"I'm not marrying your sister. I don't love her and we're not a couple."
"I don't understand, why would she say you two are engaged, and why would you go along with it if you're not together?"
She looks at me confused and I take a deep breath preparing to tell her the biggest mistake I've ever made. "You deserve the truth. I'm going to give you the whole truth. I should have told you from the start of this mess." I take another breath and blow it out hoping it doesn't sound as bad as it does in my head.
"A few months ago, before I found out you were coming back, I saw your sister at a mutual friend's dinner party. We started talking, she told me about her and Michael breaking up and I told her about my breakup with Paige. That's the first time we really had a conversation since we've known each other. At the end of the dinner party, she asked me if I wanted to come over to her place. Since I've never seen it before, I said sure why not.
"When we got there we had a few more drinks and watched a movie. She kissed me and I wasn't thinking straight so I kissed her back and we ended up having sex, one time. The next morning we agreed it was a one-time thing and it wouldn't happen again. Before you came back, she came to my office and told me she was pregnant. I told her I need a paternity test because we used protection. She's going to take a paternity test as soon as possible to see if the baby is mine."
I stop talking and wait for her to say something. She doesn't say a word or move. She's sitting straight as a statue looking at me with a blank expression like she's in a trance so I continue.
"The wedding talk and the engagement is all an act so it doesn't look like what it is. We had sex one night and I might be the father of her unborn baby. She doesn't want anyone to know, especially your family. She wants to get married if the baby's mine. I told her I would take care of her and the baby financially if it's mine. We would be co-parents but nothing more. There is absolutely nothing between us, it was one time."
"Wow, where is Maury when you need him," she says. Like a game show model she throws her hands up in the air at me to show me the prize I've won. "You are not the daddy!"
This is one prize I wish I could give back. I don't even want to be entered for the runner- up next to the loser.
She wipes the corners of her eyes with her fingers when the tears roll down. "That would be freaking fantastic wouldn't it, Nick? Well maybe if you go up to the TV and rub it like a genie, he could come out and grant your wish. You are unfuckingbelievable."
I don't say anything to her. I let her finish, she needs to get this out; if I were her, I would punch me in the face and never look back. I'm hoping this is not how it turns out. I know after tonight I have to give her time and that's going to be hard as hell for me to do after being with her tonight.
"We just had unprotected sex, at this very moment I could be pregnant with your second child."
She cries, wiping away more tears. "Really! Seriously! This is Maury and Jerry rolled into one. I'm suddenly living the throw back white trash ghetto fabulous life right here, right here in the back seat of a car."
She covers her face with her hands and slumps back against the seat. She wipes the back of her hand across her face, the tears silently streaming down and my heart twists inside out seeing her like this. I did this to her. I want to take her into my arms and kiss her, tell her everything is going to be okay but that would be a lie. It's only going to get worse from here.
She sits up and picks up her purse from the floor.
"Let me walk you to the door." Reaching over to touch her she pulls back, away from me.
"No. You've done way too much already."
She opens the door and a blast of cold air hits me hard. She gets out managing not to touch me. Turning around with all the hate and anger toward me written all over her tear-stained face, she tries to compose herself before she speaks to me. I patiently wait till she's ready.
"I'm fucked literally and figuratively. Thank you!" she hisses between clenched teeth slamming the car door. I watch her go inside closing the door before I tell my driver to take me home.
Chapter Seven
Cat
"Catherine, didn't you hear me calling you?"
"Catherine!"
I'm sitting up in the couch with my legs stretched out, crossed at the ankles. I almost jump off the couch when a hand pats me on the shoulder. I look up and my mother's saying something to me but I can't hear her with my headphones on. I take them off. "Hi, Mom."
"Didn't you hear me? I was calling you."
"Sorry, I was listening to my iPad and trying to go over the lesson plan for Mrs. Smith's kindergarten class."
"I didn't know you started working already?"
"I haven't, she asked me if I could come in a few days a week so the kids and I can get used to each other. It'll be better for them instead of her suddenly leaving at the beginning of the year to go on maternity leave."
She leans down and gently brushes my legs off the sofa. "Darling, please don't put your legs on the couch, sit up straight. It's better for your back."
"Mom, my back is just fine."
"It won't be if you keep sitting like that. How will you ever find a man if you look like the hunchback of Notre-dame? Honey, you're a cute girl but no matter how cute you may be, no man wants that."
"He wouldn't be the man for me if he's superficial enough to only judge me by what he sees on the outside instead of getting to know me to see my inner beauty and that I have a mind."
"Please, have I not taught you anything? Men are visual creatures, if they like what they see then they might get to know you enough to find out who the real you is. Most men don't want to know the real you. They want to look at something pretty to show off to their friends, they're looking for a trophy and if you come with a brain that's a bonus."
"Mom, I can't believe you just said that." I can't believe it because almost word for word that's what Isabelle said at lunch to Ava, Chloe, and me. At times my mom is behind the times when it comes to her thinking about men and women. This is one subject we do not see eye to eye on. I shouldn't have to pretend to be something I'm not in a relationship with the man I intend to spend the rest of my life with. I should be able to be comfortable with who I am and so should he. You can only hide the real you for so long, I believe it's better you know who I am upfront rather than later.
"Don't look so shocked, Catherine. Think about it, most women who are highly educated, running their own business or the head of a Fortune 500 company are what? Single."
"That's not true." I close my iPad and put it on the table while she keeps talking.
"You want to know why?"
I sigh and sit back and wait to hear the rest of her life lessons on men and relationships. I'm really trying not to be sarcastic. "Why, Mom?"
"Because they want to be the man in the relationship. They want to pay for everything, tell the man what to do and how to do it. No real man wants that, as a woman you have to know when to step back and let the man be a man."
"How would you go about doing that?" I'm humoring her to get her to stop talking quicker; I don't want to hear this. I've listened to her spout this stuff off to me for years.
"Pay attention, dear, I can teach you something about how to get a man and keep him."
Here we go. I sit back and pretend to care about men, women, and relationships.
"Lesson one: let the man pick up the check even if you make more than he does and you can afford to."
"How's that going to make him feel like a man?"
"By letting him feel like he can take care of his woman. Men want to feel like they're needed even if they're not. Never let them feel emasculated. If you do that, they're going to find someone else to make them feel like a man. Sit up straight and pay attention, Catherine, I'm giving you my best pearls of wisdom."
"I'm listening to every word you say, Mother. I can't wait to hear what else you have to say. I'm pretty sure with the experience you've had over the years you know exactly what yo
u're talking about."
"Then pay attention. Lesson two: make sure he loves you more than you love him. That way when and if trouble arises he is more likely to forgive you for your mistake. Huh! You know that lesson well, don't you?"
"What kind of mistake mother?"
"Darling, it can be anything from burning his favorite shirt while ironing or spending too much at Tiffany's. What is that look for?"
"What look?" I wave my hand in the air with a flourish, eyes open wide with a regal tone in my voice. "I'm listening to your worldly knowledge of women and men. What did you call them…your priceless pearls or gems of wisdom?"
She puts on her stern expression. She's given me that expression many times over the years. When I was a child we could never see eye to eye. She would want me to go right and I would have rather gone up and around. I wanted to play soccer and she wanted me to take ballet classes. In the end, if we couldn't agree, the deciding vote would come down to my father and who do you think he sided with? Me or his beloved wife who he had to deal with for the rest of his life? Exactly!
"Sarcasm will get you nowhere, don't be rude, Catherine. I'm your mother; you might not think I know what I'm talking about but I do, I know what's best for you."
"I know you think you do."
She raises her perfectly arched eyebrow which she pays way too much money for to be done every other week and purses her lips. "Maybe if you listen to me you too can catch a man like your sister and end up engaged to someone like Nicholas Alexander."
There it is, guilt. I wish I could evaporate into thin air at the mention of his name and his so-called engagement to Kate.
"Your sister's happily engaged and getting married soon, next she'll be having babies. I want the same for you. Wouldn't it be nice if both of you could have kids around the same time so they could be close in age and grow up together with Sasha? Wouldn't that be nice?"
I wish I could sink into this couch to get away from this conversation. If she only knew there's a good possibility she could get exactly what she wants. I can see it now, next year this time, Kate and I could be sitting across the table from each other at Thanksgiving dinner with our matching newborn babies fathered by the same man at the same time. How dysfunctional is that? It would really be a Jerry Springer holiday.
"Cat, are you listening to me? I don't think you heard a word I said."
"Mom, I heard every single word you said."
Before she can continue with whatever else she has to say the doorbell rings. "Saved by the bell," I mumble.
"Speak up, Cat, I didn't hear what you said."
"I said I'll see who's ringing the doorbell."
"Maybe it's Kate, she said she was coming over tonight."
I hope not. She's the last person I want to see. I've been avoiding her like the Black Plague for days.
"Ava's supposed to stop by maybe that's her." If it's her, she has perfect timing as usual. I don't know how much longer I can take my mother talking about me, Nick, and Kate. I'm getting a headache thinking about this whole situation. It's been a week now, he's texted me about twenty times since we had sex and I haven't looked at any of them. I'm scared and angry, I'm trapped in a terrible nightmare and I think I'm going to wake up any minute now but I can't because it's real. Real fucked up.
Ava is fabulous as usual with her new flowing strawberry blond locks, Birkin bag, red bottom heels, and color-block mini dress. I have to smile to myself; she never fails, she is always fabulous. She can be wearing jeans, sneakers and a tank top and she will still look fabulous.
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Reed." Ava walks over to my mother and they hug and kiss before she sits down next to me on the sofa.
"Ava, maybe you can help me explain to my daughter that she needs… How would I put this?"
"She's giving me life lessons on how to get a man."
"Not just get a man, any man won't do. He has to have a never ending stream of security financially. If he doesn't, what good is he going to be to you?"
Ava and I look at each other at the same time with a wide-eyed stare.
"I agree with you, Mrs. Reed, any man won't do. What type of man do you think Cat needs besides the obvious financial security? I might be able to help her find that man."
"She needs a man that is able to take care of her and provide for her in style. He should be, and he should also come from a family of good breeding."
"Like a cocker spaniel?" I put my hand across my waist and cover my mouth with the other to stop myself from laughing, she sounds ridiculous. I can see Ava's lips twitching, she wants to laugh so badly. "Mom, this is not the 1800s, at this point I'll settle for a man whose status is uncomplicated. If I get the cocker spaniel you're talking about, I'm sure he's going to come with complications and high demands. I think I'll settle for a poodle, they're showy but I believe they're more loyal than the spaniel."
"Don't mock me, young lady."
The look she's giving me could melt ice on a minus zero degree day in the middle of January. My mother doesn't do well with sarcasm or mockery when it's directed at her. Something else Kate and her have in common.
"I'm going to ignore your last remark. You are still young; you will learn I am right when it comes to relationships between men and women. That brings me back to the reason I came down here."
She's upset with me but she won't say anything in front of Ava. She doesn't believe in airing her dirty laundry in front of other people.
"I have the perfect man for you; he's tall, five nine, great bone structure and a nice physique, he's very fit, he works out daily."
"What, is he a personal trainer?"
"No!"
"All right, calm down, don't get your feathers in a bunch." She can be so serious at times.
"As I was saying, he's a successful investment banker, graduated top of his class from an Ivy League college. This means he will be able to take care of you and any children you may have. If you are wise enough to choose to go out with him and pursue a relationship using the lessons I have mentioned to you today."
Pursue is an interesting choice of words. Why does she keep bringing up children, is there a sign on me saying I had sex with Nick, might be knocked up but pass it off as someone else's. If she knew, all hell would break loose; she would jump across this table and bitch slap me for ruining the appearance of our perfect family. She's never wanted people to see the cracks in our family's foundation. "Ahem, thanks, Mom, but I can take care of myself. I don't need a man to do that."
She pats me on the leg and lowers her voice as if I'm a little girl that doesn't fully understand what she's saying. "I'm thrilled that you can take care of yourself, that's why we put you through college and gave you an education. But it's so much better when the person you're with can do that for you. It's called options, sweetie; options, don't you agree, Ava?"
"Yes, I do, Mrs. Reed, if Cat doesn't want him send him over here. I like to go to the bank especially when I'm making a withdrawal of someone else's money. It's the American way."
"This is a girl after my own heart."
"Too bad she isn't your daughter, the two of you sound like the perfect pair." Of gold diggers.
"Cat, please think about setting up a date with this guy. I have to go make a few phone calls." With a heavy sigh she rises from the couch like the queen she believes she is, straightens her A-line navy blue Calvin Klein dress and leaves the room.
When she's out of sight I turn to Ava. "Can you believe her?"
"She wants to set you up with a rich eligible bachelor, isn't that what every mother wants for their daughter?"
"No, most mothers want their daughter to be happy with whomever they're with. Mine is more concerned about how much money he has in the bank."
"She wants the best for you, what mother doesn't. It wouldn't hurt to take some of her advice; some of what she said is true."
"Please, you don't believe that nonsense she was spouting. You've dated lots of men that weren't rich and didn't come from a f
amily with good pedigree. What the hell does that mean anyway? She's using show dog terms now to describe people."
She smiles. "True, I have dated a lot of guys who weren't rich. I've learned that men are the same whether they're rich or poor. If you're a jerk, you're a jerk no matter how much money you have. She was right about one thing."
"What's that?"
"It is nice to have a man take care of you even if you can do it yourself. If he starts acting up, you have the option of telling him to beat it because you have your own money to take care of yourself."
"I don't want or need any lessons when it comes to relationships from my mother. She's the last person I need relationship advice from. If you knew what I knew, you wouldn't either."
"What do you know?"
"Forget it. Let's go upstairs." I don't want to talk about my mother's dirty little secrets. I have my own to worry about.
"So, best friend of mine, why have you been avoiding me?"
"I wasn't avoiding you, I've been busy," I say, pinning my hair up in a ponytail avoiding eye contact.
"For you, that's code for you don't want to talk about what's going on so you're going to avoid confronting the problem."
"What problem would that be?"
"I don't know yet. You've been avoiding seeing me since the night Nick took you home. Every time I call you send me a text. I finally had to put my foot down and tell you I'm coming over here. So what happened?"
I can't lie to Ava. I'm a terrible liar and she' going to beat me over the head until I tell her the truth. She's relentless like that. "Your cousin happened. We had sex."
"Whaaat! Shut the front door! Slam it!"
"Yep. I slammed it. I should have slammed my legs shut too."
"I was not expecting you to say that."
"Me either."
"Out of all the things you could have said having sex with Nick wasn't one of them."
"I still can't believe it myself and I was there."
She leans in close, sitting across from me on the bed like we're conspiring secretly in some kind of plot, hand covering the side of her mouth. "Girl, how did you go from a ride home to getting down and dirty."
Imperfections Page 11