by Christi Snow
“The last time I took your professional advice and made some changes in my life…”
He could hear the emphasis and anger on the word changes as Julie said it. Changes. That’s what she called them that Valentine’s Day weekend. Was she talking about the changes she’d made that precipitated their hook-up over that weekend? His blood ran cold. He shouldn’t be hearing this, but he couldn’t force his feet to move away and out of earshot.
Julie continued, “My life completely fell apart. I let someone else determine my actions and everything became so much worse than it ever was before. It was a mistake.” He could hear the tears in her angry voice.
Was he remembering the weekend wrong? Did he take advantage of her? He wanted her so much, did he hear just what he wanted to hear? He never would have guessed that she regretted it, regretted him, but it sure sounded like that. No wonder she was pushing him away and even toward someone else.
“Julie, you know that’s not fair. There was no way to foresee how things would turn out and the changes were working. Before.”
Before what? Before him? Before their amazing twenty-four hours?
“I know things spun out of control, but—”
“Yes,” Julie interrupted, “they spun out of control because I wasn’t in control. Don’t you get it, Rachel? I have to stay in control or else everything spins away from me. Every single time. That’s what happened. You know it’s true.”
“He’s the guy, isn’t he, Julie? You need to talk to him. He cares about you.” Rachel’s voice was low and calm.
What was she talking about? What guy? Were they talking about him? What exactly had spun out of control? What was he missing?
“And tell him what?” Julie’s voice was low. “It doesn’t matter now. I won’t do that to him. It’s over.”
He stumbled away from the room. He was missing something here and it wasn’t something that Julie wanted to share with him. The pain of that echoed through his heart.
He was rushing through the hospital doors when he ran into Colton and Penelope. Colton immediately grabbed him by the shoulders to steady him. Something must have showed on his face because both Penelope and Colton looked alarmed.
“What’s wrong?” Colton asked.
“Did something happen to Julie?” Penelope asked, panicky.
“No, no, she’s fine. As far as I know, everything’s fine with her.”
Colton frowned and turned back to Pen. “Sweetheart, head on up to Julie’s room and let me talk to Chris.”
She considered Chris then stood on her tiptoes to give Colton a kiss.
“I’ll be up in a moment,” Colton murmured.
“Okay, take your time.” She smiled at Chris. “See you later.”
“Bye, Pen.”
They watched her walk away and Chris noticed Colton looked worried as he followed her movements.
“Is she feeling any better?” They hadn’t been to the hospital since Julie woke up because Penelope was so sick from her pregnancy.
“No, there’s no morning sickness about this. It’s actually cruel to call it that, like somehow she’s doing it wrong, because she’s getting sick all day instead of just in the morning. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever had to witness in my life. I hate standing by, watching her puke her guts out constantly, knowing I did that to her. Just pray that someday when your wife gets pregnant she doesn’t suffer from morning sickness.”
And just like that, Chris’s breath hitched and he rubbed at the phantom pain in his chest.
Colton noticed and cocked an eyebrow at him and immediately turned him around. “Okay, it’s time for us to talk. Let’s go down to the cafeteria and grab a cup of coffee.”
They sat at one of the little corner tables in the back of the cafeteria. Colton began talking, “I’m not going to push—”
Chris snorted in disbelief.
Colton just scowled. “I’m not, but I get the feeling that everything you have going on in here,” he tapped the side of Chris’s head, “has something to do with that girl upstairs. I was in that truck with you. I heard what she said to you when we brought her in. You wouldn’t leave her for days while she was unconscious, but now we find you running out of here like there are a bunch of wolves on your tail when she’s finally awake. What’s going on, Chris? Something has you rattled.” He examined Chris for a moment, as if waiting to see if he’d speak. “I’m not going to force this, but you know I’m here if you want to talk about it. I think I’ve figured out a bit over the last few months, but you could fill in the holes and maybe get it all off your chest at the same time.”
Chris’s stomach spun. Would it help to talk about it? Maybe having another perspective on all the events would clear it up, even if it was only in his mind.
“I’m guessing that something happened between Julie and you before you deployed…” Colton led.
Chris knew his eyes widened. He hadn’t realized he’d given so much away. He swallowed the rocks in his throat. “Yeah, it did.” He closed his eyes. It was so hard to think about that weekend now. That was all that kept him alive for six months, but now the perfection of that weekend was almost too painful to think about.
“When I found out I was deploying, I had forty-eight hours. I came home to see Cassie before I left, but she had left town unexpectedly. Julie was staying in her house because they were redoing her kitchen. One thing led to another, and yeah, there’s some history there.”
“But you were deploying, so how did you leave things between you?”
Chris frowned down at his coffee cup. “I promised her I’d come back safe. I didn’t keep that promise and she met Aaron.”
Colton nodded slowly and Chris could see his brain spinning while he considered the events of the past year. “So what happened Monday to send you into a tailspin?”
Chris rubbed a hand up over his face, and then began to rub his knee. He glanced around the bustling cafeteria, wondering how many people in here were hiding secrets. He really didn’t want to talk about this, with anyone, but maybe it would help to get it out. Colton already knew bits of it.
“Chris?”
“Sorry,” he cleared his throat. “So Monday, I had an appointment with my urologist and nothing’s getting better.” Chris quickly glanced to check Colton’s expression, but he was thankfully keeping it clear of pity.
“In fact, the prognosis isn’t so great.” He plowed on just wanting to get it all out at this point. Like pulling off a band aid. He’d just ignore that he was ripping that sucker directly off his abused balls. “Unless there’s a miracle, this is the way things will stay. My only option is to do some sort of plastic or reconstructive surgery.” He gave a brittle laugh. “Even with that, the odds aren’t real great that things will ever be normal again. The good news is I won’t have to ever worry about making my wife have morning sickness because without a miracle that isn’t even possible anymore.” He closed his eyes and rested his head in his hands. Then he reached out with shaking hands to take a long, scalding drink of his coffee.
“So that’s my story. Sorry that you had to deal with my sorry ass Monday, especially when you do have a gorgeous lady at home who needs you because she is dealing with morning sickness. I’m really sorry, Colt. I let you and Penelope and Julie down, again, and I’m sorry.”
Colton reached across and squeezed his shoulder. “You don’t have to apologize for being human, Chris. I know this sucks and isn’t what you wanted to hear. I wish the prognosis was better, but damn, I can’t be sorry about any of the rest of it. I thank God every day that you’re still here with us. I know there are days when you don’t feel the same way.” Colton paused, showing way more emotion and love than Chris was used to seeing from his big brother. “Maybe things aren’t quite the way they were before, but you’re here and that means so damn much.” Colton’s voice had gotten choked up so he stopped talking for a moment to compose himself. “We’ll just keep praying for a miracle and maybe check into that surgery.”
<
br /> Chris swallowed the lump in his throat. “Thanks, Colton. I’m glad you’re here, too.” There had been a time after Colton had quit his job in the Air Force when that statement would have been far from the truth. Today it was fact. He was glad to have his big brother to talk to.
The men were still talking when Detective Brian Barnes walked into the cafeteria, looking more haggard and sleep-deprived than normal.
After he’d bought his huge cup of coffee, Colton waved him over and grabbed a chair from one of the neighboring tables. “Hey, Brian, come join us.”
Brian sunk down into the chair and mumbled, “Thanks.”
“Damn, man, you don’t look like you’ve slept since we saw you at the wedding on Sunday,” Colton said.
Brian ran a hand over his tired face. “Well, that’s appropriate since I don’t feel like I have, either.”
“Are you working the serial rapist investigation?” Chris asked.
Brian glanced up sharply. “No one is supposed to know about that. Where did you hear about it?”
“Julie mentioned it.”
He nodded. “How’s she doing? I heard from Pete that she was hospitalized with pneumonia.”
“She’s finally starting to get better.”
“That’s good. To answer your earlier question,” he glanced around the cafeteria, as if making sure no one else was listening, “there’s been another attack. They brought her in last night, barely alive. That makes eight girls. I don’t like it.”
“Is the police department getting any closer to finding a suspect?” Colton asked.
Brian shook his head. “This guy isn’t leaving many clues and the powers that be won’t let us warn the public. If we could let the public know what’s going on, the likelihood of us catching him would be so much higher. People report suspicious things when they know they need to be watching for it.”
He shook his head in disgust. “Keep a watchful eye on the girls. This guy’s a nasty piece of work and with every attack, he seems to be getting worse. Unfortunately, I think someone’s going to have to die before they’ll untie our hands on the situation.” Brian’s mouth screwed up in anger and frustration.
Brian continued to drink his coffee, but the man looked dead on his feet to Chris. “Detective, I don’t think that coffee’s going to do it for you. Surely, they have a bed around here somewhere so that you could catch a combat nap. Thirty minutes would help some.”
Grimacing, Brian looked down at his watch and shook his head. “Unfortunately, I have to go report in to my superiors about where my investigation is going, or not going as the case may be. Thanks for keeping me company. Tell Julie I hope she feels better soon. I’ll catch you guys later.”
* * *
“Knock, knock.”
Julie glanced away from Rachel’s scowling face to smile at Penelope standing at the door to her hospital room. The effects of her morning sickness lingered in Pen’s exhausted eyes and the hint of green to her skin tone. “Hey, stranger. How are you feeling? Colton said that you’ve been kind of rough lately.”
“Aw, you know Colt. He’s over-protective and it kills him that he can’t fix this. Seeing me spend my days hunched over the toilet is not his idea of fun. Not that it’s my favorite place to be either, but I’m learning. Crackers and ginger-ale are my new best friends. Sorry, you and Cassie will have to take a step back for the next few months.” She sat down beside Julie’s bed. “You look better than the last time I saw you, but that’s probably because you were unconscious at the time. How are you feeling? We saw Chris rushing out the front door and it had me worried for a little bit.”
Stunned, Julie exchanged a concerned look with Rachel. They hadn’t seen Chris, but they hadn’t exactly been quiet with their argument. Oh no, he couldn’t have heard what they were talking about, could he? She scrambled through her brain, trying to remember exactly what had been said. “You saw Chris? Just now? And he was leaving?”
Penelope nodded.
“He never came in, but he must have heard us. Rachel—” Panic jolted through her system, but she couldn’t do anything about it as a coughing fit took over.
Rachel handed her a glass of water, and Penelope helped her sit up, running a soothing hand up her back.
As the coughing subsided, Penelope gestured between the two of them suspiciously. “Okay, give, what did Chris hear? Or at least, what do you suspect he heard? He looked a little shell-shocked when we saw him.”
“What did he say?”
“Nothing really, but Colton herded him off and I think he’s probably going to see if he can get Chris to talk. It might help if we knew what was going on though.”
Julie closed her eyes. What a mess this was all becoming. One little secret was becoming this huge thing about to crush her. She needed to get back in control of her life. She was still reeling from—well everything, actually. But the one thing she did know was that if she had this discussion with anyone, it needed to be Chris. What happened between them had always been a private thing. It wasn’t fair to him to change that now, especially not with his brother’s girlfriend, even if that person was one of her best friends.
Julie opened her eyes. “I’m sorry, Pen, but I can’t talk about it. Not yet, maybe not ever, but definitely not now.”
Penelope frowned, but gave a short nod. “We may have made a mistake, huh?”
“What do you mean?”
“When the townhouse came open next door to you, we all pushed Chris into renting it, thinking you both could use a friend to help you work through everything. But something’s happened and now you both seem even more wounded than ever. I’m sorry, Julie. We never meant for you to hurt more.” The tears welled in Penelope’s eyes.
Guilt assailed Julie. “Aw, come on, Pen, don’t do that. Geez, you and your hormones. Poor Colton.”
Penelope gave a watery laugh.
Julie ignored Rachel’s pressed lips. “Chris and I are fine. You all didn’t do anything. We’re lucky to have friends who care so much about us. It’s okay. I promise. We’re both going to be fine.”
And they were. She would make sure of it, but for now, she needed to get rid of her sister because Julie had a list to make and didn’t need Rachel giving her a hard time about it. It was time for her to make her OCD work for her, not against her. Aaron had shown her everything happened for a reason, and she wasn’t going to waste her opportunity here.
She touched Rachel’s arm. “I’m getting tired. Would you all mind letting me take a little nap? Besides,” she glanced back at Penelope who was still sniffling, “I think Penelope probably should go find Colton before the waterworks really begin.” She squeezed Penelope’s hand. “Thanks for coming by. Now go home and take care of that little one in your tummy. No more worries about me. The doctor said I should be out of here tomorrow, if I’m a good girl. I plan to make that happen, which means sleep now.”
Rachel narrowed her eyes at Julie, but went along and pushed Penelope out of the room. Julie figured she had a few minutes before Rachel came back to check on her. She would use those minutes wisely. Glancing at the door, she reached under her pillow and removed her stash of paper and a pen.
She began her list.
1. Get well.
2. Find the therapist’s business card.
3. Talk to Chris.
Chapter 23After Chris left the hospital, he decided. When Julie got out of the hospital, they’d talk like the adults they were. It was past time for them to discuss what happened before and after he deployed, especially in light of her feverish ramblings on the way to the hospital.
She’d said that she loved him and he ached for her on more levels than just physically. He knew he wasn’t in any position to even begin to think about a relationship with a girl, but that didn’t change the zing of anticipation that made his heart race when he thought about Julie still caring for him. He wanted her so much and it had been so long since he’d had any hope. Was that wrong? At this point though, hope was a really sca
ry thing, especially considering his physical condition, but he refused to give up on it.
And he wouldn’t be any good to Julie or any other relationship until he got his head on straight. Chris pulled out the card that Mick had given him. PTSD SUPPORT. It was time. He checked the meeting schedule. There was one tonight and he was going be there. It was time to take back control of his life. He owed it to himself. Any hopes for future happiness depended on being able to accept and move on from what happened. He had a life to live and a future at stake. He wasn’t going to give up on it. On them.
* * *
As Chris unlocked the door to his house, he mused over the meeting. It had been good to be around other veterans and others who were suffering from similar issues as him. He still wasn’t comfortable with the whole “touchy-feely share your feelings with the group” thing, but could see how this could help. He certainly wasn’t alone in the fact that he was haunted by events in his past.
He hadn’t realized how much he missed the camaraderie of being around military guys. Colton, Jake, and Mick were also former military, but their connection was through their friendship that had existed before, not the military, so his connections at the meeting had a different feel to them, one he had missed.
He’d also talked to a couple of guys who were interested in what Mad Rob was doing, especially with their jump school. He’d have to talk to Jake and see what they could do with the local former military guys who already had the training. This could be good for all of them.
Pulling out a sheet of paper, he began taking notes when his doorbell rang.
Opening his door, he was surprised to find Rachel, Julie’s sister, standing there. Immediately he panicked. “Rachel? Did something happen with Julie?”
She shook her head. “No, but there is an issue I need to talk with you about. Can I come in?”
“Oh, sure.” He stepped back and held the door open for her. “Come on in.” He followed her into the house. She glanced around his place.