by Linda Warren
*
IT WAS ALMOST 3:00 a.m. when Phoenix drove into the yard at the bunkhouse. He left everything in the truck and went inside. The door was never locked and he didn’t think anyone had a key. He was dog-tired and needed sleep. After removing his boots and belt, he fell across the bed and welcomed the blackness of his mind. But a face was there that he couldn’t shake.
Rosemary McCray’s.
He was just so shocked to see her, and when she actually melted a little and helped him, he got lost in her feminine presence. She had to be the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. For those cowboys who called her Frosty, all he could say was, tough luck. They never saw her with her blue eyes sparkling and her hair all around her. Tonight it was loose, not a band, ribbon or anything in it. In his mind, he could see her that way when she went to bed. In nothing but her hair. Oh yeah, he could get lost in that dream. Or maybe a fantasy, because that was all Rosemary McCray could ever be to him.
She’d told him so.
*
PHOENIX WOKE UP at 5:30 a.m., showered and changed clothes. Today he put on a white shirt because it was a special occasion. He was going to meet his son.
Jericho, a ranch hand who lived with Phoenix and Paxton in the bunkhouse, was in the kitchen, cooking breakfast. “Just in time,” he said.
Phoenix grabbed a glass of orange juice. He had OJ first thing every morning. It was a ritual for him, and he always carried a large carton on the road. Stuffing bacon into a biscuit, he said, “This is all I have time for. I have to go over to the house to see Mom.”
He thought about the supplies in his truck and he quickly unloaded everything into his room. Rico helped him with the bed. Rico never asked any questions, and Phoenix loved that about the man. He never interfered with other people’s business, and he didn’t judge anyone.
“I’ll have to put it together when I get back.”
“It will be done when you bring the boy home,” Rico said.
Evidently Paxton had told Rico about Jake. And now he had to tell his mother.
“Thanks, Rico. I appreciate that, but you don’t have to.”
“No problem.” The older man shook his head. If Phoenix had to guess the man’s age, he would have said somewhere in his late thirties. A scary figure to some, with his long, dark hair tied into a ponytail at his neck and a scar slashed across his face from gang fighting in Houston, he was the best friend the Rebel family ever had. He would do anything for them and they would do anything for him, too.
*
QUINCY’S TRUCK WAS at their mother’s. That surprised Phoenix because his brother usually spent his Sunday mornings with his wife, Jenny. As he opened the back door, he heard voices. Quincy and Grandpa were drinking coffee and eating breakfast. Jude and his new wife, Paige, and their son Zane lived in the house. But no one else was up yet.
Every time he stepped into this warm kitchen, he thought of his dad and felt at home. At peace. And then the sadness would creep in like a thief in the night, threatening to steal away those emotions. But all he had to do was look at the kitchen his dad had painstakingly built for his mother, from the large tiles on the floor to the knotty pine cabinets to the dark granite with a touch of red. His dad had given special attention to detail here, just as he had with the raising of his sons. He’d taught them so much, and yet there was still so much to learn. But he wasn’t here anymore, and Phoenix never felt that more deeply than today. He would take full responsibility for his child not only because he wanted to but also because his dad would have expected it of him.
He cleared his throat. “Morning, everyone.”
His mother turned from the stove. “Phoenix, I didn’t expect you this early. You and Paxton don’t usually come in until late Sunday. Sit down. I’ll get you a cup of coffee.”
“No, thanks. I’ve already had breakfast.” He glanced at his brother and Grandpa. “Why are y’all up so early?”
“I got up early to fix Grandpa’s breakfast and then decided to come over and eat with Mom,” Quincy explained. Elias, another brother, lived with Grandpa and usually spent Saturday nights down at Rowdy’s beer joint. Grandpa was getting a little senile, and they refused to let him use the stove anymore since he almost burned the house down twice. Elias usually looked after Grandpa unless he went out for the evening. Then Quincy took up the slack because he was a big mother hen to everyone.
Quincy eyed Phoenix’s starched shirt. “Where are you going all dressed up at this hour?”
Phoenix looked down at the hat in his hand and saw no reason not to tell the truth. “Ms. Henshaw called and had the DNA results. I’m the father and I’m going to Denver to pick up my son.”
“What? When did you get this news?” his mother asked with a lifted eyebrow.
“Last night.”
“And you’re just now telling me?”
“I didn’t want to do it over the phone. Besides, I had a lot of things to do like buying stuff that Jake will need. I left it all in my room, but I’ll sort through it when I come back.”
His mother removed her apron. “I’m going with you. You’ll need a woman to help you.”
“No.” Phoenix held up his hand. “I’m going alone. This is my child and I will handle it. I don’t need help.”
“Now that’s just silly, Phoenix.”
Quincy stood. “I’ll go. Someone needs to be with you. I’ll run home and tell Jenny.”
“I’m only going to say this one more time. I’m going alone. I do not need anyone to hold my hand. I’ve accepted that Jake is my son, and we need time to bond.”
They stared at him with shocked eyes, and he supposed he did sound grown up. He’d finally made that transformation, and he wasn’t sure if he liked it or not. He’d rather have been joking and teasing everyone. But those days were in his past now.
“Proud of you, boy. You’ve become a man.” Grandpa took a sip of his coffee. “Do you remember when your dad had the girls and sex talk with you boys?”
“Of course.”
“Well, then, I would just like to know where you, Jude and Falcon were during his delivery because, obviously, you didn’t hear a word. Were y’all hiding in the closet or something?”
“Abe, for heaven’s sake, eat your breakfast.” His mom was quick to chastise their grandfather. The two barely tolerated each other, something that had been going on ever since Phoenix could remember. It was hard on all of them, but they adjusted to the tension between their mother and their grandfather.
“Condoms are not one hundred percent safe,” Phoenix said.
Grandpa took another sip of coffee. “Now, I could tell some stories about that.”
“Later, Abe.”
Grandpa glared at their mother, and Phoenix thought it was time for him to leave. “I’ll call when I’m headed home.”
“When will that be?” his mother asked.
“I’m hoping late Monday, but like I said, I will let you know. See y’all later.” He headed for the door, and his mother followed him.
“Son…”
His brothers said that Phoenix was the favorite because he was the baby, and he realized for the first time today that they were right. His mother was having a hard time letting go. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but he had to be blunt.
He looked into her worried brown eyes. “I’m okay, Mom. Please understand I have to do this alone.” He hugged her briefly, kissed her cheek and walked out the door to the new life that awaited him.
*
HE MADE IT to Austin in time to meet with Ms. Henshaw, and they went over the legalities of the situation and what he was to expect in Denver. Then he was on his way to the airport. The two-hour flight wasn’t bad, but it seemed to drag. He was eager to get there and to meet the boy who would now become part of his life.
Besides Jake, thoughts of Rosie occupied his mind. She was so different last night. Lovable and likable were words that came to mind. He couldn’t stop thinking about her and wondered where she lived. Probab
ly close to Temple, where the Walmart was. What did it matter? He and Rosie had no future. He had enough to deal with without getting involved with a McCray. He’d told himself that many times since the encounter in Oklahoma, but his thoughts always winged back to her.
There was something about her expression when she was staring at the doll. Sadness mixed with a resignation she was trying to hide. He sensed she wanted to reach out and touch it and she was forcing herself not to. Why was she so mesmerized by the doll? There had to be a reason, and against every sane thought in his head, he wanted to find out why.
The plane landed at the Denver airport and his focus turned to Jake. The way it had to be.
Rosie McCray was just a passing fantasy.
Chapter Four
After landing at Denver International Airport, Phoenix called the number Ms. Henshaw had given him. Ms. Bauer, the Colorado CPS case worker, picked him up outside the terminal. She was much younger than Ms. Henshaw, somewhere in her thirties, with a friendly smile. Her blond hair was pinned back, and her blue eyes reminded him of someone else. He wondered if Rosie was thinking about him as much as he was thinking about her. Probably not.
Phoenix always enjoyed the Mile High City. Because of its elevation, some cowboys had breathing problems here, but Phoenix never did. The weather was a pleasant eighty degrees, and Ms. Bauer said it would get down into the low forties by morning. It was nice compared with the heat he’d left behind in Texas. They passed the stadium where the Denver Broncos played. Phoenix had almost forgotten football season had started.
Ms. Bauer drove to the foster home where Jake was staying. It was in a nice residential area with small brick houses. She parked behind an SUV in the driveway.
“Jake is a sweet little boy, but he has some problems,” Ms. Bauer said before getting out of the car.
“What do you mean?”
“You have to understand that he’s grieving. We’re all very patient with him. There are four other kids in the house, and he hits when he doesn’t get his way. ‘No’ is his favorite word. He’s also a runner.”
“A runner?”
“Yes. If he can get a door open, he’s gone. Mr. and Mrs. Devers are in their late fifties, and it’s hard for them to catch him. Tom, Mr. Devers, has put latches high on the doors so he can’t get out. We think he’s searching for his greatgrandmother, and we believe he will settle down once he’s in a stable environment again.”
Phoenix hoped so, too. It was just like Rosie had said. He was in a what-have-I-gotten-myself-into kind of moment. But he would stand by his kid no matter what. He unfolded his body from the compact car.
“Since the Devers have four other children, we have to respect their privacy.”
“Of course. I just want to see my son.”
They walked up to the front door, and Ms. Bauer rang the bell. It opened to a middle-aged woman with graying brown hair holding a baby.
“Oh, Ms. Bauer, it’s good to see you. Come in.”
Phoenix followed Ms. Bauer into a large living area cluttered with toys. Through double windows he could see two older boys playing in the backyard. But his eyes were riveted on a little boy and a little girl sitting on the carpet playing with trucks.
“Mrs. Devers, this is Mr. Rebel, Jake’s father.”
The woman juggled the baby onto her shoulder and shook his hand. “It’s nice to meet you. Jake really needs someone. He’s been a handful crying for his greatgrandmother. He just seems very unhappy.”
Phoenix twisted his hat in his hand. “May I go over and speak to him?” It seemed odd asking to speak to his own son. He was willing to follow the rules, though.
“Sure. Just don’t be surprised if he doesn’t respond.”
“I’ll wait here,” Ms. Bauer said.
Phoenix placed his hat on the arm of the sofa, walked over and squatted beside the boy and the girl. At that moment the little girl took the truck from Jake and he shouted, “No!” and yanked it back. “Mine,” he added.
Phoenix had no idea what to say. Words were useless. He would be just another person saying something Jake didn’t understand. He had to go with his gut feeling. The problem was, his gut was saying, Run like hell. But he stayed rooted to the spot because when he’d said he’d take responsibility, he’d meant it.
Phoenix watched his son. Even thinking the word son seemed foreign to him, but he would adjust. Jake’s little hands clutched the truck. His dark hair was tousled across his forehead. He needed a haircut. He wore pull-up pants and a T-shirt, and his feet were bare. Phoenix stared at his toes. Phoenix’s toes were shaped the same way—slanted. It was a small thing, but maybe it was what he’d been looking for, a clue to show him this little boy was his.
The girl grabbed the toy again, and Jake hit her. “No!” Jake shouted.
Without thinking, Phoenix grabbed his hand before he could hit her again. “No. We don’t hit girls.”
Narrowed eyes glared at him, and Jake’s face scrunched into a frown.
Phoenix reached out, picked him up and then got to his feet, carrying him to the sofa. Sitting down with Jake on his lap, he waited for the frown to disappear. It didn’t.
“Do you know what daddy means?”
Jake pointed to the girl.
“She has a daddy?” he asked Jake, but Mrs. Devers answered.
“Yes, Allie has a daddy. He comes to visit all the time and is trying to gain custody of her and her older brother, who is playing outside. Jake knows what daddy means.”
Jake stared back at him, the frown not so intense now.
“I’m your daddy. Do you understand that, Jake?”
Jake’s eyes never wavered from Phoenix’s, but he didn’t say anything.
Phoenix touched Jake’s chest. “You’re Jake.” Then he touched his own chest. “I’m Daddy.”
The little girl came over. “Daddy.”
“No!” Jake shouted again. Yep, no was his favorite word.
“Allie, come with me.” Mrs. Devers quickly took her hand and led her into the kitchen. Jake scrambled down and picked up the truck and a stuffed brown-and-white dog with floppy ears that was lying on the floor. He came back and crawled onto Phoenix’s lap, the dog tucked under one arm and the truck in his hand.
“You like trucks?”
Jake nodded.
“I live on a big ranch and we have trucks, horses and cattle. Big trucks that you can ride in. Would you like to ride in a truck?”
Phoenix continued to talk about nonsensical things and Jake just listened. Finally, Jake rested against Phoenix’s chest, and Phoenix lost his breath at the emotions that filled him. Protective. Overpowering. Parental emotions that he hadn’t even known he possessed. He just wanted to make Jake’s world better and safer. He wanted Jake to be happy.
Mrs. Devers and Ms. Bauer walked over. Phoenix had lost track of time and he realized it was getting late.
“Mrs. Devers said if you’d like to spend the night with Jake, you’re welcome to. She can move the children around for the night. They love playing camp-out.”
“Thank you, but I don’t want to put you out.”
“It’s no problem,” Mrs. Devers said. “It’s important that Jake bonds with you before you take him home.”
It was settled. Tom Devers came in from the grocery store, and Phoenix met him. It was a lively bunch when the kids all came to the table. Jake was very quiet, sitting in his high chair. He kept looking at Phoenix.
Later, he gave Jake a bath while Mrs. Devers watched and gave instructions, which he was glad about because he wanted to do the right things.
“I have a weak stomach,” Phoenix admitted as he put a diaper on Jake.
“Then you need to do it fast, like bull riding.” She grinned at him. “Yeah, I did some checking on you. I always do that when parents take kids from my home. I want to make sure they’re well taken care of. Jake is still on a bottle, and he needs to be weaned from it soon and potty trained. Mr. Rebel, you have your work cut out for you.”
Phoenix was going to have to learn to do a lot of things besides bull riding and ranching. They wouldn’t be pleasant, either. But he would learn. With Jake tucked into bed with his dog, which Phoenix learned was called Floppy, and his favorite blanket, Phoenix removed his clothes and slipped beneath the sheet on the twin bed. He thought he wouldn’t sleep because so much was crowding in on him about how his life was changing. But he fell into a deep sleep. The next thing he knew, a little hand touched his face.
“Dad-dy.”
Tears stung the backs of Phoenix’s eyes, and he pulled his son into his side, dog and all, and covered them with the sheet and blanket. He went to sleep holding his child, and it was the most natural feeling in the world. He would remember the moment for the rest of his life when his son had called him daddy for the first time.
A stench woke him and he knew what it was—Jake had a dirty diaper. Oh, man.
“Mr. Rebel,” Mrs. Devers called from the hallway, and Phoenix quickly slipped into his jeans.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Mrs. Devers appeared in the doorway. “Are you and Jake ready for breakfast?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Phoenix thumbed toward Jake in bed, who was looking at him with big eyes. “He got out of his bed this morning.”
“Oh, yeah. He climbs right out of it. That’s why Tom put latches on all the doors. You’ll have to do the same.”
“Okay.” He wrinkled his nose. “He has a dirty diaper.”
Mrs. Devers started pulling out things and laying them on the bed. “This is a plastic bag to put it in when you remove the diaper. Helps keep the smell down.” She pointed to a trash can in the corner. “That contains another bag you put the small bag in. You can get these anyplace that sells baby supplies. I will give you a few to get you started. You need to change the big bag every day.” She looked at him, and he realized she was expecting him to do something—like change the kid’s diaper. Oh, man.
“Hold your breath, Mr. Rebel. It will be over before you know it.”
He unsnapped Jake’s pajamas between his legs, and the smell made his stomach roil. He took another deep breath and undid the diaper tabs. The stench hit him square in the face. He was going to throw up. No! He was a cowboy. He was stronger than this.