by Joan Kilby
“Wow,” Beth said. “I guess you’re right.”
Robyn took a little longer to consider the notion, but eventually she, too, nodded. “Mom’s always talking about the power of positive thinking.” She smiled, her forehead clearing. “Who knows? It’s just crazy enough to work.”
Randall breathed out in relief. He wouldn’t tell Robyn and Beth that he’d believed equally in Lanni and she’d let him down; they were a little young to be exposed to the hard facts of life. Besides, Kelly was different from Lanni. She really loved Max. And she loved her children. He couldn’t believe she’d do anything to hurt her family.
“First thing we have to do is tell everyone the wedding is still on,” Randall said. “Robyn, can you do that?”
Robyn sat up tall and straight. “Of course. I’ve still got the list Mom gave me when we were sending out the invitations. While I’m at it, I’ll swear them to secrecy.”
“Great. And Beth, can you get a handle on the food?”
“No sweat.” Beth jammed her cap on her head over her springy hair and swung down off the top bunk, ready to go to work immediately. “Most of it’s done and in the freezer. I can make a list of what else we need— But how are we going to get the groceries?”
“Why don’t we ask everyone to bring something?” Robyn suggested. “That’s what Janie’s mom does when their family gets together.”
“Mom doesn’t believe in pot luck,” Beth said. “She likes to do it all herself.”
“Tough,” Robyn said ruthlessly. “She’s not organizing this anymore—we are.”
“Right,” Randall agreed. “It would help if we had an adult working with us, though. Do you think we could ask your Gran?”
“Definitely,” Robyn said. “What about the music? I think Mom was going to ask Mabel Gribble to play the piano.”
“And we can pick flowers from the garden for Mom’s bouquet,” Beth suggested.
“Tina and me’ll get rose petals,” Tammy piped up.
“Good girls.” Randall rose. “I’ll confirm the date with the minister and make sure Max doesn’t miss his own wedding.”
“But how are we going to get Mom to come?” Beth said.
Randall was stumped for a moment, then his face lit. “She’ll come home if her kids ask for her. How are you at faking being sick?”
Beth flapped a hand. “Piece of cake.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“ARE YOU SURE YOU’RE doing the right thing, Kelly?” Gran stood on the front porch of her house, pleading with her granddaughter.
Kelly, on the bottom step, gazed down the street. Erin and Geena would arrive any moment to take her to the Planned Parenthood clinic for a medical termination.
“I’m doing the only thing I can do, Gran.” Beneath her tank top and cotton skirt she was perspiring lightly in the exceptional heat. “Believe me, I’m not happy about this, but everything’s such a mess.”
Have the baby. Don’t have the baby. The more she rationalized she was doing the right thing, the more her gut was telling her it was a mistake.
“But this is so…final.” Gran twisted her hands in her apron. “Take another day to think about it.”
Stubbornly, Kelly shook her head. She’d been doing nothing but for a whole week. During that time, Max hadn’t once called, nor had she been home; she missed her family desperately.
Gran tried again. “Have you talked it over with Max?”
“Max and I are past talking. Yesterday I was in town and saw him going into Bill Hayes’ office.”
There were two lawyers in town: Richard Wyman, whom Max used for his business and corporate dealings; and Bill Hayes, a family lawyer who specialized in divorce and custody settlements.
“Oh,” said Gran, clearly drawing the same conclusion Kelly had. She smoothed down her apron with both hands. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you this…the children made me promise to keep their secret, but…”
“But what?”
“They’re proceeding with plans for the ceremony to renew your vows. They think if they make it happen you and Max will have to recommit to each other.”
Kelly threw up her hands in disbelief. “Gran! How could you encourage them in such a crazy scheme? Going through the motions won’t fix my marriage.”
“I know that. They’re hoping, as we all are, that you and Max will come to your senses in time.” Gran smiled hopefully. “You could give it a try, if only to save the embarrassment of having the whole town show up at your house, to find there’s no wedding.”
“Oh, God. Another thing to worry about. Look, they’ll never be able to organize it. Surely people will realize. Max is probably fielding phone calls right now, telling folks nothing’s going to happen. I’ll drive over there later and make sure. Right now—”
Erin’s car pulled up at the curb. Geena got out the passenger side and waved.
Kelly waved back to show she’d seen them, then ran up the steps to hug her grandmother. “Don’t hate me, Gran.”
Gran’s arms closed around her. “Don’t be silly, child. I could never hate you. I just want you to be sure this is really best for you. As always, I trust your judgment.”
Kelly hurried to Erin’s car and opened the back door. Baby Sonja and little Erik turned her way simultaneously with welcoming smiles, giving Kelly a severe jolt to her heart.
“For crying out loud,” she groaned. “An abortion clinic is no place to take babies.”
“They’re not coming,” Geena hastened to assure her, releasing Sonja’s car seat as she spoke. “Gran will watch them until we get back.”
Thank God. If she had to look at those innocent faces all the way to the clinic she’d never be able to go through with the procedure. Erin came around to get Erik out and grabbed a tote bag filled with bottles, diapers and toys. Kelly waited impatiently while they took the children inside.
Within fifteen minutes they were on the interstate heading south and Kelly was wishing she were anywhere but in that car. Erin and Geena had attempted to engage her in conversation but when she made it clear she didn’t feel like talking they chatted quietly in the front seat, comparing notes on their babies. Kelly tried not to listen. They weren’t being insensitive, they were simply absorbed with the daily care and activities of their children.
She was doing the right thing. She had to believe that.
Erin slowed to turn onto the street where the Planned Parenthood clinic was located. Outside the clinic a small knot of protesters had gathered, some of them holding placards.
“Oh, no,” Geena muttered. “I was afraid of this.”
“Don’t worry, Kel, we’ll be right beside you,” Erin assured her.
Even so, Kelly was trembling as she started up the walk to the clinic’s front door accompanied by shouts and jeers. Erin and Geena flanked her, their arms around her waist, providing physical as well as moral support. A scowling elderly man thrust a placard in her face that read Baby Killer. Kelly recoiled, thrusting a hand up to shield her eyes.
Erin tightened her grip on Kelly’s arm. “Don’t let them get to you.”
“I’m fine,” Kelly said, feeling sick inside. She had a right to choose…but had she made the right choice?
Geena went ahead to hold open the door. “We’re here.”
Kelly filled out a form with her medical details, then sat in the waiting room, flipping through a magazine to take her mind off what was ahead. At last a nurse appeared in the doorway and called, “Kelly Walker?”
“Coming.” She rose and hugged Erin and then Geena. “I…I’ll see you after.”
“We’ll be here,” Erin assured her. “Take care, Kel.”
Geena gave her an extra squeeze. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
Kelly was shown into a cubicle and given a hospital gown to change into. Then she sat and waited some more, her bare toes curled on the carpeted floor, her knees pressed together. The longer she sat there, the worse she felt. As hard as she tried not to think of the baby she
was carrying, she couldn’t help wondering what he or she might have turned out like.
A little late now, she told herself fiercely, and tried to focus, instead, on which flowers she would plant next year. Larkspur, marigolds, baby’s breath—
Damn. Where was that nurse? Why was this taking so long? She wiped her eyes. Then leaned against the wall with her head back and started to count the tiny holes in the ceiling tiles. After the third row she lost track and gave up.
Rummaging in her purse for a piece of gum, she came across a slip of flimsy paper. The ultrasound image of the baby. Oh, God. Why hadn’t she thrown that away? She crumpled the paper, but the image wouldn’t leave her mind.
It didn’t seem that long ago that she’d been pregnant with Robyn. At the time, her friends had told her her life was over, that her marriage wouldn’t last, that she’d end up a single mom before she was twenty. What did they know? She and Max had doted on each other and on Robyn. While they’d had their ups and downs as a couple, they’d stayed together thirteen years, and despite the awful things said during their last fight, she was still in love with him.
He’d loved her, too, until she decided to terminate this pregnancy.
When Beth had come along Kelly had worried she wouldn’t have the capacity to love two children as much as one. She could smile at her ignorance. Love expanded—infinitely, it seemed. It was a law of the universe. Beth had turned out to be a completely different person from Robyn, but she was no less loved.
Tammy and Tina hadn’t been planned and Kelly remembered her anxiety when she’d found out she was pregnant—and with twins! She’d just signed up for part-time college studies and had had to drop out. Funny, now she couldn’t imagine life without her mischievous little angels. All her children had enriched her beyond measure. They gave meaning to her marriage and purpose to her life. Even Randall. He wasn’t hers, but she’d come to accept him all the same.
Kelly’s smile faded. Yes, she’d overcome hurdles with each of her other children. But this pregnancy was different. Now she knew about Lanni and Randall. And just how badly Max wanted a boy.
Despite their love, she and Max had too many issues without bringing the stresses and strains of a new baby into their lives.
Almost fearfully, she flattened the crumpled ultrasound image against her knee. That blurry peanut body with the overlarge head was her baby.
What did she want?
Deep inside, emotion welled, spilling over in tears. Not from guilt, but regret. She would never hold this child. Never feel her little arms around her neck or exclaim over her first steps. Never experience her budding personality or watch her grow to adulthood. Nev-er, nev-er, nev-er. Kelly’s heartbeat seemed to thump out the word over and over. She knew she would grieve this baby’s loss for the rest of her life.
Footsteps approached. Kelly dabbed her eyes as a young nurse drew back the curtain. “Mrs. Walker?” she said. “It’s time.”
MAX POSITIONED THE SPRINKLER next to Kelly’s sweet peas and turned on the tap, watching the spray as it arced up and over, making sure the entire garden bed received water. If Kelly was going to have a harvest she couldn’t neglect her plants the way she did her family.
He wiped the sweat from the back of his neck with a handkerchief. The painful memory of their last fight hung over him. He wished he could delete it from his memory, or at least take back those ugly words. All their expectations and frustrations had been laid bare, leaving their feelings for each other as naked as a newborn. And just as vulnerable.
If she truly wanted to be free, if she couldn’t be happy with him as he was, he would let her go. It was as simple, and as complex, as that. Even though everything in him rebelled against the thought of parting.
Max dried his hands on his jeans and walked back inside. The house was quiet. Where were the kids? All week they’d been closeted in Beth’s bedroom or running out of the house on mysterious errands. So far they’d been surprisingly philosophical about their mother’s most recent departure. For the moment he was avoiding telling them the truth: that her absence—or his—could well be permanent.
He popped the top on a cold beer and chugged half of it down in one gulp. For the hundredth time that afternoon he glanced at his watch. She must be back from the clinic by now, recuperating at her grandmother’s house. He should call her. His intense grief and anger over what she’d done warred with his guilt over driving her to it. Yet how could he not make contact when he knew she, too, must be hurting?
The cordless phone wasn’t in its socket. He pressed the search button and followed the beeping down the hall. It was coming from Beth’s bedroom. As he approached, Tina ran out of her room, stopped dead when she saw him, then raced to Beth’s room. She knocked once, went in and slammed the door.
“Don’t slam the door,” Max called out. “How many times— Oh, forget it.”
He came abreast of Beth’s room and heard the mingled voices of five children. What on earth were they up to? He knocked on Beth’s door and started to turn the knob.
“Don’t open the door!” Robyn shrieked. A body slammed against the door, shutting it in his face.
“Are you changing?” What was he saying? Randall was in there. “I need the phone. Have you got it?”
Silence met his question. Then Beth said, “Can’t you use your mobile?”
“Not when I’m at home and there’s a perfectly good land line available.”
The door opened and Robyn handed over the phone. “We’re expecting a call back, so could you hurry, please?”
“I’ll do my best. Ma’am.” He took the phone to his office. Kelly’s office. Whatever. He settled in his chair and was about to dial Ruth’s number, when the phone rang. “Hello, Kelly?” he said hopefully.
“No, it’s Mabel Gribble. Is that you, Max?”
“Yes. Kelly isn’t home right now. Could I get her to call you back?” What did the mayor’s wife want with Kelly? Unless she was phoning about Sunday and hadn’t heard the ceremony was canceled.
“I was returning Robyn’s call,” Mabel said. “May I speak with her?”
“Robyn?” Now, that was very odd. “I’ll get her.” As Max started back down the hall, he said to Mabel, “You did hear about the change of plans regarding our renewal of vows…?”
“Oh, I heard all right,” Mabel said coyly, leaving Max thinking the gossips must be having a field day with his and Kelly’s split, until she gushed, “I just love weddings. And a renewal of vows is even more romantic.”
He knocked on Robyn’s door. It was opened instantly by Randall. “But, Mabel, I don’t think you understand,” Max went on. “Kelly and I aren’t—”
Tina reached up and snatched the phone from his hand before he could finish his sentence. “Thanks, Daddy.” She smiled sweetly and shut the door in his face.
“Tina!” He was about to open the door and teach her some manners, when he heard the dogs making a commotion out back. What now? He walked through the house and onto the patio to investigate.
Kelly, her back to him, was shifting the sprinkler to another site, as Billy and Flora barked gleefully and leaped around their mistress. Max shoved a hand through his hair. She must have walked around the side of the house straight to the flower bed, and what with talking to Mabel and the kids, he’d missed hearing her car pull up.
The sprinkler in place, she sank to her knees in the damp grass and put her arms around the dogs’ necks while they licked her face—something she normally never allowed. He was about to call her name, when he realized by the slump of her shoulders that she was crying.
He ought to feel righteous satisfaction at her unhappiness—she’d made the choice; she would suffer for it. But all he felt was an overwhelming longing to comfort her. As much as he might want to hate her, the hell of it was, he still loved her. He always would.
She didn’t look up at his approach. Possibly she didn’t even hear his silent footfalls across the damp grass, locked as she was in her own grievin
g. His touch on her shoulder made her glance up, and his heart contracted at the sight of her cheeks wet with tears and the lines of suffering on her face.
“I’m sorry, Max,” she said. “I’m so sorry.”
Whatever anger was left in his heart dissolved. Crouching, he drew her into his arms and pulled her head down on his shoulder. “Shh, love. Everything’s going to be all right.”
She clung to him. “Max, please don’t leave me. I love you.”
He nodded, unable to speak, and held her closer. He pictured a baby girl—the only sort he knew—lost and gone forever. Tears spilled from his eyes and fell in Kelly’s hair. “You shouldn’t be up and about,” he said at last, drawing back. “Come. You should be in bed.”
A deep sigh ran through her and she wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand. “I didn’t do it, Max.”
She spoke so quietly he wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. “What did you say?”
Clearing her throat, she gave him a tentative smile. “I couldn’t go through with it. I’m still pregnant. We’re going to have a baby.”
FOR THE THIRD TIME that afternoon, there was an unexpected knock at Beth’s bedroom door.
“Quick, hide everything,” Randall urged the girls in a whisper, then called out, “Be right there.”
Robyn shuffled sheets of paper into a desk drawer while Beth helped Tina and Tammy roll up the banner they’d made—which read: Congratulations, Kelly And Max—and shove it under the bed. Randall had generated the lettering on the computer and the twins had colored it in with magic markers and plenty of sparkles. Preparations for the ceremony were complete; now all they had to do was get Mrs. Walker to show up.
The knock came again. “Open up, kids,” Max ordered.
Randall gave the room a final quick check, and the girls hurried back to their seats to pose, innocent as angels. All except Beth, who positioned herself lying on the bunk bed, a hand draped melodramatically over her forehead.