by Anna Sugden
“No, I don’t,” she almost yelled, the misery swelling up terribly all at once. “I just want someone to be glad I’m around.”
Then, afraid of what she’d said, Morgan lunged up and ran outside to the barn. It usually made her feel better to spend time with the Black, but she wasn’t sure anything would help now.
* * *
JACKSON WATCHED HIS daughter’s fast disappearing figure in shock. She wanted someone to be glad she was there?
Hell.
Kayla might be right that Morgan felt unwanted.
In quiet moments he had replayed their discussion over and over in his head, regretting his reaction. He’d asked for Kayla’s opinion only to snap like a bad-tempered sidewinder when she’d given it to him. After all, Morgan had to question whether her mom really wanted her.
But Kayla had thought Marcy wasn’t the problem.
Moodily he stared out the window. Perhaps he should discuss it with Kayla again. After yesterday she might not be very friendly, but he’d have to take his chances.
Her Volvo arrived midmorning. Alex and DeeDee tumbled from the car and dashed into the house.
“Alex, DeeDee,” Kayla called. “You knock and wait.”
Jackson looked into the foyer and saw her hovering at the open door.
“Why don’t we say that from now on, Alex and DeeDee have open-door privileges,” he suggested, not wanting to point out that his own son shouldn’t have to knock. “I think Morgan is in the barn, guys.”
“Is it okay if we go for a ride?” DeeDee asked equally of Jackson and her mother.
“Kayla?” Jackson asked. He wanted a chance to talk but didn’t want to sound eager for the kids to be gone.
“Sure.”
“Check with Flora, DeeDee,” he suggested. “She should have trail mix and other snacks. Water, too.”
DeeDee ran into the kitchen, Alex following more slowly. A few minutes later they came out with a sack.
“Have a good time,” Jackson told them. “Oh, wait, I’ll get a satellite phone for you.” He got it from the office and handed it Alex, who smiled more naturally than usual.
“Thanks, Jackson.”
Once they were gone, Jackson looked at Kayla. “How about a drive? There’s something I’d like to discuss.”
Her lips tightened, then she shrugged. “Okay.”
He drove his pickup to a favorite viewpoint and sat staring at the landscape.
“I don’t want to talk about yesterday, if that’s what you have in mind,” Kayla said, breaking the silence.
He shook his head. “Let’s just treat what happened as an anomaly.”
“Anomaly? Thanks for the compliment.”
“I can’t seem to stop putting my foot in my mouth, can I?”
Kayla shrugged. “Maybe it was an anomaly. Coming to Montana has been a huge shake-up and I’m still sorting myself out. And you obviously haven’t had one of your casual dates for a while.”
“What do you know about my dating habits, casual or not?”
“Are you kidding?” she asked with a laugh. “Between my grandmother, who hears gossip at the local beauty parlor, and what I’ve heard in town myself, you’ve made quite a name for yourself.”
Perplexed, Jackson stared at her. “I didn’t know I had a reputation any longer.”
“Everyone has a reputation—good, bad or indifferent. But is this really what you came out here to discuss?”
“No. Something happened and I wanted to see what you thought about it.” He hesitated. “The thing is, you may be right about Morgan feeling that she’s not wanted.”
He expected Kayla to crow and tell him she’d told him so, but Morgan mattered more than his pride.
Kayla just shook her head. “That poor kid.”
“This morning Morgan actually said she wanted someone to be glad she’s around. I can’t believe I didn’t pick up on it sooner.”
“We all miss things. Last night I discovered DeeDee is worried Alex’s new relationships might leave her out. She doesn’t know how she fits in here. I should have guessed she’d have mixed feelings about what’s happened, but I was too focused on Alex to see it.”
Jackson smiled grimly. “It may not be possible for parents to think of everything, but that isn’t much comfort when your child is ready to self-destruct.”
* * *
KAYLA FELT BAD for Jackson. He was so proud, it would have taken a lot to make him confide in her.
“What did Morgan say when you talked at Yellowstone?” he asked. “Any specifics would help.”
“It was mostly an impression—little bits of things that reminded me of how I felt knowing my mom didn’t want me around a lot of the time, except when she needed to show me to the welfare people.”
“Marcy hasn’t been much of a mother, but I couldn’t imagine my life without Morgan.”
Kayla shifted in the seat. “Have you ever talked about her mom already being pregnant when you got married?”
“She knows, but it hardly seems necessary to discuss it further.”
“Jackson, if you do anything, learn from what I did wrong with Alex. Talk to Morgan about what happened with her mother.”
Jackson scowled. “We’ve had the discussion about safe sex. I didn’t enjoy it, but we covered the subject.”
A grin pulled at Kayla’s mouth. “I don’t mean the birds-and-the-bees lecture. Tell Morgan you love her, and that even if you made mistakes, you’ve never regretted her being born. That’s what I’ve been doing with Alex.”
Jackson’s scowl deepened. “You think Morgan believes Marcy and me having to get married means she wasn’t wanted?”
“I don’t know, but she may have gotten the idea somewhere. Frankly, if Morgan feeling unwanted isn’t about Marcy being an absentee mother, it most likely has something to do with you.”
His fingers drummed the steering wheel. “I suppose even if something else is bothering Morgan, talking about it might help her open up.”
Kayla nodded and they fell silent. For the first time, she paid attention to the view. They’d parked on a rise and she looked down over a green landscape with a breathtaking blue sky arching overhead, a few puffy clouds accentuating the color.
“I always liked Montana,” she murmured. “When I first came, I couldn’t believe how beautiful it is here.”
From the corner of her eyes, she could see Jackson was watching her, not the terrain outside the vehicle.
“You remember my old truck?” he questioned, his voice rough.
“Sure.” The close confines of the cab became even more uncomfortable as she thought about the nights when they’d thoroughly steamed the windows of his ancient Chevy pickup. Making the mistake of looking at him, Kayla felt warmth in her stomach that had nothing to do with nostalgia.
He reached out a hand and softly traced the line of her cheek. “You have the most beautiful skin, and your eyes are Montana blue.”
Kayla didn’t resist when he pulled her into a kiss. She’d dreamed about his caresses the night before, but reality was so much more satisfying. Sliding her fingers through his crisp dark hair, she pulled him even closer. At the moment she didn’t care if they were in a truck or a bed. His hands were exploring under her shirt when he groaned and pulled away.
“I don’t have a condom with me,” Jackson grumbled.
Aching with both unsatisfied need and anger at her weakness a second day in a row, Kayla jerked her clothing into place.
* * *
AS THE TRUCK bounced over the rough road toward home, Jackson was still gripped by the passion he couldn’t seem to contain around Kayla. It couldn’t just be the influence of heated memories. He had plenty of memories of sex with Marcy, but he felt nothing during the rare times they saw each other. Marcy had even tried to get something going on her last visit, saying she missed his stamina in bed. He’d declined as politely as possible, not wanting her to get angry and retaliate against Morgan.
The irony couldn’t be escap
ed. He’d married the girl next door, the nice girl his parents would have chosen for him, even if they hadn’t appreciated the timing. Yet Marcy had proved as unreliable as a wisp of paper in the wind. Kayla, who’d grown up in some of the worst circumstances possible, had worked hard and never given up, even when she’d been let down by the man she’d loved.
His arousal still pressed painfully against the zipper on his jeans, and he groaned when one wheel dropped into a particularly deep rut in the track.
“A little snug there?” Kayla guessed with a knowing glance. “That’ll teach you not to start something you weren’t prepared to finish.”
“At least you know I didn’t bring you out here with ulterior motives.”
“There are pluses and minuses to everything, but it looks as if you could do with a little less plus.”
A pained laugh escaped Jackson.
Kayla had never been coy about sex, but thinking back, he realized she hadn’t been experienced, either, which made his teenage accusations about her sleeping around even more offensive.
What would his life have been like if he’d married Kayla instead of Marcy all those years ago?
Jackson firmly dismissed the thought. It probably wouldn’t have worked any better with Kayla—they still would have been too young, with too much responsibility. He’d liked Kayla best—her sense of humor and different ideas had fascinated him—but they hadn’t been in love. Then again, she’d gone on to marry someone she did genuinely love, and that had still ended badly.
It was all just the luck of the draw.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
BACK AT THE house Jackson found his ranch hands were busy setting up the backyard for the barbecue. The McGregors and his mom’s branch of the family, the Nelsons, had so many family gatherings he’d purchased a forty-foot awning to use on the grassy area to one side of the swimming pool. It was already in place and his men were bringing out tables and chairs from storage.
“How many people are you expecting?” Kayla asked.
“The Garrisons will be here, along with the five of us, plus my mom and dad, my brothers and sisters, and assorted aunts and uncles, including Great-Uncle Mitch and two of my great-aunts. Also all four of my—”
Kayla held up her hand in a whoa gesture. “I don’t think Alex will remember many of their names, much less get to know them all at one time.”
“Of course not, but this is mostly a welcome gathering.” He frowned. “Do you think it’s too much? They’re anxious to meet Alex, but I don’t want to freak him out.”
She didn’t answer right away, her face thoughtful. “It should be fine if it’s only a general welcome. Alex isn’t used to having extended family, but he’ll have to get accustomed to it, either now or later.”
Jackson was beginning to recognize Kayla’s pattern of trying to balance between protecting her children and letting them be challenged.
“How about DeeDee?” he asked.
“I told her she didn’t have to attend, but she liked it when Alex said he wanted her to be here.”
Jackson was pleased; he’d become fond of the sassy youngster and would have missed her.
As for his son? Kayla was right. Love didn’t come automatically because of a common gene pool, but he had grown to love Alex.
* * *
KAYLA WENT INSIDE to help Flora, but instead was handed a plate of thick ham-and-cheese sandwiches.
“Everything is in hand,” the housekeeper told her briskly. “Eat lunch and put your feet up. It’s hours yet before dinner.”
Smiling, Kayla went outside to sit in the shade by the pool. The sandwiches were delicious, made with crusty bread and a tangy gourmet mustard, but she couldn’t manage more than one. Flora must think she had the appetite of a lumberjack.
A light breeze moderated the heat, but on the opposite side of the pool, Kayla saw Jackson and his men setting up an industrial-size evaporative cooler near the awning. It was similar to the type she’d once seen at a greenhouse in California and would make the gathering more enjoyable should the afternoon temperatures become intense.
The cowhands nodded to her courteously, tipping their hats like gentlemen from a Gary Cooper Western. They’d been unfailingly polite, watching their language around her and DeeDee and rushing to offer assistance if they thought there was the slightest need.
Perhaps on a ranch, near an isolated town like Schuyler, it was understandable that men were gender biased. Schuyler didn’t even have an airport with commercial flights, just an airfield the ranchers used if they didn’t have a landing strip of their own. It would be a two-hour drive into Billings the next day just to meet Sandy and Keri at the airport.
Jackson thanked his men as they finished by rolling in a large barbecue unit. Kayla wrinkled her nose—they loved barbecuing in Schuyler, and it was hard on her vegetarian son. If his pride hadn’t been on the line, she was certain he would have already succumbed to temptation.
“Have something to drink,” Jackson said, setting a huge ice chest near her chaise. Inside was a wide variety of sodas and fruit juices packed in ice.
“Thanks. And please eat the rest of those sandwiches so Flora isn’t insulted.” She opened a bottle of cranberry juice and gestured toward the awning. “I’ve seen professional events with less polish.”
“The family likes coming here because the pool is even larger than the one my parents built, so it made sense to get the right equipment to be comfortable,” he explained between bites of ham and cheese. “Officially we’re starting around five, but some will arrive earlier to swim or play volleyball or whatever. Great-Uncle Mitch and my two grandfathers are addicted to tossing horseshoes, so they’ll head for the horseshoe pit.”
“Obviously the Nelsons and McGregors like to both work and play hard.”
“You haven’t seen much evidence that I work hard the past few weeks,” Jackson said with a rueful grimace. “Believe me, this is a busy season on the ranch and I’m normally charging around fourteen hours a day.”
“I believe you. I don’t think your men would respect you so much if you didn’t work alongside them,” Kayla murmured.
He almost seemed embarrassed by the compliment. “Thanks. Uh, how about a game while we’re waiting?”
A tall stack of board games had been carried from the pool house and they pulled out an old classic, Scrabble. She laughed when he tried to score with ridiculous combinations, claiming DeeDee as his inspiration.
Yet inevitably she tensed as the family began arriving and Jackson introduced her as Alex’s mother. She lifted her chin. There was nothing to be uncomfortable about—she was a successful professional with two great children, not the scared, pregnant teenager who’d fled Schuyler.
The kids returned from their ride shortly after three and Alex seemed to take meeting everyone in stride. DeeDee stuck close and got introduced along with him.
It was curious watching the group shift and talk and laugh. When her grandparents and Uncle Peter arrived, they joined in comfortably and Kayla relaxed. She’d memorized the family chart that Parker McGregor had provided for Alex and now tried to put faces and names together. Jackson’s younger brother, Josh, looked like their father, and so did his sister, Madison. His brother-cousin, Trent, couldn’t come after all, but Trent’s sister, Alaina, had made it. Ordinarily Alaina worked in New York, but she said she was moving back to Montana soon.
With her digital camera Kayla quietly took portraits and entered the names so Alex would have a pictorial directory to use as a reference.
She was puzzling over a couple of photos, unsure she’d gotten them right, when a shadow fell across the table. It was Sarah McGregor.
“Is there something wrong?” Sarah asked, sitting down.
“No, I was just trying to attach the right names to the faces in my camera. Is this Jackson’s great-aunt Sally?”
She showed the picture to Sarah, who nodded. “Yes, that’s Sally.”
“Then, the other one has to be Great-Aunt
Moira.” To be sure, she showed that shot to Sarah as well, who agreed.
“What a nice idea. It’ll make getting to know the family so much easier for Alex.”
“That’s what I thought.”
An awkward silence followed as Sarah fiddled with the bracelet on her left wrist. “Kayla,” she said finally, “I want to tell you how bad we feel about everything.”
Kayla gave her a noncommittal smile, not sure what the other woman was trying to say.
“We’ve realized we didn’t treat you well when you were dating Jackson,” Sarah continued. “They say hindsight is twenty-twenty, but it’s painful to see your mistakes so clearly. I just wish we could have helped. You must have had a hard time as a young, single mother.”
“I managed,” Kayla replied firmly.
“From what Jackson has told us, you’ve made a huge success of your life. But you shouldn’t have had to do it alone, and that’s partly our fault.”
With a shrug, Kayla took a photo of Alex and DeeDee with Morgan. There weren’t many other kids present, though a cousin had arrived with a couple of toddlers.
“It’s in the past,” she said at length. “I’m glad Alex has the opportunity to know you now.”
Sarah leaned forward. “You’re very generous. I want to say... Well, we know we were wrong to have any questions about you. Alex is fortunate to have you as his mother. DeeDee, too, of course. She’s a delightful young lady.”
The sincerity in her voice was unmistakable, and Kayla decided to accept her apology without trying to look for hidden messages that probably weren’t there.
“Hey, Mom, it’s my turn to grill Kayla,” Madison McGregor announced, walking up to the table. She plopped into a chair and winked at Kayla.
“Don’t you dare do anything of the kind,” Sarah ordered.
“Okay, but go away. I want to dish on the family skeletons.”
Sarah gave her daughter an exasperated look. “I’ll go, but don’t scare Kayla off. She should see us on our best behavior at least once.”
When they were alone, Madison grinned. “I figured you needed a break. Mom can be rather intense when she has a guilty conscience.”