“Alright, everybody get settled in…”
“Who is sleeping where?” asked Marv.
“You two,” Luke said with a mischevious smile to Marv and Arthur, “Are in the bunk room.”
“Bunk beds… It’ll be just like old times, pal!” said Marv excitedly as he nudged Artie in the gut.
“Camp Burnish Arrow all over again,” Arthur said facetiously as his memory went back to the childhood summer camp that he and Marv went to as kids. A chill ran up his spine just thinking about it.
Arthur was pleasantly surprised by Luke’s mountain house. There were comfortable couches lining the walls, a cozy breakfast nook in the kitchen, a pool table in the center of the space, two bathrooms and three bedrooms. It would be a comfortable place to spend the weekend.
Brant popped open the cooler that was filled with refreshments. He grabbed a beer for everyone and popped off the lids and left them to drop on the counter top. As all four men raised their beers, Brant toasted Luke, “To good times, good friends and good women. Best of luck to you, man…” As Luke smiled, the men guzzled their first beer of the weekend, even Arthur, who was happy for the opportunity to let loose.
***
“What the hell was that all about?!” asked Holly as Philomena came out of the casino with a flustered look on her face.
“That man had some fresh ideas and that just wasn’t happening on my watch!”
“Well, at least we’re all okay…” said Gloria.
“I think it’s about time to head back to the hotel room…”
“Oh, I have just the idea!” yelled Philomena, her adrenaline still rushing.
“I’m afraid to ask!” said Sloane as she hailed down a cab.
“You gotta let her have some fun…” Holly said as she began to laugh hysterically. She clearly knew what was about to happen, and she couldn’t wait to see the reaction on Sloane’s face.
Chapter Nine
Animal Instincts
“I was robbed!” yelled Arthur, drunk as a skunk as Marv beat him at another game of chess.
“Check and mate… You’ll never beat me at this game…”
“I did once…”
“That doesn’t count. I didn’t have my glasses on.”
“Ready for another, Art?” asked Brant pointing to his empty beer mug.
“Fill ‘er up, pal…”
Pal… Wow, he’s drunk, thought Brant as he laughed.
“Rack it…” Brant said pointing to the pool table.
“You got it. I’m glad you got him to chill out. What a pain in the ass,” Luke said as he shook his head.
“He’s always been this way!” Marv called over, laughing loudly as Arthur decided what his next move would be. Sleep was not far away.
“I’m quite a nice guy, it’s the world that needs to stop pissing me off…”
“The first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem…” Marv said slyly.
“Problem? What problem… I’m great. Right, Luke. I’ll be a great father-in-law.”
Luke raised his eyebrows at him.
How many beers did he drink?!
“Oh, yes. The best,” said Luke as he grabbed his pool stick and prepared to take his shot. “Ten in the right corner pocket.”
As the billards balls crashed against each other, Luke’s ten ball dove into the right corner pocket as predicted.
“Son of a bitch. Here…” said Brant as he laid down a fifty dollar bill on the pool table. They were playing for keeps tonight and Luke was an ace with a pool cue.
“Tell me something, Brant…”
“What’s up?” asked Brant as he racked the balls again and prepared for another game against Luke.
“How do we make it work?”
“You’re asking me?”
“Yeah. You guys are good.”
“We weren’t. Not for a long time.”
“It was a mistake. You two always loved each other. She always loved you.”
“The big thing is to not get lost in the grand scheme of things. Marriage is for life. That’s a really long time. Sometimes it can seem like she’s against you, when really, you’re both fighting for the same thing. Pick your battles wisely, my friend. And don’t forget why you’re together in the first place.”
Luke shook his head. That was what he needed to hear. There were still grinding concerns on his mind though.
“How do I keep her from wanting to run off?”
“You think she’s going to run off?”
“Get bored…”
“You’ve been together for seven years. You’ve lived together for four years…”
“I know. Still.”
“She’s not the same girl she was back then. Neither is Holly. You’ve grown together. There is no you without her, and vice versa. She loves you. She wouldn’t marry you otherwise.”
“I know she loves me. What happens when she realizes that I’m just a regular guy?”
“Trust me… A regular guy wouldn’t be able to put up with her!”
“And her spending. What if I can’t keep up with her designer tastes…”
“She has a job. She’s a personal shopper for no less than seven local celebrities and politicians. She’s not reliant on you whatsoever, so you shouldn’t be worried.”
“I guess I just have jitters. I hope the weather doesn’t crush her dream of the St. Thomas wedding.”
“We’ll have to see what happens… But regardless… It’ll happen one way or another.”
***
Holly kicked off her high heels and climbed on top of Sloane’s queen size pillowtop bed as they relaxed after the exciting evening out on the town. Gloria and Philomena seemed a bit fidgety and they couldn’t contain their laughter as they whispered to one another.
“What are they up to?” asked Sloane with a perplexed look upon her face. Holly shrugged, wishing she knew what their mothers were up to now. They were worse than a couple of hormonal, pimple-faced teenagers.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Philomena jumped from her seat and smoothed her dress over her voluptuous frame. A tall man with a muscular physique filled the doorway. He was dressed in firefighter gear from head to toe and he had an urgent look on his face.
“Is everything alright, ma’am?”
“We are now…” said Gloria saucily as she took in the gorgeous face of the firefighter.
“I got a call… An urgent one…about a fire… Someone here is on fire!”
“Oh, you’ve got the right place… I’m hot tonight!” exclaimed Philomena as she began to fan herself. Sloane’s eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets.
“Can I come in…? There is something I need to show you…”
“Please… Do your duty…”
Philomena and Gloria took a seat on the edge of Sloane’s bed. They could not contain their giggles.
The firefighter grabbed a chair and placed it in the center of the room.
“Sloane Markowitz… I must have a word with you.”
“Bloody hell, mother. I am going to kill you!”
“Sloane, my name is Lieutenant Matt and I am here to get you fired up!”
“Please, get her fired up…” said Sloane as she pointed to her mother. “I have enough excitement in my life,” said Sloane squirming to the back of her bed with Holly.
“Well, Philomena, since she doesn’t want me… I’ll have to find someone who does.”
“You won’t have to look long, big boy. Mama’s right here!”
Matt winked at Gloria and Philomena as he plugged his iPod into the dock on the bureau. He took his sweet time knowing that Gloria and Philomena were already undressing him with their eyes.
“Mother, seriously?” Sloane said mortified. Holly couldn’t help but laugh. She pulled out her cell phone and was hoping to catch a photo of her mother and Sloane’s crazy Mom.
Suddenly, the soulful voices of the Weather Girls blared from the radio as It’s Raining Men pulsed from the spe
akers. Matt began moving his hips from side to side, shaking his ass for his watchful audience. Philomena and Gloria squealed with excitement as Matt slid out of his yellow fireman coat and threw it onto Sloane’s bed. He jumped to face them. He was jacked – his muscles rippled across his chest, and his biceps were bulging and tatted up. Matt’s skin glistened from the baby oil that he had lathered all over himself and the sight was enough to send Philomena’s libido into overdrive.
“Yeah, baby! Shake it!” she yelled.
“I heard you were on fire tonight! Things are about to get real wet in here! Hold on tight, ladies!”
Matt ripped his pants off leaving him dressed in nothing more than his fire hat, a g-string and his boots. Holly was a vibrant shade of red as she watched the stripper gyrate around the room shaking his tanned ass and ruby red “package” in close proximity to Gloria and Philomena’s faces.
“I think I’m going to have a stroke,” said Sloane as her mother got off the bed and began to dance with Matt.
“Philomena… I have got to tell you! You are hot, tonight! I need to sit down and catch my breath!”
The stripper sat down on the chair he had grabbed for himself and spread his legs wide so that his “jewels”, as Philomena so politely called them, were on full display, protected only by the skimpy satin fabric of his g-string. He flexed his pecs as he smiled at Gloria and Philomena. They screamed in delight as they fanned themselves.
“Hot indeed, I may need mouth to mouth,” he said to Philomena.
“Why don’t you come on over and talk to me…”
Before Gloria could get up, Philomena was on Matt’s lap straddling him. She could not contain herself. Philomena would never cheat on Artie, but she sure as hell wasn’t opposed to having a little fun. Philomena was letting her wild side show.
“Next time, no tequila or martinis for that woman,” said Holly with wide eyes.
Matt picked Philomena up with her legs wrapped around his bare ass as he continued dancing and dry humping everything in sight. As Sloane suffered in her mortification, Holly snapped at least three dozen photographs. While Philomena would never remember this in the morning, they had the pictures to prove what a wild animal she could be with a couple of drinks in her system.
“Your father is a very lucky man,” said Holly, as she doubled over in laughter. Tears streamed down Holly’s face from laughing so hard, and finally Sloane gave in and fell on her side as painful laughter broke from her lungs.
Philomena would never live this night down.
***
“Bear…” mumbled Arthur looking out the window.
“What? You’re speaking nonsense now…” said Marv as he moved his knight to take out Artie’s queen.
“Bear!” Arthur yelled again.
“Bear?” Marv asked, unsure if he heard Artie correctly.
“Bear! There is a bear outside!”
“Calm down, it will be okay…” said Luke nonchalantly.
“Where is my camera?!” Artie shouted.
“No, Art… You’re not going outside…” said Brant.
“I must get a picture. No one will ever believe me!”
“I’ll vouch for you. Sit your ass down!” Marv yelled.
The bear pressed his nose up to the glass and fogged up the window.
“I think he’s hungry! Open the window and give him some chicken!”
“Hell, no!” yelled Luke. “How many beers did he have?!”
Arthur jumped up from his chair to look for his camera. He was amazed that the bear would just approach the window like that.
“I think he likes me!” yelled Arthur, drunk as hell.
“He likes the way you’ll taste,” assured Brant.
“He looks friendly…” Artie said, giving Brant a happy smile.
“Oh, yeah… Friendly. His razor sharp teeth look very… cuddly and non-threatening,” said Luke sarcastically.
“This dude has gone off his rocker,” quipped Brant as he took another swig of his beer.
“No wonder Philomena doesn’t let him drink. He gets insane,” said Luke wide-eyed.
Finally, Arthur found his camera and tried to open the window but when Brant ran over and stopped him, he stumbled to the front door instead. Luke couldn’t catch him fast enough. Arthur was outside with his professional camera snapping away, irritating the bear even further.
“Get him inside!” yelled Luke.
Brant ran outside to find Arthur hysterically laughing on the porch. The bear was on his hind legs over him.
“I can’t wait to show this to the fellas at the dealership!”
The bear snarled over top of him, looking as if she was about to eat Arthur alive. Brant’s eyes went wide at the sight. Luke bolted to the door and immediately grabbed Sloane’s father around his chest and pulled him inside.
“Brant! Get in!”
Brant slammed the door shut just in time. The bear pounced on the spot where Arthur was standing just moments before.
“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Luke screamed at Arthur. “Are you trying to get yourself killed?!”
Arthur laughed, “Where’s your sense of adventure, boys?! I bet I have some awesome pictures on this roll…”
The bear stood outside the glass door growling and howling for his meal to come back. She swiped at the door, rattling the glass. Finally, after about ten minutes the bear gave up and wandered away deeper into the forest where she would try to find something more delicious than Arthur to eat.
Chapter Ten
The Morning After
Arthur woke up with a splitting headache the next morning. He looked at his watch and scoffed when it said 11:35 A.M. He never slept that late. Putting his plaid slippers on, he drug himself out of bed and wandered into the living room where Brant, Luke and Marv were relaxing on the couch. Arthur rubbed his eyes and stretched his arms.
That was the worst night of sleep, ever. I don’t even remember going to bed, Artie thought.
“Good Morning, Sunshine…” said Marv with a beaming grin on his face.
“Rough night?” asked Luke.
“What time did I go to bed?” Artie asked.
“Oh, about quarter of four…” Luke said.
“Right after Mama Grizzly nearly claimed you as her supper…” Brant added
“What the hell are you guys talking about? I don’t remember anything about last night. I remember I was playing chess with you… Did I lose again?”
“Of course!”
“You had a lot to drink… and let’s just say you tried to get extra friendly with a Grizzly bear and Luke here saved your tail,” Marv said.
“Stop lying… There wasn’t a bear!”
“There was… You even took the pictures to prove it!”
“Let me see that!” Arthur said to Marv, motioning for his camera.
Arthur scanned through the pictures on his camera and with each one, his eyes grew wider and wider. The first was a simple shot through the window. Each shot got closer and closer, until finally Mama Bear was standing on her back legs, snarling and drooling before the lens.
Arthur needed to sit down. He damn near dropped the camera.
“Here. Have some breakfast.”
“I don’t think I can.”
“We have a long day ahead of us.”
“Why?”
“We have to dig out….”
“Dig out?!”
“It showed eighteen inches last night.”
“Aren’t we going ice fishing?” asked Arthur sounding disappointed.
“We went already. While you were snoring.”
Arthur looked out the window. Sure enough there was snow everywhere, with snow drifts piling over Luke’s tires.
“Eat that,” said Luke pointing to the pancakes he put in front of Arthur. “Then we have to go.”
***
Philomena soaked her sore toes into the foot spa as her manicurist painted her finger nails a vibrant shade of pink.
“Just what I need. A day of relaxation and spoiling,” said Philomena as Sloane tried not to laugh.
“You mean you weren’t spoiled enough last night?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Holly, can you please remind my mother of her behavior last night?”
“No, I think I’d like to hear it from you,” Philomena said with a confused look upon her face.
“Well, Mother… Since you thought it would be fun to order a stripper and act a hot ass mess, we decided to take pictures. Look.”
Suddenly, the events of last night came back to Philomena as a mortified look came across her face. She flicked through the photos on Holly cell phone rapidly, becoming redder by the second. Finally, she passed the phone back and gave an apologetic smile.
“What can I say, love? I have an animal magnetism.”
***
As Marv and Brant dug out Luke’s truck, Arthur caught a moment alone with his future son-in-law.
“You really saved my life?” asked Arthur with a bewildered look on his face.
“Of course I did. I wasn’t going to let you get mauled by a bear.”
“Even after I’ve been such a jerk to you and Sloane?”
“You’re her father.”
“I’ve really been an asshole, though…”
Luke shrugged as he looked at Arthur, unsure of what he should say.
“What do your parents say on the whole matter of this?”
“I couldn’t tell you…”
“I’m sorry?”
“My mother passed when I was a boy, and I don’t know my father. My grandmother heard the news, and she is pleased. She likes Sloane a lot.”
“I’m sorry, son. I didn’t know.”
“It’s fine.”
“You know… I’ve been thinking a lot about this. You seem like you have good intentions and you have a good head on your shoulders. I just want the best for my Sloane…”
“I’m not perfect. But we’re good together.”
“This is not to leave this room, but if marrying you will make her happy…” said Arthur sheepishly. “Then I am happy to give you my blessing to marry my daughter.”
“Thank you, Arthur. That means a lot. You should know that I was going to become your son-in-law whether you approved or not. This will mean the world to Sloane, though.”
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