by Cindy Stark
When he reached the bottom of her breasts, he cupped her, drawing his thumbs over her rock-hard nipples. She quivered deep inside.
With agonizing slowness, he traced the band of her bra around to her back, popping open the clasp with an expert flick. Her breasts fell forward, her breaths growing shallow and rapid. He tugged her bra from her shoulders and then took her by the waist, staring hard into her eyes.
“I love you, Krystal. You’ve ruined me. I’ll never find anyone who can make me feel like I do when I’m with you.”
Shit. The word hissed through her mind. “Josh. Oh, Josh.” She was drowning, and he was her lifeline. “You know I love you, too. I don’t know what I’m thinking or what I’m doing, but I know I want you. I need you.”
He captured her mouth with a powerful kiss, lifting one of his hands to cup her breast as the other held her tightly to him. She lifted her hands, running them over his hair, touching his cheek, his jaw, letting him steal her away to a place she’d missed so very much. Her future, her plans faded to a distant corner, and she focused solely on that moment, the feel of Josh and what he meant to her.
The rest of their clothes melted from them in a haze of kisses and touches as he pulled her toward his bedroom. When the backs of her thighs hit the bed, she sat, allowing him to push her down to the mattress. He crawled next to her, cupping her breast, sucking her nipple deeply into his mouth until she gasped with a hunger she’d never known.
He slipped a hand between her thighs, and she spread them, needing his touch more than he could know. He drew a finger along her sensitive crease, setting a fire that headed straight to the heart of her.
“Take me, Josh. I need you inside me.”
“Fuck,” he whispered as he sat up and fumbled with a condom.
A few seconds later, he framed her face with his hands and he settled between her legs. “This is what you want?”
She nodded, her heart racing faster than someone shot full of adrenaline. He owned her soul with his gaze, and it was all she could do to breathe, feeling him touching her as he guided his penis into place.
“Please,” she whispered, unable to wait any longer.
He filled her with a possessive thrust that brought sounds of pleasure from both of them. “Goddamn,” he whispered, closing his eyes for the briefest second. “I can’t live without you, Krystal.”
He moved then, thrusting again and again, filling her with intense pleasure that swirled her senses. She wrapped her legs around him, tugging on his neck until he lowered his head enough that she could kiss him.
His kiss was savage, full of possession and desire, driving her farther into the abyss where only sensation reigned. Feral urges owned her actions. She captured his bottom lip, nipping him as need fueled her. He pumped harder.
She gasped as all sensation culminated into one violent frenzy inside her.
“Fuck yeah,” he whispered, continuing his assault.
Krystal couldn’t count the number of orgasms she experienced by the time he finished with her. All she knew was she was satiated beyond thought, beyond explanation when he fell on the mattress next to her.
“Damn,” he whispered into the quiet of the early afternoon before he gathered her against his chest.
She snuggled in, loving the amazing feel of his arms around her. It had been far too long since he had held her. She closed her eyes, comforted by the sound of his heartbeat.
* * *
When Krystal woke hours later, she still rested her head on Josh’s chest. A deep warmth spread through her, making her wonder how she could have ever walked away from something that felt so right. She trailed her fingers around one areola, enjoying the feel of his skin beneath her touch.
“You’re awake.” His voice rumbled deep inside his chest.
She lifted her gaze and met his. “I am.” She smiled. “What time is it?”
“Almost five.”
She startled. “Shit. I have to work tonight.”
He chuckled. “I wouldn’t have let you sleep that late. Though I’d like to,” he added.
She exhaled and dropped her head against his chest again. Warm strength caressed her cheek, and he hugged her tighter. “I can’t believe we slept that long.”
“You did,” he corrected.
“You didn’t?” She twisted her head so she could see him again.
He shrugged. “I didn’t mind. I like holding you.”
Damn, the man knew exactly how to steal her heart. “I hope I didn’t snore,” she said, needing to ease the intense connection between them.
“I wouldn’t tell you if you did.” He grinned.
“I didn’t,” she protested.
“I didn’t say you did.” His answer only left her wondering more. “Actually, I did leave for a couple of minutes. Glad I didn’t wake you. You seem exhausted.”
She blew out a breath. “It’s been stressful lately to say the least.” She gave him a soft punch on the shoulder. “No thanks to you.”
“I’m sorry for that.” He tilted her chin and kissed her softly on the lips. “You’ll never know how sorry I am.”
She studied his gaze. “I’m sorry, too. For hurting you the way I have. I never meant to. I just felt so lost and scared of the future.”
“And you’re not now?” His voice rumbled with unease.
“No, I am.” She had to be truthful. “I’m terrified.”
“Are you ready to find out?”
His question brought a thick lump to her throat, and she followed his gaze to the brown paper sack resting on the nightstand. “Is that where you went? To get a home pregnancy test?”
He firmly met her gaze. “We need to know.”
She closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them to the man she loved. “We do.”
She tried to climb off him, but he rolled her and pinned her to the bed before capturing her face with his hands. “No matter what it says, promise me you won’t leave me again, Krystal.”
Dark apprehension shifted inside her. The time of reckoning had come. But the one thing she knew was she didn’t want to lose Josh either. The thought that he’d moved on and had found another woman to love had been too much to bear. Life had somehow given her a second chance with him, and she couldn’t blow it.
“I promise.”
He kissed her long and hard before he moved off her. “Okay. Let’s see what hand the fates are going to deal us.”
Krystal entered the bathroom and shut the door for privacy as a wave of nausea rolled through and then passed. The results of the test were meant for both of them, but she needed a few minutes alone. She followed the directions and then shut the toilet lid and sat. It was the longest two minutes of her life. She refused to peek until the time was up. No sense making any kind of decisions until she knew what her future held.
When the timer on her phone went off, she swiveled and looked at the result. “Oh.” The single word echoed through the tiled room. Her vision swam as she tried to breathe. She’d thought she’d known the answer, but this caught her totally by surprise.
She gave herself a minute to gather her strength and then she stood.
Anxiety twisted Josh’s brows into a concerned frown. He studied her face, his gaze constantly moving over her as though her expression would give him an answer. “Well? Which is it?”
She opened her mouth, but it took a second for the words to spill out.
“I’m pregnant.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“Fuck.” Her announcement staggered Josh. Fear flooded his veins, quickly spreading through him. “Are you sure?”
She nodded, her face a mask of shock.
“Are you okay?” God, was he?
She studied his face, her distress radiating from her in waves. He ached to reach out for her, but he feared his touch might break her.
Her fingers shook as she lifted them, lightly touching them to her mouth like she did when she was frightened. The last time he’d seen that gesture was the mom
ent before she’d told him goodbye. “I’m a little numb,” she whispered.
Numb?
He had no idea how to respond to her, but he couldn’t stand still and let everything slip away. He stepped toward her, no longer able to keep his distance. Before he could touch her, she turned her hand, presenting him with a flattened palm.
“I just need…a minute.” She shook her head. “Some time.”
“Krystal.” He closed the space between them and gathered her into his arms. She remained stiff, sending heartbreak shooting into his chest.
“I’m sorry, Josh.” She put a hand on his cheek and then dropped it. “I don’t mean to hurt you. This is just…”
Her focus faded for a few seconds, and then she blinked. “I need time. I-I need to go now. Just for now.”
The fear on her face had deepened into something that scared the ever-living hell out of him. “Krystal, don’t.” He’d beg if he had to.
“It’s okay, Josh. It’s okay.” Her voice shook. “I just need time. Will you take me back to my car? Please?”
He cursed under his breath as he went in search of his truck keys.
* * *
Instead of heading home to get ready for work, Krystal drove to her mother’s house. She stepped out of her car, her shoes crunching on the gravel, a slew of steel gray clouds now owning the earlier sunny sky.
She knew she’d left Josh in a desperate state, but she couldn’t stay there and continue to breathe. She’d done her best to reassure him. Didn’t know what else to say or do until she could collect her thoughts. Time and space would bring clarity. At least she prayed it would.
That and talking with her mom who was truly the wisest woman she’d ever known. As she reached for the doorknob, a surprising realization slammed her. Despite her mother never having ventured far outside her home, she had a vast wealth of knowledge about the human psyche and expertise on how to traverse this crazy thing called life.
Krystal found her mom inside the kitchen stirring a pot of soup, blessedly alone. She lifted her gaze and immediately dropped the spoon when Krystal entered the room.
“Holy hell and Josephine. What is it?” She had her arms around Krystal within seconds.
“How do you always know?” she managed to ask before the tears claimed her.
“Because I know my babies. A good mother always does.”
Her words only made her cry harder.
“Shh…baby. Take some breaths. When you’re calm, you can tell me what happened.”
Her mom gave her the time she needed to release her emotions along with handfuls of tissues to dry her tears. When she finally reined in her feelings, her whole face felt swollen, her breaths calmer but still shaky.
“Let’s sit,” her mom said, leading her to the table. “Tell me everything.”
“I’m pregnant.” She gazed at her mom expecting a look of extreme disappointment.
A breath whooshed from her mother. As she refilled her lungs, a kind smile crossed her mouth. “Josh?”
Krystal nodded, tucking in her lips so she wouldn’t cry again.
She released a soft chuckle. “You two never could keep your hands off each other. What do you intend to do?”
“I don’t know. God, I don’t know.” She placed a hand over her belly as a dull pain ached near her navel, and she then quickly removed it. A child grew inside her, changing her already. She thought she’d prepared for the worst-case scenario, but clearly, she hadn’t.
Her mom’s gaze softened. “You make it sound like it’s the end of the world.”
It felt like it to Krystal, but her mother didn’t seemed nearly as concerned. “Mom, I’m an unwed, pregnant woman. I thought you’d be upset. What will the neighbors think?” An irrational laugh escaped her, deepening her mother’s smile.
“Ah, daughter. You know I don’t give two figs what others think. And I believe you’re upset enough for everyone.”
“Of course, I am. This will change everything.” How could it not hurt her career?
“Yes and no, sweetheart. I mean, certainly, being a parent is a huge responsibility. But Josh is a good man. We both know how much he loves you. You two will handle this just fine.”
“But…” She stared at her mom, familiar excuses and rationalizations popping up left and right in her brain. “You don’t understand. You’ve never worked outside the home. What about my career?”
Her mom took her hand and folded it between her own. “I do understand, though. I understand your need for independence, your need to be more and do more than I’ve done. You’ll take that all in stride when you figure things out.”
Krystal studied her mother’s face. Her true fears bubbled to the surface though she tried to stop them. “What if I don’t want to give up my independence? What if I can’t?” Her biggest fear hovered on the tip of her tongue.
“Krystal, honey. I understand you better than you think. I know we’ve argued about the choices we’ve both made in our lives. This is not about which choice is right, me happy with staying home or you wanting more. It’s about which choice is right for you, for everyone. We should all be able to choose to do what makes us happy.” She reached out and stroked her hair.
“This is about what makes you happy. Do you love Josh?”
She didn’t have to consider that question for even a moment. “You know I do.” She sucked in a frazzled breath, trying to oppress the raw emotion churning inside her.
“Yes, I know you do.” She smiled. “And I don’t think you’ve ever been against having children, right? But you wanted the control, to be able to do it on your timeline.”
Krystal nodded. She tried to latch on to her mother’s perception of the problem, but her resolve continued to slip. “Does that make me a control freak?”
“Kind of.” Her mother laughed. “But you’re also very good at handling the cards life has dealt you. You love Josh. You eventually want a family. The only difference is it’s happening now instead of later. I don’t think that’s enough to trip up my smart and beautiful girl.”
She could no longer contain, cover up, or otherwise ignore her worst fear. “What if…” She paused to breathe. “What if I’m not a good mom?” The thought of a tiny baby relying on her to provide everything scared the hell out of her. “What if I can’t do what you’ve done?”
Her mom’s eyebrows lifted toward her hairline, and Krystal knew she’d uttered words her mother had never expected to hear. “Of course, you’ll be a good mom. Is that really all you’re worried about?”
“I don’t want to give up my life like you have.”
“Well, first of all, I didn’t either when I got married. But then you kids came along and things changed. For me,” her mom emphasized when Krystal shot her a doubtful look. “But honey, you can continue working. Many women do. There’s no one who says you have to give it all up to be a good mother.”
“But you did, and I’ll never be as good as you.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” She stood and hugged her. “I did what was right to me. What worked for me and my family. You will have your own way. I know you’ll be an excellent mother. You have too much love and caring inside you to be otherwise.”
“I don’t know. I haven’t had time to prepare. I don’t know what to do.” That scared the hell out of her, too.
“You’ll figure it out. And you can always ask me if you get stuck. Plus, you have Josh to lean on.”
Krystal half-laughed, half-cried. “I don’t even know.” She inhaled a solid breath. “What if I decide not to keep it? What if I want to give it up for adoption?”
Her mom gave her a steady look. “That is your choice. Yours and Josh’s. You have to include him in any decisions you make.”
She knew that, and, of course, she would. But she had no clue where to start. “Why does life have to be so hard, Mom?”
* * *
Krystal headed to the hospital, her heart in complete turmoil. She’d promised Josh she wouldn’t leave him again,
but that’s exactly what she wanted to do. She wanted to run. From everything and everyone.
But she couldn’t run from the baby growing inside her. She couldn’t turn back time and be more careful. Couldn’t erase what she’d done during the last few months any more than she could return a pulse to someone who’d passed.
“Hey,” Giselle said giving her a quick glance, and then doubling back for a second. “Wait. Are you okay?”
“I don’t know.” Her voice shook, and the emotional ground she stood on was as unstable as quicksand.
“Something I can help with?” Sincere concern hovered in her eyes.
Krystal shook her head. “No. No one can help now.”
They both glanced up as a mother and father came rushing through the E.R. doors, the father carrying a small, blond girl in his arms.
“Help us,” the mother cried as they rushed forward. “She fell and hit her head an hour ago, and something’s not right.”
“Follow me,” Giselle said as she led the way to the closest exam room. Krystal hurried behind her. The father laid the lethargic little girl on the exam table, and Giselle quickly began her assessment. Krystal paged the E.R. doc on call and started a mainline in the girl’s arm.
As she turned to hang the IV bag, a swift, shooting pain burned a path straight to her core. She sucked in a breath and keeled over the little girl’s legs.
“Krystal?” Giselle said as she switched her gaze between checking the child’s eyes and Krystal. “What’s happening?”
“Is she okay?” the mother asked.
“Pain.” She gasped. “I don’t know.”
“Shit.” Giselle rushed away from the exam table long enough to push the code button. “This isn’t happening.”
Krystal held on to the table until help arrived, and then she gave into the pain. “I’m pregnant,” she said as Marlee wheeled her out of the room and into another.