by Christi Snow
She shook her head. “No, but I had my music on, so I’m not sure if I would have heard anything.”
He could hear soft country music floating in from her bedroom now that she mentioned it. “Okay, I didn’t see anyone, but something— either a big animal or a person— was behind your townhouse tonight. I went back there to check it out and realized that if it was a person, they were probably looking in your bedroom window. I could see you very clearly from out there.”
His face heated as blood rushed to his cheeks. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to spy on you. I was just checking things out.”
She waved him aside. “No big deal. Thanks for checking it. We have lots of big dogs around here that escape from their yards. I’m sure it was probably just one of them wandering through.”
“Maybe.” He wasn’t so sure, but he didn’t want to scare her needlessly. “Just make sure your doors and windows are locked and closed up at night.”
She gave him a mock salute. “Yes sir.” She cocked her head at him curiously. “Cassie mentioned you aren’t sleeping very well. Nightmares or pain?” She gestured down to his swollen knee.
“A little bit of both.” He didn’t want to get into what all that entailed, so he immediately pushed at her demons. “That’s why I’m up, but what are you doing up at this ungodly hour?”
She shrugged. “I don’t sleep a whole lot anymore. This probably doesn’t help.” She lifted her coffee cup. “I don’t sleep at night so I drink more caffeine during the day to keep me awake which makes it even harder to sleep. I think I’ve buried myself in a huge Catch-22 here.” She smiled at him softly. “Plus I probably have a few nightmares myself. It’s just easier not to sleep.”
“I understand all that.” He lifted his coffee cup in a mock salute. “But now we live next door to each other so we can keep each other company through the long nights.” His heartbeat picked up at that idea, but he couldn’t pursue it. Even if he was whole—which he wasn’t—she was buried under grief over another man.
“Feel free to come over anytime,” she said.
Heaven help him. He thought those six months being held captive were torture. Living next to and maintaining a platonic friendship with Julie may prove to be just as difficult.
Chapter 5It was most definitely a Monday morning. After not sleeping most the night, Julie fell asleep just as she was supposed to be getting up. As a result, she’d overslept and was now—she glanced down at her watch—forty-five minutes late. Damn!
On top of that, because she was late she had to park in the lot where she swore she would never go again, the one where Aaron was gunned down. She’d managed to avoid this parking lot since he’d died. He’d bled out mere steps from the hospital doors with emergency personnel everywhere. The irony was tragic, which pretty much summed up everything about Aaron’s life. It wasn’t fair. He’d deserved so much better, from both her and his life.
She wiped her sweaty palms onto the pants of her scrubs and peered out through her windshield. She could do this. She just had to ignore the rolling in her stomach and not think about it. The goal here was to get in the door without getting sick. A bead of sweat trickled down her spine as she stepped out of the car and walked quickly toward the door, trying not to draw attention to herself.
As she walked, she tried to create a mental list of what she needed to do today, but she couldn’t focus enough to even start it. Her eyes kept darting to the spot on the pavement where she knew he’d lain breathing his last breaths.
Her pulse pounded as she scrambled across the asphalt as quickly as she could without actually sprinting. The rolling in her stomach became incrementally worse. She cleared the doors and the blast of air conditioning slapped her face. It should have helped with the nausea, but didn’t. Heading straight for the women’s restroom, she violently lost her breakfast. The tears ran down her face as she slumped down the wall of the bathroom stall.
When her breathing began to slow, Julie became more aware of her environment. Thank God. It didn’t sound like anyone else was in the bathroom to witness her lack of self-control. She yanked some toilet paper out of the dispenser and wiped at her lingering tears and the cold sweat on the back of her neck. Flushing it down the toilet, she stood up straight and pushed her shoulders back. Nothing to do but go on. As she exited the stall, she dug in her purse for her spare toothbrush. Thank goodness, she at least had that.
She managed to avoid the mirror while she brushed her teeth, but couldn’t do so indefinitely.
As she met her own gaze in the mirror, it seemed like she observed a stranger. And from where she stood, that stranger was quickly unraveling. Throwing up had just enhanced the dark circles under her eyes and the lines of fatigue and stress bracketing her mouth.
Maybe it was time to go for some help, although she wasn’t sure she could go to her sister, Rachel, again. Even though she was a psychologist, following her advice had blown up in her face spectacularly the first time.
Thinking back to the card Pete had given her after class, she considered. Maybe that was her answer, but no, she wasn’t ready to take that step yet. This could be handled just fine. She just needed to be more disciplined, in control. That was the answer. It would work for her. It always had before, it could again.
She pulled the bathroom door open and stepped back out into the hallway, glancing surreptitiously around the crowded corridor. Thankfully, no one seemed to notice her as she slunk toward the physical therapy wing of the hospital.
She didn’t have any morning appointments today so she wasn’t letting down any patients by arriving over an hour late, but her boss wasn’t going to be happy with her.
The reception area was quiet and Julie simply nodded toward the questioning grimace of Melody, the physical therapy department’s receptionist. She knew there’d be no escaping her questions later, but for now, she didn’t slow her pace.
Julie managed to sink into her office chair without anyone stopping her. Her heart still pounded through her chest as she lowered her head into her hands on her desk. Concentrating on controlling her breaths to keep from hyperventilating, the adrenaline began to wear off and the shaking began.
“Do you want to talk about it?” She looked up into Derek’s pitying eyes. She hated that look of pity, but he was a nice guy and her co-worker. With a wife and a young baby at home, the kind-hearted, red haired physical therapist had covered way too much for her lately. It was past time for her to gather control of her life. Regardless of anything else, this wasn’t fair to her co-workers or patients.
“Not really, no.”
His lips pressed into a frown. “Well, you need to pull yourself together quick. Dr. Shelby’s on the warpath this morning. I don’t think he noticed you were late, but he’s been a bear about everything, regardless. It would be a good idea to stay out of his way.”
“Thanks for the warning.”
Derek waved his acknowledgement and headed down the hall.
Julie grabbed a stack of files and her list for today’s projects. She had a ton of patient files that needed to get updated. She also needed to work on a new therapy plan for a couple of patients who weren’t responding well to their current regimen.
She was immersed in her files when a knock sounded at her office door. Dr. Luke Shelby stood there, her boss and head of the Physical Therapy Department. He was a handsome widower in his mid-forties, with salt and pepper hair, and a very fit physique, but his perpetual scowl always intimidated her and made it hard for her to see him as anything other than her boss.
Even worse, he’d been one of Aaron’s friends, so she always wondered how much he knew. Did he know what an awful girlfriend she’d been to Aaron and the details of their relationship? She tried not to think about it, but at times like this when he studied her like she was a puzzle, it crossed her mind.
“Can I help you, Dr. Shelby?”
“Yes,” he seemed to shake himself out of his stupor, “I was wondering if you have Benita Alvarez’s treatment
plan modified yet?”
She reached into the box which held the files she’d already completed this morning. “Yes, it’s right here. I changed the items we discussed and also implemented a regimen of massage which I think will help loosen her atrophied muscles better.”
“Good, good.” He took the file from her. “I’ll look it over and get back to you on it.” He took a step away before he hesitated. He turned back around and shut the door.
Julie tried to calm the frisson of alarm clanging through her head. This was just her boss. “Was there something else, Dr. Shelby?”
“Yes, and this is rather awkward for me, but I can’t stay quiet any longer.”
A ball of dread settled into the pit of her stomach.
“I understand what it’s like to grieve, but there comes a certain point where you have to function again. Julie, every day, you’re looking worse, not better. You’re going to make yourself sick. I can’t allow that in my department. I think it’s time that you talk to someone. Maybe even get some medication.”
She started shaking her head, but he held his hand up to forestall her.
“There’s no shame in needing help. Losing a loved one is hard, especially when it’s so sudden. I could recommend a good grief counselor if you need one.”
Julie resisted the urge to wrap her arms protectively around her middle. Why did she feel like she was about to shatter? “Thank you, sir, but that’s not necessary. I already have someone who was recommended to me.”
He eyed her shrewdly. “And do you plan to call this therapist?”
She met his worried gaze. She couldn’t lie to him, but she couldn’t promise to call, either. She could get this under control on her own.
He sighed deeply and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Okay, I can see where you stand on this right now, but tonight when you aren’t sleeping—again—I want you to think about it. Right now I’m not insisting, but if you continue to go downhill, I will insist on therapy for your continued employment here. I can’t allow our patients to suffer.”
Panic seized her. “Has something happened that I don’t know about?”
He shook his head. “No, not yet, but if you continue on this path, it’s just a matter of time. I will not allow that to happen. Do you understand?”
“Yes, sir.” She swallowed hard.
He gave a curt nod and then his voice softened. “I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but it does get easier. You just have to take care of yourself to get to that point. We aren’t going to let you self-destruct.”
She swallowed against the tears in the back of her throat. “Thank you, sir.”
He eyed her for a moment more before turning on his heel, opening the door, and moving quickly down the hall.
Julie slumped down in her seat then reached into her drawer for her purse. Inside her wallet was the card that Pete had given her. Dr. Bart Eckert – Therapy and Counseling. She flipped the card over in her fingers. Dr. Shelby was the second person to tell her she needed help. Could she really ignore this any longer?
But the last time she’d taken a therapist’s advice, it had just about killed her. A shudder rolled down her spine. She couldn’t think about that Valentine’s Day weekend and the events that followed afterwards. She could never think about that again. Those memories would destroy her.
No, she could make a list of things that she could do to help herself get better. She pulled a sheet of paper from her notebook and ignored the shaking of her hand as she started to write.
Chapter 6The next evening, Julie grunted as she pushed a pile of the safety mats toward Pete.
“Too heavy for you, darling?” Pete gave her that cheeky grin full of those gorgeous dimples which continually melted the females in their class.
“Nothing I can’t handle, as well you know.”
“Too true,” he murmured as he rubbed his shoulder that he swore she injured during their last class.
What drove him to this type of work? Both working for the police force and volunteering here. It just didn’t seem to fit him. He seemed like someone who’d make a better radio personality than a cop. He was just a really nice, personable guy. What would motivate him to work with criminals day in and day out?
His muscles flexed under his t-shirt as he grabbed another pile of pads. He looked up and caught her watching him. “What?”
She glanced over at the clock. They were running early tonight so they had time to talk. “Why did you decide to become a cop? Is it something you always wanted to do?”
He flashed those dimples at her before he said, “How can you not love a job that comes with a set of handcuffs?”
She chuckled softly, but didn’t buy that easy, flirty answer. “Nuh uh. I want the real reason.”
His gaze was suddenly much more guarded. His muscles became taut and the hardness in his eyes belied the easy-going guy she’d always known. His voice lowered. “Do you really want to know?”
She nodded. “Yeah, I do, unless you don’t want to tell me. If that’s the case, I can respect that and leave it alone.”
He ran a hand over his shoulder. “No, it’s okay. I can tell you. I just don’t tell many people about it.” He hesitated while he took a deep breath like he was steeling himself against the story. “In junior high, my best friend was mutilated and murdered. They never caught the murderer. Partly because he was smart, but the blame could also be placed on the negligence of the police force. I swore I would do whatever I could to keep something like that from happening again. My best friend deserved a better ending than an unsolved crime.”
The anguish in his voice was heartbreaking and in such contrast to his normal upbeat, easy-going persona. She never would have guessed that flirty smile hid such hurt. It was a good lesson for her when she got caught up in her own drama. Everyone had hidden hurts within, but you needed to use them to become a stronger, better person. Pete had done that.
“I’m sorry about your friend, but I admire the way you’ve used that to inspire you. We’re all lucky to have you on our police force and here helping to train women to keep them safer. The world is a safer place with you in it.”
“Thanks. That means a lot coming from you. So what do you expect from our class tonight?” he asked.
“The only thing I know for sure is that you need to watch out for Toni’s wandering hands.” She rolled her eyes at him.
He gave her a half-smile. “Oh, I don’t know. I’m thinking it could be fun to see what happens if she catches me.”
“Seriously? You like her?” This surprised her, but she wasn’t sure why. Pete was in his mid-twenties and liked to have a lot of fun. It made sense that he’d be attracted to Toni, who was the same kind of personality. “Are you thinking about asking her out?”
“Thinking about it. She’s fun and she’s hot. I just wonder if any of what she does during class is for real or just for entertainment purposes.”
She quirked an eyebrow at him. “Do you want me to feel her out?”
He rolled his eyes at her. “No. I can get my own date without you working it for me. We’re not in third grade.”
“Hmm… We’ll see.”
Their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of the first of the women in the class so Julie never got to follow through on it.
After class was over, she grabbed Toni. “Hey, you’re picking this up really well. You were tossing Pete all over the place.”
Toni’s eyes sparkled. “Thanks. Is it wrong to be this happy about beating up on a guy?”
Julie laughed. “As long as you don’t do it unprovoked, I think it’s okay to be pleased with yourself and your progress.”
“Cool. I think all that physical activity earned me a reward. I don’t suppose you’d want to go grab a mocha with me, would you?”
Julie really should help the guys restore the order to the room, but when she looked over to where they were working, they’d already gotten everything done. Pete watched her talking with Toni. When
he caught her eye, he raised a questioning eyebrow. Yeah, playing matchmaker was going to be fun. She turned back to Toni. “Well, it looks like the guys handled all the work without me so I’d love to. Were you thinking The Mocha Mermaid?”
“Where else would we go for mochas?”
“My thoughts exactly. Just let me go tell the guys goodnight.” The girls walked over to the three men who looked none the worse for wear after being tossed around all evening. She turned toward Lyle and Stephen. “Thanks for the help again tonight. We couldn’t do this without you.”
Stephen piped up, “I would say you’re welcome, but,” he arched his back as if in pain, “these girls are getting too tough.” He flashed an appraising look at Toni. “I’m not sure how much more my body can take.”
“Aww, don’t act like you’d actually quit. This is the closest you get to female attention all week,” Lyle taunted.
“Yeah, I get the feeling that you’re one of those guys who just views this kind of thing as foreplay.” Toni winked at Stephen and Pete’s jaw clenched.
Ooh, this wasn’t going as planned, time to bring it to an end. “We’re going to head out. Pete, I’ll call you about the plans for our next class.”
“Sounds good. You two have a good night.”
Toni had already turned toward the door so she missed Pete, vehemently shaking his head as he was telling Julie not to say anything to Toni. Julie mouthed to him, It’s okay.
His shoulders slumped. Obviously the guy didn’t trust her to keep his crush hidden from Toni. He probably had good instincts like that.
* * *
As the women sat down at one of the small round tables of the quaint, but bustling, coffee shop with their mochas, Julie’s noticed the gorgeous charm bracelet Toni was placing on her wrist.
“That’s beautiful.” Julie reached across the table and lifted Toni’s wrist to get a better look at it. It was completely full of dangling silver charms.
“Thanks. I’ve had it almost my entire life and I wear it all the time. Every charm on it means something, but it’s too much to wear during class.” She gave a small laugh. “Although I think it could work pretty well as a weapon if I needed it.”