by Roth, T. A.
"Hold on, I'm just gonna grab some nail polish while you tell me how you slipped up."
"All right, dick. I feel guilty enough as it is."
"You better not fuck this up, bro. That's my girl’s best friend. She'll cut both of our balls off; assuming Vonne doesn't get to them first. What happened?"
"We drove to the services together on Sunday. She thought I might want to have a few drinks with you and offered to drive. Everything was going good, but when we got back to her house, I went inside instead of just getting in my damn car."
"And?" He's killing me here.
"And I didn't leave until the next morning, okay? I feel like such a douche. I like this girl, a lot. I just don't have the time to get into anything serious."
"You were upfront with her from the beginning, right?" I ask.
"Yeah and she swore she wasn't looking for anything serious either. She's leaving to go to San Diego for the summer and I'll be across the country, so it can't work. Right?"
"You're the only one who can answer that. You can make it work if you want it to, but that's a decision you guys have to make. Listen, I hate to cut you short, but I just pulled up to the store. Figure your shit out and get your ass to that ceremony next week."
"I'll go. Just text me the time and place, and I'll be there."
"Cool. I'll talk to you later."
"Later."
Work was exactly what I expected—pure and utter chaos. There were so many files and stacks of papers being flung at me that I'm contemplating wearing safety goggles and a helmet tomorrow. My feet are aching from standing at the copier all day and I’m pretty sure I forgot to eat lunch.
My mouth waters as soon as I step into the hallway. The smell of Italian food overwhelms me. I got a text from Ben about an hour ago telling me to come home hungry. Not a problem since my insides are battling over what organ is going to eat the other first.
A glass of wine and Ben’s smile greet me as I unlock the front door. A girl can get used to this.
"I hope you're hungry." He hands me the glass and presses a chaste kiss to my lips.
"Holy shit. It smells amazing in here."
He reaches for the strap of my purse and leads me over to the table. There are two plates already served.
"Sit," he says while pulling my chair out.
"Yes, sir." I smile up at him and place my glass on the table. He walks over to the seat across from me and sits down.
"Eat," he says pointing a fork at my plate.
"Easy, caveman. Are you planning on talking in complete sentences tonight, or will you continue to speak to me in monosyllables?"
He smiles. "Just try your food, funny girl. Rooming with you is hanging in the balance."
I roll my eyes at him and take the first bite. "Holy orgasm in my mouth. What magical lasagna is this?"
He laughs and follows with a bite of his own. "It's my grandma's recipe. It's my favorite and the easiest to make. You like?"
"I love? You can stay indefinitely if you keep cooking like this," I say between bites.
"Good. That's what I was hoping you'd say," he says smiling over the rim of his glass.
That familiar flutter is back. I love that he is so sure about us, but I'm still scared. My heart says he's it for me, but my head . . . yeah, my head is telling me to be cautious because it's too soon.
"Seriously, this is really good. Thank you," I say mid-chew.
"You're welcome. So do I even want to know how today went?" he asks.
"Let's just say I should have worn my workout gear today. I was in and out of my chair and up and down the hall so many times that I must have logged at least 20,000 steps."
"Good, then you won't feel guilty for having another piece of lasagna," he says while piling on another slice.
"So what did you do today besides cook us this delicious dinner? Did you get everything squared away at school?"
"Yup. I picked up my cap and gown and filled out my exit forms. I'm an official graduate."
"Awesome," I say, smiling.
"My mom called." I meet his eyes and my stomach does a flip. Wait for it.
He always seems to pause after saying he's talked to her. It’s slow torture every time he mentions her name. I wish he would just rip the Band-Aid off and come out with it. It makes me want to scream.
"And?" I prompt.
"She wants to make reservations to take us to dinner after the graduation ceremony. We didn't have any plans, did we?" We don't now.
"No, I figured we'd talk about it. That's fine." What am I supposed to say? It's his mother. I've been in his life for five minutes; I'm not gonna go up against her.
"I invited Eli to come. Do you think Vonne would want to go?"
"Oh, shit!" I completely forgot they were graduating together. Shit . . . shit . . . shit.
"I'm meeting up with her this week, so I'll ask her then. I completely forgot to ask her what her plans were when I talked to her this morning."
"So did you get any details about what happened this weekend? Eli wouldn't elaborate," he asks with an expectant smile and waggles his eyebrows at me.
"What do you mean?" I ask in confusion as I take a sip of my wine.
"Eli was all stressed about coming to the graduation because he and Vonne hooked up on Sunday."
The wine goes down the wrong way, and I have to keep from spitting it across the table. "What?" I finally choke out. "She didn't mention anything to me. Ooh, just wait till I see her."
He laughs. "Eli will kill me for telling you. You have to pretend you don't know anything. He's really stressed about it. He likes her."
"She likes him, too. They just need to get their heads out of their asses and go for it already."
"I agree. Well, can you just give her a call and ask her about dinner. I'm supposed to call my mom tonight."
"Fine. I'll text her. I'm too pissed right now to talk to her, and I know I'll let it slip. I can't believe she didn't tell me."
"Calm down, killer. Maybe she wasn't ready to talk to you about it yet." He kisses my cheek and leans to grab my finished plate.
"You done?"
"Yeah, I'm stuffed. Just put the dishes in the sink. I'm gonna change, then I'll wash since you cooked."
I come out of the bedroom ten minutes later and the kitchen is clean and he's sitting on the couch. I grab the blanket from behind the couch and curl up next to him.
"I told you I would get it."
"I know, but there wasn't that much to do. I got it." He kisses the top of my head and flips through the TV channels.
"Do you want to watch anything?" he asks. I'm barely able to keep my eyes open.
"No. I'm good with whatever." I put a pillow on his lap and stretch out on the sofa. He rakes his fingers through my hair and stops on ESPN. Within minutes, sleep overtakes me.
I startle awake to the sound of a loud gasp. Ari is sitting upright on the couch with her hand on her chest. She's trying to slow her breathing. She fell asleep on my lap, and I didn't have the heart to move her. I must have dozed off too. I place my hand on her back.
"Bad dream?" I ask. She runs her hands through her hair nervously and stands.
"Yeah. I'm good now." She takes off toward her bedroom, and I follow behind her.
"Ari." She stops mid-stride and crosses her arms over her chest. She's always defensive when she has these episodes. I tread lightly. "Look, I know you don't want to hear it."
She lets out a long frustrated sigh. "Ben, I'm sorry I woke you up. I'll work this out okay. In my own time. I have a lot on my plate right now. Stress triggers them, I told you that."
I close the gap between us. "That's exactly why you should speak to someone. I'll go with you. I know repeating the story is hard, but I'll be right there with you. Even if I just wait outside the door. Let me help."
She gives me a resigned sigh. "Fine. I'll look into it this week."
She's looking at her wringing hands, and I tilt her chin up to meet my eyes. "Promise me. I
hate seeing you like this. Please, promise me."
She nods, swiping at a stray tear. "Promise."
I pull her into a hug, and she buries her face into my neck. "Let’s go to bed." She nods, and I put her hand in mine leading us into the bedroom.
I really need to change the darn alarm on my phone. That foghorn drives me nutty, but I guess that's the point. Sliding my finger over the screen, I get out of bed careful not to wake Ben. I pad over to the shower stretching out my sore muscles. Sleeping on the couch wasn't very smart.
Standing under the spray of hot water, I try to clear my wayward thoughts. I knew the next time I had an episode he'd bring up seeing a therapist again. Dammit. I had a hard enough time telling him what happened; now, he wants me to repeat it to a complete stranger. What if they're obligated to report it? Do I confess the person who torments my dreams is back in my life? That actually having a face to go with what happened is making it hard to close my eyes at night.
As I step out of the shower, the faint "I love you" Ben wrote on the mirror stares back at me. A feeling of determination and calm washes over me. I can do this. For us. For him. I have to do this.
The steam from the bathroom billows out into the hall as I open the door. The smell of a much-needed cup of coffee greets me. Ben isn't in bed when I step into the bedroom. I flip my head over to towel dry my hair when his bare feet suddenly come into view. I lift my head and see his bare chest and a smile. That will never get old.
"Good morning," I say leaning in for a kiss. He hands me the cup of coffee I've been longing for.
"Good morning to you."
"So before you ask. I gave some more thought to what you said last night. I promise to call my insurance today and get a referral."
"I wasn’t asking to upset you. I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I just want you happy."
He places his hands on my face. The concern in his eyes almost makes me cry. He has enough on his plate without me adding to it. I feel guilty for being selfish and not heeding his advice weeks ago.
"I know you're not. I'm sorry to make you worry." He rests his forehead on mine and kisses me sweetly.
"I'll get out of your way so you can get ready. I don't want you to be late." He walks out of the room, leaving me an emotional wreck.
I walk into my office and the pile of files on my desk seems to have tripled. I send a quick text to Vonne about dinner with Ben's mom. We got so comfy on the couch last night, it must have slipped our minds, so he reminded me this morning before I walked out the door.
It's two o'clock by the time I get a chance to eat. Ben packed me some leftovers from last night's dinner, which is nice because I'm able to eat at my desk in case one of my bosses calls. The expert witnesses are taking the stand today, putting everyone on edge. Timothy Lemon is scheduled to take the stand at the end of the week. The media is having an absolute field day with this case. Pictures of his wife with the ex-lover have surfaced and are splashed over every newspaper and news channel. Keeping the jury away from this information has been a nightmare.
The office has finally quieted down. I'm staring blankly at my computer screen, mindlessly flipping my insurance card through my fingers.
"Are you cracking under the pressure, honey?" Hilda's voice breaks me from my thoughts.
"What? Uh . . . no. Just thinking."
"Anything I can help you with? Those two look like they're trying to bury you alive," she says pointing to all the files lying around my desk.
"No, I have it. I've made copies of almost everything already. Now, it's just a matter of putting them back where they came from," I say, shrugging.
"Okay, well you let me know if you need my help. I have a light load today, and I can always come over and help."
"Good to know. Thank you. I might take you up on it. I have a few more files to go through, but if it gets to be too much, I’ll come see where you're at with your stuff. Sound good?"
"Sure thing, sugar. Just holler when you need me," she says with a wink.
She's a few steps away from my desk when she turns back. "What is that you were eating, by the way? It smelled delicious." I look down at my empty container and smile.
"It was lasagna. Ben cooked for me last night. It tasted even better than it smelled."
"The man looks like that and can cook too? Do you want to trade?" she asks fanning herself dreamily. I giggle and shake my head.
"No. I think I'll keep him for a while. Thanks, though."
"Oh well, it was worth a try." She gives me a little shrug and heads back to her desk.
I pick up my desk phone and finally make the phone call I've been dreading to make all day.
Bumming around on Ari's couch is gonna get old quick. I've straightened up the apartment, checked the mail at my grandmother's house, and threw in a load of laundry. My mom calls just as I'm about to eat. I swear the woman has impeccable timing.
"Yes, Mother." I know why she's calling, so there's no point in hiding my annoyance.
"You forgot to call me last night, Benjamin. I need to make a reservation somewhere. All of the nice places will be booked if we wait too long."
"I know. We had a long day, and I fell asleep before I had the chance to call you back. Ari and Eli will be joining us for sure and there might be one more."
"Who would that be?" she asks curiously.
"It's Ari's best friend, Vonne. She's also graduating with me and is the one who introduced us. Ari is checking with her to make sure she doesn't already have plans."
"Okay, I'll just include her into the reservation. If we have to cancel, it shouldn't be a problem. Is there anywhere, in particular, you would like to go?" she asks.
She's always just made plans without asking. I'm almost shocked.
"No, I'm okay with whatever you decide."
"Perfect. I'll make a few phone calls and see what's available. We're taking a short trip to Napa for the next couple of days. I will be in touch as soon as we return."
"Okay. Talk to you soon." I'm about to hit the end button when I hear her voice come through the receiver again.
"What was that?" I ask.
"I said I love you."
"Oh, I love you, too." I hit end and stare at my phone for a bit. I don't know why hearing her say those words is always so awkward. It just doesn't sound natural leaving her mouth. Does that sound bad? It's my mother, and I know she loves me. She just has a warped way of showing it. I'm about to place my phone on the table when it buzzes. At this rate, I'll starve before I get to eat my food. It's a text from Ari.
Ari: I did it.
Underneath those words is a screenshot of her therapy appointment confirmation. It's for next Friday at seven in the evening.
Me: That's great. I'll be right there with you. It'll be fine, I promise.
Ari: Thank you. I'm holding you to it.
Me: What time will you be home?
Ari: Just have a few more things to wrap up. I should be home around six. What's for dinner?
Me: LOL.
Ari: Don't laugh. I expect a hot meal on my table after a hard day’s work. Get to it, sir.
Me: Very funny. I'll have something hot waiting for you all right.
Ari: Promise??
This conversation went south real quick; I sense a cold shower in my near future.
Me: Hmm . . . is that a challenge?
Ari: How do you always get me so worked up over text? I can't even hear your voice.
Me: Because you're imagining my lips over the shell of your ear working their way to that sweet spot on your neck that drives you wild.
Ari: And I am now shutting off my computer. See you in forty minutes.
I chuckle to myself as I sit back and wait for her to come to me.
I was planning to hang around for at least another hour, but after that text . . . let's just say I'm in a hurry to get out of here.
"What was that text about?" Hilda says over her shoulder.
I had no choice but to ask for
her help. For every pile of files I put away, it felt like there were twenty more in its place. I was making no headway and with the list of things they want me to do tomorrow, I needed an extra pair of hands or a clone.
"Nothing," I answer unable to wipe the stupid grin off my face.
"The way you shut that computer down and practically jumped from your chair doesn't look like nothing," she says smirking at me.
I'm contemplating my answer when she continues. "Go on. Get out of here. You've been working your tail off. Go home to your hot piece of man candy. I’ll finish up."
I could kiss her right now, but I feel guilty just bailing.
"Are you sure? You don't have to finish. You've already been a big help. I'll play catch up tomorrow morning."
"I'm positive. There's not that much left, and I guarantee you they'll be in tonight and create another pile for you. Don't worry about me. Now, scoot."
I don't wait for her to tell me twice. I grab my purse and walk toward the front doors.
"Thank you. I owe you one," I call out over my shoulder.
In typical L.A. fashion, there's an accident on the freeway. Traffic is backed up for miles and getting home quickly is just not gonna happen. I decide to call Vonne to distract me from my potential road rage.
"Hey, lady?" She picks up after a few rings.
"Hey, yourself. What are you doing?" I ask.
"Nothing. I got your text this morning. Sorry, I didn't text back. I was trying to figure out what we were gonna do. We're just gonna have the family over on Saturday for a barbecue so I'm in."
"Awesome. You could be my backup against the mega bitch."
"That should be fun," she says with a laugh. "Who else is going?"
"Well, his parents, of course, us, and Eli."
I play stupid and wait for her reaction. I'm still a little pissed at her for not telling me, but I figure she won't be able to hide it from me for long.
"Oh."
"Oh. That's all you have to say?" I ask, waiting for her to give me more.
"What do you know?"
"Nothing. Apparently, my best friend didn't think it was important to keep me in the loop. I had to hear it second-hand from my boyfriend who swore me to secrecy for fear of getting his nuts chopped off."