To calm her fears, she put on the dhoti and shirt and began a series of ansanas she hoped would unknot the tangled mass in her stomach. She began with calming breaths and moved to the Lion. To end the series of postures, she flowed into a head stand.
"Oh, Miss, I've your tea." Peggy gasped. "What ever are you doing on your head?"
Nicola let her legs down slowly. "Exercises."
The maid's round cheeks turned scarlet. "I know you're addled by nerves, but not enough to put yourself upside down."
Nicola laughed. "I will admit to a bit of nerves, but the exercises have helped calm them." She poured a cup of tea and sweetened it with honey.
"That's good. Would not do for you to be overset on your special day. The Earl and his friends are to breakfast already. He looks serious." She walked to the door.
Serious, Nicola thought. Of course he would look neither happy or eager. His life would change this day and so would hers.
She took the dressing gown Peggy handed her. A footman carried in the hip bath and several others brought buckets of water. Once the footmen departed, Nicola took her soap from the dressing table.
Margaret bounded into the room. "Nica, are you excited?"
Nicola smiled at her sister. The knot in her stomach became a lump. "I feel as though I am poised over an abyss and I don't know if I want to jump over or into the void."
"Why would you want to jump into a deep hole? If you had a horse, you could easily jump over," Margaret said. "I've brought you new stockings and garters to match your dress."
"I thank you."
"What gift have you for the Earl? I thought he might like Papa's watch, but his own is quite splendid."
Nicola frowned. Would the earl expect a gift? She didn't know the marriage customs. "Not Papa's watch or his ring either."
"Then it must be his studs and cravat pin. The stones match his eyes."
"And Nica's," Elizabeth added.
Nicola nodded. "'Tis the perfect gift."
Elizabeth pulled a package from behind her back. "I have a new chemise for you."
Nicola kissed Elizabeth's cheek. "Will you help me dress?"
"I wouldn't dream of anyone else seeing if your dress is perfect. Mama would be so happy to see how beautiful you will look."
Nicola felt tears form. How sad their mother and father couldn't be with them today. "Stop or I will cry."
Margaret climbed one of the bedposts. "You can't cry today." She clung by one hand, and scratched her side and chattered. "Remember the day Mrs. Driden came to call on Papa and the monkey pelted her with rotten fruit."
Elizabeth laughed. Nicola giggled. "And we hid in the bushes and laughed."
"I threw a piece of melon that landed in her wig," Elizabeth said.
"Did you really?" Nicola asked.
"I did and I would have thrown more." Elizabeth grabbed Margaret's hand. "Come, we must take the Earl his gift. Then we must get dressed."
When the pair left, Nicola climbed into the hip bath and washed herself with the jasmine soap Margaret had made for her. Beneath the floral scent, she caught a hint of cloves. The Earl, she thought. Margaret has scented his soap with cloves. Has she added a hint of jasmine to his?
The water soon cooled. Nicola sat beside the fire while Peggy brushed and curled her hair. Nicola closed her eyes and thought of how soon she and the Earl would be alone. Would he follow the plan set forth in the Kama Sutra or would he follow his own?
A click of the door disturbed her reverie. Prabha crossed the room. The amah wore a midnight blue sari embroidered with silver threat and a necklace of rubies. "Young miss, there is no mother to speak to you today. I would offer a few words."
"And I'll listen." The knot balled into a huge coil.
"Today you are a maiden. Tonight, your husband will come to your bed. The lord of your heart is a stranger for he has not taken the time to build your confidence in him. Even though I was a second wife, my husband took the time to court me."
Nicola closed her eyes. The amah's words troubled her. Papa, why does my betrothed not see me as more than a convenience?
"You are most fortunate, young miss. Your husband has no greedy brothers who want his wealth or an older wife to make your life a misery. If your husband dies, no one will force you into the fire though you carry in your womb the hope of an heir. Your son will be most welcome. Your duty as a wife is to give your husband many sons."
Nicola stared at the amah. She had hoped Prabha would tell her of the act and not the result. Should she ask the meaning of the way her yoni throbbed when the Earl kissed her?
Prabha patted Nicola's shoulder. "May you find the happiness of your mother and not the grief I bore."
Before Nicola could speak, the amah scurried to the door. Nicola reached for the Kama Sutra and tried to make sense of what she read.
"La child, put down your book. You must begin to dress." The Dowager hurried into the room. The scent of lavender surrounded her. Her gown of amethyst silk was trimmed with deep purple bands. She wore a turban the same shade as the trim.
"There is time."
"Are you not excited? I can't sit for a minute. Drew was pleased with your gift. I have never seen such lovely turquoise." She perched on the edge of a chair. "Oh la, what lovely children you and Drew will have."
Nicola frowned. First Prabha preached about heirs and now her grandmother spoke of children. Was this the only reason for a marriage?
"For him, money and an heir. For her a title."
The Earl had told her these things. Surely there should be more. The knot in her stomach expanded.
"I must speak to you of the marriage bed."
The Dowager's declaration caused Nicola to straighten. "I would like to hear."
"The act is strange and not entirely pleasant. You must allow Drew to show you what pleases him. The first union will be painful but after that, you will suffer no more than mild discomfort." The Dowager sighed. "Even though you will find no pleasure in the act, don't drive your husband from your side by refusing him his rights. He will only seek the company of women of the lower orders. Your duty is to submit to his demands."
Nicola bit back a protest. Submit to his demands. Follow his rules. See that his commands are obeyed. Allow him his rights. She didn't like this English idea of marriage, but was it any different from what Prabha had told her?
The Kama Sutra promised pleasure. The legend of Siva and Parvati told of love. Did this mean without love she would find nothing but duty and discomfort?
The Dowager kissed her cheek. "Mr. Grey has arrived. I don't know why he waited so long to come. The Earl and his friends will soon leave for the church. You must dress for you would not want to be late."
Margaret ran into the room with Elizabeth on her heels. Their white dresses had sashes of aqua silk. Nicola reached out to adjust the ribbon on Margaret's curls. Elizabeth spun around. "Maybe someone will ask me to dance at the ball. I'm so glad we'll be there, if only for a short time."
Peggy took Nicola's dress from the wardrobe. After Nicola donned her stockings and chemise, Peggy lifted the aqua gown. The sheer overgown followed. Elizabeth fastened the necklace of silver lotus blossoms each with a garnet heart around Nicola's neck. With hands grown cold and stiff, Nicola fastened the matching ear bobs.
The Dowager placed the veil on Nicola's head. "'Twas mine and my mother's before me." She sighed. "Just one of my daughters wore the veil. I am so happy there are three granddaughters to carry the tradition." She brought her handkerchief to her eyes. "I shall save my tears for the church. Peggy, see if the Earl has gone. 'Twould bring ill luck if he sees his bride before the church."
"This marriage needs no bad luck," Nicola said.
"La child, smile. 'Tis true Drew has been neglectful but he is not a cruel or heartless man. With time and patience, he will be the husband you desire."
Would he, Nicola wondered. She dared not hope. The knot in her stomach now rivaled the massive coils she had seen on the Lond
on docks.
Peggy returned. "He and his friends have gone."
Nicola gathered her short train and walked to the door. She paused at the top of the stairs. Her groom waited. She would marry him, but she didn't want a marriage based on practicality.
Mr. Grey, resplendent in black, waited at the foot of the stairs. "My dear, you are lovely. You look like your mother did when I visited your parents years ago. Your father would have been pleased to see you wed so well."
Perhaps, Nicola thought. Papa hadn't known the Earl. She fingered the lotus necklace. Then she followed her sisters through the front hall and down the steps to the carriage. Her sisters rode in the Earl's. She and her grandmother rode with Mr. Grey. Another length of rope coiled around the knot.
During the ride to the church, as though this was a routine outing, Mr. Grey and the Dowager chatted about inconsequential matters. Trying not to think of the Earl and the wedding night, Nicola clasped her hands in her lap.
The trip seemed too long and too short. Nicola felt as though fire and ice surged through her veins. Mr. Grey helped the Dowager down and then Nicola. Sunlight made the church seem as though it had been build from blocks of gold. Her sisters and the Dowager vanished inside the church. The knot encompassed Nicola's stomach and wrapped around her heart. The scent of flowers mingled with incense. She placed her hand on Mr. Grey's arm. A sudden thought alarmed her. What if Cousin Fergus arrived before the ceremony ended? Was there a way for him to stop the wedding?
A wave of music engulfed her. She looked down the aisle to where the Earl waited at the altar rail. His friend, Cairnton, stood beside him. Sunlight poured through the rose window set high above the altar and surrounded her betrothed with a halo of multi-colored light. She swallowed. The knot had reached her throat.
The Earl turned. He smiled and the knot unwound. Nicola took one step and then another until she and Mr. Grey reached the altar rail. Moments later, her father's friend surrendered her to the Earl.
*****
Thankful the ceremony had ended, Drew helped Nicola into the carriage and took the seat opposite her. He wished he could read the emotions hidden behind her lowered eyelids. "Are you cold?"
She shook her head. "No, my lord."
He reached over and took her hand. Her fingers were as icy as they'd been in church. "Afraid?"
"I don't know." She looked up. "I do not know you. I feel...I was afraid Cousin Fergus would come into the church and stop the wedding."
"How could he?"
"I know he's in England. I saw the letter from Mr. Grey. Why didn't you tell me?"
He groaned. "The letter arrived by messenger on Friday. I had a problem at one of the farms that required my attention. That evening, we attended the Baron's ball. I didn't want to ruin your evening. Then I went to Oxford and there was Margaret's mischief...."
He looked into her eyes. How could he tell her of his wish that she had married him for himself and not because of fear? But fear had always been her reason. That and her father's wish for the marriage. Now she had a home and protection for her sisters. What more could she want?
"It doesn't matter. He didn't come and we are wed."
The desire to pull her into his arms and cover her face with kisses until her body heat matched his was strong. Too many hours would pass before he made her his in truth.
By the time they reached the house, the tenants and servants would be there to greet his bride and to offer wishes for happiness. Later, the local nobility and gentry would arrive for the rout Aldora had planned.
Just a simple country wedding. That had been what he'd ordered. He should have obtained a Special License instead of allowing Aldora to plan the festivities. She had seen just one of her daughters wed with what she considered the proper ceremony. For years, there had been little to celebrate. Now, she had her granddaughters and he'd been unable to deny Aldora her pleasure.
He leaned forward and kissed his bride's hand. "I thank you for your gift this morning."
"They were Papa's favorites. Margaret and Elizabeth helped me decide."
"Then I will also thank them." He released her hand. "My dear Miss..." He chuckled. "You are no longer Miss Gordon, but Nicola Gordon Barlow, Countess of Denmere. Would it trouble you to be called by your given name and you use mine?"
She stared at him. "I don't know if I can. 'Tis hard to speak with familiarity to one who is a stranger."
"I see." He leaned back. Had she meant to chastise him for his failure to remain at Denmere? More time spent with her would have meant disaster. Each encounter frayed his control to tatters.
A flush colored her cheeks. "I didn't mean to insult. I know so little about you and what interests you other than the estates. All I know has come from Grandmother."
"And she has painted a picture of a man just several degrees from sainthood."
Her laughter enchanted him. "She cares deeply for you. It is...we are so different."
"Thankfully." Her puzzled frown told him she didn't understand. A subtle pleasure over her innocence arose. Tonight, he would show her the meaning of the difference.
The carriage halted. He leaned forward and kissed her lightly. "We've years to come to know each other. Just now, we must face the waiting crowd."
"You don't sound pleased."
"I would rather have had a quiet wedding."
"At least we share that wish."
The twinkle in her eyes sent heat spreading through his body. Quickly, he lowered the carriage steps and extended his hand to her.
* * * *
Fresh straw covered the dirt floor of the barn. Long tables filled with a variety of foods lined the walls. The Earl stood beside a keg of ale and accepted a mug from one of the men. Children climbed ladders to the loft. Nicola inhaled the aroma of food, the scent of trampled straw and a multitude of other odors. The noise of myriad conversations heightened by a group of fiddlers, laughter and boisterous shouts from the children surrounded her. When she closed her eyes, for a moment, she envisioned Calcutta and one of the busy marked squares.
She sighed. She wasn't in Calcutta but at Denmere where later today, she and the Earl would greet a different group of guests.
"Nica. Nica." She heard Margaret's whisper, but didn't see the child. The summons came again, followed by a tug on her skirt.
"What are you doing beneath the table?" She bent and met her sister's gaze. "You look as though you've been dragged through the fields. What will our guests think?"
"He is here."
"Who?"
"Cousin Fergus. I saw him when I was playing with the boys. He rode up the lane. Don't let him find me. He will steal me away."
Nicola reached for her sister's hand. "There is naught he can do for I am safely wed and the Earl is your guardian."
"He is a bad man. I am most afraid."
"I'll send him away. Find Elizabeth and go to the house by the kitchen door."
"You should not face him alone. He'll hurt you." Margaret emerged from beneath the table.
"Go to the house and change your dress. I will see to Cousin Fergus."
Nicola gathered her train and her courage. She hurried from the barn. Perhaps Margaret had seen some other man. Even if he is Cousin Fergus, he can't take us away. He can't harm Margaret or put his greedy hands on our money.
When she reached the fountain in front of the house, her courage slipped. Cousin Fergus had indeed arrived. He sat astride an ugly horse, black and rawboned. Nicola wondered if the horse's eyes held glints of demon red.
The horse snorted. Fergus Crawford turned. His dark eyes glowed bright. He slid from the horse and wrapped the reins around the railing of the steps to the front door.
"From your looks, it appears I'm ta late ta stop the wedding, but I be in time ta stop the bedding."
As he spoke, his head swayed from side to side. She found herself moving in his rhythm. She gulped a breath. "Go away. You couldn't stop the wedding. Papa wanted me to wed the Earl."
"Should
of listened ta me. Things be worse for ye now. Got papers showing your pa's a thief."
"Go away. There is nothing for you here."
His fingers tightened on her arm. "You took something wot was mine and something I'll have na matter what."
She shook her head. "We took our belongings and some things we purchased in the market. I sent all of Papa's papers to your house."
"Was a foolish thing. Found a letter asking me ta look out for ye and yer sisters. Discovered a man of law in London willing ta go ta court."
"What are you saying? Papa didn't do that."
"Can ye prove he didn't? Heard of the pouch of gems he'd collected. There's the sapphire wat is mine. Give them ta me and I'll be gone."
She looked past him. The gems represented security.
"Weren't legal the way yer pa sent the gems ta market. I could cause a bit of trouble if I was ta drop a word or two. Ye be wanting to see yer pa named a thief?"
His dark eyes captured her gaze. If papa had done something wrong, so had she. She'd assessed the gems and separated the valuable ones from the dross. This had been a game she and Papa had played.
"He is dead. He can't be hurt by your stories. Why would you do this? You shared in the profits. I don't believe you would beggar yourself."
"I believe ye be right." He chuckled. "There be other ways. What yer husband be thinking if rumors spread about his wife's pa. And your grandmother. Could she live with the thought of another scandal? Your grandfather got himself killed in a duel be a man who named him as a cheat. Your husband's mother died in a whore house."
Her hands rested on her hips. "I have no gems to give you."
His lips curled. "Then I'll use the papers ye unwittingly give me ta have your marriage annulled. I'll take your sisters back to India. I've a great fondness for Margaret."
"I won't let you take them."
"Then sacrifice yerself. Return ta Calcutta. Assess the gemstones I bring ye."
"The Earl won't let me go. We are wed."
"Wed but not yet a wife. If ye refuse ta let yer husband come ta yer bed. There will be na problem."
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