“There is?” she asked with a furrowed brow.
“Yes. There is,” he affirmed. “I think you and I both know that things between us didn’t exactly begin conventionally,” he started and watched as she shot him a frosty glare. Probably not the best of ways to start this conversation, but there was no going back now.
“Anyway, the fact is that however we got to where we are, we are married, and will be for at least two years,” he continued. “Also, the fact also remains that to everyone except us we need to at least act as though we want to be in this marriage together. And after last night I realized that that is going to be incredibly difficult for us to achieve with all of the baggage that we’re carrying with regards to each other,” he said and watched as she frowned at that.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that maybe we should get rid of that baggage.”
“In other words …,” she prompted.
“We start afresh. We leave everything that’s happened so far behind us and focus on dealing with this marriage from this point forward. Would you not think that it would be easier to pretend we like each other if perhaps we actually did?” he queried and watched as she mulled that over.
“What if we don’t?”
“Then we’ll just have to continue pretending. But what if we do, Ellie? What if we put in the effort to get to know each other anew and discover that our initial impressions and opinions were wrong? What if we discover that we can at least be friends?”
“At least?” she asked with a raised brow, and he shrugged.
“You can’t deny the attraction that we feel to each other,” he said and watched as she blushed and looked away.
“No. I can’t.”
“Attraction and friendship combined make for a pretty solid base to a relationship, wouldn’t you think?” he suggested and watched as she thought on that.
“What about love?” she asked, and he shrugged again.
“I can’t make any promises, all I’m suggesting is that we try with each other. We’ve got two years minimum with each other in our lives, eating dinner together daily, spending time together in the evenings like this, going to events together. It seems foolish to me for us not to at least try to make the experience as pleasurable and comfortable as we can.”
“You just expect me to forget about what happened with my dad and you?” she asked, and he shook his head.
“Not forget. I doubt that you’ll ever be able to do that. But instead form your own judgment on me. Don’t forget what happened before but leave it as a memory instead of a pervasive force that’s sitting in the middle of this marriage of ours,” he suggested and watched as she mulled that over. When she didn’t seem any closer to answering him after a few minutes he thought it best to quit while he was ahead.
“Think on it,” he said as he made to slide off her bed, then stopped when he felt her hand on his arm.
“I can’t keep fighting. I’m just too tired to always be in a constant battle with you,” she said softly. “And … well, and I’m all alone now, aren’t I?”
“You’re not alone, honey,” he said sincerely as he stared into her watery green eyes.
“I have to admit that it felt good to have someone to talk to about it all,” she said as she continued to stare at him. “It felt good not to feel so isolated for once,” she added even more quietly, and he watched as she stared at his face. “And it makes sense to rely on my husband, to turn to my husband.”
“And it felt good to have you,” he said sincerely. It had. It had felt incredible to be a strength to a woman like his wife. A woman who was so strong herself. It felt good to be of use to her and do something right for a change, to know that he wasn’t a total screw-up when it came to relationships, like his father had been.
“I can’t make any promises, and I can’t say that I trust you yet,” she said with a furrowed brow. “I can’t even guarantee that I’ll ever be able to forget what brought us to this point, but I can try. I can try to start at the beginning,” she said, and Zach searched her eyes to judge her sincerity.
Knowing now that Ellie wasn’t devious made it easier for him to read her. Instead of seeing treachery and duplicity clouding her eyes he could see what was really there instead. He wished that he could explain it all to her, wished that he could tell her what her dad had actually done and why, but she was dealing with so much right now, she didn’t need to know how much and how badly her dad had lied to her.
Zach wasn’t going to taint one of the last memories of the man in her eyes. He didn’t need to. He could work things out with his wife without betraying the memory of her father to her. It would take extra effort and more work, and no doubt untruthful accusations would be flung at him every now and again, but he’d work through them. Accept them and overcome them.
Last night he’d made the decision to do what her father had wanted him to do. He was going to get to know his wife, spend time with her, court her. The man had clearly thought that the two of them had a future together, and Zach was willing to test that theory out.
He’d told Ellie the truth, he couldn’t make any promises to her, but if he fell in love then he’d take what he was given and hold onto it. He’d already admitted that he admired her, esteemed certain traits and characteristics of his wife, and he didn’t suspect that it would take much more for him to discover that he could love her, and more importantly, fall in love with her.
He just needed Ellie’s cooperation to have the same happen on her end.
“That’s all I’m asking for,” he finally replied and watched as she nodded.
Leaning forward, he watched as she caught her breath before he placed a gentle kiss on her lips.
“What was that for?” she asked breathlessly.
“Sealing the deal,” he said against her lips. “Plus I thought that it was about time that I kissed my bride.”
“You’ve kissed me before,” she reminded.
“Not like you deserved to be kissed though.”
“Oh,” she said on a breath before she leaned forward and kissed him in return. When he looked at her in question she just said, “Thought it was about time that I kissed my husband.”
With the feel of Ellie’s lips on his, Zach just smiled at her before backing off her bed and heading out of the room before he decided to embark on another new first with his wife.
Chapter Sixteen
Cautiously entering the dining room, Ellie looked around and smiled slightly at the figure of her husband standing by the window. She hadn’t been sure what sort of mood or atmosphere there’d be between them after everything that had passed the night before, but hoped that it hadn’t been a figment of her imagination.
She’d been honest last night with Zachary, she didn’t want to keep fighting him. When the man wasn’t growling or issuing orders he could be pleasant enough, and he was right, they were stuck together for two years whether they liked it or not. It didn’t seem to make much sense in keeping up the hostilities between them.
When he smiled slightly in return at her, Ellie relaxed marginally before heading for her place at the table. Beating her to it, Zachary pulled her chair out for her, and she hesitated before sitting down. It was the first time that he’d acted cordially to her, and she found herself unsettled by the chivalrous gesture.
Smiling her thanks, she placed herself in her seat and settled in, reminding herself to put in as much effort with her spouse as he seemed to be putting in himself. The silence between them stretched, and Ellie struggled to think of a topic of conversation to start up between them that wouldn’t upset their newly-founded truce.
Just as she was opening her mouth the door opened instead, and she hastily shut it while their dinner was laid out in front of them. With a polite word of thanks and a request that they not be disturbed for the evening, Zachary dismissed the maid that had served them and waited until the door closed again. When it did, he turned towards her and studied her through those gr
ay eyes of his before speaking.
“We need to talk. But first I think we should eat. You look tired, and I don’t think that you’ve been eating very well either, have you?” he said solicitously, and she shook her head.
“No, I haven’t. I just haven’t had the appetite.”
“I know, but you need to take care of yourself, Ellie,” he gently chastised, and she nodded before focusing on the plate in front of her. When she’d managed to eat half of the contents she sat back with a sigh.
“What’s the matter?” he asked, and she looked over at him in surprise before shrugging.
“Just full, I guess.”
“You haven’t eaten much,” he retorted, and she smiled at him.
“I’ve eaten plenty, Zachary, much more than usual, in fact. It just so happens that your staff serve up incredibly large portions,” she explained and watched as he looked at her in puzzlement before taking in her plate again.
“This isn’t a huge amount.”
“It’s more than I’m used to eating regularly. And don’t forget, I don’t do much of anything to burn energy throughout the day. I don’t need to eat much.”
“Are you really that bored?” he asked, and she shrugged before nodding.
“Yeah. I am. It’s different for you. You’re busy all day, your life hasn’t changed much at all,” she said and found herself surprised at his smile.
“I think you might be surprised at how much it has changed, honey.”
“True, I’m not sure what it was like before, but it can’t have been as much of a change as I’ve gone through,” she argued, and he seemed to nod his capitulation at that. “I used to work twelve-hour shifts, then come home and clean and cook. I worked six days a week and spent my day off doing the shopping and taking care of any other tasks that I couldn’t do the rest of the week. I lived in an apartment that I had to maintain myself, and I never had anybody doing anything for me. Right now I have absolutely no responsibilities, nothing placing any demands on my time. I feel useless, utterly devoid of any purpose,” she confessed with a sigh. “I just feel so superfluous,” she added.
“What would you like to be doing? Surely not still working as a maid,” he asked in interest.
“No, I have no great desire for that. But I’d like to be able to do something, anything, to pass the time more constructively.”
“Think about it and we’ll see what we can come up with for you to do that fits in around the conditions of the pre-nup,” he suggested before polishing off the rest of his main course. When he reached for the dessert and offered it to her she shook her head, not feeling in the mood for any more food.
“You said that we needed to talk about something,” she finally hazarded and watched as his head slowly came up to look at her with sadness tinging his eyes. Not sure why the look was there or what it meant, Ellie found herself tensing in anticipation of something that she suspected she wasn’t going to like.
“We do,” he said. “I thought about leaving it until we were alone in your room, but I know that you’ll want to know sooner rather than later. However, I wanted to make sure that you’d eaten before we got into it all,” he rambled, and she looked on at him in confusion.
“I don’t understand.”
“I spoke to Detective Jackson today, honey,” he said simply, and she found her breath catching.
“You found something out,” she surmised and watched as he nodded. “Something I’m not going to like,” she added and watched as his eyes filled with compassion again before he nodded once more, pushed his dishes to the side, and reached gently for her hands.
Accepting the comfort that she anticipated needing, Ellie let him continue to grasp her hands tenderly while he started to speak.
“The detective explained that things were more complicated than they’d originally thought.”
“How so?”
“The cause of death, Ellie, …,” he said and stalled, apparently searching for the right words.
“Was it suicide?” she asked with a hitch in her breath.
“No, honey. No it wasn’t.”
“I don’t understand then,” she said in confusion. “If it wasn’t suicide, what was it? Are you saying it was something else? Nobody would wish any harm to my dad, nobody would want to hurt him,” she said in a rush, not even stopping to let Zachary answer. “If he didn’t kill himself, then someone else must have. But I don’t understand why,” she rambled on while her husband just kept trying to open his mouth and speak. “The detective didn’t mention anything about signs of an intruder. Had somebody been there?” she asked in agitation before inhaling deeply to calm herself.
“I don’t understand,” she said once again with tears in her eyes.
“Honey, your dad was sick.”
“Sick? What do you mean sick? He had a cold, Zachary. That’s all. Just a cold and a cough.”
“No,” he said with a sad shake of his head as he gripped her hands more tightly. “It wasn’t just a cold, Ellie.”
“What was it?” she asked as her tears started to gather and the first one finally fell.
“He had cancer, honey,” he said, and Ellie gasped.
“What?! No! No, he can’t have. It was just a cold,” she stressed and watched on as Zachary shook his head sadly. “Oh my goodness,” she said on a gasp. “How could this have happened? I should have been firmer. I should have insisted he see someone. This is my fault, Zachary. I knew that something wasn’t right. I should have made him go to the doctor. I should have forced him. Insisted. But he kept saying that it was just a cold. If I’d forced him then maybe … maybe …,” she said before drifting off as she swallowed hard and her tears started up again.
“Ellie, he did go. He did see someone,” Zachary said when she paused in her self-recriminations, and Ellie’s head shot up to look at him in surprised bewilderment.
“What?” she said in confusion, ignoring the tears streaming down her face.
“A few months ago he saw a doctor. That’s who prescribed the pills to him. He knew he was sick, honey. He knew.”
“But … but …,” she stumbled. Her dad had been sick? He’d known that he was dying? “No,” she said with a shake of her head as she abruptly pulled her hands out of his. “No. He would have told me if he knew. He wouldn’t have lied to me like that. No way,” she averred and she sniffed back her tears, unwilling to let her husband see her so emotional. “He didn’t know,” she declared firmly.
“Honey, he did,” he pressed, and she found herself getting angry at the man across from her instead.
“No! No he didn’t!” she yelled as she abruptly stood up, sending her chair toppling over as she did so. “He wouldn’t lie to me like that! He wouldn’t have done that to me! He wouldn’t have kept something so important from me! You’re lying! You’re LYING!” she screamed at him as her eyes blazed with anger.
“Honey,” he tried as he slowly stood and made to move closer to her.
“NO!” she screamed as she backed away from him and tears started to form again. “You’re just trying to hurt me! You’re taking your revenge! You’re doing this on purpose to punish me! To punish him! You’re trying to destroy my memories of him! You’re trying to sully him in my eyes!” she continued to accuse as she stared at her husband. He might look hurt at her words but she knew that he wasn’t. He was vindictive. He was cruel. Everyone knew the rumors about Zachary McCormack, and it looked as though Ellie was discovering it all for herself. How cruel The Beast really was.
“Ellie,” he said with a sigh. “I wouldn’t –”
“You would! You are! You’re trying to take him away from me even now!” she screamed at him. “My father wouldn’t have done this to me! He wouldn’t have kept something like that from me! He would have told me! Told me so that I could be prepared! There is no way that he would have even allowed the possibility of me finding him dead without any sort of warning! He wouldn’t have done that to me!
“If he knew, he woul
d have prepared me. He wouldn’t have allowed me to end up alone unexpectedly,” she said roughly as she wiped at her tears that were streaming down her face. “He wouldn’t have left me to be alone without warning. He wouldn’t have done that to me. He loved me!” she stressed and watched as her husband’s eyes flickered with emotion. If she could have believed it of him she would have thought it was compassion, but it wasn’t. He wasn’t compassionate. He was cruel. And hurtful.
“Honey, I know you think –”
“I don’t think, Mr McCormack,” she gritted out with blazing eyes. “I know. I know my father, and I know that he would never hurt me. And keeping something like this from me when he knew about it would hurt me,” she said and tried to keep her tears at bay again.
“Maybe he thought that it was for the best,” he hazarded, and she just snorted at that. “Honey, maybe he thought that he was protecting you by keeping it from you.”
“You have no idea about me or my father, or even more importantly, about our relationship,” she said angrily. “Don’t try to suppose that you’d know my father’s motives,” she snapped at him.
“As much as you don’t want to believe me, Ellie, it’s true. He knew. If you don’t believe me, if you think I’m lying, then ask Detective Jackson,” he suggested calmly, and Ellie bristled at him. And bristled at the fact that he had someone to back him up on the issue.
“You … you probably bribed him,” she accused. “Paid the man to lie to me as well. You have the money, you have the power, and you’ve already proven that you have the ethics to do something underhanded and deceitful to get what you want and take revenge,” she said heatedly and watched as his eyes flashed at her.
“No,” she said with a shake of her head. “No, you’re just lying. Lying about it all. All of your talk yesterday about starting fresh, about making the most of the situation, it was all a big lie as well. You were just setting me up to make me vulnerable, to hurt me again. That’s all you are, isn’t it? A manipulative liar!” she screamed at him and watched as he just stared at her in frustration, letting her vent at him.
Bonds of Matrimony Page 21