emma turned to Syn instead of him. He knew it was petty and ridiculous since Syn has done most of the heavy lifting when it came to Emma recently, but it was there nonetheless. The green-eyed monster was scratching to be let out.
“After dinner you can open it, Emma,” Syn told her.
PJ almost contradicted him just to see what he’d do. It took every bit of willpower PJ had to stop himself. It wouldn’t do them any good for Emma to see them fighting, and him telling her she could play instead of eat would definitely lead to a fight.
Plus, he knew he was being ridiculous. If he wanted Syn to stay with them, then he would have a say in raising Emma. It was the only way things would work. Since Jennifer’s death, PJ had poured his heart and soul into raising her. How was he just supposed to step aside and share her?
“But I want to play with it now,” Emma insisted, her lower lip coming out in a pout.
Syn’s eyebrow rose up. “You have a choice, Emma, eat with us and then play with your new toy, or go to your room and miss dinner and playing with your toy altogether.”
Emma stared at Syn for a full ten seconds before turning to PJ. “Uncle PJ, I want to play with my toy.” Her tone was in the pleasant begging stages, but PJ knew it could turn into a banshee any moment.
He had to admit to being tempted to just give in. Thankfully, Syn didn’t let him. “This is your last warning, young lady. Your Uncle PJ and I are not going to change our minds.”
She sat there mulishly. PJ could practically see the wheels spinning in her mind to find a way to play with her toy. A light went on in her eyes and she turned to Manuel. PJ had to give her credit. She was determined and quite devious. “You’re a guest, so you can ask that we play with the toy first and they would have to listen to you.”
PJ had to bite down on his lip to stop from laughing. When he glanced at Syn, he could see he was doing the same thing. Poor Manuel didn’t have the option. Instead he acted as if he were giving Emma’s suggestion some consideration.
“I don’t think that would be appropriate,” Manuel said as if he were talking to an adult. “Your Uncle Syn spent a lot of time working on dinner, and I don’t want him to think I don’t appreciate the time he took to make it.”
Emma tilted her head as she thought about what Manuel said. PJ wasn’t sure if she agreed with Manuel or realized she wasn’t going to get her way when she nodded. “Okay, but will you play with me when we are done eating?”
Manuel stuck his hand out and shook Emma’s hand. “You have a deal. Now point to where I’m to sit,” he said to her even though there was only one spot left open.
But Emma still pointed to the chair that was between her and Syn. “You can sit near me.”
“I would be honored,” Manuel said as he sat down.
Emma giggled.
PJ blinked at the pair. What just happened? PJ had been sure Emma was going to throw a temper tantrum and now she’s giggling. It didn’t make any sense.
One of Syn’s hands covered his and PJ glanced over at him. “Just be happy disaster was diverted,” he leaned over and whispered in PJ’s ear.
“How?” PJ whispered back.
Those lips that had a way of making PJ melt, lifted up against his ear before a kiss was placed on the tip. “Just be thankful and eat.”
PJ nodded and picked up his fork as if he were on automatic pilot. All that changed when the lasagna practically melted on his tongue. The rich sauce, spicy meat, and creamy cheese blended together with the pasta in the perfect bite. PJ couldn’t help it, he moaned in sheer pleasure.
He hadn’t even realized he’d closed his eyes until he opened them to find everyone at the table staring at him. At first he was embarrassed, but then he saw the smile of happiness on Syn’s face and didn’t care what anyone else thought. He wanted Syn to know how much it meant to him that he made PJ’s favorite meal.
“Thank you,” PJ said. “It is delicious, as always.” He just wished they had some alone time for PJ to express his gratitude.
Wait.
His felt like a lightbulb had gone off as he turned to stare at Manuel, who was talking to Emma about her dollhouse. When he looked back at Syn, he suddenly realized why Manuel was there. “Is he here to babysit?” he asked hopefully.
“Yes, he is, little love.” Syn leaned closer. “If you’re up to it, I have plans for later.”
PJ didn’t care if he was up for it or not. He wasn’t about to waste this opportunity. He still wasn’t sure Syn would really stay, but PJ no longer was willing to keep his distance. What was the point? He was in love with Syn, heart, body, and soul. He’d never stopped loving him.
If Syn left now or later, PJ would be devastated just the same. At least this way he was able to be with the man while he was there. Create more memories.
Chapter Eighteen
PJ wasn’t sure if it was butterflies or knots that were plaguing him at the moment. Most likely both. Not that it mattered. If whatever it was didn’t stop, that amazing lasagna Syn had made, would never stay in his stomach, and he was betting it wouldn’t taste as good coming up as going down.
He just wasn’t sure how to calm the excitement and nerves that were rolling around inside of him like a turbulent sea. It had been so long since he’d done any type of BDSM. What if he no longer liked it?
PJ gave an indelicate snort at that stupid thought. If he didn’t still enjoy it, his dick wouldn’t have gotten rock hard when Syn led him into one of the specialty rooms at the club that night. The moment his eyes rested on his favorite toy, a crop, his cock had filled so fast PJ had felt faint from the rush of blood going south.
“Stop,” Syn ordered.
Since they weren’t moving, PJ knew Syn was talking about the thoughts that were whirling around in his head. “I don’t know if I can,” he admitted.
Arms wrapped around him, careful not to unbalance him on his crutches. The moment Syn’s mouth took his, all those uncontrolled thoughts fled, just like they had in the past. Any other thought than Syn’s lips on his were impossible. Syn had a way of kissing that stole all of PJ’s focus.
So engrossed in the way Syn’s tongue slid over his, PJ forgot all about not putting any weight on his injured foot. “Fuck,” he shouted, but before the word had completely left his mouth, Syn already had him lifted a few inches off the floor so PJ could no longer make that mistake.
Then that sensual mouth was back on his and the pain melted away as PJ dove back into the kiss. One arm was securely around his waist. The other hand threaded into PJ’s hair, tugging on the strands until PJ’s head was tilted just right for Syn to completely own PJ’s mouth. This wasn’t just a kiss, it was a branding.
A thrill went through PJ at the thought of once more belonging to this man, who had a way of making PJ’s world that much better by just being in it. Whenever Syn had been there in the past, PJ had always felt he could face anything, no matter how difficult.
Then his parents had died and PJ had the rug ripped right out from under him. That was when he learned life liked to fuck with him. He just wished it would use lube once in a while.
“Stop,” Syn ordered as he ripped his mouth from PJ’s.
Suddenly he was sitting on a chair across the room, his crutches still on the floor where he’d dropped them. “I think I should go back home,” PJ said, desperately wanting to get out of there.
But Syn ignored him. Instead he started setting up a swing. It wasn’t something they had ever used before but PJ had to admit to being curious. Just not enough to stay. He was wrong before. If Syn left him after this, PJ knew, deep down, he might not survive.
A scene was just too intimate. He might have been able to handle simple sex, but not this. Then again, nothing about sex with Syn was simple. Still, PJ had no doubts, he couldn’t go through with this and come out the other side when Syn walked out of his life again.
“Did you hear me?” PJ yelled. “I want to go home.”
Syn didn’t respond. He just finished what he was doing as if PJ wasn’t even there.
Pissed, PJ scooted to the edge of the chair, intent on hopping on one foot to his crutches. “Don’t even try it,” Syn warned when he went to try and stand. “Or your ass will be red for a whole different reason.”
PJ hesitated with his hand on the small table that was next to the chair. He really didn’t want to stay but he also knew Syn would do just as he said. In the past, PJ might have done it anyway just to get the punishment he enjoyed, but not tonight. Tonight he only wanted to get out of there before things had gone too far.
“I’m not kidding, Syn. I don’t want this.” PJ could hear the hysteria that was creeping into his voice. It wasn’t fear of Syn. It was the fear of what happened after. “Please, just take me home.”
Syn stepped back from the swing and studied it for a moment. He seemed happy with whatever he’d done and then turned to face PJ. “There is only one way to stop what is about to happen.”
Safeword.
“But understand,” Syn said when PJ opened his mouth. “I’m not sure we can come back from that. I know you’re scared, little love. But I’m here, trying to show you that nothing can ever separate us again. To do that, I need you trust me.”
Syn took several steps toward him but stopped a full foot away. Then he knelt down so they were almost at eye level. “I need you to give me a chance.”
PJ opened his mouth once more, fully intending to say his safeword, tractor. Having come from a farm, it had seemed a good choice when Syn had made him come up with one. It definitely wasn’t something he would say in the heat of the moment.
He took a breath but stopped before giving voice to the word on the tip of his tongue. Syn was right. If he said his safeword, there was no coming back from it. At least, not if he said it now. For it meant he didn’t want this. Not now and not in the future.
That couldn’t be further from the truth. PJ just wished he wasn’t so scared of what that future might entail. “What if I’m afraid?” he whispered.
Syn reached a hand out and took his. “I’m afraid, too.”
That surprised PJ and he looked into Syn’s eyes to see if he was being sincere. The love mixed with fear was there in his brown eyes for PJ to see.
“Please try, my little love.” There was a tone to Syn’s voice that sounded like begging. “I don’t want to live another moment of my life without you in it.”
A tear slipped from PJ’s eye and down his cheek. Syn reached out with his other hand and wiped it away. The gesture was so sweet that PJ was helpless but to agree to continue the scene, even though he knew if Syn broke his heart this time, he wouldn’t ever be able to piece it back together.
“Okay. I’ll try,” he said, praying he didn’t regret his decision. But it was the only one he could have made. Not giving Syn a chance would be like cutting his heart in two right now. Sure, he’d at least have a part of his heart intact, but it still wouldn’t be whole.
Chapter Nineteen
It wasn’t until PJ said “okay,” that Syn took his first full breath since the moment PJ had asked to go home. He had known if he allowed PJ to leave that they might never have their happily ever after. Hell, it was still not a guarantee but at least there was a shot.
He just hoped he was right about what PJ needed. Never had Syn ever been this unsure about what a sub needed. Then again, there hadn’t been a time when it was so damn important he get it right.
So much was riding on this that Syn had begun doubting every move he made. The only thing he’d known he’d done right was reminding PJ about his safeword. As much as he’d been terrified that he’d use it, PJ had to want this too if there was any hope of it working.
The last thing Syn wanted was to force PJ. Well, that wasn’t strictly true. When PJ had opened his mouth about to give his safeword, Syn had been more than a little tempted to throw him over his shoulder, put him in the car and take him to some remote place where no one would ever find them. In those few moments, he’d imagined tying PJ up and never allowing him to leave.
It might not have been the ideal future, but at least he’d have had PJ. Thankfully, he hadn’t had to test his resolve to give PJ a choice as PJ had agreed to try. “Thank you,” he said and leaned forward to place a brief kiss to those lush lips.
“Since I don’t want you to put your foot on the floor, I will help you get undressed.” His offer was twofold. Sure, he didn’t want to risk causing PJ any injury, but Syn had to admit, he’d been itching to get his hands on PJ’s naked body for some time now.
Just thinking about it was enough to cause his cock to surge back to life and press against his zipper painfully. PJ had the ability to make Syn ache in ways no one else ever had.
He took PJ’s removable boot off, but once he had his pants, and underwear off he put it back on. There was no point in taking a chance of something hitting against his ankle and ruining their night. Plus, he didn’t want to hurt his little love if he could help it.
While he’d been taking off PJ’s pants, PJ pulled his shirt over his head. Syn inhaled sharply at the sight his little love made completely naked. Lightly tanned, silky smooth skin met his gaze and Syn’s mouth watered as he imagined getting to taste every inch. He used to be able to spend hours doing just that. He looked forward to doing it again.
But tonight was to help PJ deal with what was going on inside his head. Not Syn’s libido. Still, those tight little nubs called out to Syn and he couldn’t resist reaching out to pinch and twist each one.
He smiled at PJ’s gasp and the way he pushed his chest into Syn’s touch as if he couldn’t help himself. It helped Syn’s ego a bit to know his little love was just as turned on as Syn was.
He stood up. When he picked PJ up and cradled him in his arms, once more Syn was struck with how much he belonged there. He just hoped by the end of the night he’d be able to convince PJ of that.
“We are going to try the swing,” he said as he moved toward the apparatus. “I’ve rigged it so it should support your injured leg without putting any strain on your knee or ankle.
Physical therapy had been going well and PJ had been getting more and more use of his knee, but he still had trouble with it and both the doctor and physical therapist warned it could be months before he didn’t have pain when it was overworked.
Gently, he placed PJ into the swing. It took a little effort since they were being careful not to harm his leg, but with a few adjustments PJ was secure and his knee and ankle were supported.
“How does that feel?” he asked as he watched PJ’s face to make sure there was no discomfort showing.
Other than the nerves that had been there all night, PJ didn’t look as if he were hurting. “Good,” PJ answered. “I had no idea these things were this comfortable.”
Syn chuckled. “If you like it that much, I may have to invest in one.”
PJ’s eyes widened a bit. Syn wasn’t sure if it was the thought of having one at home to use, or if he was thinkin
g about what Emma would say if she happened to see it. No, they would leave this type of play for the club. It would mean finding babysitters they could trust, but Syn was willing to pay any amount of money for time alone with PJ.
Having seen PJ’s excitement when his gaze had landed on a display of crops, Syn picked one out. PJ’s dick pulsed and a small amount of fluid leaked from the tip when he turned back with crop in hand. His little love always had loved the sting of the crop, and Syn was more than happy to give him what he wanted.
It was important that PJ be as comfortable with what was about to happen as possible. His little love had been barely holding on for so long, and it was time to give him permission to let it all go. Syn actually worried if PJ held on any tighter, he would one day explode.
Syn stood before PJ with the crop held out so PJ could see it clearly. “It has been a while since we’ve done this, so I want to go over a few of the rules.” He’d always made sure his subs knew what he expected from them and what they could expect from him. Even before, he’d truly understood why it was so important to be safe, sane, and consensual.
Unfortunately, over the years he’d encountered a few unscrupulous men who used BDSM to do nothing more than torture another person. The mental scars from some of the scenes he’d come upon had stayed with him, making this process even more important.
“First, you are to speak your safeword so that we are both on the same page,” Syn said even though he knew neither of them had forgotten no matter how long it had been.
“Tractor,” PJ said clearly.
Syn smiled down at him. “Good boy.”
PJ visibly shivered at being called boy. The weight of finally being with his little love, doing a scene slammed into Syn and he had to touch PJ. He placed a hand on PJ’s arm, stroking the soft skin from shoulder to fingertips.
More content that he was touching PJ, he went over what he was planning, leaving out the fact that he was hoping PJ would feel comfortable enough to get the poison that was inside of him out. He wasn’t going to put that kind of pressure on PJ for their first session, but it didn’t mean Syn wouldn’t do everything he could to make it happen.