by Cameron Dane
“That’s serious stuff.”
“Yeah.” Devlin nodded. With the outreach type of work Gradyn did, Devlin figured he was probably one of the few people who could say those words and actually understand the depths of trouble Aidan could have drowned in all those years ago. “I didn’t even want to look at Aidan let alone speak to him for a long time after we moved. Eventually, I started to come around. Aidan was nicer in Maine than he was in Texas. There was a lot less yelling in our house. Aidan was home a lot more too; he would come knock on my door and ask me if I wanted to play a video game with him or shoot some hoops in the backyard. It was finally like having a real big brother, when while we were in Texas it was more like having this teenager living in our house, but he was almost a stranger.” Devlin leaned his elbow on the table and tapped his fingers against the smile forming on his lips. “He really did become a different person in Redemption,” he said, his voice softening with the nicer memory.
“I was so proud of Aidan when he graduated,” Devlin went on. “I was only twelve but by then I understood how hard he’d worked to change his life. Then the next day, he was gone, just like that.” Devlin slammed his hand on the table, creating a resounding crack, all traces of sympathy gone from his voice. In this motel room, Devlin’s emotions ran a spectrum in just minutes that had taken years to occur in real life. “He left a note saying he was moving and he would eventually call, but that he was fine and not to go looking for him. He didn’t say goodbye to any of us or try to explain why he was going away. Shit,” Devlin felt his mouth twist in a harsh line, “he didn’t even tell his best friend. The guy came over that morning and I had to tell him Aidan was gone. Ethan--that was his name--was totally stunned. I could tell he didn’t know a damned thing more than we did.”
“His disappearance must have been a blow to all of you.” Gradyn kept his voice gentle.
“Yeah. I remember feeling betrayed more than anything else,” Devlin admitted for the first time. “Aidan eventually contacted my mom from Arizona. We have an uncle there and learned that Aidan had moved in with him. I don’t know.” Devlin’s shoulders, neck, and back ached, and he realized he’d been holding his body tight, as if he needed to be ready to run at any moment. He rolled his neck and shoulders to work out the stiffness and then forced himself to sit back, his limbs loose. “Maybe I feel like if I become a firefighter Aidan will think I’m doing it to be like him and then that’ll be like I’m saying I admire him or that the choices he made were okay and that it didn’t hurt me like hell when he left.” Devlin blinked away the burn of tears that wanted to fall. “It did. I was actually starting to want to be just like him when he suddenly went away. I thought he was really cool and smart and funny, and then he just up and left without even saying goodbye.” A band constricted Devlin’s chest today with as much power as it had that day, and his hand opened and clenched repeatedly at his side as he re-experienced the days, weeks, hell, months after Aidan disappeared. “I cried so much after he left; it made me feel like such a pussy little girl, and that only made me even madder at him for going.”
Gradyn leaned across the table and pressed a kiss to Devlin’s forehead. He held his lips to Devlin’s skin and rubbed the back of Devlin’s neck, working out the final kinks. “You’re not ready to forgive him,” Gradyn said, his voice brusque as he pulled away and took a seat again. “That’s okay.”
Devlin snapped his head up and homed right in on Gradyn. “What? No. I forgave Aidan a long time ago. My mom, Maddie, and I would go visit him in Arizona a couple times a year after he left. We still do. My hesitation isn’t about forgiving him.”
“Then why are you so concerned he might think your becoming a firefighter is the same as saying to him the choice he made to leave was okay?”
“It’s not.” Devlin stopped cold. “Shit.” New thoughts swirled in his brain like a tornado as Gradyn’s blunt observation slammed smack into him. Devlin looked up and he felt almost dizzy. “Maybe I haven’t completely forgiven him.”
“I’m not trying to tell you that you should forgive him, Devlin. I don’t know the guy at all to offer an opinion about it.”
“No, Aidan is a good man now.” Devlin spoke to Gradyn but felt almost like he was explaining this to himself for the first time. “He’s been a firefighter since he moved away when he was eighteen. He never fell back into trouble with the law. Once he finally contacted us that first time, he always called me, Mom, and Maddie at least twice a month to see how we were doing. He still does,” Devlin mused, “to this day.”
“How old is your sister?” Gradyn asked.
“She’s fifteen.” As Devlin thought about Maddie, he shook his head and raised his brows Gradyn’s way. “Going on about thirty.”
“Oh.” Gradyn’s face fell into a combination of a wince and a grimace. “That could be worrisome.”
“No no.” Devlin swiped his hand across the surface of the table with a decided chop. “Not in that way. At least I don’t think so. We got real close after Aidan moved away so I think Maddie would tell me if she’d gone down that road already. God,” he clenched his teeth, “she’d better not be having sex.”
Gradyn went back to grinning behind his water bottle. “Now you sound like a father.”
“Maybe.” Devlin shrugged halfheartedly. “Our dad isn’t really one for confiding important things to. It doesn’t matter. I only meant that Maddie seems older because she is very organized and focused and knows how to make a plan to go after the things she wants. She’s a good kid. I admire her a lot.
“Geez.” The nature of everything Devlin had revealed suddenly penetrated his brain and pulled him up short. “When did this become a Devlin Morgan therapy session? Enough about me. What about you?” Curiosity about this muscle-bound inked man raised Devlin’s blood to a buzzing simmer. “Do you love what you do?”
“Yeah,” Gradyn answered immediately. “I love my job.” He fell silent then, and his mouth slowly flattened to a narrow slash. The tips of his fingers traced the lines where his tattoo edged his jaw down to his neck, perfectly skimming the ink pattern as if he had the design memorized. “It’s tough, though, and it’s lonely sometimes.” The light in the room didn’t change, but he turned his head just a hair and shadows concealed his eyes. “There aren’t a lot of people to trust...” He looked and sounded a million miles away.
Devlin started to reach out, but Gradyn abruptly swung back to face Devlin, and that hint of melancholy Devlin had thought he’d seen and heard was gone. “Anyway,” Gradyn said, “it’s rewarding and I like it, but we’ll have to shelve the rest of that conversation for another time because I have big plans for us today.” He got up, yanked Devlin out of his seat, and started guiding him toward the bathroom. “If we’re going to have time to visit a few places before we eat dinner then we have to shower and get ready to go. I’m all for doubling up and conserving water.” He dipped down and skimmed his lips across Devlin’s as he fumbled out of his flannel shirt. “How about you?”
Devlin helped Gradyn work his shirtsleeves over his wrists and then went for the man’s belt. “Where are you taking me, Denny?” Between kisses, Devlin let the belt fall to the floor, and they stumbled into the bathroom together.
“You’ll find out,” Gradyn murmured, arousing Devlin with the rich texture of his voice. “I did a little asking around while I was out today and think I heard about some interesting places. They’re not fancy,” he held Devlin’s stare with the heat in his, “but I think you’re a guy who would be cool with that.”
“You do, huh?”
“Oh yeah.” Gradyn kept his hand tangled in Devlin’s hair; he tugged and tilted Devlin’s head back, holding him in place. “Just like I think you’d do really well as a firefighter. You’re strong and have good stamina and you’re smart. And goddamn it,” he whistled low as he openly took his visual fill, “you’d be amazing in the gear.”
Devlin’s insides hummed with Gradyn’s words, making him feel as fucking giddy as a kid
being chosen first for the kickball team in school. He hooked his fingers in Gradyn’s open jeans and tugged him closer. “Would you like to fuck a firefighter?” With that question, he shoved Gradyn’s jeans and underwear down to his knees, revealing his thick, semi-erect cock.
Gradyn sucked on his lower lip as he looked Devlin up and down, and then glanced down as his prick grew some more. “If it was you,” he licked over Devlin’s jaw and cheek to whisper in his ear, “hell yeah, beautiful.”
The man stuck his tongue in Devlin’s ear, and Devlin gasped and sank his fingers into Gradyn’s hips in reaction. “How about a bookstore clerk?” Devlin asked. Excitement and new power stripped his voice to raspy. “Would you press your face into the shower tiles and let a man who can show you where to find The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men fuck you under the warm spray of a shower?”
A shudder resonated within Gradyn. “I’m hard for him already.” He grabbed Devlin’s hand, worked it in a snug squeeze down the rigid length of his cock, and scraped his teeth over the sensitive skin of Devlin’s temple to his hairline. “Grab a condom and show me what you’ve got.”
Thank you, God, for making me walk into that techno club.
Devlin spun Gradyn into the wall and covered him from behind. He leaned in and inhaled the natural musk that clung to this man’s flesh, and his own prick shot to full attention. Smiling against Gradyn’s shoulder, Devlin reached back blindly and snagged his shaving kit off the counter.
He forced the black case into Gradyn’s palm so he could shove his jeans down his legs. “Find what we need.” Aroused as hell already, Devlin rocked his erection slowly back and forth between the hills of Gradyn’s ass.
“Mmm... Yeah.” Sounding breathless, his cheek plastered to the wall, Gradyn fumbled with the small leather bag. “Here.” He pushed a travel tube of lube and a condom into Devlin’s hand. “Hurry.”
Using his teeth, Devlin pried open the plastic cap. “Maybe we won’t make it into the shower quite yet after all.”
Gradyn’s chuckle turned into a low, stunningly arousing moan as Devlin cupped the man’s balls, rubbed slick lube into the crease of his fine ass, and fingered his hole...
*
...The blast of a horn jerked Devlin back into his car in his apartment building’s parking lot. He darted his attention all around, didn’t see anyone, and belatedly realized he had his hands wrapped around the center of his steering wheel and that he was the one honking a horn.
Good God. Devlin rolled his eyes at his own sappy mentality as he climbed out of his car and pocketed his keys. You never could stop thinking about that weekend, even when you didn’t have the very man in your hometown.
That had been one amazing Saturday. After taking Gradyn--Garrick--against the bathroom wall, to the most incredible cries urging him on, Devlin did finally drag Gradyn into the shower and clean him up. Afterward, Devlin remembered Garrick standing behind him in front of the bathroom mirror and knotting his tie from over Devlin’s shoulders, and then Devlin turning around and tying Garrick’s for him. Devlin had been right. The man had looked stunning in his new-used suit.
Garrick had treated Devlin to an afternoon at a little museum that showcased cartoon art. Then he’d taken Devlin to a park to enjoy a free outdoor concert. They didn’t have a blanket to sit on the ground and there wasn’t an empty square of bench in sight, but it didn’t matter. They just wandered along the paths listening to the music rather than watching the musicians play. Finally, they caught another cable car to an awesome family-style restaurant. They had to wait close to an hour to get a table, and not a single other person in the place was dressed up like Devlin and Garrick were, but it didn’t matter because the food was beyond delicious and the people were friendly and Devlin got to sit across from Garrick and just bask in his company and enjoy the atmosphere.
Then it was back to the motel. Into their cocoon again. They’d stripped down to just their underwear, crawled into bed, and watched some horrible comedy movie. They laughed at every lame joke and then got quiet and held hands when the guy, of course, got the girl in the end. Without a word, Garrick had turned off the TV and fucked Devlin with a slow, raw intensity that had felt dangerously close to what Devlin imagined making love must feel like. Gradyn had stayed inside Devlin for a long time afterward, and had even made Devlin come a second time without either of them ever moving. When they finally did separate, they cleaned up together, again, without any conversation, and tucked right back into bed, sharing the dip in the center as they fell asleep.
The perfect night.
Even sitting side-by-side in the cable car that night, as they went from one destination to another, had felt enchanted and special.
Exactly the way spending the day with him today did.
Devlin’s heart lurched as he exited the stairwell and headed for his apartment. He recalled how special Shawn and Chloe thought Garrick was too, and how very clearly Garrick adored them.
I don’t know--
“Devlin, hi.” A familiar voice stopped Devlin in his tracks. “No wonder you’re not answering your door. You’re not inside.”
Oh, no. Devlin’s heart plummeted for a second time in less than a minute. “Darren, hi.” Devlin raced to where the man stood at his door and shoved his key into the bolt lock first. “I apologize. I got caught up in my own head and lost track of time.” He clicked the second lock open and kicked the door wide.
“And I had to cancel on you yesterday, so I guess we’re even.” The blond grabbed Devlin’s shoulders and studied him through a narrowed gaze. “Where have you been? You look like you’ve been running a marathon or something. Never mind. Go shower and change. Go. Go. Go.” He walked inside, flopped down onto the couch, and grabbed the remote. “I’ll find something on TV to entertain me while you get ready.”
Shit. Damn. Fuck. Devlin looked at the impeccably dressed younger man. The guy was so attractive, and Devlin could see that he would be incredible out of his clothes. Devlin stared, but Darren’s body registered as nothing more in Devlin’s head, heart, or cock than a catalogue of lovely male features. What am I supposed to do?
Darren popped up from the sofa and turned Devlin around one hundred and eighty degrees. “Get moving, Dev.” He slapped Devlin on the ass in a way that nudged him toward his bedroom. “You promised me pizza, and I’m starving.”
“Okay.” Devlin plodded to his bedroom. “Give me fifteen minutes and I’ll be ready to go.”
Before Devlin shut his door, he lingered on the image of the sexy young thing relaxing on his couch. Not until it morphed into a dark-haired guy, frantic over a little boy possibly getting burned, did the unease within Devlin dissipate and allow him to breathe freely.
It ultimately didn’t matter what choice Garrick made; tonight, Devlin knew what he had to do.
Chapter Eight
Dusk settled over Crawford Street, and the chirping songs of crickets in hiding danced across the air. From his position sitting on the top porch step, Garrick looked over his shoulder as Grace stepped out of the house.
“Chloe is across the street at Shelby’s,” he shared, as soon as she made eye contact. “She asked me for permission. I figured you’d be okay with it so I told her to go ahead.”
“That’s fine.” Grace ran her hands through her hair and let out an audible breath. “Thank you for keeping an eye on her.”
“You know it’s my pleasure.” Garrick’s thoughts immediately raced back to the other kid somewhere inside this house. He gave Grace a moment to sit down next to him, and then somehow managed to talk through his held breath. “How’d it go with Shawn?” Garrick had told Grace about Chloe’s concerns ... as well as about his being gay.
Just let that little boy be okay. I’ll live with anything else that comes.
“Shawn is feeling like he wants to play by himself for a little while right now,” Grace said. “But he’ll be okay. He’s not mad at you; he doesn’t hate you.” She gave his knee a quick squeeze. “Don
’t worry about that.”
Garrick’s throat grew tighter and he felt his mouth pull down at the edges. “I don’t care about me. He can hate me if he wants, as long as he’s all right.”
“Shawn is resilient, Garrick. Chloe is too. He’s definitely bummed out; I won’t lie about that. Shoot,” she reached a step down and grabbed one of the boy’s little action figures, “he thinks you’re Batman, Superman, and Wolverine all rolled into one.” After straightening the toy’s plastic legs, she balanced it on the porch between them. “What kid wouldn’t wish a guy like that could be his dad?”
“Mother fucking shit.” Garrick’s lungs burned a line right up through his esophagus, and he felt like he might hyperventilate. He’d never been important to someone who needed him in exactly this way. He’d never mattered to an impressionable sponge-like kid. With a sharp as a tack sister too. “Mother fucking shit.”
“Don’t lose your cool on me.” Grace’s words held the same even tone she often used to keep her kids in line. “I told Shawn the next best thing is having an awesome guy like that as a friend, and that your being his friend isn’t going to change. I promised him you weren’t going anywhere, and that just like before, all he has to do is go knock on your door if he wants to hang out. Nothing has changed.” She put her chin in her hand and pierced Garrick right through with one steady look. “Was I right in telling him that?”
A pitter-patter sensation grew in Garrick’s chest, paining him and kicking up his heart rate as he recalled his frantic urgency to hightail it out of town.
You hadn’t spent almost an entire day with Devlin when you were packing your bags last night. Hadn’t had an adult conversation with an eleven-year-old, wise young woman either.