by Lucy Monroe
“Not your daughter?”
“My dear wife is convinced that men are arrogant, but women are merely assertive.”
Both men shared a laugh at that.
If Asad’s was filled a bit with gallows humor, Hakim did not mention it. Blinded by his pride and stubbornness, Asad had ejected the woman he loved from his life—and paid for that choice every day since.
It was all well and good for Hakim to say Asad should tell Iris of his love, but what if she no longer loved him?
She hadn’t said the words since coming to Kadar, not once. No matter how amazing their lovemaking. She had opened up to him in the past weeks, but remained adamant he not call her beloved.
Iris never hesitated to spend time with Nawar, but she changed the topic of conversation every time his daughter, or he, brought up the possibility of him marrying again and giving his daughter a mother.
Iris was close to being finished with her survey. And then she would leave Kadar. She never spoke in a way that indicated she planned anything else.
Her joy in her job was apparent, and from what the man who looked and acted more like a brother than an assistant said, Iris was very good at it. What right did Asad have to ask her to give it up?
If he did not, what kind of mother would she make for Nawar and their future children, gone so many months out of the year? Asad had been looking into other options for her that would give Iris the opportunity to use her education, but would not take her so frequently from his side.
What if none of them appealed to her?
What did he have to offer? His daughter, his family, his tribe…if she did not love them as he did, it would not be enough.
Had his grandfather felt this fear when asking for his grandmother’s hand?
To ask a woman not of their people to share their world was no simple matter. After his experience with Badra especially, Asad had realized his grandmother was the exception, not the rule.
But then that should give him hope, because Iris was a special and unique woman in every way, as well.
*
Iris finished one of the final tests that would confirm the presence of a semi-precious metal in the area near where she and Asad had made love outdoors. The thought of mining happening in the pristine environment made her stomach twist.
That was the least of her findings, though. Preliminary tests, measurements and observations indicated the existence of rhodium, a rare and very precious metal. It also demonstrated the probable existence of aluminum oxide with chromium—or rubies, in lay terms—buried in the mountains of Kadar.
She said as much to Russell and he frowned. “Your boyfriend is not going to be happy to hear that.”
“Why? Do you think he was hoping for diamonds?” There were some indicators for the stone, but not as strongly as for corundum.
“I think he was hoping for no strong indicators at all. Haven’t you two talked about this?” Russell asked, sounding a lot more concerned than she thought he should be.
“No.” They’d talked about his work and her career, but not the work she was doing now. “I’ve avoided discussing my findings because first reports should be made through proper channels to Sheikh Hakim.”
“How very professional of you.”
She frowned and tossed her half-finger leather gloves in a wadded ball at him. “Don’t make fun. It’s harder managing a professional and personal relationship together than I ever imagined.”
“But you spend every night with him and his family. None of them have mentioned the way Asad feels about mining to you?” Russell asked, sounding like he found that very suspicious, and not a little upsetting.
“The topic has never come up.”
“But you do talk about your job?”
“About my career as a geologist, yes. Just not this particular survey.” She’d never asked Asad what his stance on mining was. She’d assumed it was favorable, since he’d been the one to convince Hakim to bring her in as geologist.
“Sheikh Asad is one of the Middle East’s leading conservationist advocates. He is adamantly opposed to overmining, or mining at all when it’s done invasively to the ecosystem.”
“What? Are you serious?” Asad was an advocate for conservation? A leading advocate?
“Absolutely. He’s a spokesperson for preserving the desert habitat and with it the Bedouin way of life.”
“But how would mining in the mountains impact that?”
“You really think if a mining company comes in, they’re going to be okay with a city of tents as the base of their operations?”
“They’ll need workers.”
“Not Bedouins who are fiercely opposed to changing the landscape. Besides, do you really think Sheikh Asad wants his tribe working in mines? His whole tourist business is based on the Bedouin lifestyle mystique. He’s not going to give up his weavers and shepherds to the mines.”
Russell’s words made sense, but Asad’s behavior didn’t. Why hadn’t he told her he was so opposed to mining?
And if he was opposed, why agree to be the geologist’s liaison?
“You don’t think…” Russell let his voice trail off. “No, if he doesn’t talk about your reports, it can’t be that. It wouldn’t make sense.”
“What?”
Russell shook his head. “A stray thought and a bad one.”
“Tell me.”
“I was just thinking that if he was opposed to mining, he might get involved with the geologist responsible for preliminary reports that could influence his cousin to go forward with a more in-depth survey, or leave off the idea of mining altogether.” Russell looked very uncomfortable with his own thoughts.
Iris didn’t find them particularly palatable herself. Would Asad be that sneaky? Her heart said no, but her brain reminded her that he could be ruthless when pursuing a goal.
They needed to talk.
*
They were bathing together in Asad’s family’s private spring later that night, after putting Nawar to bed, when he said, “You will be finished here soon.”
“Yes, there is one final site we need to take samples and do our measurements.”
“I know. The remote location would make traveling to it daily untenable.”
“Mmm-hmm,” she agreed, her mind still preoccupied by her earlier conversation with Russell.
“Nawar should probably stay behind in the encampment.”
That made Iris’s attention snap back to the present and what Asad was saying. “But the fieldwork could take a week, or more.”
“She will be content with her grandparents.”
“She’ll miss you.”
“You, as well.”
Iris certainly hoped so. She would miss Nawar with a terrible ache in her heart. “Why can’t she come? We could bring Fadwa to help keep an eye on her.”
“Taking a child into the mountains is no simple task. Despite the way others view us, our encampment has many modern amenities we will not have access to in a primitive camp.”
“Don’t tell me a Bedouin sheikh is afraid of camping with his daughter, no matter how basic the amenities?”
“I simply do not want you overwhelmed with the consequences of having Nawar along. She will not be content to be ignored.”
“Of course not.” And Iris would never do so to the little girl. “She has a right to expect our attention.”
“But your job…”
“Will get done. It may take an extra day, or two, but isn’t that better than going without her?”
“For me? Definitely. But you have made noises about leaving Kadar, I thought perhaps you tired of us.”
“I didn’t come here to live, Asad. I came here for a job.” And she would stay only if it meant being a permanent part of his life, not a temporary bed partner.
“Perhaps you did come here to live, but did not realize it at the time.”
Her eyes narrowed. He was making implications she could not ignore. Iris needed it all spelled out though, not l
eft to hopes and assumptions.
Starting with his role as a spokesman for conservation and his very public antimining stance. “You never mentioned that you spearheaded Our Desert Home.”
She’d spent her limited time with access to the internet well that afternoon. ODH was a nonprofit conservation organization started by Asad and his grandfather shortly after Nawar’s birth. They weren’t militant or extremist by any stretch, but Russell had been absolutely right. Their stance on mining was minimal impact, or no mining at all.
“I did not think it would interest you.”
“Really?” She wasn’t buying it. “I’d think I made my interest in everything about you pretty apparent lately.”
He shrugged, looking as if the topic was of little importance right then. That’s not the impression she got from his “Message from the Founder” on the website.
He took a deep breath and then met her gaze, his expression stoic. “There are other things I would discuss with you tonight.”
If she didn’t know better, she’d think he was nervous.
“First, we talk about this. Did you convince Sheikh Hakim to request me as the geologist on this survey in hopes of influencing what I say in my reports?” she asked baldly.
For a moment Asad simply stared at her in uncomprehending silence, but then the storm came. His eyes flashing, his jaw hewn from granite. “You believe I would attempt to get you to lie?”
“No.” She hadn’t really, no matter how ruthless he could be, but she’d felt the need to ask.
She wanted to hear his denial from his lips. She needed the words, just like she needed other words to change her life.
“If this is so, when have I ever asked about your findings? Or made a move to discourage you from telling anything but the unvarnished truth in these reports of yours?” he demanded, his voice deep with affront.
“I said no, Asad.”
“Then why ask the question at all?”
“I needed the words.”
Asad shut his mouth and stared for several long seconds, and then nodded. “Hakim said you did.”
“Hakim knew I entertained brief doubts about your motivation for bringing me to Kadar?” she asked in confusion.
“Hakim believes I should tell you my true motivation for arranging for your visit to my home.”
“We’ve already discussed this.” Hadn’t they?
“I wanted to help your career. You believe I wanted you in my bed again.”
“You did.”
“I wanted more, though I did not realize it at first. I want so much more.” His face was flushed and it wasn’t from the heat of the water. “I…six years ago I made the biggest mistake of my life walking away from you. I compounded it by marrying Badra, but you must believe I never stopped loving you.”
“You loved me?” she asked faintly, so shocked she could barely breathe.
“Yes, but I was a fool and I did not realize it. I had a plan stuck in my head and I did not know how to let it go.”
“You loved me,” she said again, this time with a tinge of wonder.
“I did. I do.” He surged across the pool in totally uncool urgency and grabbed her shoulders, his eyes intent. “So much. How could I not realize it? But I did not. I know now, though. Surely that counts for something.”
“Yes, yes…I think it does.”
“I hurt you.”
“You nearly destroyed me.”
“But you were strong…you are strong, so much stronger than I. I don’t think I will survive if you turn me away now.”
“What do you want?” she asked quietly, hope burning bright in her heart. “Spell it out for me.”
Don’t let her be making castles in the air again.
“A mother for my daughter. A lady for my people. A wife for myself.”
“Are you asking me to marry you?” she asked in choked astonishment, needing to be absolutely certain they were talking about the same thing.
Without answering, he pulled her out of the pool in silence. Drying them both, he wrapped her in one of the thick Turkish robes, and then, wearing a towel tied round his own hips, he dropped to one knee.
He met her gaze, his own so intent, she could drown in it. “Will you join your life with mine, until the sands are blown completely from the desert?”
That was a long time, a really, really, really long time. She wanted to answer, but her heart was in her throat…or at least that’s what it felt like and she couldn’t get even a single word out.
“Why…why…I need to tell you why,” he said urgently. Though hadn’t he already said? She wouldn’t mind hearing it again, just to be sure…to know she hadn’t been hallucinating. Right? “Because you are truly my aziz, my beloved. I loved you six years ago, but was too foolish to acknowledge it. I love you still. I caused us both great grief with my pride and stupidity, but I have taken no other woman to my bed since the month after Nawar was born.”
“You’ve been celibate for the past four years?” she gasped in total shock, the words exploding from her without thought.
He nodded, no embarrassment at the admission in his features. “I only had sex with my wife a handful of times before that.”
“But why?”
“You were my heart.” He averted his gaze, but then brought it back to her, determination burning there. “I told myself sex just wasn’t working because I didn’t trust women after the way Badra deceived me, but I’m the one that messed me up. Not her. Yes, she manipulated me, but only because I made it possible. Because I left you when I should have stayed forever.”
“You didn’t realize.”
“I would not admit it to myself, but it was you I wanted when I got my divorce from Badra—and then after she died, it was you I was waiting to claim when the prescribed time for grieving was over.”
And he’d hidden it all from himself because he was really bad at admitting what he needed. Maybe because he’d spent a lifetime hiding from the fact he’d needed his parents but they’d chosen to be elsewhere. She didn’t know if he’d ever come to see that, but she would make sure from now on that he didn’t go without the love he needed from her.
Not ever again. She wasn’t ever going to give up on him again, not like she had six years ago.
It was time she admitted that. “I let you go. I didn’t fight for you…for us.”
“I didn’t give you the chance.”
“You walked away. I could have walked after you, but I chose to go home and lick my wounds. I was too used to not getting love from the people I needed it most from. I’m never going to be that tolerant again.”
“Good,” he said fervently.
She brushed tears from her cheeks. “You really do love me.”
“With all that I am. Despite my pride, blindness and outright stupidity, God has seen fit to grant us a second chance. Will you take it?”
“Yes,” she gasped out as she fell to her knees with him and kissed him all over his face. “I love you, too. So much. I thought I would die when you left six years ago. I didn’t want to go back to the States after my survey. I only wanted to stay here with you and your daughter.”
“We will never again be parted.”
“My job…”
He stilled. “There are other options for a geologist.”
“Yes.”
“You would consider them?”
“Of course. I don’t want to be away from you and Nawar any more than you want me gone.”
“You are too perfect for me.”
“We are perfect for each other.”
“I will love you until the stars no longer grace the sky.”
“Show me.”
And he did. Magnificently.
EPILOGUE
IRIS learned that Asad owned the mountain his grandfather’s bathing caves had been found in, and consequently the land and mineral rights to most of the area she’d surveyed.
He was exploring the possibility of mining with minimal environmental impact, but
only if it would benefit the Sha’b Al’najid. As he’d told Iris more than once, he was a man who spanned two worlds, the ancient and modern. He saw the need for the mining, both for the benefit of his people and the rest of Kadar, but only if that benefit outweighed the detriment.
Iris invited her parents to the wedding, but the couple had other plans. For the first time in her life, that caused her no pain because she had a plethora of family attending. Asad had bequeathed all his to her upon the announcement of their formal engagement.
Russell came with another female geology student, who shared his taste in humorous T-shirts. They looked in love and Iris was so happy for them. Darren and his family came as well, surprising Iris. She hadn’t invited them.
When she asked Asad about it, he told her that the man was her friend and therefore welcome. Still, Iris had been unsure how Asad would react to Darren, but after a quiet talk with the other man, her sheikh had been nothing but the perfect host.
Darren had looked a little pale after the discussion, but said all was well and Iris believed him.
After all, her sheikh was the lion of his people. He had no need to crush another man to prove his worth.
And he never let her forget hers. He loved her so completely and intensely, she could never doubt it.
*
Keep reading for an excerpt of A Secret Disgrace by Penny Jordan!
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CHAPTER ONE
‘YOU say it was your grandparents’ wish that their ashes be buried here, in the graveyard of the church of Santa Maria?’