I try not to laugh at the panicked horror that flashes across nearly every face in the plane. As for me, I’m nearly bursting with pride that Karl is the stand-up man I always thought he was.
The Blaze, Brock, asks in a quiet, low voice tinged with a Southern accent, “Pardon me, sir, but what kind of expertise can a non lend us on an Elders recon?”
But it’s Kellan that answers first. “He’s not a non.” A ghost of a smile graces his lips. “Will Dane is a Métis, which means he’s part Magical. He’s also Molly Hellebore’s son, so he deserves your respect.”
Will stiffens next to me as a collective gasp pings off the metal walls. And then he asks, voice low and carefully controlled to sound bored, “And you know that, how?”
Kellan’s amused. “Did you really think, after everything that’s gone down, I wouldn’t dig up every last piece of dirt on you I could?”
Oh. My. Gods. Seriously? I hiss, “Kellan!”
He’s totally unapologetic, though.
Vance clears his throat. “Hellebore was a wicked good Smith. What’s she up to nowadays?”
Will’s stare is stony. “She’s dead.”
“Oh, man—I’m sorry,” Vance says quietly. It’s obvious he’s grossly uncomfortable, but after what’s just gone down, I have no pity for him.
“We were discussing the mission that Councilwoman Lilywhite is leading us on,” Kellan says to Karl. It’s impossible to miss the annoyance lacing his words, especially as he offers up my official title. Last year, when I served as bait on an Elders mission, he’d begged me not to go. Tried to blackmail me. In the end, I went, but if today’s anything like then, he’s just as pissed off I’m here as I am with his presence.
Even after everything that’s happened since then, old habits die hard.
“Right.” Karl moves toward where I’m standing. “While Councilwoman Lilywhite was on recon in Alaska during a secret, Guard sanctioned mission—”
Wait. What? He’s—is he lying to the team about where I’ve been and what I’ve done? I really should have read Zthane’s report more carefully.
“She and Dane were repeatedly attacked by the Elders.”
“You were what?” The anger in Kellan’s voice nearly knocks me back into my seat.
Okay? I thought Karl told him about what went down already! I turn toward the Quake, who offers no apologies. “Not finished yet, Whitecomb,” he says evenly. But now that he knows that Kellan’s my Connection, too, he’s most likely sympathetic to what Kellan must be feeling right now. And I get it—I do, because had I just found out that Kellan was running around, being attacked by these things, I might be close to losing a gasket, too.
Still, it would have been nice not to blindside Kellan in front of a whole team. Had I known, I would’ve told him yesterday when he was at the apartment. Wait—“I thought you were going to debrief Kellan yesterday,” I say to Karl.
“Yes, well,” Karl leans against the wall, “things came up and it didn’t happen.”
“Which is fine, since you and I are going to discuss this ourselves,” Kellan says to me, like we’re not in the middle of Karl’s briefing.
“Later,” Karl insists. Bless him. “Because right now, you all need to hear the real reason why we’re here. During these attacks, Councilwoman Lilywhite and Dane realized something. There is, in fact, a way to destroy the Elders.”
This bomb goes off exactly as Karl predicted it would. Everyone, even Kellan, suck in their surprise and stare at me and Will like we’re . . . not freaks, exactly, but like we’ve done the impossible. Which I guess we have.
Karl’s grin is grim. “Three Elders no longer exist thanks to these two.”
“You say it was just us, but I think you’re forgetting yourself.” Will taps the floor with the tip of his sword. “I seem to remember quite vividly a certain Quake helping out with two of those beasties.”
Karl shrugs this off like his role was nothing, which is so typically Karl.
“How . . . how is that possible?” Brock asks.
Kellan sits down in the web seat across from me. If I were a betting woman, I’d say he’s a torn between fury and pride over what he’s just learned.
Karl nods in encouragement at me. So I take a deep breath and address the team. “I willed them out of existence. I’m a Destroyer, too, remember.” I glance over at Will, who is back to playing with his sword. “It just took someone reminding me of what I can do.”
Will rolls his eyes. It’s obvious he hates that there’s so much attention on him here. But, he’s got to suck it up, because I don’t think I could have done it without him.
“The thing is,” I continue, “it appears I need to be touching them in order to do so.” My lips twist ruefully. “You should know they can make themselves look a little more like people now. And they can talk. And they can be touched, bleed, and turn their limbs into weapons.”
Will mutters, “Creepy as fuck is what they are.”
“Yeah, they are.” Karl shudders, then, as if he’s annoyed he showed his true feelings toward what we saw, he scowls.
No one seems to know how to take this. Karl, admitting that he’s scared, too? It’s almost too much for them. But, despite my own fear over what we’re about to face today, I force myself to sound cool and in control. I need to get them to focus on what’s going to go down, so nobody freaks out once we’re confronted. “If after what you see in a couple of minutes, you still decide to continue on with the mission, you need to understand there’s an excellent chance you’re going to get hurt. The Elders need to be incapacitated for me to be able to work my craft on them, and they won’t go down without a fight.”
“Chloe.” Kellan is trying so hard not to show his true feelings in front of everyone on the plane, but as he’s twisting his cuff around at an alarming speed, I know he’s struggling. “Please tell me you weren’t hurt fighting these things.”
He’ll know if I lie. I search for the right words to describe the hell I’d gone through, but none of them seem soft enough.
So Will answers for me. “The first time we fought one of these beasties, it cut us up like we were paper dolls. Broke some bones. We didn’t have any of your fancy healers with us, so we were simply stitched up afterwards and given some extra blood to replace what we’d lost. The second time . . .” He glances at Karl, and then me. “There were four against the three of us.” He pauses. “We were able to take down two, but the others fled.”
There are too many emotions to handle raging in Kellan’s eyes, so I look away, back toward the team. Their horror is much more manageable.
“What Will isn’t telling you is that we were lucky to make it back to Annar when we did,” Karl says flatly. “We had a very talented Métis who took care of our injuries, but the truth was, they nearly killed us. And that might very well happen today.” He pauses, looks around the airplane. “For this mission, we will give Councilwoman Lilywhite every chance possible to take out these bastards. This team is built of people who’ve been found capable of incapacitating the Elders, one way or another. That is what we will do. We will do our best to stun them long enough for Chloe to do her job. If you don’t think you can do this, then you need to let us know right now. You’ll be free to leave after Whitecomb ensures your silence.”
Nobody gets up. Not even the bitchy girl who called me a princess and insinuated Will wasn’t worth her time.
Karl nods just once. “It’s important you know they adapt to our crafts. The first time I knocked one out, it lasted ten seconds. Then, within minutes, it went down to eight.” He scratches at the back of his neck. “Chloe, are you ready to show them what they’ll be up against?”
No, I want to whisper. Not with Kellan sitting here across from me. But I create a screen in between the body and cockpit of the plane, just like Zthane requested me to do. And then I throw my memories up for all to see.
The team watches in tense silence as I first show them what happened with Cailleache, and then when Ka
rl, Will, and I fought in the warehouse. It’s brutal viewing it again, seeing just how badly we were all cut up in the end. I look even worse up on that screen than I remember being—the last shots I show them, where I’m laying in the dirt, bleeding out, seem more like something that happened to somebody else rather than me.
But I let them see it all, even Erik stabbing me in the ass with a tranquilizer while I groaned like a dying, beached whale, because it’s best they know what to expect. I’m all about choices nowadays. If they want to leave, they should have the right to.
Oh, gods. Jonah left.
I force myself to focus. Can’t think of that right now. Not today, not when so much is at stake.
When it’s finished, and I’ve done away with the screen, Lola murmurs, “Well, damn.”
One of the Shamans titters nervously. “What she said.”
There’s a tense spat of laughter from everyone but Kellan. He simply stands up and says, “We need to talk. Now.”
I go to argue, but Karl tells us we have five minutes. When Kellan stalks out of the plane, I turn to Will and ask quietly, so none of the other team can hear me as they discuss what they’ve just seen, “You okay?”
Exasperation sighs out of him. “Don’t baby me, Chloe. I don’t need you fighting my battles for me. I can do nicely all on my own. Didn’t you see me up there? I’m quite the badass with a sword.”
That’s the problem, though. I saw too much. I saw Will, cut up and hurting, wielding that sword like it was his own arm, and it scares me, knowing this daredevil is willing to go out and fight with me simply because he loves me. So I give him a winning smile. “Fat chance of getting me to stop.”
He rolls his eyes, but I know it pleases him.
Outside of the plane, Kellan’s hands are in his hair as he stares into the foggy distance. My heart aches, because I’ve thrown so much at him in the last couple of days. I reappear after bailing for half a year, I break down when his brother dumps me, and then I inform him that I’d nearly died while fighting the Elders.
If the situation was reversed, I’d be worse than a wreck. But Kellan—his voice is low and level when he asks, “Are you out of your mind?”
I come over to stand near him. The impulse to touch him, hold him is so strong that I force my fingers to curl into fists that I stuff under my arms. “I’m finally thinking quite clearly, thank you very much.”
His eyes close for a brief moment before finding me. He knows my words carry multiple meanings. “Those things nearly killed you.”
I can’t sugarcoat it—not to him, not anymore. “That’s true. But they didn’t. And I’m hoping today, if you’re going to be on the team—”
“Like I’m going to leave you here on your own,” he mutters. “Did you lose your mind on your walkabout, too? Oh, wait. Are we now calling it a ‘secret Guard sanctioned mission’?”
I hide my smile, even though he sounds so bitter. Also, now’s not the time for us to wade into all that mess. “What I was saying was, I’m hoping my chances at survival are even better today, now that you’re here with me.”
His head tilts to the side as he studies me. “And yet, you don’t want me here.”
I’m honest. “I don’t relish the idea of you getting hurt, no.”
A small exhale of a laugh lifts into the misty sky above us. “There’s no way to convince you to not do this, is there?”
I shake my head slowly.
“Well, then, obviously I’m coming.” He stuffs his hands into his coat’s pockets. “If Jonah—”
I . . . I just can’t. “Don’t,” I whisper. I blink back the sting threatening my eyes. “I need to focus today. It’s going to be hard enough with you there. Just . . . he . . .” I swallow and turn my head away.
Gods. Right now it would be so easy to just let Kellan hold me like he wants. Like I want. But Kellan has made it quite clear to me over the years that if anything’s going to happen between us, it’s going to be because I choose him. Choose us.
And I haven’t.
And I won’t, as incredibly tempting as it is. And I can see it in his eyes right now—he wants me to, almost desperately so. As much as it kills me to have to deny him this, it slays me even more so, because all of that love I have for him is still just as potent as before.
Late last night, in sheer despair, I actually considered calling him and begging him to give me—us—the chance we’d always been denied. Knowing Jonah doesn’t want me anymore . . . it’s crushing. Will keeps saying it’s not the case, that Jonah’s reacting to what I did and rightfully so, but part of me wondered if he was right, that this was my chance to finally see what things would be like with Kellan. I love him, after all. I cheated on Jonah with him several times, thereby destroying the integrity of the relationship I had. My feelings toward him—and his brother—tore me apart. Part of me wants to see where this will go. Part of me wants it so badly that I nearly threw out all of my resolutions and resolves away.
I won’t lie to myself. I’ll always want this with him. I’ll always want him.
But then my heart reminded me of its truth. There’s love for Kellan, yes—boundless, everlasting love of the very best kind. But the truth of the matter is, it needs Jonah more. And I need to do whatever I can to fix that, even if it means giving him the space he needs until another chance for me to make amends rolls around.
Somebody from inside the plane calls for us. Kellan’s head tilts down toward mine. “Are you sure about this, C?”
I’m not sure which sure he’s referring to. Either way, I tell him, my voice soft in the mist, “Yes.”
And then we go back into the plane.
The turbulence as we head north, following the Ob river, is brutal. Kellan is kind enough to make us all less air-sick, but my teeth rattle in my head with every bump met of this metal bird we fly in. As always, Will remains unflappable, even dozing for a few minutes before a particularly strong jolt wakes him up.
“You suck.” I have to yell at him, since the propellers are so loud.
“Occasionally,” he tells me in return. “It’s a shame you’ll never know just how well.”
I burst out laughing. “You’re awful!”
His smile is crookedly charming. “That’s not what she said.”
I roll my eyes, the corners of my lips tilting upwards, and it’s then I notice Kellan watching us, his face devoid of any emotion. He’s sitting in the web seat directly in front of us, next to the Blaze, Brock. Since we boarded the plane, he’s been very quiet, and I don’t know if I ought to draw him into our conversations or leave him alone.
Will makes the decision for me. He yells out, “So. Kellan. Chloe tells me you’re an ace surfer. I’ve been considering taking lessons—”
Liar. He’s never once mentioned this to me in the half year I’ve known him. But I love him for it anyway.
“—and was wondering if you had any pointers for an uncoordinated bloke like myself.”
Another lie. Will is one of the last people I would ever call uncoordinated.
Kellan studies Will for a second or two, but then a hint of a smile curves his lips. “Well, for one, I’d advise you to live near the beach.”
“Already done that, mate. In case your geography skills aren’t as ace as your surfing skills, let me assure you that Anchorage is indeed a coastal town.” He turns to me. “You Annar people are horrendous with geography.”
I laugh, remembering his teasing me back in his kitchen in Alaska.
Kellan actually chuckles, too. “I know where Anchorage is. I meant you ought to be closer to a spot where there are decent waves, like Yakutat. That’s if you plan on heading back to Alaska any time soon.” That half-smile of his that I adore quirks for a brief moment. “Of course, if you stay in Annar, then it won’t be a problem, as you’ll be able to go to whatever break you like whenever.”
Will’s long legs spread out in the tiny aisle in between the rows of web seats. His eyebrows lift upward. “You know of Yakuta
t?”
Kellan’s eyes meet mine. “I do.”
I clear my throat and then force my voice to carry across the aisle. “Have you surfed there before?”
“Once, when I was fifteen. Joey thought it would help develop ‘character.’ Personally, I think all it did was help incite hypothermia.” His smile ticks up a teeny notch. “Too bad I didn’t have a Creator with me at the time to make me a special wetsuit. I guess I wasn’t lucky enough at the time to know you then, so I’ll just have to make up for it now and convince you to give me what I need.”
I’m going to pass out, because surely we are too high in the air and there isn’t any oxygen anymore and—
“If you like,” he says to Will, like he can’t tell he’s affected me, “I can take you out and give you some pointers sometime in the next week or so. Chloe can tag along and we can make fun of her when she attempts to stand up.”
The other Guard have stopped talking with one another and are now listening to Kellan. And my heart swells, because right here, right now—Kellan is publically declaring his approval of Will.
“I’d like that,” Will is saying. “Plus, I’m always game to pick on my favorite blonde. Oh wait, my mistake—you’re only a fake blonde.”
Feeling like a total mush toward Kellan in more ways than one, I know I need to redirect this conversation back to something safe. I say to them, “Har-har. Pick on Chloe and her inadequacies, why don’t you?”
“It’s ridiculously easy to do,” is how Will responds.
But Kellan? He refuses to do as I want, because he says, “As there are precious few inadequacies I can find in you, as you call them, I have to make do when I do find one.” The corner of one side of his mouth lifts higher. “But for all of your perfections, you truly do suck at surfing.”
Butterflies explode into a full-fledged frenzy in my chest. Damn him for being so sweet. And hot. And desirable. And also, for knowing he’s getting to me, because there’s a spark of victory in his eyes the moment my heart decides to sprint even faster than it was just moments before.
A Matter of Truth (Fate Series 3) Page 21