by Christi Snow
He smiled at the little girl skipping in amongst the flowers, the light shining in his eyes. That love for her little unborn baby girl, Nugget.
When he turned back to her though, his expression had turned fierce. “You are not allowed to regret us, because our love gave me the best thing ever. I love your little girl, Julie. She may not be mine, but I love her just as if she was and I’ll be here to take care of her for as long as you need me. You have a long, happy life ahead of you, but you have to get your head out of your ass about this. I loved you and you loved me, and everything worked out the way it was supposed to. Now you need to get on with your life. Chris needs you.”
He smiled back toward the little girl. “She has your sass, but his stubbornness.” He turned his smile back to her and told her gently, “You won’t have an easy path ahead of you, but if you trust it, you will have immeasurable happiness over the next few decades.”
“I don’t understand. I don’t understand any of this. It was just a year ago, but she looks older. How is this possible?”
“You’re not meant to understand it. Things work differently here. Just have faith. You can’t control everything, honey, but that’s the way life works. Embrace the chaos.” He brushed his pants as he stood up and offered a hand to her to help her up. “Now let’s go play with your little girl for a bit before you have to head back.”
Chapter 20The doctors said she was getting better. They’d even moved her out of ICU and into a private room, but as Chris examined Julie’s immobile form, he just couldn’t believe that. They said she was sleeping and healing, but she still hadn’t woken up. If she was truly better, wouldn’t she be awake by now?
His hand shook as he brushed it up against her cheek. This fear that she wasn’t going to come back paralyzed him. He didn’t know what to do anymore, besides sit by her bed, pray, and wait.
The door opened and Pete strode in. He was in his police uniform so he was probably on his lunch break. He glanced at Chris before concentrating his attention on Julie. “Has she woken up yet?”
Chris shook his head.
A frown creased Pete’s forehead as he looked questioningly at Chris’s hand, resting on Julie’s cheek. He leaned back on his heels as he stared hard at Chris. He cleared his throat. “I didn’t realize you two were an item.”
Chris slipped his hand from Julie’s cheek and took a step back, shaking his head at the same time. “We’re not. We’re just friends.”
Pete examined Chris, like he would a science experiment. “Well, that’s good because I don’t think she’s in a place mentally where she’s ready to date someone else after Aaron.” He pursed his lips. “I would really hate it if someone took advantage of her grief.”
There was no mistaking the edge of a threat in the growl of his voice and while it made Chris’s hackles rise, he could appreciate Julie’s friend was trying to protect her.
“So tell me, if you aren’t dating her, why is it that every time I come here, I see you and you look almost as bad as her? You haven’t left her side and by my calculations that’s been three days. No one functions well when going for three days without sleep and this seems just a bit above and beyond mere friendship.”
“I appreciate you want her safe, Pete, but frankly what I do is none of your damn business unless what I’m doing is against the law. This isn’t, so you need to back off.”
“Why are you arguing?” Both men’s eyes widened at the sound of Julie’s scratchy voice from the bed.
Chris snatched up her hand, his heart pounding. “Julie, can you hear me?” Her eyes weren’t open, but that had definitely been Julie speaking.
She hummed low and nodded before her eyes fluttered open. Chris knees weakened. There was no better sight in this world than the sight of her weary eyes.
“Water,” she croaked.
Chris scrambled to fill her pitcher and glass, while Pete took up position on the other side of the bed.
She looked around the room in confusion. “What happened? Why am I in the hospital?” Her voice was reedy and weak.
Chris gently lifted the head of her bed so she could drink comfortably and also pushed the call button for the nurse. They’d want to let her doctor know that she was awake. He held the straw to her lips and she took a sip. “You have pneumonia. You collapsed and we brought you into the ER.”
Her eyes widened. “What day is it?”
“Wednesday.”
He could see various emotions—confusion, dismay, and worry—flit across her face and then her eyes filled with tears. She closed them, seemingly overwhelmed with everything, and quietly whispered, “Aaron was there.”
Tears rolled down her cheeks. A weight dropped on Chris’s chest which made it difficult to breathe.
He knew this. He knew she still loved and mourned over Aaron’s death so this shouldn’t be a surprise. But she’d seen him while she’d been so sick? Did that mean that she’d truly been that close to dying? Or had it all just been a dream because she wanted him alive so badly? Her fever had been really high. There’s no telling how whacked out her subconscious had been.
“We were beginning to think that we were going to have to rename you Sleeping Beauty. We’ve been worried about you,” Pete said softly.
Julie didn’t respond. In fact, it appeared as if she’d drifted back off into sleep. Pete and Chris exchanged a concerned look.
Pete whispered, “Is she asleep?”
“I think so. Where’s that nurse? I called her. You’d think they’d want to know when she was awake.”
“I’ll go find someone.” Pete walked out and Chris took up Julie’s hand again. God, he just wanted her to be healthy again. But she’d woken up. That had to be a good sign. Her color even seemed to be a little better than it had been just thirty minutes before.
Finally, a nurse arrived with Pete trailing behind her. She reawakened Julie and Chris nearly collapsed with relief from the fact that she truly seemed to be mending. The nurse pushed the men out into the hall while she evaluated Julie’s condition.
Standing in the hall with Pete felt awkward. Chris knew he worked with Julie in her Krav Maga classes, but he really didn’t know the guy that well.
“Did she say she saw Aaron?” Pete asked, obviously as stunned by that declaration as Chris.
Chris just nodded. Really, what could he say to that?
Pete asked, “I wonder if she was able to reach him because their souls are bound. Or if she was able to call him to her? That’s really amazing. Does that mean she almost died, or something else?”
Chris didn’t know. All he knew was that he didn’t like discussing Julie’s brush with death like a change in the weather. So instead he excused himself. “I told her sister, Rachel, that I would call her as soon as Julie woke up. I’m gonna go do that now.”
“Don’t you want to wait to hear what the doctor says first?”
Chris shook his head. “I promised Rachel. That’s the only way she’d agree to head home for a couple of days.” Rachel had come down from Oklahoma City when Julie was first checked into the ICU, but as she continued to sleep, Rachel drove everyone crazy. With Oklahoma City being just a few hours away, it just made sense for her to go home and see to her practice and patients until there was something she could do for Julie.
“I’m just going to head outside to give her a call. Will you still be here in case I’m not back when the nurse comes out?”
“Yeah, I’ll stick around.”
“Thanks.”
“I’m not doing it for you.” Pete snorted.
Chris strode off down the hall shaking his head. Something about that guy just rubbed him the wrong way and that tiny green monster reared his head again. But it probably had more to do with Pete and Julie’s close friendship than anything.
When he returned to Julie’s room, Pete left to go back to work.
It was another couple of hours before things calmed down again in Julie’s room. Doctors and nurses had been in and out in a ste
ady stream. The general consensus was that she was improving.
For the moment, they were alone in the room and Julie had fallen back asleep. She remained groggy even when awake and hadn’t mentioned Aaron again. In fact, there hadn’t been a moment for them to talk at all. Quite the opposite, it was almost like she was avoiding any interaction with him, which puzzled him a bit. The only thing that made any sense was that she was angry with him for not being there when she called that night. And he was right there with her on that. He’d never be able to forgive himself for that. If she’d died because of it…he shuddered. Well, he couldn’t even consider that possibility.
* * *
Reality was a bit like a dream for Julie. She’d awakened several times, but it was a drowsy half-wake which made it difficult for her to track time. All she knew was that Chris was there each time, looking incredibly haggard.
Over and over she thought about the time with Aaron and Nalia. It had been such an incredible gift. She didn’t even mind that she still felt like crap. Without the pneumonia, she never would have known. Aaron was taking care of her baby. The peace of that knowledge was powerful.
He’d also given her the permission she needed to move on and get over her guilt. She fully planned to do so. She owed him so much, she’d definitely do what he told her, but first she had to get well. She’d been in and out of sleep, but every time she awoke Chris looked worse. He wouldn’t be doing either one of them any favors if he ended up in the hospital room next to hers. She needed to convince him to go home.
Finally, on one of those occasions when she awoke, her sister was in the room with them. She knew with Rachel’s help, she could get him to leave.
“Chris,” she tried to ignore the subtle flare of happiness in his eyes when she focused on him. “Go home. Rachel’s here. You look exhausted. Thank you for staying with me, but I’m going to be okay. Go home and get some rest, before you end up in the hospital bed next to mine.” She couldn’t help but notice the flash of hurt in his eyes.
He scrutinized her for a moment and she held his gaze, trying not to show the effect he had on her.
Finally he seemed to give in. “Okay, if you’re sure.” He peered over at Rachel. “You have my cell number. I expect you to call me if there’s any change at all.” He leaned over and kissed the top of Julie’s head. “I’ll be back soon.”
She shook her head and tried to tell him that she would be fine and don’t come back, but he was already out of the room.
The accusation in her sister’s gaze after Chris left was inescapable. “What’s going on inside that head of yours? He hasn’t moved more than three feet from your side for days while you were unconscious. Why are you chasing him away now?”
So that was why he looked so exhausted. Chris had stayed by her side the whole time she’d been in the hospital.
She looked away from Rachel’s probing eyes, as her own filled with tears. “Something happened while I was unconscious.” She swallowed against the emotions which continued to swamp her. Oh God, she’d actually got to meet and play with Nalia. Amazement and love flooded her, for her lost little girl and the man she’d once loved who now took care of Nalia like she was his very life. She’d been given so many gifts, but this one demolished her emotional stability.
“What?” Rachel prompted.
“Aaron was there.”
Rachel’s eyes widened a bit, but otherwise she was in full-on calm therapist mode. “Okay, seriously?” At Julie’s watery nod, Rachel continued, watching her warily as she asked. “Where were you at? Was it Heaven? Did he tell you why he was there? What did he say?”
“He was trying to reassure me that everything worked out the way that it was supposed to. That this was all some huge thing with fate and that I couldn’t have changed the outcome about any of it.”
Rachel frowned and then spoke slowly like she was trying to work it through. “Okay, well that all sounds positive, but doesn’t explain why you don’t want Chris here when he’s been nothing but wonderful to you.”
“I need to concentrate on getting well. He’s running himself into the ground sitting vigil. That’s not going to help either one of us.”
“Which does bring up a question.” Rachel watched her suspiciously. “Just why has he been so vigilant? It seems a bit much for just friends.”
A zing of anticipation, almost bordering on fear, zipped down her spine. He’d been scared when she was so sick. While that left her feeling guilty because he wasn’t taking care of himself, it also gave her hope that maybe he might return her feelings.
Regardless, that was between Chris and her, not her nosy sister.
* * *
Twenty-four hours later and Julie was ready to plow through her sister, her doctors, and her nurses on her way out of the hospital. She needed out of here, now.
When her boss, Dr. Shelby, arrived, she was ready and willing to beg him to use any of his influence that he could to break her out. Unfortunately, the frown on his handsome face when he came in didn’t bode well for him doing her any favors.
“I thought I warned you about making yourself sick.” He scowled.
“I’m sorry, Dr. Shelby. I know this is a huge inconvenience for the department to have me out of the office. But here’s the thing, I think I would heal much better at home where I could sleep for more than forty-five minutes at a time. Do you think you could talk to my doctor?”
He chuckled low, but it wasn’t a happy chuckle. “You know that whole argument might have more weight if I actually thought you’d take care of yourself at home. Unfortunately, you’ve already proven to me that isn’t the case. You can’t be trusted to take care of yourself. This,” he spread his arms out over her hospital room, “is what happens when people don’t take care of themselves. Consider it a lesson learned while you get better.”
Damn, she’d been so sure that she could get him to help her with promise of having her back in the PT department sooner.
“Don’t pout, either. That will just give you wrinkles.” He laughed, but she didn’t find it that funny.
Dr. Shelby sat down in the chair beside the bed where Chris had been the day before. He hadn’t come in today yet. She missed him even though she’d been the one to chase him off.
“You were lucky this time. You realize you could have died, right?”
“I know. You’re right. I promise, I’ll take better care of myself from now on. Are things going okay in the department?”
He nodded. “Yes, Derek has been working overtime to help cover your patients.”
Julie winced. She was going to owe Derek big-time after this.
“But where things are really hurting is your self-defense classes. Right now, especially, we need those classes going strong.”
“Have there been any more attacks?” A shiver of dread snaked down her spine at the thought.
“No, and with the way that this guy has timed them, they expect one any day now.”
Chapter 21Number eight.
Damn her. He’d warned Julie about what would happen if she didn’t take better care of herself, but did she listen? No, and she’d ended up in the fucking hospital because of it. This was unacceptable. She needed to listen to him.
He looked down into the frightened eyes of the naked girl spread out below him. He needed to refocus on her right now. “Shh, it will be over soon and then your pain will be gone.” He stood back for a moment and examined her. The hair was wrong with this one. It was too long. His special ones had short, dark hair. He’d lost his concentration and focus with the worry over Julie’s health. She couldn’t be allowed to distract him like this. Now he had a girl who wasn’t right. But it was too late to get someone else here. This had to happen today. Damn!
“Wrong, wrong, wrong,” he muttered to himself as he took his knife, lifted her head, and hacked off her long dark locks. He ignored her terrified whimper and stepped back to examine his handiwork. Now her hair fell just slightly below her ears. “Aw yes, that’s muc
h better.”
Every girl before this one, he’d rendered unconscious before this point, but his frustration level today was at a boiling point. He needed an outlet for it so that he didn’t lose his temper and blow his cover somewhere else. Fighting with the struggling girl did it for him.
She was tied up, but she was still a fighter. That made her worthy of Jocelyn’s memory. He softly touched her closed hands with the hearts in the palms. He smiled down at her although she wouldn’t be able to see it with his face mask.
His dick was so hard he knew he wouldn’t last long. It had been too long since he’d had one of his special ones. Distracted. He’d let himself get distracted. He couldn’t let that happen again. He was doing this for Jocelyn. She deserved only perfection.
Only a few more before Julie. He sank into the tensing body below him and couldn’t help but release his moan. Only a few more…
Chapter 22Chris hesitated outside the door of Julie’s hospital room. Rachel had called him and asked him to stay away for a while and get some rest. He didn’t understand why she didn’t want him here. Julie and he were friends. The only explanation could be that Julie was upset with him. While he could understand that since he hadn’t been there when she needed him, it was eating at him. He needed to apologize. After that, if she never wanted to see him again, then he’d figure out a way to live with that. But, God, even the thought of that was devastating.
The sisters were arguing. He could hear their raised voices through the crack of the partially closed door. Already uncomfortable with the fact he was imposing, he didn’t want to make it worse by interrupting a fight, so he leaned up against the wall outside the door.