by Sam Mariano
His tone is hard and he keeps his gaze on me, but addresses Mia. “You were told not to go off alone with him. Anywhere, but I would think specifically not in a bed goes without saying.”
“I didn’t know he was—I was nursing Dom and I guess we fell asleep. I didn’t…”
Now he addresses me. “You walked into my bedroom and climbed into bed with my wife without an invitation?”
Mia grimaces, looking back at me. I glance at her, but our exchanging looks in front of him just seems to piss him off more.
“Look, I wasn’t trying to—I brought Dom a present, I was looking for Mia. I just wanted to see him. He was just right here—”
Mateo cuts me off. “I sent a picture of your little cuddle session to your girlfriend before I woke you up, so have fun with that later.”
“Goddammit, Mateo.”
“Hey, if I had to see it…”
Mia sighs, scowling and walking away from him. Dom is waking up since we’re all being so loud, and now her focus is on him rather than the two adults who should be able to handle themselves.
“Put that away, please,” she says to Mateo, as she bends to scoop up Dom and draw him against her chest.
“Get off the bed,” Mateo says again.
I ease forward, slowly moving off the bed. It’s uncomfortable for a variety of reasons, but right now the most pressing is because he doesn’t move, and I have to climb off the bed and stand right in front of him. We usually like to keep half a room’s length between us. Standing this close makes it too fucking tempting to try to kill each other. Now we’re face to face, less than a foot apart. I don’t even care that I’m in the wrong here—he never cared when he was, so why should I? I meet his gaze with defiance and see the pure loathing I feel for him mirrored right back at me.
For a split second, just a fraction, I think about moving on the bastard. There’s no Adrian in this bedroom right now. I’d only have to fight Mateo. I could shoot the bastard with his own fucking gun.
The idea dissipates as fast as it popped up. We can’t wrestle around with a gun when Mia and Dom are in the room. As if to remind us of that fact, Mia murmurs reassuring things to Dom on the other side of the bed. My gaze is still locked with Mateo’s. He’s probably entertaining similarly murderous thoughts, considering whether or not he could drag Mia through the trauma of watching me bleed out on her bedroom floor. He’d probably have to switch rooms; she wouldn’t be able to sleep in this one without thinking about me. I’m thinking about Dom’s safety, but this bastard is probably just considering the inconvenience of having to remodel.
Hatred gleams in his eyes as strongly as what I feel for him, but neither of us can do shit about it. Blocked by Mia, just like fucking always.
Mia’s voice is light and cheerful, clearly addressing Dom as she attempts to redirect our mutual hatred toward something more pleasant. “Do you want to see your present? I heard there’s a present in here for a handsome little boy.”
I lift my eyebrows and continue to hold Mateo’s gaze, but I gesture toward them. “Can I go give my son his toy?”
“That is not your son,” Mateo states. “That is my son.”
My jaw locks. I know he says it to piss me off, but it works. He always knows exactly what to say to make me see red. I’m sore enough trying to accept that this son I didn’t know I had with the girl I first fell in love with exists, and now my sworn enemy is taunting me about it. He’s probably not even nice to Dom. Probably doesn’t even fucking like him, just likes having possession of something that rightfully belongs to me.
Anger courses through my veins and my hands clench into fists. Fists that I would love to smash into his smug fucking face. I try to keep it under control, but it’s hard. I’m helpless here. He’s stolen the life that was supposed to be mine and there’s nothing I can do about it.
“Come over here, Vince,” Mia says.
Mateo’s gaze snaps to Mia, but she looks at me, consciously avoiding his gaze. She nods her head, eyes slightly widened, as if to silently say, “Hurry up, what the fuck are you waiting for?”
I step around Mateo and approach the foot of the bed where I left the bag when I came in. I don’t want to do this in front of Mateo. I want him to go die. Instead, he stands watch.
I try hard to ignore him, but I can feel the unease in Mia, too. I tell myself he’s making her feel that way with his claustrophobic fucking presence, but there’s an outside chance it’s me. The last time I was in bed with her, probably not such a good memory. For all that she’s trying to divert Mateo’s response to it, she’s probably as confused as he is. Maybe more confused.
Regardless of her confusion, regardless of the uncomfortable position I put her in without her consent, Mia sits down on the edge of the bed with her back to Mateo and Dom in her lap and gives me a little smile of encouragement.
God, she’s so fucking sweet.
This is torture.
I need to get the hell away from her, but I want to stay.
I need to go find Carly. If Mateo really sent that picture to her, she can’t be fucking happy with me right now.
Clearing my throat, I take a tentative seat on the edge of the bed and draw out the book first. “Carly helped me pick this one out,” I say, offering the book to Mia.
The mention of Carly mutes Mia’s smile. For a split second, I think it’s jealousy, then she says, “Aw, man, she’s going to hate me now.” Casting a look back at Mateo, she asks, “Did you really send that picture?”
“I don’t speak just to hear the sound of my own voice. Of course I sent the picture.”
Mia sighs forlornly, but focuses her attention back on Dom, pointing at the cover. “Look at that. Isn’t that cool? We’ll have to read this one tonight.”
I pull out the next one, but it makes me sad for a lot of reasons. It’s a soft stuffed dog in a Superman costume. When Carly saw it at the store she got all excited, but the Superman thing is an inside joke, so I can’t explain it. I might’ve told Mia, but not with Mateo standing guard.
Now I’m torn between wanting to hurry up and leave, wanting to visit with Dom, and needing to go find Carly anyway to make sure she hasn’t packed her bag, called herself a car, and left me here to deal with this mess on my own. I don’t know what I’ll do if she has. I wouldn’t be able to blame her, but in less than 24 hours I’ve gone from feeling like I stood firmly on solid ground to feeling like I’m walking through quicksand; without Carly here to pull me out, I don’t know how to keep from sinking.
“Superman,” Mia says, guiding Dom’s hand over to feel the dog’s soft fur. “Look at that.”
I try to ignore Mateo’s eyes boring into the back of my head and offer Dom a little smile, holding the dog out to him. His eyes are wide and he trembles with excitement at the sight of it. I can’t help grinning, glancing up at Mia. “I think he likes it.”
She nods her head, smiling. “That’s definitely what he does when he sees a toy he wants. You made a great choice. Good job.”
Mia helps him hold the dog since it’s too big for him, but he immediately tries to eat it. I’m sensing a theme with this kid. Big smiles, then he tries to eat it.
I really want to hold him, and I doubt I’ll have another chance now. If Mia would’ve snuck away to let me play with him before, she’s not going to after Mateo specifically told her she’s not allowed to be alone with me. I loathe having to ask—not Mia, I’m fine with asking Mia, she’s his mom, but I don’t want to ask in front of Mateo. If it’s the only chance I’ll get though, I have to take it.
“Can I hold him for a minute?”
Mia’s eyes search my face for a second, then she looks back at Mateo. Her mouth forms a little pout and she whips out the puppy dog eyes.
“Jesus Christ,” Mateo mutters, annoyed, but he seems to give her permission, however reluctant.
She turns back to me with a smile and lifts Dom, handing him over. My heart kicks up a couple speeds as he comes at me, but I take him, draw
ing him against my chest. His little head bobs as he takes in his new surroundings and looks up at my face. His tongue darts out and leaves slobber all over his chin. Mia reaches for a cloth and scoots closer, dabbing his chin dry. He gives her a big grin and dives for her face. She lets him catch her and drag her face up so he can place a big, open-mouthed kiss on her cheek.
Grinning, she leans in and gives him a flurry of cheek kisses that make him giggle before leaning back to give me a minute with him.
The clear love between them makes my heart ache. Makes everything ache. I want to be a part of this. I’m supposed to be a part of this. This should be mine, and I want it. I look down at his happy face and it hurts. His smile hurts. Mia’s maternal joy hurts.
Too many thoughts race through my head. Impulsive thoughts, thoughts that I should’ve hid her better in Vegas. I should’ve kept her hidden from Rafe. I should’ve known better than to let her around any dominant assholes. I shouldn’t have taken her there at all. I should’ve just taken money from my dad and taken Mia somewhere remote, a house in the fucking sticks. I could’ve stocked it up, kept her there, not let anyone else see her until she accepted—
But then I would have never met Carly. Granted, my heart wouldn’t have been a festering wound, so maybe I wouldn’t have needed Carly…
I’d have this right now. No matter how hard Mia might have resisted, no matter how much she wanted to come back to Mateo, I could have controlled her once she had this baby. Just in the past ten minutes, I’ve already seen that Mateo’s firm hold on her isn’t quite as firm where the baby is concerned. My ass on this bed with the baby in my arms proves that.
Mia may worship at the altar of Mateo, but she loves my baby more than him.
If I could’ve kept her long enough for her to have the baby…
Dom smacks me right in the face. I cock my head at him and he grins, shoving the fist he just whacked me with into his mouth. I have to smile back. I guess I did sort of need a smack.
“You’ve got a pretty decent left hook for a three-month-old,” I tell him.
Mia grins. “Everything he does is adorable.”
I feel Mateo move around the bed, but I’m still somehow unprepared for him to stop in front of me and take Dom right out of my hands. “That’s enough,” he tells me, turning Dom and resting him against his own chest.
Dom looks up at him and squeals, happy to see him. He grabs Mateo’s face and stares up at him with a big smile, like he absolutely fucking adores him.
It’s a knife to the fucking heart.
Mateo rewards him with a faint smile that he eats right up. “You earned your giraffe. I wanted to do that, too, but they think it’s cute when you do it.”
Dom squeals again, then plants an open mouthed kiss on Mateo’s chin.
I can’t breathe.
Adrenaline surges through me, but I feel weak. The quicksand has reached my mouth. I’m never getting out if I sit here for one more minute. I stand abruptly, stealing a last painful look at Dom in Mateo’s arms. I want to thank Mia for letting me see him, but I don’t trust myself to speak, so I flee the room without another word.
Chapter Twenty Six
Vince
Carly is in my old bedroom when I get back to it. She’s not angrily packing her bags, her blue eyes flashing with anger and betrayal as I saunter in, like I imagined in my head. She’s flat on the bed, fingers laced across her stomach, staring up at the ceiling. Her phone is on the bed beside her, making me think she’s looked at the picture a few times.
I’m glad she didn’t leave. I don’t have the energy to chase her right now.
I expect I’m in for a fight I also don’t have energy for, but as soon as Carly turns her head and sees me, takes in the set of my shoulders, the look on my face, she scoots back against the pillow and pats the bed beside her.
“How mad are you?” I ask, as I climb on the bed beside her.
Carly smiles faintly, without humor. “I’m not mad.”
That’s worse. “How sad are you?”
“I’m sad for you, not me,” she says, simply, guiding me to lay my head in her lap. Her fingers move through my hair and I close my eyes, already feeling a little bit of comfort seep back into me.
“Whatever it looked like, it wasn’t that,” I assure her.
“I know.” Her fingers continue to work through my hair, but her tone is so even. How can she be so unaffected by this crap? Just seeing Mateo hold Dom makes me lose all of my shit, and Carly sees pictorial evidence of me pining for the family I can’t have with the girl I risked everything to keep but somehow manages to keep her head on straight.
“I feel like I’m sinking,” I tell her, opening my eyes to look up at her.
She swallows, nodding her understanding. “I won’t let you sink if you don’t want to.”
“I don’t want to, but I can’t…” I shake my head as much as I’m able with my head in her lap like this. I don’t know how to explain it.
Carly sighs. I feel it, since I’m in her lap. I hear it, and I feel bad for being responsible. She’s nothing but good to me at every fucking turn, and I repay her kindness with this bullshit.
“I figured it out,” she tells me, running her hand along my cheek before pushing her fingers through my hair again. “Mia’s the substance from your home planet that makes you weak. You may be my Superman, but she’s your kryptonite.”
“I’m a shitty fucking Superman,” I inform her.
“Nope,” she disagrees, more firmly than one would expect given this conversation. “It’s not your fault. You can’t control it. Logically, that shouldn’t be true. There are ways to control the power you give people over you, I’ve mentioned that before, but this… this is something else. It’s a toxic cocktail. Too much is being fired at you all at once and you can’t dodge every speeding bullet. Your cousin knew that. That’s why he made you come back to this familiar place, full of painful memories. That’s why he’s assaulting you with every instrument of emotional torture he can use against you. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s more coming tomorrow. He really is a diabolical bastard.”
“He wants me dead,” I state.
“I know,” she says, softly.
“He usually gets what he wants.”
Carly shakes her head faintly, her gaze a bit vacant. “Not this time.”
“I still have to make it through four more days, Carly.”
“You need to stay with me,” she states. “Stop wandering off and letting him get you alone. Did he leave a trail of breadcrumbs to that bedroom? I wouldn’t be at all surprised.”
“No, that was my idea,” I admit.
She narrows her eyes like she’s not quite convinced. “We have to be more diligent.”
“I wanted to see Dom while I had a chance. Mia mentioned last night she’d let me today, but I forgot when we stayed out last night. Now Mateo told her she’s not allowed to be alone with me anyway.”
“She’s soft-hearted. She’ll try to talk him out of it. He’ll let her. She’ll think she won, but it was his plan all along. Not to mention, since he told her that in front of you, it’ll make you think she’s defying him for you, which will feed your proneness toward the emotional response. It was a play, saying that in front of you. He didn’t mean it. He needs you alone with her—that’s when you’re weakest. That’s when your emotions take the wheel and give you stupid ideas. Why do you think he left you an opening to talk to her after dinner last night?”
“You don’t think Mia knows…?”
She shakes her head dismissively. “Nope, he doesn’t need to tell her. He knows her patterns. He can play her against people without ever letting her know he’s doing it.” Her lips thin with self-directed disappointment. “I’m reluctantly impressed by the way he operates. He’s horrible, but he’s very thorough.”
“I don’t know, I never understand him. I don’t know how you…”
“Distill his thinking processes?” She shrugs, like it’s nothing
. “I can’t be sure I’m hitting every nail on the head, but I think I’m close. He’s logical. I’m logical. I have a wide streak of sentimentality I haven’t witnessed in him, but it could be there. I’m sure I don’t see the side of him Mia sees. Maybe that’s where his sentimentality lies. Maybe she’s his Laurel.”
I smile faintly. “Just Laurel, huh? Have you lost your sentimentality toward me?”
“Of course not, but I wasn’t programmed with a Vince weakness. I’m compelled to take care of Laurel. When I take care of you, it’s just because I want to. I’m not obligated to. If I wanted to stop, I might feel bad, but I could still live with myself. Keeping you safe is only my responsibility because I want it to be. It’s not like that with Laurel. Even if it cost me everything else that mattered to me to keep Laurel safe, I’d still do it.”
“You’re a great sister,” I tell her.
“I try.”
“I bet you’ll be a great mom, too.”
Now her hand pauses on its journey through my hair. “I hope so.”
My mind wanders back to Dom. I block out the last image, him giving Mateo love and adoration the bastard does not deserve. I think of him curled up on Mia, fast asleep, his little mouth hanging open.
A moment passes before Carly speaks, but I think she’s been watching me the whole time. “What do you think our baby’s first milkshake will be? Since you want to sell the Vegas house anyway, we can stay in Connecticut. We can buy a pretty house, save up to open Wild Aces. I want a nice, big kitchen. We’ll bake your favorite cookies and make batches of spaghetti sauce with Laurel.” Gasping excitedly, she says, “Ironic bottles. We can even get the baby an ironic bottle so he or she isn’t left out of our mug tradition.”
I smile faintly, envisioning Laurel and Carly flanking me at the table with their brookies, a baby across from me, sucking on a “Festive AF” bottle full of milk.
“We should stop and pick up another Superman doggie before we leave. Our baby can have one to match Dom’s.”
The mention of Dom wipes the smile right off my face. “I don’t want Mateo raising my son. I don’t know if I’d do a great job, but I know he won’t.”