by Anna Sugden
“Mommy’s jealousy has more to do with the fact that the little monster’s lying peacefully in your arms, instead of screaming the house down as she did pretty much every hour, on the hour, last night.” Issy yawned.
“Mommy didn’t mean the M word.”
“Yes, she did.” Issy tackled a second pile of baby clothes. Babies created so much laundry. Thankfully, Sophia had received baby outfits as presents and a number of Cats’ wives had handed down clothes, or Issy would be washing every day. “I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her and nothing I did worked. At 4:00 a.m. I started to cry along with her. Then we both fell asleep...for an hour.”
“Poor thing’s finally worn herself out.”
Sapphie lowered Sophia gently into the Moses basket next to the sofa. “You must be exhausted.”
“I am. I’ve learned to take short naps whenever I can or I’d be a zombie.” She bit her lip. “I hope Sophia isn’t coming down with something.”
“She doesn’t have a temperature and she’s eating okay, so I’m sure she’s fine.”
“It’s hard when they can’t tell you what’s wrong.”
“I’m the world’s worst at interpreting baby cries. It’s a good thing I don’t intend to have kids.” As if to prevent a discussion on the subject, Sapphie added quickly, “It was probably a blessing that Sophia’s daddy wasn’t here last night.”
The Cats were on a quick two-game road trip to Ottawa and Toronto.
Issy wrinkled her nose. “True. He wouldn’t have been happy to have his sleep interrupted like that.”
“So J.B.’s still sleeping over?”
“Unless he’s on the road or there’s an early face-off. He’s spent practically every night with us since we came home from the hospital.”
“Wow. Almost a month. Impressive.”
“It is and I am impressed. He’s taking this daddy business more seriously than I expected. He even helps out changing diapers. Only the wet ones, but that’s more than someone else I could mention.”
Sapphie shrugged. “Godmothers are for fun stuff. It’s not like I didn’t change enough when we were younger. And I would do it, if you weren’t around.” She wrinkled her nose. “You have clothespins, right?”
“Oh, yes.” Issy laughed.
“So Sophia’s helped Daddy turn over a new leaf?” Sapphie’s casual tone didn’t fool Issy.
“She’s certainly made him think twice about what’s important in his life.” Issy folded a tiny Ice Cats T-shirt. “He spends as much time as possible with her. He adores her. Of course, she adores him, too. Her little face lights up whenever she sees him.”
“She’s not the only one. Her mama’s does, too.”
Issy didn’t bother denying it. “J.B.’s been wonderful. He treats me like I’m special.”
“I’m glad. He hasn’t said any more about what he wants to do about your relationship?”
Trust Sapphie to spot the one tiny fly in the ointment. “No, and I haven’t pushed him. I said he could have until June and I meant it.”
“I know. I suppose I was hoping that this new J.B. would put his money where his mouth was and make that final commitment.”
“His money isn’t the problem.” Issy waved a hand around the apartment. “There isn’t a thing our daughter needs that he hasn’t bought. And a few things she doesn’t.” She pointed to the enormous stuffed snow leopard beside the sofa. “Him, for example.”
“He’s beautiful, but he needs his own room.” Sapphie laughed. “This limbo would drive me crazy. J.B. stays here whenever he can, but he hasn’t actually moved in. He’s on the birth certificate as Sophia’s father, but hasn’t decided whether that means anything legally. He’s crazy about you and her, but hasn’t done anything to formalize your relationship.”
Issy sighed. It wasn’t that she didn’t want love, marriage, a stable family unit and the security that came with it. She did, very much. But she didn’t want to have them because J.B. felt pressured.
The past month had been a taste of what being with J.B. permanently could be like and, despite the stresses of being a new parent, it was great. But she’d also seen how much of a time commitment being an NHL player was. Not only the practices and the games, but the other things that went along with it. Media calls, charity work, workouts at the gym, reviewing film of opposing teams—the list went on.
She’d known J.B. took his job very seriously, but she hadn’t appreciated how rigid he was about keeping fit, eating right and doing his homework. He said he had to work harder as he got older, because things got tougher with age. What he’d taken for granted when he was younger wasn’t so easy now, even though he was still only twenty-five.
And by rigid, she meant like an iron rod. Totally inflexible. Which took some managing when there was a baby in the house who had the rigidity of cooked spaghetti but who demanded whatever she needed now, now, now. So far, Issy and J.B. had been able to work their way through those issues because Issy had been the one to compromise.
“Am I frustrated? Sure,” Issy admitted. “But I can live with it, as long as we’re providing the best for Sophia.”
Sapphie didn’t look convinced. “Sophia’s a pretty placid baby and she seems to have settled into a routine fairly quickly. You’re lucky.”
“I know. Up to now, things have been relatively easy. Despite being premature, Sophia’s developed well and had no problems. She isn’t sickly or whiny, and she’s usually easy to please. At least until last night.”
“Added to which the Cats have been on a home-stand or their away games have only been in their division, so there hasn’t been a lot of extended travel to contend with.”
“Plus, the Cats have been on fire.” With less than a month to go in the regular season, the team topped their division and conference level, and were second in the entire league. “J.B.’s been in a good mood and hasn’t been stressed out.”
“And he’s banging in goals like he’s trying to catch Gretzky’s record. He’s neck and neck with Ovechkin for the Rocket Richard Trophy.”
Which brought her to the real worry. “It’s easy for life to be sunshine and flowers when everything’s going well. What happens when they’re not?”
“You deal with it. You’ve dealt with worse.”
“I suppose.”
“You can’t tell me everything’s been plain sailing these past few weeks.” When Issy shook her head Sapphie said, “So what did you do then?”
“Worked my way around it.” Issy hitched her shoulder, trying to sound casual. “I’m not the one with the complicated, strict timetable”
“But you have an important schedule of your own, for Sophia.”
“Her schedule is simple and J.B. knows well enough not to interfere with that. I suppose my own suffers a bit.”
“Don’t get into habits that’ll be hard to break down the line,” Sapphie said sternly. “J.B. can’t expect you to be the one who bends all the time. And don’t let him walk all over you.”
“I won’t. Anyway, it’s only for a few more months, until the season’s over.”
“What if J.B. decides he wants to make things permanent?”
Issy’s heart skipped a beat. The more time they’d spent together, the more she’d begun to hope there could actually be a happy ending. She knew better than to bank on that hope, but with each passing day, she felt them growing closer and their family unit getting stronger. “I try not to look too far ahead. We’ll cross that bridge when—if we come to it.”
“Have you thought about the flipside—what if things don’t work out?”
“Then I won’t have to worry about working around anyone. I’ll only have myself and Sophia to think about.”
“You sound like you’ve covered all the bases.”
“As much as I can. Other than his career, J.B. hates anything written in stone.”
Sapphie snorted. “One of these days, he’ll have to grow up and accept that being responsible isn’t a bad thing when
it’s for people you love.”
But did J.B. love her? Could he ever love her? Unless the answers were yes, anything else was moot.
Sapphie changed the subject. “How’s the job hunt going?”
“Slowly. In part because J.B. insists that whatever happens, I should stay home and look after Sophia until she goes to school. He’s said he’ll cover the shortfall.”
“Are you going to be silly and stubborn and refuse, or sensible and accept graciously?”
“Hmm. I wonder what you think I should do.”
Sapphie grinned.
“I accepted, almost graciously. I never thought I’d say this, after what we went through growing up, but I can’t bear the thought of someone else looking after Sophia. She changes so much every day. I couldn’t stand missing a single one. Only...”
“What’s the problem?”
“I don’t want J.B. to think that giving me money absolves him of his responsibilities.”
“From what you’ve said about him, I imagine that once J.B. says he’s in, he’ll approach family commitment the same way he does hockey. One hundred and ten percent.”
“We’ll see.” Issy wished she could be sure, but despite everything he’d done over the past month, a tiny kernel of doubt remained.
“What does Isabelle Brandine want?”
Issy delayed answering by checking on her soundly sleeping daughter and tucking the pastel blanket more snugly around Sophia. “The same as I’ve always wanted. A husband, a family, the whole nine yards.”
“But do you want it with J.B.?”
“Probably,” she hedged.
“You’ve fallen for him.” Once again Sapphie saw too much.
Issy sank onto the sofa, laundry forgotten. “I know all the reasons why this is a mistake, but I can’t help it. You think I’m an idiot, don’t you?”
“You’re not an idiot. If it makes you feel better, I think J.B. is as stuck on you as you are on him. According to Taylor, J.B. has never been this way about a woman before.”
“He’s got some serious baggage, and I’m not sure what we’ve got is enough to get over that.”
“What serious baggage?” Sapphie threw up her arms. “So his childhood wasn’t a picnic and he doesn’t like responsibility. If you ask me, that’s more a sign of him not wanting to grow up. If he wants to talk baggage, he should look at what you’ve been through. You should be the one running as far and as fast you can from commitment.”
Like Sapphie. “Everyone has their own way of dealing with things.”
Her friend snorted. “Have you met his parents yet?”
“No. I’ve spoken with his mom and we’ve exchanged emails. I’ve sent them pictures of Sophia. Apparently they can’t get down here because they can’t leave the farm.” J.B. had been angry and, Issy suspected, hurt about that. Especially when he’d offered his mom a plane ticket to visit, but she’d declined saying she wouldn’t come without his father. “J.B. said we’d take Sophia up to see them during the summer. Families—they aren’t easy.”
“Speaking of which, when’s your sister coming to visit?”
“Probably not until school’s out for the summer.” Issy smiled.
She and Rosa had grown closer these past few months than they’d been in years. Who’d have thought her unplanned pregnancy would help smooth over the problems that had kept them apart for too many years? Maybe they’d both grown up enough to leave their past issues behind. Or they’d finally moved beyond the parent/child roles they’d previously had and become equals, sisters, again.
“I’m disappointed it can’t be sooner, but Rosa doesn’t want Tinka to miss classes. Plus, she can’t take the time off from her new job at the diner.”
“Amazing how some people can change.”
Thankfully, Sophia chose that moment to wake. As she scrunched up her little face, Issy’s heart sank. “Uh-oh. I think you’re about to see another side to your beautiful godchild.”
Sure enough, within seconds, Sophia let out an ear-piercing cry and was then inconsolable for the next half hour, no matter what they did. When she finally wore herself out and subsided into little, hiccuping sobs as she snuggled against her mother’s chest, the two women looked at each other.
“Every hour, last night?” Sapphie asked wearily.
Issy nodded, stroking her daughter’s head.
“You’re a saint. I’m worn out after one crying fit.”
“The joys of motherhood. They tell me it gets better after the first eighteen years.”
“The next couple of months should be very interesting,” Sapphie said with a rueful smile. “The playoffs and an unhappy baby. You’ll definitely find out what J.B.’s made of...if he’s the guy we both hope he is. Look on the bright side—if he can handle all that, your relationship can survive anything.”
“And if he can’t?” Issy asked softly.
“Then you’re better off without him. As painful as that might be, it’s better you know now than down the line.” Sapphie brushed her palms against each other, as if brushing away the worries. “Everything will work out fine. You’ll see.” Sapphie held out her arms. “Now give me my goddaughter.”
“Oh, sure, now you want to hold her.” Issy passed Sophia over. She was relieved when her daughter settled comfortably against Sapphie.
“Little Miss and I need to have a quiet word about how she has to be on her best behavior with her daddy for the next few months.”
Issy smiled. “The next few nights would be a good start.”
“Sophia will be a perfect angel. You’ll see.”
Issy hoped they wouldn’t be famous last words. Because she had a feeling both her and her daughter’s futures depended on that angelic behavior.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
THE PIERCING WAIL jolted Issy awake.
For a moment she ignored her daughter’s demand—the third of the night—and snuggled closer to J.B., savoring the warmth of his body pressed against her back. His legs were tangled with hers and his arm was wrapped tightly around her, as if anchoring her in place. His steady breathing stirred the hair at her neck.
She’d never have believed J.B. would be a cuddler. Especially since he’d told her repeatedly that he’d never spent the whole night with a woman, before her. At first he hadn’t been keen to have her body too close while they slept. He’d given excuses—he was too hot, it was too constricting—before pulling away.
Issy hadn’t been daunted; she’d curled around him as they went to sleep and stayed like that until he shrugged out of her hold. Several times she’d awoken to find herself sprawled across him, her head on his chest, his arms cradling her. She’d fallen back to sleep with a satisfied smile on her face. Gradually, J.B. had grown used to the physical contact and started initiating it. He’d even begun to miss her when he was on the road.
A second wail, louder than the first, yanked her out of her reverie.
Ordinarily, waking in J.B.’s arms was her favorite time of the day. But recently, with Sophia waking several times a night, it had become a source of tension. Issy would try to sneak out of bed without waking him to get to her daughter before she disturbed him. Some nights she managed it well, but tonight had been a disaster. This was the third time in as many hours that Sophia had begun to cry, and each time J.B. had stirred.
“Not again,” he mumbled without opening his eyes.
“Go back to sleep,” Issy murmured before slipping from beneath his arm.
“What time is it?”
She squinted at the bedside clock and winced. “Four thirty.”
“Crap.” He rolled over, then punched his pillow before putting his head back down.
Issy pulled on her robe, hurried into the nursery and leaned over the crib. The night-light’s glow was supposed to be soothing, but it didn’t have much effect on Sophia. Her red face crumpled, as her mouth opened for another wail. Issy picked her up quickly, determined to cut her off before she let loose.
Thankfully, at her
mother’s touch, the cry subsided to a whimper. With a hiccuping sigh, Sophia turned her head into Issy’s chest and began to nuzzle against her breast. At least this time, it was obvious what her baby wanted.
Issy sank into the rocking chair beside the crib. “I know, sweetie. Give me a minute.” Opening her robe, she settled Sophia to feed.
As her daughter suckled, Issy stroked her downy head and rocked while resting her head against the back of the chair. Sophia’s eyelids drooped, showing how tired she was, but didn’t close completely. Issy was tempted to close her own heavy eyes but didn’t dare in case she fell asleep.
Issy was so tired she wanted to cry. She hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep in what seemed like forever. She’d expected the first few weeks to be tough—and they had been—but she’d thought that Sophia had settled into a routine. Issy had been pleased to have such an easy-going baby and wondered what all the fuss was about.
Boy, had that bubble been burst with a vengeance.
For no reason Issy could figure, Sophia had turned into one of those babies who wouldn’t sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time. Worse, she fought going to sleep. She’d get overtired and cranky, and resist being put down. Then she’d wake before she was ready and the whole miserable cycle would start again.
The doctor had reassured Issy there was nothing wrong and that Sophia would grow out of it at some point. She’d advised Issy to try to get Sophia back into a routine and not to pick her up every time she cried.
That, however, didn’t reduce the number of times Sophia awoke during the night.
It had nearly killed Issy to hear Sophia howling insistently the first few times she’d left her. But she was learning to distinguish when her daughter cried for attention and when she genuinely needed something.
Tilting her head, she listened for any sounds from her bedroom. The silence reassured her that J.B. had gone back to sleep. She was relieved, yet couldn’t help feeling a tad irritated. It would be nice if occasionally he got up with her and gave her some support. Even if he only kept her company, she wouldn’t feel as though she was struggling to cope on her own.