by Annie Harper
Now Eli wondered if that was really true. “You know you don’t have to stay there by yourself if you don’t want to, right?”
“I’m not asking them to cancel their vacation for me,” Gabe replied, staring at the ground somewhere behind Eli’s feet.
“I’m not suggesting you do.” Eli stepped closer to Gabe. “You could stay with me. There’s plenty of room.”
Gabe’s eyes snapped up to meet his. “Really?”
“Of course really. We’re friends, right?”
Gabe nodded, then leaned close and ran his thumb over the tip of Eli’s nose. “Ice cream,” he said, then blushed and backed away. Gabe followed the line as it started to move, leaving Eli standing there, stunned, and getting strange looks. He pulled himself back together and hurried to catch up with Gabe.
On the ride home, they were all a little sun-drunk and sleepy. Eli was driving, and Hannah and Gabe had taken the back seat so they could sprawl out, leaving Richie riding shotgun. After a few miles, both occupants of the back seat had been lulled to sleep.
Richie looked over his shoulder to make absolutely sure that they were asleep and then said, “You know he’s not afraid of roller coasters, right?”
“What?” Eli asked.
“Gabe,” Richie said slowly, as if Eli were being especially dense. “I asked him what rides were his favorite last night, and he told me that he loves everything. So whatever reason he had for staying on the ground today, it wasn’t about the roller coaster.” Then Richie turned up the volume on the radio and left Eli to ponder that revelation.
Richie was implying that Gabe hadn’t gone on the roller coaster because he’d wanted to stay with Eli. That thought made Eli a little giddy, but he didn’t want to let himself get carried away. Still, there had been the moment with the ice cream, and that wasn’t the only time in the past couple of weeks that Eli had thought Gabe might be flirting with him.
Eli glanced in the rear view mirror at Gabe sleeping with his feet in Hannah’s lap and his head against the window. He didn’t look as though he could possibly be comfortable, the way the seatbelt was twined around him, but that hadn’t stopped him from falling asleep. The picture was so adorable that Eli couldn’t help but smile.
* * *
Eli loved his parents’ house. It wasn’t big and bright and impeccably decorated the way Hannah’s was, but it felt more like a home. Now that Gabe was coming to visit, though, he was hyper aware of what the place might look like to someone who had never seen it before.
It tended to be what his mother, Lorraine, called “pleasantly lived in.” The furniture was a little bit worn, especially the armchair in the living room that was covered in golden retriever fur to the point where humans could no longer sit on it. His father, Joe, kept a rack of gardening magazines in the bathroom and was fond of explaining to anyone foolish enough to ask that they were there in case he had to be in there long enough to get comfortable. Eli was pretty sure he’d die if his father said that to Gabe.
Lorraine was perpetually in the middle of a scrapbook project, so she’d left piles of photos, albums, old ticket stubs and other mementos everywhere. She’d been trying to finish the scrapbooks since Eli’s freshman year of high school and never made much progress, but she had managed to make the den into an Eli shrine. Several collages lined the walls, documenting Eli from the day he was born all the way through his high school graduation. The last one featured pictures of Eli’s proms, so both of his exes, Melinda and Jason, were on display.
When Gabe texted on Saturday morning to say that he was headed over, Eli was struck with the urge to redecorate the whole house in the five minutes that it would take Gabe to get there. He had to settle for washing the sink-full of dishes that his mother had left after breakfast.
Eli gave Gabe the grand tour, even though it made him nervous. He started with the second floor, showing Gabe which room he’d be staying in and which room was Eli’s, in case he needed anything. Gabe took everything in quietly, which left Eli to wonder what he might be thinking.
On the ground floor, Eli showed Gabe the kitchen and started telling him about the weird things they’d found in there when they’d renovated a few years before, but he trailed off when he realized that he’d lost Gabe’s attention entirely.
Gabe stood in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room, one hand holding onto the door frame, staring at the black baby grand piano in the corner.
“Do you play?” Eli asked.
“A little,” Gabe replied.
“Go ahead and play it if you want to.”
Gabe crossed the room to the piano as if he was being pulled and settled himself on the bench. Eli followed him and hovered until Gabe said, “You can sit.”
Eli perched on the edge of the bench. Gabe lowered his hands over the keys and took a deep breath before touching them. Then he began to play through scales.
Even though he’d done nothing more complicated than warm-ups, it was clear that Gabe loved playing. His long fingers glided across the keys, and he seemed more content than Eli had ever seen him.
Gabe turned to Eli with a smile and asked, “Any requests?”
“I wouldn’t know where to start.”
Gabe thought for a moment and then began to play. The music was familiar to Eli, but it took a few bars for him to figure out that it was Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata.”
Eli had thought that he was starting to get to know Gabe, but now it was clear that he hadn’t even come close. Eli didn’t know the music well enough to be sure that Gabe was playing every note perfectly, but he could see that Gabe played as if the instrument was an extension of himself. He was so clearly lost in the slow, somber melody. “Moonlight Sonata” had always seemed like a lonely piece to Eli, and the choice told him more about how Gabe had been feeling these last few weeks than any conversation they’d had. It was as if Eli had only seen the black and white version of Gabe. All of a sudden, he was seeing Gabe in color. Eli could have left, and Gabe wouldn’t have noticed for hours. Eli could tell, because he was the same way when he was writing music.
When the first movement was finished, Eli said, “I don’t think that was only playing the piano a little.”
Gabe shrugged and—as if he couldn’t stand to have his hands off the keys for even a minute—he began to play something slow and gentle. “I started playing when I was five,” he said. “I used to play for church services.”
That jogged Eli’s memory, and he realized that the song was a hymn. Eli listened to Gabe play and then asked, “Do you believe in God?”
Gabe’s hands stopped, but then he started playing again. Finally he said, “I’ve been trying to figure that out for years. I’m sure that I don’t believe what my parents believe, but there are a lot of Christians in the world, and a lot of them wouldn’t agree with my parents.”
“That’s true,” Eli replied.
“It took me a long time to really accept that being gay isn’t what’s wrong with me,” Gabe said, barely audible.
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you.” Eli rested a hand on Gabe’s back.
“There’s something wrong with everyone,” Gabe said stiffly, not looking at Eli.
Eli drew his hand back, stung. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have interrupted you. I know I talk too much.”
Gabe’s eyes widened, and he took his hands off the piano so that he could turn and look at Eli. He let one hand drop to rest on top of Eli’s on the bench. “I don’t always say much, but that doesn’t mean I want you to stop talking. I like listening to you.”
Eli’s breath caught in his throat, and he flipped his hand over so that he could lace his fingers with Gabe’s. Everyone had always said that Eli talked too much, even his friends; it was overwhelming to hear someone say the opposite. When Gabe squeezed his hand back and smiled at him, Eli leaned close and pressed their lips together.
Eli realized what he’d done and pulled back, wrenching his hand away and scoo
ting back to the end of the bench. “I’m sorry!” he said; he felt guilty when he saw Gabe’s hurt look. “I didn’t mean to, like, ambush you. I don’t want to make you feel weird about staying here or anything. And I’m sure you don’t need anyone else kissing you out of nowhere—”
“Please don’t apologize for kissing me.” Gabe cut him off. “Unless you don’t want to do it again, I guess.”
Eli took a moment to figure out what that meant, then he cupped Gabe’s chin and kissed him again. Gabe pressed his hand to the small of Eli’s back and urged him closer. Eli’s heart was racing by the time he pulled away and smiled at Gabe. Part of him wanted to keep kissing and see how much further this would go, but he didn’t want to mess up by going too fast.
Gabe turned back to face the piano, which made Eli laugh. “Well, at least I got your attention away from that thing for a few minutes.”
“What should I play?” Gabe asked, then smiled and nudged Eli’s shoulder with his own.
“Play something I’ll know the words to,” Eli replied.
Gabe rolled his eyes, but he started to play “Someone to Watch Over Me.”
Eli started to sing along. Gabe let him sing alone for a verse and then, to Eli’s surprise, he started singing harmony. It was a sweet song, if a little old fashioned, and Eli felt a bit giddy that Gabe had chosen a song about wanting to fall in love.
When the song was over, Eli raised his eyebrows and said, “I didn’t know you could sing.”
Before Gabe could say anything, Eli heard the front door slam open, and his mother shouted, “I wonder if my ungrateful child is going to help me unload all these groceries!”
Eli pressed one more quick kiss to Gabe’s lips before he headed to the front door to help his mother. When he turned back, he saw Gabe still sitting on the piano bench staring at him in surprise. “You won’t win any points with her if you don’t help,” he teased, and Gabe got up to join him.
* * *
“Elias Jonathan Meyer, what on earth do you think you’re doing?” Hannah nearly shouted as soon as Eli answered the door. She’d gotten home from Costa Rica late last night, and this was the first time he’d talked to her in more than a week.
“I was going to make myself a sandwich,” Eli replied, heading into the kitchen.
Hannah huffed and trailed after him. “You know that’s not what I’m asking. What are you doing with Gabe?”
“Why, whatever do you mean?” Eli pulled his fridge open to see the options. He was used to Hannah’s freak-outs.
“Don’t play innocent with me! When I asked him if he had a good time with you, he blushed. Blushed!” It was hard to take her seriously when her sunburn made her look like an angry lobster.
“Gabe’s a redhead,” Eli pointed out and pulled a pair of tomatoes out of the fridge. “He blushes very easily.”
Hannah walked around the kitchen island and smacked him on the arm. “Ouch!” he exclaimed, rubbing the spot, even though she hadn’t really hit him hard enough to hurt. “See if I make you a sandwich now.”
“Come on Eli. Cut the act and just tell me,” Hannah said and pulled herself up onto the counter so she was at eye level with him.
Eli sighed and met her eyes. “Okay, fine. Gabe and I are dating.”
“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” Hannah asked. “You just got out of a two-year relationship. And Gabe’s been through so much this summer. I don’t want to see either of you get hurt.”
Part of Eli wanted to tell her that they weren’t going to hurt each other, but he knew better than to promise that. “Did you know he plays the piano?”
“He does?”
“Yeah, it turns out he’s pretty brilliant. You should hear him.” Eli closed his eyes and remembered all the hours Gabe had spent at the piano over the last week. “He’s special, Hannah. I don’t want to lose the chance to be with him because I was waiting for the right time.”
Hannah’s expression softened, and she said, “What am I going to do with you?”
“Continue to put up with me, I guess,” Eli replied and then leaned over to give her a quick hug.
When she pulled back, she said, “Just remember, I’ve got my eye on you.”
* * *
Eli woke slowly. The sound of the ocean only a few yards from the Collins’s beach house was so soothing that it was hard to get out of bed, even after nine hours of sleep. He wondered if Gabe would want to laze in bed for a while longer. Six weeks into their relationship, all he and Gabe did was fall asleep together, but Eli was still thrilled with the arrangement.
The two of them hadn’t done a very good job keeping their relationship low key. Eli had meant to try—he knew that Gabe’s life was still completely up in the air, and he didn’t want to be one more thing that Gabe had to try to figure out—but he hadn’t been able to keep things from getting intense. After being together all the time for the first week, neither of them had been content with only seeing each other every few days.
They were together almost every day now, at one house or the other. Eli would have spent most of his summer hanging out by the side of Hannah’s pool anyway, and as soon as Eli’s mother had heard Gabe play the piano, she’d issued him an open invitation to come over whenever he wanted to practice. Eli had spent countless hours listing to Gabe play while he pretended to be busy at his computer.
Eli had even worked up the courage to talk about composing with Gabe. Richie and Gabe had gone to see Eli’s band, Decaf Coffee, play, and Gabe had stopped by a few practices. But Eli hadn’t mentioned to Gabe that he’d written most of their original songs until Gabe found him in his bedroom a few weeks later, trying to fix a song that wasn’t working. Writing music had become one more thing that they could do together.
Eli had figured out that everything Gabe didn’t say was in his facial expressions, his gestures and his music. He was so accustomed to his world being loud, to filling empty spaces with idle chatter and laughter and music, that it was surprising how easily Gabe had slipped into his life. But, even if it was too soon, he knew that he was dangerously close to falling in love with Gabe’s gentle silence.
It took Eli a minute to process the fact that Gabe wasn’t next to him. He rolled over and found a sticky note on the pillow: beach. He put on swim trunks and went to look for his boyfriend.
Eli found Gabe in his blue plaid pajamas staring out at the ocean, running his fingers through the sand. Eli took a moment just to watch him. It had only been two months since they’d met, but he still thought that Gabe looked older. Hannah and Eli had taken Gabe shopping for new clothes a few weeks ago, at Mrs. Collins’s insistence, because Gabe hadn’t brought much with him. That definitely had an effect, but the real difference was in the way he held himself. As Gabe had gotten more comfortable, he’d stopped looking as though he was trying to be as small and unobtrusive as possible. It was as if he’d figured out that it was okay with everyone if he took up some space.
Eli sat down next to Gabe and bumped their shoulders together. “What are you thinking about?”
Gabe was quiet for another minute and then he took Eli’s hand. “I miss them sometimes,” he said quietly. “But I feel like I shouldn’t.”
“Your family?” Gabe nodded, so Eli said, “I don’t think you shouldn’t. I think it’s totally understandable.”
“I’ve been thinking about my future again.”
Eli probably should have guessed that. It was what had occupied Gabe’s thoughts ever since he’d come to Connecticut. He’d registered for some classes at the local community college, and he planned to apply to four-year colleges for the spring or next fall, but he still hadn’t figured out what he wanted to study.
“Did you come up with anything?” Eli asked.
Gabe finally turned to Eli with an unreadable expression. “Did you know I’ve never seen the ocean before?”
“No, I guess I didn’t,” Eli said, wondering how on earth that was an answer to his question.
“It’s hard to get very far with eight kids, and Minnesota is pretty landlocked,” Gabe replied. “It’s like I’ve spent the entire summer thinking that I was lost. My whole life, I’d planned on doing exactly what my family expected of me. But this morning, I woke up and all I wanted to do was play the piano, and really that’s all I want to do for the rest of my life.”
Eli gave Gabe an encouraging smile and squeezed his hand when he trailed off. Gabe was making the right choice—every time he touched a piano, it was clear that music was what he should be doing with his life, but Eli knew better than to interrupt. It wasn’t always easy for Gabe to put complicated things into words, but he did it to keep Eli in the loop. Eli just needed to be patient.
“My first thought was that my father would never let me,” Gabe continued, “and then I realized that he doesn’t get a say.”
“He sure as hell doesn’t,” Eli said, grinning at him.
Gabe stood up resolutely. “I can do whatever I want,” he said, as Eli stood to join him, and then he wrapped his arms around Eli’s neck. “I can go see the ocean, and be with you, and play the fucking piano and I don’t have to ask anyone’s permission.”
“And you can swear!” Eli added.
“Damn straight,” Gabe replied, giggling until Eli cut him off with a kiss. Gabe ran his fingers into Eli’s hair and pulled him even closer.
After a few moments, Eli broke the kiss and rested his forehead against Gabe’s. “So what do you want to do, now that you can do anything?” he whispered.
Gabe pulled away. “Go swimming?”
“You’re wearing pajamas!”
“Who’s going to stop me?” Gabe asked and then turned and ran towards the water.
Eli was completely floored, but if Gabe was happy, he wasn’t going to complain. He pulled off his shirt and followed his boyfriend into the ocean.
On the Shore
Rachel Blackburn
Salt water heals everything—that’s what Poppy Carter had been told. She couldn’t remember the first time her mother had said it; it was always a family mantra. It was the reason they had a beach house, a place to escape to during the summer where the grime and unfortunate moments of everyday life could be soothed and washed away by the salt water, by the waves lapping against the sand and pulling whatever they could into the ocean.