by Amy Field
That night he prayed to God asking him for guidance and to take away the feelings that he found himself developing for Ruth.
Ruth lay in bed thinking about the day she had. She had to admit to herself that she was already in love with the little girl that brought a smile to her lips whenever she thought about her. If she had a daughter, she would want her be exactly like that.
Her thoughts intermittently slipped towards the little girl’s father. By all that she had seen and witnessed thus far, he was a kind and caring man. Mrs. Yoder had been lucky. She found herself wondering how he looked without the beard that covered most of the lower half of his face. Even with it she could see that he was a handsome man.
His grey eyes were so intense and reminded her of dark clouds that predicted a tempestuous storm was at bay. The crinkle lines at the corners of his eyes told her that he was a jovial man. Again she wondered how he would look without the beard.
Realizing her train of thoughts, she quickly got on her knees and prayed for a pure mind.
The following morning when she showed up at work, Hope was already up and about causing her father to chase her around the house as he tried to keep her happy – not that much effort was needed in that arena.
Ruth laughed uncontrollably when David stopped short and began to pant heavily as his daughter ran and held on to his pant leg urging him to move.
“Papa tired sweetie,” he tried to make her understand.
“See aunty Hope is here,” he said pointing towards her by the door.
“Ru,” the little girl squealed in excitement.
This caused Ruth to smile even wider.
“Hi little Angel,” she replied going towards the little girl still holding David’s leg.
“Papa not moving,” she said pointing to her father’s foot that was rooted to the ground.
“He’s not?” she asked feigning surprise.
At this the little girl shook her head no.
“Ok let’s give your father some time to catch his breath,” she offered while lifting the little girl into her arms. Immediately he little arms came up to circle Ruth’s neck.
David made a mad dash for the stairs prompting Ruth’s laughter. The two were just too adorable in her opinion.
She had to keep Hope’s attention while he got ready to leave. Before he left he felt the need to say goodbye to both her and Hope and it turned into her trying to pry the little girl from his neck for the next two minutes.
The rest of the day went just as the day before. The final thing she did was making a meal for David but this time she prepared a dish for herself.
When David returned home, she presented him with his daughter’s art work which was simply her painted hand against the blank sheet of paper. David however treated it like it was a work art as he gushed over it.
“This is wonderful,” he declared proudly as a wide smile revealed perfect white teeth.
“Thank you for showing me this Ruth,” he said to her.
Ruth suddenly felt shy and bowed her head as she felt heat creep up her neck.
“I cooked,” she informed him bringing the conversation away from the artwork.
“And did you eat?” he asked her.
“Yes Mr. Yoder,” she replied with a smile.
“Please call me David,” he requested.
“Excuse me sir?” Ruth asked, not quite certain she had heard him right.
“I said call me David, Mr. Yoder makes me sound like an old man walking with a stick,” he replied.
“Ok, David,” Ruth replied a little sheepishly. It felt foreign coming out of her mouth.
When she saw a look of satisfaction cross his features she once more felt the heat creeping up her neck and quickly turned around afraid he would see her blushing. She led the way into the kitchen and David followed.
“Something smells heavenly,” she heard him say in an appreciative tone and immediately a smile graced her lips.
It just felt good to hear his voice lauding her praises.
Removing the foil from the food, she placed it before him as he sat.
“You don’t know how famished I am,” he said. “I didn’t get to eat anything by the warehouse.”
Immediately he dug into the dish before him. Ruth found herself just standing there watching him. It was as if there was an invisible magnet keeping her eyes trained on him. She watched as he forked the food into his mouth, the corded muscles in his arm, where his shirt was rolled up, rippling with the effort. For a man his age, he was pretty fit. He didn’t even look as old as her father had told her he was. His curly brown hair with streaks of blond neatly fell over his forehead stopping short of his thick eyebrows that formed arches over brooding grey eyes and a straight nose and chiseled jaw-line. She had to admit that he was a handsome older man.
When he suddenly looked up and in her direction, Ruth quickly averted her eyes, as her cheeks became bright red.
“I’m going to leave now,” she told him.
“Ok, I’ll see you tomorrow Ruth,” he replied simply.
With that Ruth made her exit, happy for the cool breeze that greeted her outside, cooling the warmness in her cheeks.
She boarded the buggy he loaned her and headed straight home.
From the kitchen window, David watched as she got up into the buggy and made her way through the gate and down the path. He replaced the curtain and sat back at his meal. He didn’t know what it was about this girl but with each passing day instead of dwindling, it felt like his interest in her was growing.
Her cerulean blues and her shy gestures drew him. He found himself wanting to know how long her blond hair that peaked from under her prayer kapp was and whether it would feel as silky as it looked. He also found himself wanting to touch her smooth white skin that looked as if she had bathed in milk.
Suddenly the image of his dead wife flashed before him dampening his thoughts of Ruth as guilt overtook him. She had been gone for more than a year now but she was still the love of his life.
He couldn’t have her even if he wanted. At forty he was twice her age and as a respected member of his community, he wasn’t quite sure the people would be as happy for such a union. He was most certain Josef would have a fit if he knew the kind of thoughts he had towards his daughter.
For now he would just admire her from afar as he would never be able to act on his feelings.
The remainder of the week went as usual. David came home at five to a sleeping Hope and a home cooked meal. He was getting used to it.
On Sunday at service Hope, upon seeing Ruth, strained to go to her and Ruth eagerly took her from David’s arms.
When service ended, Hope stayed with Ruth until it was time for them to leave she handed back the little girl to David.
For the next month and half everything was going smoothly. Ruth and David had gotten to know each other better and had fallen into a comfortable routine. The attraction that they felt for each other continued to grow on both ends but they chose to ignore it.
For Ruth life couldn’t get better than this. She had a job that she liked very much. She was contributing to her household and her employer was a nice person. She thought less and less about the past, and simply lived in the moment, relishing her good fortune.
Ruth was just preparing a meal for Hope when there was a knock at the door. Picking Hope up in her arm she went to answer the door.
When she saw who stood before her, she nearly dropped Hope in horror but thankfully she was securely at her side.
“Hello Ruth; long time no see,” the boy that stood before her said with a bright smile.
“Riley,” she whispered in a daze.
“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” he asked leaning against the frame of the door.
“I, I...” she began to stutter.
“What are you doing here?” she finally managed to ask him.
“After everything we’ve been through; that’s all you can ask?” he responded with a look of mock hurt.
At this something snapped in her and she fixed him with a pointed stare.
“What do you want, Riley?” she asked seriously.
“Can I come in?” he asked evading the question.
“No,” she replied simply.
He gave her a look of surprise before composing features.
“Come on Ruth,” he implored. “Don’t be like this.”
She was about to shout at him but remembered that Hope was at her side.
“I’m not being like anything Riley. We don’t have anything to talk about. All that was taken care of back in New York,” she replied with a tight smile.
“Now if you’ll excuse me; I have a lot of work to do,” she continued as she attempted to close the door.
Riley placed his foot at the threshold preventing her from close it.
Ruth gave him a hard impenetrable look causing him to ease up.
“Fine,” he relented. “But we’re not done here. I’ll see you soon Ruth,” he finished before turning and leaving in the car parked by the fence.
Ruth closed the door and leaned against it as her strength failed her. Her heart was beating a mile a minute. How could he come here?
Suddenly the past that she was trying to forget came flooding her memory like a tidal wave.
Tears began to run down her cheeks unhindered as her body shook with the pain she felt.
A tiny hand reached out and touched her face.
“Wet,” the little girl said. “No cry,” she said using her hands to dry Ruth’s tears.
The action touched her so much that she had to pull the little girl into her chest as she hugged her and placed a kiss on her curls.
“It’s okay, angel. I’m okay,” she reassured the little girl. Ruth willed the tears away, and used her palm to remove the remaining moisture on her face. She then turned the little girl to face her.
“See; all better,” she said.
To this Hope gave her bright smile. Ruth returned to what she was doing choosing to forget about Riley’s visit while she took care of the little girl.
After Hope had her meal, Ruth gave her a bath and read her a story before she dozed off.
Feeling exhausted herself she fell asleep in the rocking chair in the room.
She felt someone shaking her and opened her eyes to see David bent before her his grey eyes searching. She felt bare and open before him and tried turn her head but his hand shot out and held her chin. This forced her to look back at him as shock coursed through her along with the feeling of warmth and the undercurrent of something else course through her at their connection.
“Are you alright?” he asked in a concerned voice.
She felt compelled to tell him no and fling herself into his hands while she allowed the tears to flow, but she held herself back.
“Yes I was just a little tired,” she replied, forcing a smile.
He continued to look in her eyes and feeling guilty she turned her head. This time he didn’t force her to look at him.
“Oh no,” she exclaimed causing David to look back at her with alertness.
“I forgot to make dinner; I’m so sorry,” she apologized.
“It’s alright Ruth,” he assured her. “You’re not obligated to make me dinner.”
Rising from the chair, she rushed through the door, perplexing David even more.
“I know I’m not obligated to make you dinner. But I feel awful that you’ve had such a long day and would have to come home to make dinner on top of that,” she explained when he stepped into the kitchen and saw her rummaging through the contents in the cupboard.
“It’s alright Ruth, honestly,” he said.
Ruth turned to him with concern in her eyes.
“You look exhausted, David and there’s no way I am going to let you go without a meal,” she replied.
At this a memory flitted across his thoughts. His wife used to tell him that.
Rounding the table he came to stand before her. Taking her shoulders in his hands he forced her to look at him. Her deep blue eyes stared innocently at him and before he knew what he was doing, he lowered his head towards her. He noticed her eyes widen with surprise before they closed and her breath stopped, waiting in anticipation.
Just before their lips met, common sense retuned and he backed away from her, clearing the lump that formed in his throat.
Her eyes flickered open and he could see disappointment flash in them before she composed herself.
“I wanted to say it is not necessary. I’m not that hungry and you will be late going home,” he said.
She stared at him for a while before she spoke.
“Oh,” she said as if his words had just registered.
Turning towards the counter, she began replacing the items in the cupboard.
“I guess that means it’s time for me to go,” she said when she turned to face him once more.
“Good evening Ruth,” he said walking her to the door. He needed her to go before he followed through on what he was about to do a few moments ago – something he was sure he would regret.
Ruth turned to him.
“See you in the morning,” she said shyly.
He gave her a tight smile and watched as she descended the porch steps and walked towards the buggy. When she was finally out of sight he went inside.
He had to do something and fast. His feelings for Ruth were getting out of control to the point that he didn’t think he could trust himself around her. The more he thought about it, the worse he felt. The only solution was to let her go. Yet he knew it wouldn’t only be difficult for him.
Hope had grown so attached to Ruth that she had slipped and called her “Mama,” one day when he was home with her. He had to explain that she was Aunty Ruth. Still he could vision her having a little daughter like Hope. She would make a great mother he thought.
When Ruth got home, she feigned tiredness and went to her room as a panic attack came on. While in David’s presence she had forgotten all about Riley but after their near kiss and his hurried dismissal of her the thoughts of Riley resurfaced.
He had promised that he would be back, which made her fearful. She began to wonder if he knew where she lived and how long it would be before he made contact with her family. All of this was going through her mind before she finally dozed of. Even in sleep, her thoughts were on the problem and she had a terrible nightmare that the whole community – even her mother and father shunned her because they found out what she had done. She woke up with a start, her heart beating fast and perspiration on her brows.
Unable to go back to sleep, she knelt by her bed and prayed.
In the morning she was still exhausted, but she pulled herself together as she needed to get to the little girl who would be looking out for her.
She wasn’t quite prepared to see David after all that transpired last night but there was no way to avoid him. She suspected their interactions would become awkward now but she needed the money to help her family out. She couldn’t quit now.
“Good morning,” she said with a slight smile as he opened the door for her.
“Good morning,” he replied. “Hope isn’t up as yet but I have to leave now; so I’ll see you later,” he said rushing through the door.
She didn’t get a chance to respond as he practically ran down the porch steps towards the barn where the other buggy was.
Ruth closed the door and chose to get her morning started. She made Hope’s Cereal and did some light dusting as she waited for the little girl to rise.
The two spent the rest of the day as they usually did and to her relief there was no sign of Riley. She hoped that meant he had left town seeing as she wanted nothing to do with him.
After putting Hope down for her evening nap, Ruth made dinner and placed it under a cover for David. When he got home, to avoid the awkward moment she was ready to go as soon as he stepped through the door.
He was surprised but said nothing other than to wish her a good evening.
It broke her heart to let the little girl go with David after seeing her pout but there was nothing she could do – she wasn’t hers.
The next week started as it had last week but by mid-week the menace of her past showed up again.
“What do you want Riley?” Ruth asked the boy standing before her with a sheepish grin.
“You know what I want Ruth,” he replied, his tone prosaic.
She waited for him to expound on his statement, her hands on her hip and her lips set in a grim line.
“You Ruth, I want you,” he finished.
Folding her arms over her chest, she stared him straight in the eyes as she replied.
“It’s over Riley; I will never come back to you,” she declared.
“But I love you and I want to marry you.”
Ruth scoffed disbelievingly.
“After all that you put me through, you think I would want to marry you?”
“You’re not understanding Ruth,” he said shaking his head at her as if she were a child.
“You don’t have a choice. Either you marry me, or I’ll let your parents know how far from a good little Amish girl you are,” he threatened with a smirk.
Ruth’s eyes opened wide with terror.
“You wouldn’t,” she replied alarmed. “Try me,” he dared.
Just then she heard the sound of horse’s hooves coming up the path. Looking over her shoulder, she realized that it was David. Her heart plummeted to the sole of her feet.
Riley turned his head in the direction she was looking before turning back to her with a dangerous smile.
“Your boss is here. Maybe I should practice telling him to gauge the type of reaction your parents and the community will have.”
“Please don’t do this Riley,” she pleaded with him.
He didn’t respond but turned to David who was approaching them, wariness in his eyes as he looked from her to Riley.