‘One of the privileges of being Chairwoman is that I get to look at all the requests to settle scores and pick who plays who. I’m pleased to announce that this year’s first match will be Red-Shirt Boys versus Red-Shirt Girls.’
The crowd roared as more than thirty little kids piled on to the pitch. Some waded tentatively into the mud, while others ran on to the pitch at full pelt and dived forward into freezing mud slides.
James laughed at a little guy who’d clattered into his elder sister and started a slanging match, while the referee floated the ball in the giant puddle that passed for the centre circle and the crowd broke into chants of Come on boys and Come on girls.
‘I’m starving,’ Kyle said. ‘Couldn’t face motorway services. Anyone fancy getting a burger while there’s no queue?’
‘I’m up for it if you sneak me another beer,’ James grinned.
As the game kicked off, James, Lauren, Joshua and Meatball followed Kyle towards the barbecue tent, Meatball getting excited at the smell of frying meat. James waited for burgers and hot dogs to cook while Kyle went to the drinks table to grab cans of Pepsi and bottles of beer.
By the time they’d queued and stood around the tent eating their barbecue the first match between the red shirts was over. The boys had won, but the mud-soaked girls were in uproar and claimed that a sexist male ref had given the boys an outrageous last-minute penalty.
Zara announced that the second match would be between kids who lived on the sixth floor of the main building and kids from the eighth. James shouted for the sixth floor as his neighbours piled on to the pitch, including his ex Kerry Chang, plus friends Bruce, Shakeel, Andy, Rat and Kevin.
‘Eighth floor, kick some arse!’ Lauren shouted, as Bethany and loads of her other friends ran on to the other half of the pitch.
The floors in the main building were all mixed up in terms of age and sex, so newly qualified ten-year-olds were on the pitch alongside burly sixteen- and seventeen-year-olds. In a serious match this might have led to injuries, but the mud-bowl matches were played in a spirit of fun and it wasn’t unusual to see kids sitting on each other or players hurling mud pies into the crowd.
With the red shirts all running off for the showers and two-thirds of the older kids forming giant teams on the pitch, the crowd was much thinner and mainly consisted of staff, kids who lived on the seventh floor and kids like James and Lauren who were carrying an injury.
James looked across at a lonely figure standing on the touchline near the other end of the pitch.
‘I spy with my little eye something beginning with J.’
‘Oh cool,’ Lauren grinned. ‘I’ve got to wind him up about getting bit on the arse.’
Kyle hadn’t caught up on all the campus news and burst out laughing. ‘What was that?’
Lauren explained Jake’s encounter with the RAF guard dog as they all headed towards him, except for Joshua, who eyed his mum feeding Tiffany a Malteser and raced across to grab his share.
‘How’s your butt?’ Lauren laughed, as she walked up behind Jake.
‘You useless bloody tit,’ James shouted towards the pitch, as Shakeel missed an open goal.
Jake turned to Lauren and shook his head. ‘Don’t start, OK? I’ve had it up to here with people taking the piss and I swear, if anyone else starts I’m gonna flip out.’
‘Bit tetchy are we?’ Lauren grinned.
Kyle tried to sound more sympathetic. ‘Is it still painful?’
‘Twelve stitches in my arse,’ Jake tutted. ‘What do you think?’
James burst out laughing. ‘You should get one of those rubber rings to sit on.’
‘Give us a peek,’ Lauren jeered, as she grabbed the back of Jake’s tracksuit bottoms and yanked them down.
‘Leave off,’ Jake said furiously. ‘You think it’s funny? Get some massive guard dog to tear a hole in your arse and we’ll see who’s laughing.’
Lauren tutted. ‘Don’t cry, Jakey-poos.’
Kyle shook his head disapprovingly. ‘Give the poor kid a break, Lauren.’
‘It’s always the same,’ Lauren sighed, as she backed off. ‘The ones who are first to dish out stick can’t take it when it’s their turn.’
Jake turned to Lauren and smiled. ‘I tell you what,’ he said. ‘Why don’t you tell your brother about his love life going down the shitter?’
Lauren’s heart bolted, but she tried acting like she didn’t know what Jake was talking about. ‘You what?’ she said contemptuously.
Jake pulled his phone out of his pocket. ‘Take a look, James. Your sister made Kevin delete the original, but luckily I kept a copy.’
‘Jake, you’re such an arsehole,’ Lauren steamed, as her brother zoomed in to look at the screen of Jake’s phone.
The picture was small and looked bleary in the darkness, but James only took a couple of seconds to recognise the motorbike poster over his bed and the fact that Dana had Michael Hendry on top of her.
‘When was this taken?’ James demanded furiously.
‘Yesterday,’ Jake smiled. ‘Ask your sister, she knows more about this than I do.’
James glowered at Lauren. ‘You knew about this?’
Lauren put out her hands defensively. ‘James, you were on a mission. I was going to tell you, but I didn’t want to ruin your Christmas.’
‘You knew I was doing my head in trying to work out why Dana’s been acting so weird,’ James spluttered. ‘You’re my sister, Lauren. How can you let this go on under my nose?’
‘Lauren’s a bitch,’ Jake noted, but he jolted when James turned angrily towards him.
‘One more cute word out of your mouth, Jake, and I’ll punch you into new year.’
Kyle was struggling to keep up with events, but he placed a reassuring hand on James’ shoulder. ‘Come on mate, calm down.’
‘Did you know?’ James said accusingly.
Kyle smiled. ‘James, I haven’t been on campus since July! Take a deep breath and count to ten.’
‘You want me to be calm,’ James shouted. ‘Half of campus seems to know that Dana’s getting boffed by Michael Hendry and my own sister’s been lying through her teeth …’
‘I wasn’t lying,’ Lauren said. ‘I knew you’d find out and I was going to tell you, but I was hoping Dana would beat me to it and I deleted the photo because I didn’t want you to find out like this.’
James was angry, but he believed Lauren had meant to protect his feelings. It was Dana he was really mad at.
‘Where is she, the cheating skank?’
‘I haven’t seen her,’ Lauren said. ‘You know she doesn’t like joining in. She’s probably in her room reading a book.’
James turned towards the pitch and saw Michael Hendry playing on the wing for the eighth floor.
‘Gimme that phone,’ he shouted, as he snatched the handset from Jake.
‘James, calm down,’ Kyle said firmly. He grabbed James’ arm, but James snatched it free.
‘If anyone else tells me to calm down …’ James growled.
Jake smirked as James charged on to the muddy pitch. Lauren was hobbling, but she was furious and grabbed Jake by the hood of his jacket.
‘You stirring piece of shit,’ she shouted.
‘Kiss my arse,’ Jake said, as he tried to wriggle free, but Lauren slapped him hard across the cheek.
Jake stumbled and fell to the ground.
‘My stitches,’ he groaned as he writhed in the mud, clutching his bum.
Lauren loomed over him with her hands on her hips. ‘You’re such a baby,’ she sneered. ‘I barely tapped you.’
16. BIG
James never intended to walk into the mud bowl and got handicapped by rapidly flooding trainers and a pain shooting up his bruised back whenever one of his legs skidded in the mud. A bunch of younger kids were chasing the ball around near the goal at the top of the slope, but Michael Hendry hung back in a gloomy area near the middle of the pitch, his tracksuit bottoms plastered in thick mud and
banging his gloved hands together to keep warm.
James held out Jake’s phone as he approached Michael from behind. He was furious, but his appetite for violence waned as he got close: Michael was taller, with massive arms, a massive chest, and James’ combat training counted for nothing because Michael had been through exactly the same. The one thing James did have was the element of surprise.
‘Yo, shit-face,’ James shouted.
Michael knew he’d been rumbled as he turned to face James, but before he could act Jake’s phone smashed against the side of his temple. The plastic facia cracked with the force of the blow and James followed up with two hard slugs to the stomach. The punches would have floored most men, but Michael absorbed the blows, grabbed James by the scruff of his hoodie and stomped his ankle with the metal spikes of a size-twelve rugby boot.
‘You wanna mess with me?’ Michael boomed.
James howled as he collapsed into the thick mud, but despite the pain in his back and ankle he grabbed Michael’s ankle, swept it through the mud and raised it into the air as he sprang to his feet. Michael tried kicking free as James held his leg in the air and began painfully twisting his foot.
By this time all the players had seen what was going on. Several were running over to break up the fight and the referee was frantically blowing his whistle.
‘You backstabber,’ James yelled, as he wrenched Michael’s foot around.
The pain made Michael’s upright leg buckle and he collapsed forwards into the mud, taking James with him. Michael got on top and hit James with an explosive punch in the back of the head. Freezing water soaked through James’ clothes. As he thrashed about trying to break free, Michael landed another brutal punch.
Surprise had been James’ only advantage over a stronger opponent and he would have got the crap beaten out of him but for Bruce Norris wading in to save him. Bruce stunned Michael with a studded kick in the back, before wrapping his arm around Michael’s massive neck and dragging him backwards.
Bruce was extremely strong for his size, but he still needed Shakeel and Rat’s help to drag Michael away. James was stunned from the two head punches, but he was still conscious and Michael’s girlfriend Gabrielle hauled James out of the mud, while ex-girlfriend Kerry restrained him by pulling his arm up tight behind his back.
‘For Christ’s sake, James,’ Kerry said, as James groaned with pain. ‘It’s a game. You said you weren’t even playing because of your back.’
James and Michael were both trying to break free when the referee arrived and rather pointlessly waved his red card at both of them.
‘You think I care about this stupid match,’ James growled, as he looked back over his shoulder and eyeballed Gabrielle.
‘Look at Jake’s phone,’ he gasped. ‘See what your precious boyfriend’s been getting up to with Dana.’
Gabrielle’s eyes lit up and the certainty in her expression made James realise that she already suspected that something untoward had been going on.
‘Gab, don’t!’ Kerry said anxiously, as she tightened her arm lock on James.
‘You said you were working on an art history project!’ Gabrielle screamed, as she let go of James and stormed towards Michael. ‘Is that why you spent all that time in Dana’s room? You dirty, cheating son of a . ..’
Gabrielle was tall and thin and would have been no match for Michael in an open fight. But Michael was still being held by Bruce and Shakeel. The referee tried to block, but Gabrielle dodged around him and smashed the base of her palm against Michael’s nose.
‘I’ll kill you,’ Gabrielle screamed bitterly, as Michael’s nose exploded with blood.
As the referee grabbed Gabrielle to prevent a second attack, her entire body wilted.
‘I thought you loved me, Michael,’ Gabrielle sobbed as she collapsed into the arms of the bewildered referee.
Kerry wanted to be with her best friend, but she was still restraining James. ‘Behave yourself, or else,’ she snarled before letting him go.
James was still hurting, but Gabrielle’s desperate crying pricked his anger. He’d had a few girlfriends and there were times when he thought he’d loved Dana, but nobody expected their relationship to last for ever and most people were surprised they’d lasted as long as they had.
Michael and Gabrielle’s relationship had been way more intense. He was Gabrielle’s first love and they’d done everything together for so long that people rarely mentioned one without the other.
James was pissed at Dana for cheating on him. His head hurt, his back ached and his sock oozed blood where Michael’s studs had ripped his skin, but he’d just witnessed Gabrielle’s heart break and that put his own hurt into stark perspective.
‘You OK?’ Kyle said, squelching up behind James as Gabrielle sobbed helplessly in Kerry’s arms.
‘Head’s killing me, ankle might need stitches,’ James said sourly. ‘Sorry.’
Kyle smiled. ‘What are you sorry for?’
‘This,’ James shrugged. ‘First time back on campus in five months and you’ve got all my crap to put up with.’
‘I missed your crap,’ Kyle said wryly. ‘Your idiocy is a constant reminder of how smart and rational I am.’
James had missed Kyle’s sense of humour and couldn’t help laughing, even though he was in all kinds of pain.
‘Put your arm round my back,’ Kyle said. ‘I’ll get one of the golf buggies and drive you over to the medical unit.’
*
Two hours later Lauren walked along the sixth-floor corridor and knocked on James’ door.
‘You OK?’ she asked, as she peered around the door and saw James lying on his bed in a dressing gown. He had a bandage on one ankle and a square plaster stuck on his almost bald head, which covered a nasty cut from one of Michael’s rings.
The room was dark, except for a chink of light coming through the bathroom door. Lauren sat on the corner of the bed.
‘Been better, been worse,’ James said, as he threw down a motorbike magazine he hadn’t been reading anyway and sat up so that he could see his sister.
‘You said yourself you thought something was going wrong,’ Lauren said soothingly. ‘It hadn’t been right for a while.’
‘I actually feel quite mellow about breaking up,’ James said. ‘What pissed me off was everyone knowing about it behind my back. Including you …’
‘I would have told you if it dragged on,’ Lauren said. ‘I haven’t got any loyalty to cheesy bloody Dana.’
‘Nice boobs though,’ James sighed. ‘And she was the first girl I slept with, so I guess she’s one I’ll always remember.’
Lauren smirked. ‘Didn’t you sleep with that other girl on your anti-gang mission?’
James laughed. ‘OK, I’ll rephrase it: Dana was the first girl I had sex with apart from two minutes of complete terror in a bathtub with a girl I never spoke to again.’
Lauren giggled. ‘Only you, James …’
‘It’s Gabrielle I feel sorry for,’ James said. ‘She was still crying her eyes out in Kerry’s room when I got back.’
‘What did Zara say?’
‘She came over to the medical unit, made me and Michael shake hands like a couple of five-year-olds – good news is that Gab totally mashed his nose. She’s letting all three of us off as long as there’s no more bad blood between us, but I’ve got to pay for Jake’s busted phone.’
‘How much?’
‘A hundred and fifty,’ James moaned. ‘That’s all my Christmas money, plus a fiver a week out of my pocket money until the end of March.’
‘Bummer,’ Lauren said, changing the subject in an attempt to cheer him up. ‘The last mud-bowl match was so funny: training instructors versus black shirts. Bruce scored a hat-trick, so Mr Pike and Miss Smoke grabbed hold of him and threw him in the lake at the end.’
‘Sounds fun.’
‘And the chefs served hot punch and mince pies in the tent so everyone could warm up afterwards. It had a bit of rum in it, so we we
re only allowed one each. You know what I was thinking?’
‘What?’ James asked warily.
‘There’s this big training exercise in America coming up. Seeing as your mission ended early, you might be able to sign up.’
‘Why would I volunteer for extra training?’
Lauren shook her head. ‘It’s in this place called Fort Reagan in America. It’s not exercise and stuff. It’s gonna be this massive war game up against American troops doing urban warfare training. We pretend to be insurgents, Mac’s gonna be the supreme leader of the bad guys and we get a mini-holiday in Las Vegas before it starts.’
‘Sounds pretty good, I guess,’ James said. ‘So you’re sure there’s no rock-breaking or hiking with heavy packs?’
Lauren shook her head firmly. ‘It’s not CHERUB training. It’s run by the US Army and British Special Forces. They want CHERUB in the mix to give their forces a different challenge.’
‘I could look into it, I guess,’ James nodded.
‘You could do with a break after the last few months,’ Lauren smiled. ‘And there’s a lot of kids clamouring for places, but with your record on missions I’m sure you’d make the cut.’
‘I heard Bruce talking about going,’ James said. ‘Maybe I’ll speak to Mac next time he’s on campus.’
‘Cool,’ Lauren said, as there was another knock at the door.
‘So, you showed your face,’ James said acidly, as Dana appeared in the doorway holding a large cardboard box.
Dana flipped James’ light on without asking and put the box down on the little sofa by the door.
‘For what it’s worth, James, I wanted to be straight with you,’ Dana said. ‘But Michael wanted to let Gabrielle down gradually. Then she started getting suspicious and she backed him into a corner and made him deny everything.’
Lauren snorted. ‘Sounds more like Michael wanted to have his oats and eat them.’
Dana snorted back. ‘In case you haven’t noticed, Lauren, your brother’s not exactly up for any fidelity awards.’
‘I only cheated on you once and I confessed straight away,’ James said, slightly bitter as he hopped off the bed and limped around to inspect the contents of the box. It was a mix of his CDs, bits of clothing, school books and other junk that had gravitated to Dana’s room over their thirteen-month relationship.
CHERUB: The General Page 11