by Elena Lawson
I took the proffered cookies, careful not to touch her this time and muttered a hasty thank you before I retreated inside, falling against the door to catch my breath the moment it closed.
“Allie?” Jared said from the bottom of the stairs. His dirty blond hair was sleep tousled and his eyes were droopy at the corners. His shirtless torso stole my breath and his baggy plaid pajama pants hung on his hips showed off the dips of the deep ‘v’ shape that disappeared beneath his waistline.
I choked on my response, wanting to avert my eyes, but knowing that would only make it more awkward.
“You alright?”
I rushed to conceal me expression, pushing off from the door to grab my bag. “Yeah. I’m fine. There’s a…an old lady outside with a basket of cookies.”
His gaze snapped to the window next to the door. “Hazel?”
“Is that her name? I—I didn’t catch it.”
I tucked the cookies into my pack with shaking fingers. “I have to get to work. I’m going to miss the bus.”
“The bus?” Jared squinted at me, perplexed. “Don’t rush. I’ll drive you.”
I shook my head. “No!” I said hastily and then rushed to correct the tone of my voice. “I mean, no, that’s alright. You can’t be driving me everywhere.”
I slung the pack over my shoulder and turned back to the door.
“Allie, I have to go to town, anyway. It’s no big deal, if you just give me five—”
“You don’t need—”
“I want to,” he interrupted, his voice harder than it had been a moment before. Hard enough to make me pause and turn to see him shaking his head at me. “You are so frustrating,” he said smirking.
I crinkled my brow at him.
“Would you just give me five minutes?”
I licked my lips and loosened the grip on my pack, setting my jaw. “Fine.” I ground out. “I guess if you have to go to town anyway—”
“Good.” He nodded and turned to bound back up the stairs.
“Thank you,” I hollered up to him as an afterthought. I mean, I hadn’t asked for the ride. Hadn’t really even wanted it, but with my ankle still a bit tender and only fifteen minutes standing between me and the bus stop, I was already liable to miss it.
Just then Clay pushed through the door and it bumped into me from behind, hitting me hard on the shoulder. “Fuck!”
Clay glared at me as he entered, and I shuffled out of his way as the giant brute filled the entryway. The basket was clenched in his hand. Where it looked large and heavy in the arms of the woman named Hazel, it looked like a toy in Clay’s. Like a giant with a toddler’s toy between his two fingers.
I bit back a laugh at the esthetic.
Clay shouldered past me and into the kitchen, discarding the basket atop the table before he set to making more coffee, getting the engine grease still coating his fingers all over the silver knob of the cupboard.
“Is she not staying?” I asked, pushing back the sheer curtain of the window beside the door to peer outside. I didn’t see the old woman anywhere. Had she already left?
Had she really only come to bring some baked goods?
How strange.
Clay never answered me, his brows were pinched as he viciously scooped massive mountainous spoonsful of coffee into an askew coffee filter.
“If you don’t fix that filter, you’ll have grounds in your coffee.”
He turned on me with a snarl, his blue eyes aglow.
This time, despite myself, I did flinch.
“Did I ask for your opinion?” He snapped.
“Wow dude,” Jared said, coming back downstairs. The sight of him and his calm demeanor soothed the suddenly erratic beating of my heart in my chest. “Who shat in your corn flakes this morning? Chill.” He turned to me. “Sorry, Allie.”
Clay muttered something but I didn’t catch it.
“What did you just say?” Jared snapped at Clay and I thought I saw his face pale.
Clay didn’t answer him, and I was about done with this whole conversation. “Um, if you’re ready, I have to get to work…” I trailed off, eager to leave the aura of rage in the room.
Jared snapped out of whatever had shaken him and moved with me to the door. “Oh,” I said as I pulled on my new shoes, figuring I might as well tell Jared in front of Clay so he would know, too. It might make him less agitated to know I wasn’t coming home tonight. “I almost forgot to tell you; I’m going to a party tonight with Viv so I’m going to stay at her house.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw Clay pause for an instant before jabbing the button to brew.
Good, he’d heard me.
“Oh,” Jared said, and I could tell he was trying to sound indifferent.
“Which party?” Clay asked, and Jared and I were both taken aback by the question.
I shared a look with him, hesitating before I answered Clay. I cleared my throat. “Um…it’s Thompson’s.”
Clay nodded, but his lips were pursed in distaste. I knew that he knew Thompson’s older brother who’d moved away for college, but they weren’t friends. Or at least, I didn’t think they were.
“Sounds fun,” Jared said offhandedly, stuffing his hands into the pockets of the jean jacket he’d just finished pulling on. “Think I could tag along?”
My lips parted, but no sound came out. “Um…”
I couldn’t show up to a party with Jared Stone. No freaking way. But looking into his soft amber eyes, something in my chest pulled and my traitorous lips were already forming the words… “Sure.” And then more strangled, “Sounds good.”
9
I was bouncing in anticipation my entire shift.
It’s not a date, I told myself for the fourteenth time since Jared dropped me off.
He just wanted to come to the party. He went to parties sometimes.
Not often, but sometimes. He would probably meet his friends there. He wouldn’t even really be hanging out with me. We would just be at the same party. No biggie.
So then why couldn’t I relax? Why did what other people thought if they saw us together bother me so much? Was it just because I was so bent on flying under the radar and coasting to graduation without any more incidents? Or was there something else to it?
I finished sweeping and set the broom and dustpan in the nook behind the door leading down to the basement. All the lights down there were already off. There wasn’t anything left to do, so I grabbed my jacket and bag and waited out the last five minutes before the official closing time. I’d already locked away the cash box in the safe downstairs fifteen minutes ago. Hardly anyone ever came in this late and if they did, they usually paid with debit.
Not many cash sales nowadays. Which was good because if there was one thing I sucked royally at; it was math. If I didn’t punch in the exact amount of money, I’d taken from a customer to get the calculated change, I’d be standing there for five minutes counting out pennies.
The instant the clock struck 6:00pm, my phone pinged, and I stepped outside and locked the door behind me. Headlights wiped their off-white light across the windows, and I turned to see Viv pulling up in her moms Volkswagen beetle. The thing was more hers than her mother’s these days. With her working from her home now, Viv was pretty much the only one who put miles on that thing.
She rolled down the window as I approached. “How much for an hour?” she said and waggled her eyebrows, skimming my frumpy attire with a predatory gaze.
I opened the door and hopped in. “I’m way out of your price range buddy,” I joked back. “But I’ll let you take me home, anyway.” I winked at her.
“Missed you, bitch,” Viv said and put the beetle into drive. “I feel like we haven’t done this in weeks.”
I snorted.
I didn’t say so, but she felt that way because it had been weeks. Over a month, actually. We used to hang out every weekend, but now with my supposed move into my aunt and uncle’s condo in the city, we hung out outside of school less and
less. If Viv or Layla asked to come over, I’d make up an excuse. My aunt and uncle have company, or they’re remodeling the bathroom. Eventually, she stopped asking.
And Viv only invited me over when her dad was out of town, which wasn’t nearly often enough.
“It’s been a while,” I agreed.
Viv scanned my attire as we pulled onto a side street toward the south end of town where Layla lived. I figured we were going to pick her up on the way to Viv’s so we could all get ready together like we used to. A weight settled on top of my chest as though a fat elephant had taken a seat there once I remembered why we didn’t do this so often anymore.
It was because I was lying to them.
“Please tell me you have something else to wear in that bag. Is that coffee on your sleeve?”
“No,” I’d left my other clothes in the dryer at Jared’s cabin. I had to wash them every few days if I wanted to wear clean clothes every day. “Why?”
“We really need to update your wardrobe. I feel like you have the same three outfits you wear, like, every day. Did you grow or something?”
I shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. Lots of stuff doesn’t fit anymore.”
“Then maybe you’ll fit into some of my stuff,” she said. “I have a box of shit that I grew out of last year. You can have it if you want.”
My eyes lit at the idea of an entire box of clothes all to myself.
Viv bumped my shoulder. “Jeeze Allie Cat, they’re just clothes. You didn’t win the lottery or anything.”
“Right,” I said lamely. “You just know how much I hate shopping. You’d really be saving me.”
It was easier to lie when I mixed in some truth. I really did hate to shop, and she really was saving me. She just didn’t know the extent of it.
Even if her clothes were a bit too big because she was a freaking giant, or if I thought the way she dressed sometimes was a little too revealing for my taste…an entire box of clothes would mean more money I could save to get the little apartment above the bookshop and that was a massive win in my books.
“It’s yours. We can go through it when we get to my place,” she said, waving off my thanks as we pulled into Layla’s driveway and she laid on the horn.
Layla came out a few seconds later as though she’d already been waiting by the door and knowing her it was possible she had. Any excuse to get out of her chaotic single-story house and she was running out the door. With seven brothers and sisters, all of them save for one younger than her, it was hard to find a single private minute any time she was home.
At least she didn’t have to babysit for her parents tonight. I couldn’t even count how many times she had to cancel plans or swindled us into helping her with her siblings on the weekends last year.
Both her parents worked two jobs apiece to support their massive family. I don’t know how they did it, but they did, and with smiles on their faces, too. They loved their kids more than life itself, evidenced by the fact that neither actually lived any semblance of a life outside of their children and work.
“Hey,” Layla said, jumping into the backseat. “Drive before my mom changes her mind and decides to take the shift her boss just offered her.”
As we pulled out, sure enough, I watched the door crack open and Mrs. Esposito poke her head out. I quickly averted my gaze before our eyes could meet and Viv turned up the music as she swiveled the beetle out onto the road and pulled away.
“Is she going to make you go back?” I turned to ask Layla, wondering if trying to escape was even worth it.
Layla grinned at me mischievously and flounced her dark hair back over her shoulder. “Can’t,” she said with a little shrug. “I accidentally left my phone at home.”
Viv snorted, pounding her palm against the steering wheel as she whooped loudly and wiggled to the beat of the pop song blaring out of the speakers.
“Oops,” Layla said innocently, and I rolled my eyes at her.
I could only imagine the earful Layla would get from her mom tomorrow, but at least she had tonight.
At least she had a mom to begin with.
No one was there to worry for me. To make sure I got home safely. Not anymore.
“Loosen up, would you?” Layla said between belting lines of the repetitive chorus, swatting me on the arm. “You act like you’ve never lied to get out of the house on a Saturday night.”
I laughed, trying to loosen up. I didn’t think I had ever had to lie to get out of the house, actually. Dad was easy going when he was around, and my aunt and uncle didn’t care when I came home as long as I wasn’t loud when I came in and woke them up. But Viv was right…and I knew she was only trying to cheer me up.
And honestly? It was working.
I had an actual roof over my head. Access to fresh running water. The ability to sleep past the six am bus because I didn’t have to rush to shower at school before the other students started arriving. I hadn’t had to eat ramen in days. I had a ride pretty much everywhere.
The situation wasn’t ideal, but even I had to admit, it was far better than what I had, even if I had to share it with two wolves. One who seemed bent on helping me whether I liked it or not, and one who still looked like he wanted to eat me for lunch. But hey, beggars can’t be choosers, right?
I turned up the music as an Imagine Dragons song came on, determined to have a good time with my best friends tonight. I hollered over the music. “So, what are we drinking tonight?”
Layla and Viv answered at the same time, shouting over the music to be heard, “Tequila!”
10
To be clear, I hated tequila.
It tasted bad no matter how much salt and lime you ingested with it. It left a horrid taste on your tongue and felt like it was burning your insides when you swallowed it. But Layla’s parents kept a massive store of the stuff in the basement under lock and key. And Layla, being the sneaky ninja she’s always been, knew exactly where that key was kept, and exactly which bottles to take that wouldn’t ever be noticed.
So, tequila it is.
I grimaced as I downed my second shot, shaking as I made a face. “Ugh.”
“You aren’t allowed to drink tequila in front of anyone but us,” Layla said, watching me with apprehensive wide doe eyes. “I’ve never seen anyone make a scarier face than the one you just made.”
“Layla!” I said, chucking a t-shirt at her from the box of clothes Viv had plopped in front of me two hours before. I was now dressed in jeans that fit snuggly around the waist, but that were just an inch or two too long. They were brand name and nicer than anything I owned even though they had a tiny oil stain on the butt that Viv couldn’t get passed, but that I hardly noticed. With it, I was wearing a shirt from the box that Layla insisted I had to wear.
It wasn’t really my style, but even I had to admit that it looked good. Viv hadn’t even ever worn it, it still had the tags on and wasn’t really her thing, either. It was low-ish cut in the front and accentuated my small breast. It was a deep navy fabric printed with the constellations on it that looked killer with my freshly dyed turquoise hair. With the deep coal I let Layla put on my eyes and the deep plum color Viv lent me for my lips. I looked like the night. Like the aurora borealis or deep deep space.
I always ended up overdoing it when I was out with them. It was nice to be girly sometimes even though I felt more myself in looser fitting jeans, simple t-shirts, and hoodies. Sometimes I forgot that I could be the pretty Allie and it was nice to see that she was still there after all the ugly I’d gone through.
“We should probably go outside soon,” Viv said, finishing styling her short blond hair with the little jar of wax on her desk. “The uber will be here soon.”
“Allie, I’m going to shove this in your bag,” Layla said as she opened the top of my pack to slide the bottle of tequila inside.
“Lay—”
Layla silenced me with a raised hand, and I froze, afraid she’d found something incriminating in my bag that I didn’t rememb
er putting there. Except, she wouldn’t be able to tell I’d been lying to them and living out in the woods just because I had some extra clothes and a bar of soap in there. I was being paranoid, and I knew it, but when she drew out my cell phone with wide eyes, I worried for an entirely different reason.
Where I lived wasn’t the only thing I’d been lying to them about.
Shit.
Was it Devin?
Or…shit…
“Allie…” Layla breathed, pausing for dramatic effect to get the attention of Viv, too.
I shrank into myself.
“Why is Jared Stone wondering when you’re heading to Thompson’s?”
Viv dropped the jar of wax back onto the desk and whirled with an overly dramatic intake of breath. “I knew it,” she said in an accusing tone.
I tried an innocent smile, but I was sure it looked more like I was constipated or baring my teeth. “I—”
“Spill. Now.”
I was careful to dance around the truth. He just offered me a ride, I told them. And we got to talking a bit. He stopped by the shop the other day too and told Devin off for me. I told them he wasn’t what I thought he was. Not the standoffish super-hot guy who acts like he doesn’t have time for anyone but himself and his closest friends.
“He’s actually…really nice. Maybe too nice,” I told them, wishing I could hide my expression that I knew would be telling them all the things my voice did not.
I liked him.
I liked Jared Stone.
Not in the way they were thinking, or at least I didn’t think so, but I did like him. In fact, after bingeing the new Star Wars TV show with him the other night in companionable silence, I thought maybe we could actually be friends.
It would be annoying at first, with the all-girl Jared fan-club patrolling the halls, ready to lap up even the tiniest morsel of gossip related to him at any given moment. I would be the butt of many a joke and scrutinized for being the only girl he cared to spend any time with, but I was starting to think maybe I could deal with that.