by John Barlow
Worse strutted up to the man, who was still glued to the spot, staring down at Ugly Pig.
“Bad! Bad” Worse called out over his shoulder. “The car! What d’ya reckon? This guy doesn’t seem to mind!”
Ben, Silver and Coby looked at Bad in amazement.
But Bad an’ Worse had spent their whole lives watching videos of cars. All the films they liked had car chases in them. They loved cars. But on the Island there were no cars. They had never even sat in a car, never been near one, and although the old, decrepit computers in the schoolroom had GTA on DVD, the steering wheel didn’t work, and playing it with the keyboard was lame, even if El Billio let you. So this was their chance, and they didn’t care about fat men in overalls or anything else.
Bad looked at Ben, as if to say sorry. He jumped out from behind the tree and ran over to join his brother. The fat man hardly noticed him, still looking at Ugly Pig with wide, frightened eyes. Bad an’ Worse got into the car.
“Won’t be long!” Bad shouted into the air. “Ugly Pig’ll look after things!”
There was a pause. The car jerked forwards, then stopped. They didn’t know how to drive it. Again it moved a bit, then a bit more, shrieks of laughter coming from inside. Suddenly it lurched forwards, moving off down the road, making its strange buzzing sound.
Behind the tree, the three of them stayed absolutely still. But it’s not easy to be silent when your heart is jumping out of your chest and you’re breathing so fast that you feel like you’re going to faint...
The fat man didn’t seem worried about his car being stolen. He was worried about the bone-headed pig in front of him. But a second later, Ugly Pig was off. From behind the tree they watched as the pig ran as fast as he could after the car. In a matter of seconds he was a tiny spot in the distance, in front of him an even tinier spot, the car with Bad an’ Worse inside. The fat man was not scared anymore. And now he turned his attention to the tree.
They cowered together, huddling down against the trunk, and listened to the man’s slow, approaching footsteps and the rasping wheeze of his breathing. Silver closed her eyes, mouthing silent words of fear to herself.
Suddenly, there was a grunt. The fat men’s footsteps stopped. Another grunt. It sounded just like Ugly Pig. With a gasp and a huff, the footsteps retreated quickly.
Ben looked around for Ugly Pig. But instead, he saw Coby with his hands cupped around his mouth, grunting just like a pig. Silver, who still had her eyes closed, thought they’d been surrounded by a whole pack of pigs. But when she looked, she saw her brother busy grunting. She doubled up in silent laughter, and had to stick a fist in her mouth, almost choking with the effort of keeping quiet.
The fat man, meanwhile, had retreated to the other side of the road. Ben peeped around the tree and watched as he loitered there, looking worried and scanning the area nearby in case there were more pigs, his flabby face wobbling like a plateful of jelly.
Ben started to laugh. He couldn’t help himself. A silent laugh at first. Coby saw him laughing and made his pig-sounds even louder, silly squeals and outrageous, throaty grunts, until he sounded like a pig having a nightmare, if pigs have nightmares. Silver now burst out laughing, trying hard not to make too much noise. But it was impossible, and when she closed her mouth, the laugh just came out of her nose instead. If she had blocked up her nose as well, the laugh would have come out of her ears. It was that kind of laugh. Coby’s grunting was a throaty giggle, and sounded more like an angry chimpanzee than a pig.
Tears streamed down their faces, and their stomachs began to ache. There they were, hiding behind a tree in a forest, with a very strange man not fifteen yards away. Despite that, they were laughing! They couldn’t help it. They laughed and laughed until they were nearly sick. They laughed on and on, completely forgetting where they were.
Ben flung his head back and laughed for all he was worth. Then he saw them: five big fat men were coming out from the darkness of the forest towards them.
Instantly the fat men were on them. Thick yellow fingers yanked Silver’s long blond hair back, and another hand wrapped itself round Coby’s petrified face. One of the men grabbed the collar of Ben’s bomber jacket, pulling it so tight that he rose into the air.
Before he had time to look up, Ben had been pulled clear off the ground. The trees in the forest seemed to move quickly across his vision in a blur. He was swinging, carried like an empty sack, in his ears Coby and Silver’s desperate screams of fear.
Chapter Twelve
Ben landed with a thump, face-down on the road. Coby and Silver’s screams continued, as they too curled up on the cold, hard road, defenseless and hysterical with fear. The three of them lay there together, heads buried in their hands, foreheads pressed into the ground. This was it. They had lasted less than a day on the mainland, and now they were prisoners.
Around them stood the men in overalls. From the corner of his eye, Ben saw two more black cars parked just off the road nearby. Suddenly, the men grabbed all three of them again, and began dragging them over to the cars. They dragged them like animals. No, it was worse than animals, like objects that had no feelings. The men puffed and panted, and one or two of them seemed to be enjoying it. The sound of their deep, gurgling laughter was revolting.
Silver and Coby had begun to cry. Ben looked up at the fat men who was pulling him by the collar.
“Please,” he said, “please let us go. We didn’t mean any harm...”
The fat man looked down at him, blankly.
“Please!” Ben said.
For a moment the fat man stopped. He shook his head.
“No choice,” he whispered in a low, sad voice. He sounded as though he was permanently sad, as if he didn’t know what happiness was.
“What did it say?” said another of the fat men, the one who was holding Silver. “Tell it to shut up!” he shouted, and laughed, his mouth crackling with saliva.
“We’re not animals!” came Silver’s high-pitched voice, quite unexpectedly. “We are she and he, not it!”
Shouting at the men had given Silver confidence.
“Put me down!” she said, now wriggling violently.
The fat men all stopped and watched her. She thrashed about furiously, her hair flying everywhere. But there was still a man holding onto her, and he didn’t let go, no matter what she did.
Before long the other men started laughing at her, their big mouths spilling open to reveal brown, crooked teeth. They honked and huffed like morons. They were the animals, thought Ben, as he watched them laughing at Silver. But he could do nothing to help her, and he saw that she was getting weaker, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Throw her in!” one of the men said.
The others grunted in agreement. The entertainment was over. Silver was thrown into one of the cars, head-first. She bounced off the back seat and landed on the floor with a thud.
“Ow!” she said, and then started sobbing quietly to herself. Several of the fat men burst out laughing when they heard her cry.
Ben looked up again at the fat man holding him.
“Sorry,” the man said, very, very quietly, so no one else could hear. His eyes looked even sadder now, deep-set in his face, so dark that they were like holes where his eyes had once been.
“Silver, are you all right?” Coby called out.
She was in a ball on the floor of the car. Before she could summons up the strength to answer, Coby was thrown right on top of her.
Ben glanced up at the fat man again. But the man turned his head away, ashamed.
Then it was Ben’s turn. He closed his eyes, ready to be thrown into the car. He didn’t even want to think about what would happen after that.
A buzz. Getting louder. Bad an’ Worse were back.
“Hey, you lot!” Bad shouted, hanging out of the window of the black car as it jerked to a halt on the road. “What ya doin’! What’s goin’ on?”
He threw open the door and jumped out. Worse was already out of
the other door. They stood side by side.
Ben felt himself drop to the ground.
“You want some trouble?” Worse said. “Hey, you!” He pointed at one of the men. “Yes, I’m talking to you, gutbucket. Why don’t you stand aside while my friends get out the car.”
Worse took a step forwards. The fat men mumbled to each other, their flabby heads wobbling. All six of them stood right in front of the car door, as if Coby and Silver were valuable, and they would do anything to make sure that they didn’t escape. Ben, meanwhile, scampered over to where the twins were standing.
“Ha!” Bad said in a loud, boastful voice. “Three against six. That doesn’t seem fair, does it?”
One or two of the men begun to screw up their fists. They had a human cargo to protect.
Ben’s legs became weak. He looked at the line of men. They were a lot bigger than him. Twice as big at least. He breathed deeply and stuck out his chest.
“Hold on a minute!” Worse said, clearly enjoying himself now, a big grin on his face. “It’s not three against six, it’s four against six. Look!”
He whistled, and out of the car jumped Ugly Pig. He trotted up and stood beside Worse, sniffing, wagging his tail.
No one moved. Then Ben had an idea.
“Silver!” he shouted. “La otra puerta!” It means ‘the other door’ in Spanish. Who would have thought El Billio’s Spanish classes would ever come in useful!
The fat men didn’t understand. They looked at Ben as if he were mad. Actually, Bad an’ Worse didn’t understand either. But Silver did. She understood perfectamente. Of course! she said to herself as she nudged her brother, then grabbed the door handle. They got quickly out of the car and raced over to where the others were standing.
“Six against six!” Bad an’ Worse said together, smiling at the fat men, who couldn’t believe their own stupid eyes. They were astonished. They stared at Ugly Pig, then at Silver and Coby, then... They didn’t know what to think, apart from the fact that they had lost their precious prisoners, and must get them back.
“Right,” Worse said. “Get in the car.”
They didn’t need telling twice, although Bad was disappointed that he hadn’t been able to throw a single punch, or kick anybody up the backside, which was a shame with six gigantic backsides to go at.
“Stay right there boy!” Worse whispered into Ugly Pig’s ear, before getting into the car himself.
On the back seat there was now a mass of arms and legs. Ben’s face was squashed up against the back window. Coby was head-down, his feet kicking the inside of the roof. Silver’s legs were squashed up on one side, but no one knew where the other half of her was, although they could hear her complaining about it in a strange, choking voice.
The car turned and whizzed off. Coby began to struggle to get the right way up, lodging a foot in Ben’s face as he maneuvered himself into a kneeling position. Only then did he realize he was kneeling on his sister’s neck.
Finally, all three were sitting on the back seat in the normal way, with the twins up front. The car suddenly stopped.
They looked back down the road. About a couple of hundred yards away the two black cars were not moving. Six fat men stood right where they were in the road, with Ugly Pig keeping guard.
Worse leaned out of the window and whistled. Ugly turned and started running. Within what seemed like a handful of seconds he had reached the car and jumped in through the window, falling heavily into Worse’s lap. The twins both gave him a friendly slap on the head.
Ben, though, was not so interested in pigs. He was looking back down the road. The fat men were now squeezing themselves into their two remaining cars.
Bad saw them.
“Hey!” he cried. “Fantastic! A chase. Can you believe our luck!”
He slammed the accelerator to the floor and they shot forward, tires screeching.
“Oh, no!” Silver said, and looked in vain for a seat belt.
The car went faster and faster. Bad kept his foot right down, howling with laughter, leaning forward over the steering wheel like a madman.
“Welcome to mainland!” Worse said, holding Ugly Pig in the air and singing. “Na-na, na-na! Faster! Na-na...”
“What are we going to do?” Ben shouted, looking behind and seeing the two black cars coming after them.
“We’re gonna race ’em!” Bad said over his shoulder, taking his eyes off the road completely. “They’ll never catch us. Don’t worry, it’s all under contr...”
The steering wheel spun suddenly in his hands. The car swerved violently to the left, its tires screeching so loudly that it sounded as if they were being tortured. Then the car swerved to the right, throwing them all the other way. In the back they fell about, their heads bashing into one another.
“Hit the brakes!” Silver shouted, before tumbling backwards and smashing her head against the rear window.
Bad found the brake pedal and the car lurched to a stop.
There was a moment’s silence, broken only by a chorus of fast breathing. Then they all heard a buzzing noise, coming from behind. The fat men were approaching fast.
“Quick!” Ben screamed. “Drive!”
Bad did as he was told. The car took off again, as fast as it would go. But the road was not so good. It began to twist and turn, and Bad kept going wide, because he didn’t really know how to drive. The fat men were closing in. Bad was doing his best, but the car skidded and lurched from one side of the road to the other. And the cars behind were gaining, gaining.
Round a sharp bend, and although Bad pulled and heaved at the steering wheel, the car just went straight on, leaving the road and heading into a field.
“Whooooooaaaa!” they shouted, closing theirs eyes in fear, expecting the car to flip over. They shot across the field, bouncing wildly, the car leaping up clean into the air. Then, a split second later, they all realized that they better open their eyes. And when they did, they were hurtling towards some pretty big bushes.
They were going to crash.
Chapter Thirteen
The car smashed into the bushes, clattering its way through a sea of green leaves, branches whipping the windscreen, making a deafening noise. On they went, banging and jumping, and praying that the car would stop.
Their prayers were answered. Ben, Silver and Coby all slid forwards off their seat and flopped down onto the floor as the car came to an abrupt halt. Ugly Pig sniffed the air, wondering what on earth had just happened. The rest of them were thinking the same thing.
Worse opened his eyes and reached for the passenger door. Opening it a little, he peeped out. Nothing. There was nothing below the door. The car was suspended in the air.
He pulled the door shut, and turned. The back seat was empty. He looked again, puzzled, then saw that Ben, Silver and Coby in a heap on the floor, groaning and rubbing their heads. His brother, meanwhile, was slumped over the steering wheel, panting for breath.
There was a creaking noise. The car tilted forwards. Through the window Worse now saw that they were balanced on the edge of a steep, tree-lined ravine, right at the top of it, tipped at an angle, the front half of the car in thin air, and beneath it a very long, very steep drop.
He sat back in his seat. Again the car creaked.
“Stay completely still,” he said, an unusual hint of nerves in his voice. “Don’t move a muscle, you all got that?”
No one said anything, but no one moved either, so he took it as a yes. “I never thought I would hear myself saying this, but, Silver...?”
“U-hu?” came her voice from down on the floor behind him.
“...Silver, I think we need your help. We need you to do some thinking.”
“You do?” she said.
“Get up,” Worse said. “But gently. No sudden movements.”
Slowly, and rather confused, she crawled up onto the back seat. Then she looked out of the window.
Her face turned green. She tried to stay calm, but when she looked at Worse, his
face was also green.
“What’s going on?” said Ben from down below.
“Nothing,” Silver said. “Just don’t move.”
Meanwhile, Bad groaned. “We survived, then?” he said, still slumped over the steering wheel, and gave out a little laugh. Stretching his arms up behind him, he slowly opened his eyes and looked out through the windscreen.
“No sudden movements,” his brother said.
“What...? But where are... Whoaaaa!” Bad said, gulping for breath, almost peeing his pants.
“Don’t panic,” Worse said. Then, turning his head: “Silver, have you thought yet? Can you hurry the thinking up a bit?”
The thinking was really quite simple. The car was balanced on the upper edge of the ravine. It was like a see-saw. If the weight at the back of the car increased, it would tip backwards, and the car’s back wheels would touch the ground. But if the weight at the front increased, the car would tip forwards. And they would fall to their deaths. Pure logic, she told herself.
However, when she opened her mouth to explain how logical the whole thing was, she found herself unable to speak.
“Well?” Worse said. “We can’t stay like this forever!”
“Like what?” Ben shouted.
“Yeah,” Coby said. “What’s going on?”
“Just be quite!” said Silver, discovering that as long as she was giving orders, she could indeed talk. “You!” she said to Bad, “you stay right there. Lean back in your seat. And you,” she said to Worse, “I want you to give Ugly Pig to me, very slowly. Then, open your door and climb out onto the roof of the car and make your way to the back and stand on the bumper. Can you do that? Is it possible?”
Worse didn’t know. But he’d give it a try.
He gave her the pig. The car tilted back an inch or two. Then, moving so slowly that it seemed as if he was trying to do it without making a single sound, he climbed out of the door. It might be possible, he thought, but it wasn’t easy.