by Anna Sugden
But the baby wouldn’t wait and neither would Issy.
He had seven days to make up his mind, so he’d better figure things out fast. Especially with the home opener coming up, followed almost immediately by a weeklong road trip out west.
J.B. smacked his hand on the steering wheel. He knew what to do. Instead of pulling into the parking space outside his town house, he did a one-eighty and headed back out.
* * *
JAKE’S VICTORIAN HOUSE was gorgeous, but it was the epitome of tradition and longevity. And family.
J.B. preferred modern, easy maintenance. A place that didn’t require him to be a slave to its upkeep. One he could walk away from without a backward glance.
He rented Ike’s town house because he wasn’t ready to put down roots. Besides, he could be traded to another team at any point.
Still, Bad Boy’s house was a great place to visit: warm, welcoming and homey. J.B. felt more comfortable there than he did at the family farm.
Maggie answered the door, with Joe holding one hand. The kid’s face was covered in orange goo. “Hi, J.B. Come in.”
“Hey, beautiful.” He kissed her on the cheek as he stepped inside. He eyed the grinning toddler warily. “Whoa, bud. That stuff looks nuclear.”
Maggie laughed. “Puréed carrots. He loves them. As much as mushy peas.” She wrinkled her nose at Joe. “I’ve never liked them, but he eats a bowlful like it’s custard. I get tins of the stuff shipped over from England for him. My dad loved them, too.”
“Must be in the genes.”
“Hopefully that’s the only thing Joe gets from the English side of the family.”
Maggie’s parents had been difficult and, like Issy, she’d left home to escape them.
After an abusive first husband, a professional soccer player, the last thing Maggie had wanted for her and her daughter Emily was to fall in love with a playboy pro hockey player.
Yet, they’d overcome the odds and were a living example of happily-ever-after.
Abruptly, J.B. shook away the strange twinge of envy for Jake. While he was pleased things had worked out for them, that wasn’t what he wanted for himself. Not right now, anyway.
He ruffled Joe’s hair. “Your kid definitely got his good looks from you and not that ugly dude you married.”
Maggie grinned. “Always the charmer.”
Yeah. With everyone except Issy. “Is Jake home?”
“He’s helping Emily practice her shot in the back garden. They’ve been at it for a while, so I’m sure he’ll be glad of the interruption. You know the way. I’ll bring you a beer once I’ve cleaned up young sir.”
“Thanks.” J.B. wandered through the house and out the back door. He stood on the deck and watched as his friend patiently explained to his thirteen-year-old stepdaughter how to get more power in her shot.
If J.B. hadn’t known Emily’s background, he’d have thought she was Jake’s natural child.
Emily squealed when she saw J.B. She dropped her stick and rushed over, throwing herself into his arms.
He caught her easily, swinging her around. “One of these days you’ll be too grown up to do this, Em.”
“Never. It’s my favorite thing. Next to hockey.”
“Glad to hear it.”
Jake put his hand on Emily’s shoulder. “Tidy your gear away, then go get washed up for dinner.”
Emily dashed off.
“I wish I had half her energy.” Jake sighed. “Let’s grab a seat on the deck. I ache all over. I swear these preseason practices are getting harder.”
“You’re getting old, man.”
“I know.” Jake rubbed his thigh. “Plus the pins in my leg are telling me there’s rain coming. I swear it’s a better weather forecaster than that Doppler on the Weather Channel.”
As they sat in the Adirondack chairs, Maggie brought them out some beers and a tray of chips and dip. “Would you like to stay to dinner, J.B.?”
“If I wouldn’t be intruding.”
Maggie smacked him on the shoulder. “Don’t be silly. You’re part of the family.”
“Thanks. That’d be great.”
“It’s all made. I’ll keep it warm in the oven until you’re finished. In the meantime, I’ll supervise Joe’s bath.”
J.B. watched her drop a kiss on Jake’s lips, then go inside. “She’s way too good for you.”
Jake grinned. “I lucked out there, for sure.” His expression turned serious. “What’s up?”
J.B. felt strangely embarrassed. It wasn’t as if Jake hadn’t known him at his worst. Still, he hated to see his friend’s disappointment. Jake always saw the good in him. Encouraged him to be better.
“How bad can it be?” Jake asked, understanding in his ice-blue eyes.
“Possibly a new low.”
“I doubt that. You’re not a bad person.”
“Remember that woman I met in Antigua?”
“The one who came to the game with her friend? Bella something?”
“Isabelle. Issy.” J.B. nodded. “I got her pregnant.”
“Okay.” Jake arched an eyebrow. “Tricky. You’re sure it’s yours?”
“Yeah. This time it definitely is.” J.B. sighed. “It’s not my fault. Or hers. We were careful. There was a perfect storm of bad luck and now I’m stuck in a situation. I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do.”
“You want to tell me the rest of it?”
Reassured by Jake’s lack of judgment, J.B. told him the whole story.
Jake whistled through his teeth. “That’s a tough one. There’s no right or wrong answer. Except what’s best for you.”
“That’s the problem. I don’t know what’s best for me. Not true. I know what’s best right now, but how do I know that’ll still be the correct answer twelve months from now? Or two years or five or ten?”
“You don’t. All you can do is make sure you don’t put yourself in a position you can’t get out of, if your feelings change down the line.”
“Issy made it pretty damn clear—it’s all or nothing.”
Jake tapped his beer bottle against his mouth. “I understand why she said that, but it’s not practical to set anything in stone before the baby’s even born. Because the moment you hold your kid in your arms that first time, everything changes.”
“If I sign away my rights, I won’t have to worry about that. I won’t ever see the baby.” There was that weird tug in his chest again.
“Is that really what you want to do? I’d get it if you didn’t like kids, but you do. You love your nieces and nephews, and you adore Emily, Joe and Tru’s twins. Take that and multiply it by a zillion for your own child.”
J.B. could feel himself being sucked in. “I guess. It’s not like I don’t want kids ever. Just not right now.”
“It’s not the worst thing in the world. Trust me.”
How hard could it be? Especially if he did it part-time? That’s how divorced parents did it. He could see himself finding a little time here and there to spend with his kid. Perhaps he could have his cake and eat it, too?
Jake continued. “And giving up the lifestyle won’t be a hardship, because you’ll want to spend any available time with your kid.”
Jake’s words pricked J.B.’s confident bubble.
Like the older, married guys, he’d be rushing off after every game, every road trip, to fulfill whatever parental obligations he’d agreed to with Issy. His free time would be consumed with worrying about important decisions and key stages in their child’s development. His life and his time would be dictated by and revolve around someone else’s requirements. Not someone he could blow off, either. Nobody would understand him catering to his own needs.
Crap. Maybe it would be easier, better, all around, if he didn’t get involved from the start.
“Do you care for Issy?” Jake asked.
“Sure.” That J.B. didn’t hesitate told him something. But it didn’t solve anything.
“So, if this hadn�
�t happened, would you want to keep on seeing her?”
“More than likely. Why?”
“Because this can’t just be about the baby. It has to be about the two of you, as well. If you decide to be involved, you’ll spend a lot of time with Issy. Equally, if you go the other route, you wouldn’t just be letting your baby go, but her, too.”
As if it wasn’t a tough enough call.
“I can’t be what Issy wants, and the baby needs me to be, at the moment. I don’t want the responsibility of a serious relationship or fatherhood.”
His admission seemed to lift a weight from his shoulders that he hadn’t realized he’d been carrying. “I have too many other priorities, some important goals to achieve, before I think about settling down.”
“I get that it’s a daunting prospect at the moment, J.B. What with the new season starting and the new-look team settling down after Scotty’s retirement and the moves over the summer, but that makes it even more important that you don’t make a decision you’ll end up regretting later.”
J.B. ran his thumbnail over the label on the beer bottle, working one edge free from the glass. “I can’t commit to something that isn’t right for me because I’m scared of what might or might not happen down the line. It’s not just Issy who wants this settled quickly. I do, too. I don’t want this decision hanging over my head.”
Jake didn’t say anything for a moment. “You’re sure there’s no room for compromise? It has to be all or nothing, right now?”
“Yes.”
“For your sake, and to avoid any regrets, I think you should at least see your baby before you make any firm decisions. For sure, delay signing any paperwork until after the baby’s born.”
“I guess I could make that work. It’s only six months. It’ll probably take that long to formalize any agreement between us, anyway.”
Maggie stuck her head out the screen door. “Are you ready to eat?”
Jake looked at him. “I think we are. J.B.?”
Now that he’d figured out a plan, he was starving. “Yeah, I’m all set.” He pushed to his feet. “All this serious talk has made me hungry.”
“Dinner will be on the table in five minutes.”
As they walked into the house, J.B. said, “Thanks, man. I appreciate the advice.”
“Anytime. I don’t have all the answers, but I do know you should always think twice before closing any doors for good. Forever is a hell of a long time.”
And that, J.B. thought, was exactly the problem. Especially if he made the wrong decision.
CHAPTER TEN
ISSY EYED THE array of spirits lined up along the dark wood bar of the Exeter Diner and wished she drank. Not that she’d ever liked the taste of anything stronger than white wine. Even the smell of bourbon turned her stomach; her parents’ trailer had always stunk of it. Still, a little tot might help settle her nerves as she waited for J.B.
It wasn’t an option. Her developing baby’s health took precedence over jangled nerves. She sipped her sparkling water and checked her watch. Five minutes later than when she’d last looked, and five minutes ahead of when she and J.B. had agreed to meet at six o’clock.
For about the millionth time since his call the previous evening Issy wondered what decision he’d come to. Would he commit or walk away? She wasn’t sure what to read into the fact that he’d only taken one of his allotted seven days before phoning.
“You’ll know soon enough. What will be, will be,” Issy muttered to herself.
She picked up a dog-eared menu but couldn’t focus on it, so put it down again. Her stomach churned. The last thing she wanted to do was eat.
She’d chosen the local hole-in-the-wall because it had great food and a clientele that kept to itself. The dim lighting and the high-sided booths had an almost clandestine feel and gave the illusion of privacy. Perfect for the conversation ahead.
She straightened the cutlery and rearranged the condiments to avoid checking her watch again.
Issy started as J.B. slid into the booth and sat opposite her. She picked up her drink and took a sip, but the sparkling water went down the wrong way and she began to cough and splutter.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
Unable to speak, she nodded. Unfortunately she couldn’t quite catch her breath and her embarrassment seemed to make things worse.
J.B. came around to her side of the booth, sat beside her and slapped her on the back.
Whether it was the shock of his thigh pressed against hers or the pounding, her airway cleared and she was able to drag in a rasping breath.
“Better?” J.B.’s hand remained on her upper back, rubbing in slow circles.
“Yes, thank you.” Her voice sounded scratchy. “I’m fine.”
“Can I get you a drink, sir?” A gum-snapping waitress, with Shirley embroidered on the bib of her uniform, cocked a hip and waited for an answer.
“Issy?” J.B. asked.
When she shook her head, he gave the waitress one of his charming smiles and said, “Diet cola would be great, thanks.”
“Sure. The specials are on the blackboard. I can recommend the moussaka. I’ll be right back with the cola.”
As Shirley walked away J.B. returned to the other side of the booth. He picked up a menu, then put it down almost immediately without opening it. “So, uh, thanks for meeting me.”
Issy was surprised by his uncharacteristic hesitance. If she didn’t know better, she’d think he was as nervous as she was.
He gave her a half smile. “I thought it would be easier to talk about this if we were in neutral territory.”
“And having people around would keep it from getting too emotional.”
“That, too. No one likes to see a grown man cry.”
Reluctantly she smiled. “Some women think it’s good to see a man who’s in touch with his feelings and isn’t afraid to show them.”
He gave an exaggerated shudder, then tapped the menu. “Would you prefer to have food first or talk?”
“Why don’t we get this over with?” She winced inwardly. She hadn’t intended her response to sound so harsh. “What I mean is...”
“That’s okay. I get it.” J.B.’s dark eyes were shuttered.
“You’ve come to a decision.”
“Once I’d had a chance to consider the issues, the solution became clear.”
“What’s your solution?”
“I’m prepared to give you full custody.”
Her immediate relief was tinged with disappointment. Issy had what she’d wanted. So why wasn’t she happier? She might be a romantic, but even she couldn’t pretty up what J.B. was. Happy families simply weren’t part of his makeup.
“I have one condition.”
Damn it. “Which is?”
“I won’t sign the paperwork renouncing my parental rights until after the baby’s born.”
Her heart sank. “Why not?”
“I want to be absolutely sure.”
“Of what?”
“That I’m doing the right thing.” He sighed heavily.
“I see.”
“I need to be free to do whatever it takes to win the Cup,” he continued. “I can’t afford to be firing on anything less than all cylinders, mentally and physically. I know it’s possible to juggle team and family—I have several teammates who thrive on it—but I need to be more than good enough.”
How could a sports trophy be more important than his own flesh and blood? He must think her a fool to believe it was just about that precious Cup. “What about the parties, clubs and women?” she asked sarcastically.
He fiddled with the frayed edge of the menu. “That’s just blowing off steam. Once we get into the grind of the season, there isn’t a whole lot of time for any of that. We play two or three games a week, sometimes on consecutive nights. Which is why I only party when I know it won’t affect my play, and when I date, it’s no strings attached. You can see why a family doesn’t work with that.”
How ha
d she ever thought he might be the kind of guy she’d want a relationship with? “If you’re so certain about all of that, then why the delay?”
“I’m sure about the custody arrangement and the financial support. No matter what happens, that won’t change. What’s harder for me to gauge is signing away all rights to my son or daughter.”
“In case you feel like stopping by to play ball once in a blue moon.”
He acknowledged her jab with a tilt of his head. “I’m told that once I see my child, I’ll feel things I’ve never felt before. I don’t know that I believe that, but what if it’s true? What if I regret taking myself completely out of his or her life before it’s even begun?”
“The easy answer would be not to see the baby at all. Just forget we exist. We’ll be nothing more than a line on your bank statement every month.”
He frowned. “You must think I’m a coldhearted bastard. I’m just trying to be honest.”
As Shirley served his drink, Issy thought about what J.B. had said. He had a point. She didn’t have to like it, even if she was prepared to admit as much.
Once the waitress had gone, he said, “I promise, I won’t do anything that will hurt you or the baby.”
“I know.” He might be self-centered, but he wasn’t cruel.
“And it’s not like you want to be stuck with me, either.”
Issy wasn’t prepared to settle for a man who thought commitment and responsibility were dirty words. “That’s true.”
For a moment something flickered in J.B.’s dark eyes. Then it was gone.
“I don’t want to close any doors until I’m absolutely sure I won’t want to open them again,” he said. “Wouldn’t you want the same if our positions were reversed?”
She felt a little guilty. Perhaps her demands had been a little unfair. She’d got the most important thing: control over her child’s life with no interference from J.B. Even if she didn’t trust him, she could make sure that she was covered legally, every which way, to prevent any nasty surprises down the line.
“All right. I’ll get a lawyer to draw up the custody agreement and, separately, the paternity rights papers.”