by Anna Sugden
“That’s nice,” Kayla answered, surprised by the change of subject.
“You probably think I’m just being polite, but I mean it.”
Not knowing what to say, Kayla simply smiled.
“Having more kids around has been great, too. I’m beginning to see why Mom keeps saying we need more children in the family. It keeps you loosened up, instead of trying to always do things the way you used to. I’ve been thinking that I don’t need to have a guy to have a baby—I could go to one of those sperm banks.”
Kayla leaned forward. “I’m sure that works well for lots of women. But I’ve had a baby alone and I’ve had one with my husband, and there’s something to be said for doing it as a team.”
Madison’s chin rose determinedly. “Except I don’t want to just wait around hoping something will happen.”
“I understand, and my marriage didn’t work out,” Kayla conceded. “But you’re not ancient, so don’t give up, even if you decide to make a withdrawal at a sperm bank.”
Madison grinned. “Withdrawal? I like that. Anyhow...” She glanced across the pool to where Jackson was talking to Josh. “It turns out that the guy I’ve been seeing is a real loser. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone out with him, but he was different from the guys in my family.”
“Oh?”
“Never mind.” Madison turned around. “My mother has this crazy idea that you and Jackson might get together again.”
Kayla tried not to show any reaction. “That isn’t going to happen, if for no other reason than he has too much baggage left from being married to Marcy.”
“I know. God, she was awful.” Madison shuddered. “Alaina and I told Mom that, but she keeps hoping anyhow.”
“And you were asked to scope out the possibilities with me, right?” Kayla guessed shrewdly.
Madison nodded, looking embarrassed. “She kept pushing, so we got together and drew straws. I thought Alaina would be best—she’s better at diplomacy—only I got the short straw. I was supposed to be subtle and sneaky, but I’m not good at that.”
“Just tell her there’s nothing to report.”
“Right.”
Madison stayed and chatted until Kayla said she wanted to go in the water to cool off. She changed and came out of the pool house, aware of Jackson’s intent gaze as she walked across the damp pavement. She could have kicked him—his mother had definitely noticed his interest.
The day wore on slowly, and when she wasn’t trying to interact with people, Kayla stewed over the situation. There was an ache inside her that wouldn’t subside.
How had she landed in such a mess? Somehow Jackson—a guy with worse trust issues than the ones she had herself—had gotten through her defenses. And that wasn’t even counting his often archaic attitudes about the opposite sex. Even Cora had told her she wouldn’t mind a visit with the caveman, she just didn’t want to live with one.
Perhaps while trying to help Alex build a relationship with his birth father, she’d let herself see Jackson’s positive side too clearly—his devotion to Morgan and sincere desire to live honestly and work hard. He knew how to laugh and... Hell. What was the point of enumerating his good qualities?
After supper she started moving the kids toward the car.
Jackson stopped her before she slid behind the wheel. “Kayla, do you have a few minutes to talk? I’d like to clarify a couple of matters before you leave for Seattle.”
In frustration, she glanced at her watch. It was only seven. Although she had time, she’d hoped to avoid any more private moments with Jackson. “Okay, but I want to get the kids home to my grandparents’ house, and I’d rather not drive back to the ranch. Can we meet at Ryan’s in an hour?”
“Sure.”
It was déjà vu as she later walked into the restaurant and saw Jackson waiting at the bar. He led the way to the private table they had occupied the first time they’d met to discuss Alex. She tried not to speculate what he had on his mind this time.
“So what’s up?” she asked as they sat.
He seemed ill at ease. “This isn’t the ideal spot for what I wanted to discuss, but I was wondering if you really have to return to Seattle.”
Kayla blinked. “I know you don’t want to see Alex leave—some of the barriers are coming down and you’re getting more comfortable—but the kids need to be in a stable routine before school starts. Our life is in the city.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” he returned quickly. “I was thinking we could try to be...together.”
She stared, her anger growing. “Yeah, it’s always been my dream to be with a guy who doesn’t trust women and simply wants to keep his son in Montana,” she said, sarcasm dripping from her voice. “And it’s such a terrific idea, give up everything I’ve worked for so that you, as a man, can have what you want.”
“Damn.” Jackson ran his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t say it right. This isn’t about Alex. I was trying to say that I love you.”
Kayla reined in her temper. “That’s hard to believe. You’ve been up front until now, admitting you don’t ever want to get seriously involved again. What am I supposed to do, keep my door open so you can stop by for sex once in a while? Or are we supposed to try living together while Schuyler takes bets on how long it will be before you start dating again?”
His jaw hardened. “No. I’m asking you to marry me, and I happen to believe in fidelity.”
“Oh, now I’m supposed to accept you’ve suddenly changed your mind and think marriage is a good thing.”
“Did you notice that I said I loved you?”
“They’re just words, Jackson. Even if you are serious, it would never work—we both have too many issues with trust. You ought to be satisfied that Alex is willing to spend time with you. That’s a big enough accomplishment for the summer.”
He leaned forward, looking so sincere that her heart flipped over. “I do trust you, and I love you more than I ever thought possible.”
Kayla closed her eyes to shut him out. It was the kind of thing she’d once dreamed of him saying, except that she was a different person now, with children to protect. She couldn’t take a chance on believing him.
“Kayla, I know you’ve been hurt, and God knows I was one of the people who was a part of that,” Jackson pressed. “But we’ve both gone through fire to get where we are today. I finally know how precious being with the right person can be. We can make a future for each other if you just give me another chance.”
Suddenly she swung her legs out of the booth and stood up. “This is pointless, Jackson. I’m heading back to Washington in the morning. We’ll come to Schuyler occasionally, and you can visit Alex in Seattle, if that’s what you want. But I’m not going to sit here and listen to nonsense.”
With her head held high, Kayla walked toward the front of the restaurant. She was not, repeat, not going to cry. She’d survived a broken heart once. She could do it again.
* * *
DAMN, DAMN, DAMN, Jackson cursed silently.
Was there any way he could have managed a more pathetic marriage proposal?
All at once irony struck him. Though he’d once been married, this was actually his first proposal. The arrangements for his marriage to Marcy had been exactly that—arrangements. He’d accepted responsibility for having fathered a child and had married Marcy because that was the way his family did things.
“Did you want to order anything, Jackson?” asked a woman’s voice, breaking into his thoughts.
He threw a twenty on the table. “Sorry, Lisette, I’m not eating after all.”
Her smile grew more intimate. “I get off soon. How about making a night of it?”
“Thanks, but no.”
Lord, what a difference one summer had made. There’d been a time when he wouldn’t have turned down the invitation. Lisette was relatively new in town and they’d gotten together once or twice. She liked hot, fast sex and wasn’t particular about where she got it.
But now all
Jackson could think about was the auburn-haired beauty he’d lost once as a callow teenager and stood in danger of losing again, when it mattered most.
He strode out to his truck. There was no way in hell he was giving up, though he’d have to consider what his next move should be. He was in love with Kayla and was certain they could have a future together. The problem was getting her to see it, too.
But as he climbed behind the wheel, ice condensed in his gut and he stared at the remnants of the sunset. He loved Kayla so much that the thought of living without her was hardly bearable, but he couldn’t force her to trust him, or to love him back.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
JACKSON TAPPED ON Morgan’s door the next morning before the sun had risen. “Hey, sleepyhead, we’ve got to get going if we’re going to see everyone before they leave.”
The door popped open and his daughter, fully dressed, grinned at him. “I’ve been up for an hour.”
“I’m impressed.”
“So am I.” Then her bottom lip trembled. “I just wish they weren’t going.”
“Me, too.” He pulled her into a hug before they went down to eat a quick bowl of cereal.
Kayla was largely responsible for the quiet, friendly mood between him and his daughter. Maybe he would have figured it out eventually, but she was the one who’d opened his eyes to the problems, which was why he’d finally been able to start doing something about them.
When they arrived at the Garrison house, the kids were carrying their duffel bags out to stuff into the cargo area of the Volvo. With the exception of Kayla, they all looked half-asleep. No doubt she’d already gone out for a predawn run, giving her skin a healthy, sexy glow. It was only in her eyes that there were shadows.
Jackson drew her aside. “Please think about what we discussed last night,” he pleaded, gazing intently into her face. “I’m not giving up on us.”
“I thought we finished that conversation,” she answered.
“I’ll never finish with it. I’m just asking you to trust me one more time, please. Trust yourself. Trust us.”
Her lips tightened before she turned and called, “Come on, guys. We need to say goodbye and get on the road.”
Keri and Sandy thanked the Garrisons for hosting them, and Jackson for all the fun at his ranch. DeeDee threw her arms around his neck, sniffing a little, before hugging Morgan, too. Jackson looked at Alex and the two of them sort of bumped shoulders.
There were hugs and kisses all around with the Garrisons, neither of whom pretended to have a dry eye at the farewell. And in the middle he spotted Morgan giving her brother a hug, as well. Morgan stepped back, blinking furiously, and Elizabeth put an arm around her shoulders.
But Kayla simply smiled as if Jackson was a mere acquaintance before climbing into the Volvo.
“You’ll let me know when you get home safely?” he asked, leaning in to look at her.
“I’ll email.”
Email? That was no substitute for hearing her voice.
Watching the SUV disappear down the dark road left Jackson with a twisting pain in his gut.
* * *
ALEX DIDN’T FEEL so great.
Running away had been a lousy idea that had somehow turned out okay. For a while he’d been afraid he’d messed up his whole family. But now he was leaving half his family in Montana—the new part of his family.
DeeDee was sitting in the middle seat and she turned to stare at Alex with unusually wide eyes. She almost never cried, but if she did, he had a feeling she’d be doing it right now.
“Mom, when’s the next time we’ll see... Grandma and Grandpa?” He’d almost included Jackson, and that was weird.
“No plans yet,” his mom said. “But I’m sure it won’t be too long, and you can phone or video call with them whenever you want.”
“Uh, okay.”
His phone signaled that he had a text, so he pulled it out and found one from Morgan.
Alrdy ms ur ugly face. When ru coming bak?
Don’t know, he texted back.
Sucks.
Duh. Gotta go.
He turned off the phone since Mom always said it was rude to be in a group and ignore them while texting. As he put the phone away, he heard crackling and remembered the envelope Jackson had given him as they were getting into the car. Alex opened it and found a note. Outside it was still pretty dark, so he turned on a light to read it.
Alex,
I hope you’ll feel comfortable keeping in contact with me. Take care of your mom and your sister.
—Jackson
On a small card Jackson had printed his home number, cell phone and email address.
Carefully, Alex put the card in his wallet. When he looked up, DeeDee was staring again.
“Jackson gave me one, too,” she whispered.
“Good, then you won’t have to bug me for it. Squirt.”
“You’re soooo funny.”
“Let’s put on a movie,” Keri suggested.
Sandy was taking the first turn in the front seat so she couldn’t watch, but Alex started Wild Hogs on one of the built-in DVD players in the headrest, and in a while he almost forgot the hollow feeling he’d gotten when they drove away from Schuyler. He knew he’d miss Grandma and Grandpa, and Morgan, of course. But he hadn’t expected to miss Jackson the way he already did.
* * *
KAYLA FOCUSED ON the road ahead, her eyes stinging. Seeing the emotion in her grandparents’ faces had nearly made her cry. She’d hated saying goodbye to them, as much as they’d hated seeing her leave.
Then there was Jackson and his damned marriage proposal.
She’d been trying to keep from thinking about it. A proposal was the last thing she’d expected, though maybe she should have realized it was a possibility. He cared about his daughter and wanted to be close to Alex; he was also big on responsibility, and money wasn’t the only way he wanted to take care of his son.
It was admirable, but it didn’t mean she could marry him. And it made no difference that Jackson had said he loved her. She knew better. After so many years of distrusting women, he’d suddenly decided to give love and the wedded state another go? Hardly. His proposal must have been an extremely rash impulse.
* * *
AS THEY APPROACHED SEATTLE, Kayla called Keri’s and Sandy’s families to let them know they were getting close. The Garzas and the Kellers had already arrived when she pulled into the driveway. They stood and talked while the kids chattered about their Montana adventures and gathered their belongings.
It was odd to step into the house that was so familiar yet now also felt foreign. Could she have changed that much in the weeks they’d been gone? Nothing was altered on the surface—it had to be the way her brain perceived it.
Their favorite Chinese restaurant stayed open late and she called in an order to be delivered, hoping it would help make everything seem normal again.
“It tastes different,” DeeDee complained.
“We’re just spoiled by Grams’s cooking,” Kayla said, though she agreed with her daughter. It did taste different. “And we’re tired.”
Before going to bed she phoned her grandparents and emailed Jackson. Then she crawled between the sheets to stare at the darkened ceiling; it was hours before she finally fell asleep. Her insomnia had never been this bad before.
In the morning Kayla followed her daily routine, going for her run before returning to fix a pot of oatmeal. The kids, still on Montana time, weren’t quite as groggily comatose as usual.
DeeDee yawned. “Why couldn’t we sleep late today?”
“School starts next week,” Kayla reminded her.
“Uh-uh,” DeeDee objected. “Not for a couple of weeks.”
“You’re thinking about Morgan’s school,” Alex told her. “She starts later than we do.”
“Rats.”
Kayla nodded. “So you need to start getting used to being awake earlier.”
Alex and DeeDee groaned in chorus.
“I emailed him last night.”
“And I told Morgan all about our trip,” Alex added.
“Have you been Facebooking with her?” Kayla asked.
“Yeah. She, uh, sort of found me...before we met.”
“That’s what I figured. You already seemed to know her when we left for Yellowstone.”
“Morgan and me text each other, too,” DeeDee said.
DeeDee appeared glum, with Alex not far behind, and it didn’t appear to be from sleepiness. Kayla reminded herself that an emotional letdown was to be expected after an extended vacation, even for someone as naturally buoyant as her daughter.
She left for the office and found everything operating smoothly. Everyone seemed glad to see her and she spent several hours meeting with employees and a doctor who dropped by, but she wasn’t needed that badly, so she left after lunch. Her chagrin was balanced by her grandfather’s reminder that she’d done her job well enough to have become redundant.
Admittedly, she was depressed herself, but that would surely pass, as it would for the kids.
So what if she was in love with Jackson? The issues between them hadn’t changed, and he was probably devoutly grateful that she’d turned down his rash proposal.
Alex and DeeDee were in the kitchen when she got home and she gave them a determinedly upbeat smile. “There’s a game at Safeco tonight. Want to go? We can eat junk food for dinner.”
“Awesome,” DeeDee said, and Alex nodded. They weren’t as excited as she’d expected, but maybe she was reading too much into it.
She had to be sensible. If she ever got married again, it would be to someone in the city that she could count on. Her feelings for Jackson had nothing to do with true love—and if she told herself that often enough, surely she’d believe it.
* * *
JACKSON REINED IN Thunder and gazed at the cattle scattered along a low swale. It was his second day riding fences since Kayla had left, but the familiar task had done nothing to lessen the pain in his chest and gut.
He flexed his arm, his elbow throbbing where he’d slashed it on a wire. It had been the result of inattentiveness, but at least the ragged cut hadn’t required stitches.