by David Lewman
“How much farther?” DJ Suki asked.
“I think we’re getting close,” Guy said.
CLICK-CLICK! CLICK-CLICK!
DJ Suki looked around. “What was that?”
“What was what?”
“That clicking sound! Didn’t you hear it?”
“Yes,” Guy said. “But I thought it was you. You’re always hearing music in your head, so I thought maybe you were just snapping your fingers.”
“It wasn’t me.”
Guy pointed. “It was…THAT!”
Something was crawling out from under a rock. Covered in bright purple and yellow stripes, it had two long pincers that it was waving and snapping. CLICK-CLICK! CLICK-CLICK! On the end of its tail, which curved up over its back until it reached out in front of its head, was a third sharp pincer. That snapped open and closed, too. CLICK-CLICK! From head to tail, it was more than twice as long as the Trolls were tall.
“A Pinchmalla!” DJ Suki cried.
“I do NOT want to be pinched by those pincers!” Guy declared.
“Me neither!” DJ Suki agreed. “RUN!”
They ran toward the nearest tree, hoping they could shoot their hair up onto a branch and swing away to safety. But before they could reach the tree, two more Pinchmallas skittered out from under rocks and blocked their path! The Trolls skidded to a stop.
They were surrounded by the three snapping Pinchmallas.
CLICK-CLICK! CLICK-CLICK! CLICK-CLICK!
The Pinchmallas slowly closed in on DJ Suki and Guy, clacking the pincers on their front legs and tails. The Trolls stood back-to-back with their hands held out in front of them urgently, hoping the Pinchmallas would stop. And turn around. And go away.
They didn’t. They just kept coming.
When the three Pinchmallas were only a few steps from the Trolls, Guy clapped his hands together, rubbed them vigorously, and blew on them. POOF!
Glitter flew into the face of the closest Pinchmalla. It swiped at its eyes with its pincers, trying to wipe away the glitter.
Before the other two Pinchmallas could react, Guy clapped his hands together again and rubbed his palms like crazy. POOF! POOF! He blew clouds of silvery glitter right into the faces of the other two Pinchmallas.
EEERRREEEERRR! shrieked the Pinch-mallas as they wiped their faces. Before they could clean off all the glitter, Guy grabbed DJ Suki’s hand and ran past the beasts.
“Come on!” he yelled. “Before they get the glitter off!”
They sprinted as fast as their legs could carry them. When they were close enough to a tree branch, they whipped their hair up and around the limb and rocketed off!
Unfortunately, the Trolls could only swing on a few branches before the trees were too far apart again. But when they looked back, no Pinchmallas were following them.
“Great work with your glitter, Guy!” DJ Suki enthused. “Those Pinchmallas never knew what hit them! You saved us from a lot of painful pinches!”
“How did you know those were Pinch-mallas?” Guy asked. “Had you seen them before?”
DJ Suki shrugged. “Nope. But I’d heard about them from Karma. She’d seen a couple when she was out exploring the forest. She was excited about it. I think she actually likes them!”
Guy smiled. “As long as it’s part of nature, Karma likes it.”
“It’s all beautiful until someone gets pinched!” DJ Suki said.
While they were talking, they walked into another small clump of trees.
“Do you want to hair-swing again? It’s faster,” DJ Suki pointed out.
“Sure,” Guy said. “That sounds like a good ide—”
WHAP!
A leafy branch slapped the ground right next to them! But it hadn’t fallen off the tree, because it rose back up and then came down again—this time even closer to where they were standing! SLAP!
“What is going on?” DJ Suki asked.
“I’m not sure,” Guy answered, “but I think that tree branch just tried to swat us!”
WHAP! Another leafy branch swatted the ground. The Trolls took off running, dodging as the trees tried to squish them with their branches. Luckily, as dancers, they had lots of good moves and were quick on their feet.
“I really don’t understand why Karma loves nature so much!” DJ Suki shouted as they sprinted through the woods, jumping and rolling out of the way of the slapping branches. “Give me music every time! It’s so much less DANGEROUS!”
Guy agreed, though he was too busy running and avoiding the branches to say so. He kept looking up to see where the branches were, but then he’d trip over things on the ground, like stones and roots. That turned out to be lucky whenever he tripped and rolled out of the way just as another limb covered in leaves came swatting down.
WHAP! SWAT!
“That way!” DJ Suki yelled. “We’re almost out from under these Swat Trees!”
“I never heard of Swat Trees!” Guy gasped.
“That’s because I just made that name up!” DJ Suki said, sprinting for the edge of the small cluster of nasty trees. When the Trolls saw an open meadow beyond them, they both dove for it, escaping just as two more huge branches slapped the ground. WHOMMMMPPP! WHOMMMMPPPP!
They sat on the grass for a moment, catching their breath, looking back at the woods they’d just run through. It looked perfectly peaceful, with no branches slapping down. They even heard a Chimer singing.
“Man,” DJ Suki admitted, “I don’t know how much more of this I can take!”
Guy looked around and spotted something on the other side of the meadow.
“Look!” he said, pointing. “See those caves? I think those are the openings to the escape-route tunnels. Come on! We’re almost there!”
Knowing they were close to their goal gave them energy, and they ran across the grass toward the dark tunnels.
Once they got there, they stood for a moment, looking around. They paid special attention to the clouds in the sky. Were any of them Cloud Guy?
“What do we do now?” Guy Diamond asked.
“Scream his name?” DJ Suki suggested.
“CLOUD GUY! CLOUD GUY!” they both yelled as loudly as they could, cupping their hands around their mouths and turning in every direction. “CLOUD GUY!”
“Hey,” a voice said casually, “what’s with all the screaming?”
Guy Diamond and DJ Suki turned toward the voice just in time to see Cloud Guy stroll down the side of a tree. He was wearing his usual striped white gym socks and calm expression.
Guy hesitated. On the trip from Troll Village, he’d been too busy dodging Zapperzines and Pinchmallas to think about what he’d say when he finally found Cloud Guy. It felt awkward to just walk up and accuse someone of stealing rainbows. “Um, well…,” Guy said.
“Looking for the tunnel to the Troll Tree?” Cloud Guy suggested helpfully. “The only one that doesn’t lead to CERTAIN DEATH…death…death…death…?”
“No,” Guy said. “That’s not it.”
“Thinking about chartering a Caterbus?” Cloud Guy asked. “I’ve been known to drive one now and then.”
“No,” Guy said, shaking his head. “That’s not it, either. We were just wondering if you, well…if by chance…or possibly accident…you might have…”
“Did you steal the rainbows?” DJ Suki asked bluntly, pointing her finger at him.
Cloud Guy looked shocked. “What? Steal? Me? No, of course not!” Then he looked confused. “What rainbows?” He sat and patted the grass. “Come on. Sit down and tell me all about it.”
So Guy Diamond and DJ Suki sat on the soft green grass and told Cloud Guy about the Trolls’ Rainbow Rave, and how it had been ruined by someone stealing all the rainbows.
“Early this morning,” Guy said, “our friend Ka
rma saw someone dragging the rainbows away.”
“It wasn’t me,” Cloud Guy said, shrugging. “I haven’t seen a rainbow in days—weeks, even!”
“Then why did Karma see someone who fits your description?” DJ Suki asked. “Fluffy and puffy, with skinny arms and legs!”
“Hey, my arms and legs aren’t that skinny!” Cloud Guy protested. “I’ve been working out. Look!” He bent his right arm and strained and grunted until a tiny muscle popped up. He put his arm down, breathing hard. “Did she mention handsome?”
“No,” Guy said.
“Then it couldn’t have been me!” Cloud Guy insisted with a toothy grin, opening his arms wide. “I mean, come on! Look at me!”
“Well,” she said, “if you didn’t take the rainbows, Cloud Guy, then who did?”
Cloud Guy thought about it, plucking blades of grass and tossing them in the air. “That’s a good question. Who took the rainbows? Who took the rainbows…,” he muttered to himself.
All of a sudden, he seemed to think of something. He snapped his fingers. SNAP!
“I’ve got it!” he announced proudly. “Did the rainbow thief have a long black mustache? And a beard?”
Guy and DJ Suki glanced at each other, unsure.
“We don’t know,” DJ Suki said.
“Karma said she only caught a quick glimpse of him walking away with the rainbows,” Guy explained. “And she only saw him from the back. So she wouldn’t have seen his mustache and beard, if he had them.”
Folding his blue arms across his fluffy white chest (or possibly chin), Cloud Guy looked smug. “Oh, I’m pretty sure he had them. And I think I know who stole all the rainbows!”
Guy and DJ Suki looked surprised. “Who?” they blurted at the same time.
“Evil Cloud Guy,” explained Cloud Guy.
“Evil Cloud Guy?” DJ Suki echoed. “Who the heck is Evil Cloud Guy?”
Cloud Guy stretched out on the grass, supporting his head with one arm and using the other to pick more grass and toss it in the air. Several blades got stuck in his fluff, but he didn’t seem to care.
“Evil Cloud Guy,” he said slowly, “is this guy who looks just like me, except he’s got a black mustache and beard. And instead of being cool and fun and helpful, he’s evil. If you saw him from the back, you might totally mistake him for me.”
Guy Diamond nodded, taking in the new information. He guessed that it made sense. Sort of. “Does he call himself Evil Cloud Guy?”
Cloud Guy nodded. “Oh, yeah! He’s proud of being evil! That’s his thing—being totally evil! And he’s very good at it.” He looked around and lowered his voice. “He’s kind of a jerk, if you want to know the truth.”
“And so you think this Evil Cloud Guy stole the rainbows,” DJ Suki said.
“You bet! I mean, it makes perfect sense! Everybody’s looking forward to seeing all the pretty rainbows in the sky, but then this meanie steals them! What could be more evil than that? The more I think about it, the more I’m sure that Evil Cloud Guy’s your thief. Case closed!” He brushed his hands together, mystery solved.
“Where is Evil Cloud Guy?” Guy asked.
Cloud Guy shrugged. “Who knows? He could be just about anywhere.”
Guy was frustrated to hear that. How were they supposed to get the rainbows back from Evil Cloud Guy if they didn’t know where he was?
“Well, if you had to guess,” said Guy, “where would you guess Evil Cloud Guy is?”
“Hmm,” Cloud Guy said, thinking. “I suspect that Evil Cloud Guy is in the evil version of the spot we’re in right now.”
DJ Suki stood up. She’d had enough of lying around in the grass. Her legs were starting to itch. “Where is that? Can you take us there?”
Cloud Guy looked nervous. He bit his lip. “To get to the evil version of this spot, we’d have to go through the Increasingly Dark Forest!” Then his face relaxed into his usual calm expression. “But sure—I could take you there! No problem!”
Guy and DJ Suki didn’t much like the sound of the Increasingly Dark Forest. But Cloud Guy didn’t seem at all scared by it, so they figured it must not really be all that bad.
Cloud Guy popped up onto his feet and started walking. Guy and DJ hurried after him, surprised by his sudden action.
“Don’t you want me to high-five you first, or fist-bump you, or give you a hug?” Guy Diamond asked.
Cloud Guy stopped in his tracks. “Huh? Why would I make you do that?”
“Well, Branch said that’s what you made him do!”
Grinning, Cloud Guy said, “Oh, right. Gloomy Gus. I was just messing with him—you know, for fun. Come on, let’s go! Before you know it, we’ll be in the”—he made his voice sound deep and scary, with an echo at the end—“Increasingly Dark Forest…Forest…forest…forest!” Then he switched back to his normal voice. “It sounds a lot worse than it is.”
At first, the woods they walked through seemed normal, and Guy started to wonder if Cloud Guy had been joking about the Increasingly Dark Forest. It didn’t seem particularly evil. But it did smell bad. Even the flowers.
“Phew,” Guy said, waving his hand in front of his nose. “Maybe this should be called the Increasingly Stinky Forest!”
“I don’t smell anything,” Cloud Guy said.
“Maybe that’s because you don’t have a nose, Cloud Guy,” DJ Suki pointed out.
“Oh, yeah!” Cloud Guy said brightly. “That’s probably it!”
They walked along in silence for a while.
“How far is it to Evil Cloud Guy?” Guy asked.
“Who?” Cloud Guy asked.
“Evil Cloud Guy,” DJ Suki said. “The guy you told us about. The one we’re going to see because he stole the rainbows.”
“Oh, yeah,” Cloud Guy said. “I was having such a nice time going for a walk with you, I forgot all about him. It’s not too far. Hey! To make the time pass, maybe we should play a game!”
Guy and DJ Suki exchanged a look. Cloud Guy didn’t seem to be taking the mission to capture the thief and retrieve the rainbows very seriously. Was it all just a big joke to him? Was there even an Evil Cloud Guy? Or was he just making the whole thing up to mess with them, like he’d messed with Branch?
Could it be possible that Cloud Guy was Evil Cloud Guy? That he liked putting on a fake mustache and beard so he could get away with stealing stuff?
“What kind of game?” Guy asked.
“Um…good question,” Cloud Guy said. “What kind of game…Let’s see….Oh! How about I Spy?”
DJ Suki jumped over a fallen branch. “How do you play I Spy?”
“So easy,” Cloud Guy said. “I’ll pick out something we can all see and give you clues. Then you try to guess what it is.”
“Okay, fine,” Guy said.
“Great!” Cloud Guy said. He looked up and down, scanning the woods for a good thing to spy for the game. Then he smiled. “Okay! I spy, with my little eye, something with great big sharp teeth.”
ROOOAAARRR!
A big creature with a huge mouth full of great big sharp teeth jumped out from behind a tree, filling the path behind them. It looked as though it could eat five Trolls in a single bite!
“Oh—way to ruin the game!” Cloud Guy complained. “Now anyone can guess what I spied. Where’s the fun in that? Hey, I think I should get another turn—”
SNAP! The beast snapped its teeth, lunging at the Trolls and Cloud Guy.
“RUN!” DJ Suki yelled unnecessarily, since all three of them were already running away from the creature as fast as they could.
“I told you this forest gets increasingly dark!” Cloud Guy said as they ran.
“JUST KEEP RUNNING!” DJ Suki shouted.
ROOOOAAARRRR!
The beast jumped forward, tryi
ng to catch Cloud Guy in his mouth, missing him by inches. Cloud Guy was so scared, he turned dark gray and started to rain. SPLATTER! DRIP! DROP!
As he ran and rained, Cloud Guy turned the dirt path to mud. And that was lucky, because the big-toothed creature began to slip and sink into the mud. It yipped and yelped.
YIP! YIP! YEEP!
The creature turned around and clambered its way back to a dry section of the path. Then it shook itself, twisting its furry body and sending mud splattering against the trunks of the dark trees. The monster took one last look at the running Trolls and Cloud Guy and roared.
ROOOOAAARRR!
Then it stomped off back to the tree to wait for more victims to come along. Or possibly take a bath. And a nap.
“That thing’s not chasing us anymore,” Guy said, breathing hard. “It was a good idea, Cloud Guy, making yourself rain so the path would be muddy.”
“Yeah,” Cloud Guy said evasively. “Making myself…”
Looking ahead, DJ Suki spotted a clearing that looked familiar.
“Look!” she cried, pointing. “Up there! It looks just like the meadow by the escape-route tunnels. Except…darker.”
She was right. For every tree near the tunnels, there was a darker, shaggier, scarier-looking tree up ahead. For every bush, there was a nasty-looking bush. There were tunnel openings, but they were much darker than the ones that led to the old Troll Tree, with sharp, jagged rocks sticking out of their cold, stony walls.
Even the clouds in the sky over the clearing appeared stormy and menacing, like a thunderstorm was about to begin at any moment.
“Looks like the place!” Cloud Guy said cheerfully.
It took just a couple of minutes to reach the evil clearing. Guy Diamond was the only bright, shiny object in the gloomy surroundings. He and DJ Suki walked slowly, looking around for Evil Cloud Guy.
They saw no one.
“So where is he?” DJ Suki asked. “Where’s this Evil Cloud Guy?”
“How should I know?” Cloud Guy said, picking his teeth.