by Roth, T. A.
"That's great, Nat. I'm glad you’re happy."
"I'm sorry, Ari. I'm over here gushing like an idiot. It's totally insensitive of me."
"What? No, Natalie, it's fine. Just wait until Ben gets back, I’m gonna be a smiling fool and we'll be even.”
She laughs. "So only two more weeks. Huh? It's going to fly by like that," she says snapping her fingers. "You'll see."
"They want him to stay the rest of the summer."
"Oh, no. What is he going to do?"
"He's not sure yet, but I think we both know that it's better for his career if he stays."
"That's it. We're going out. Gabe's band is playing at this new club in Hollywood on Friday. He wants me to come see him, and you're coming with."
"He plays in a band?"
"Yeah, he's a business guy by day, but I guess he backs up this singer or something. I don't know all the details. All I heard was VIP and I was sold."
"All right. I haven't been out in forever, so it sounds like fun."
"Oh, you mentioned your cousin is staying with you. Do you think she'd want to go?"
"I'll ask her, but I think she's doing makeup for an event that night."
"Okay, just keep me posted. If not, I'll let him know it'll just be the two of us. Yay, I'm excited."
The rest of the day goes off without a hitch. Ben sent a text telling me he was stuck in a meeting and wouldn't be able to talk to me until tonight. My gut tells me he's going to stay, but my heart is holding on to that one shred of hope that he won't.
This meeting has been going on forever. Files cover the conference room table, and I'm not even sure I've heard what Mr. Rummel has said in the last half hour. They want me to hang out for another six weeks of this shit. There's no way, but saying no would mean career suicide. They have my balls in a vise.
Feeling completely defeated, I decide to stop for a beer at the pub. I've been here at least three times since my first visit. Olivia greets me with a smile as I walk in.
"Good evening, luv. What will it be?"
"The usual." She got me hooked on pale ale and, believe it or not, I really like bangers and mash.
"Coming right up."
I'm scrolling through my pictures when Olivia places the pint in front of me.
"She's a looker that one," she says pointing at my screen. I hadn't realized I was staring at one of Ari's pics.
"Yeah," I say taking a long pull of my beer.
"She break your heart?" Oliva asks furrowing her brow.
"No, we're together. She's back home in the states."
"Ah, I see. How long will you be staying?"
"My boss just asked me to stay for the rest of the summer."
"Congratulations, that's wonderful. She must be really proud of you," she says walking away to grab my plate.
I wish I were confident about that. This trip is taking a toll on our relationship, and although she says I have her full support, I can't help but think she wished I never came. Hell, I'm starting to resent saying yes. I've learned a ton and I'm getting more hands-on experience than most interns do at my level, but my head just isn't in it.
"What is it?" Olivia asks placing another pint in front of me.
"This one's on the house, by the way. You look like you need it."
"Thank you."
"So is the lady not happy that you're here?" she presses.
"Not exactly. She knows it's for work, but the distance is killing us."
"Understandable, but it's not forever. You're young. Grab hold of every opportunity while you still can."
She leaves me with that and moves down the bar to help a customer. There's too much to think about, and I'm not sure I'll be able to make a decision tonight. I leave some cash on the bar top and head back to the loft.
Dr. Stone writes on her notepad as I sit on the fluffy couch across from her. I'm starting to look forward to our visits; I've left feeling a little lighter after our talks.
"Has there been any contact with him this week?"
We’ve started with the same two questions since the incident with the flowers—have you told Ben and has he contacted you. The answer to the first has stayed the same. Ben won't be in London forever, and I'm sure it will be harder to keep it from him when he gets back, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. She thinks I should report Amos. The thing is, it's my word against his, and if I've learned anything from working at the firm, it's that unless you have solid evidence, there is nothing anyone can do.
"No, he hasn't contacted me for a while."
"But you still believe the flowers were from him."
"Yes."
She bows her head to write some more. He hasn't texted or called since the weekend Ben left. The fact he hasn't contacted me should put me at ease, but it doesn't. The conversation I had with Maria keeps running through my mind. She said the file on me dates back seven years. If that's true, then he has to have a bigger plan for me. No one follows someone for that long and then just gives up. He's been patient, but everyone has their limit.
"Ari?"
She startles me from my train of thought.
"What were you just thinking about?"
"Him."
I haven't given her his name, so I refer to Amos as "him." It makes me feel like I still have some control.
"What about ‘him’ specifically? If you wish to share."
"What he wants with me. What his plan is."
"What do you think his plan is for you?"
"I don't want to think about that."
"Okay, but you just admitted you were visiting those thoughts."
She's clever and very good with word play. Sometimes, I think she should have been an attorney. I rest my head on the back of the couch and close my eyes. It's my version of a disappearing act. Something I do when I'm uncomfortable and don't want to talk.
"Yes," I finally answer. "My thoughts were going to a dark place. I’m wondering when his patience will run thin and what that will look like. Will he get violent, or will the love he has for Ben protect me from him taking this too far."
More writing. She's probably filled three notepads in just a handful of visits already.
"How often are you having these thoughts?"
"More than I care to admit. Especially now that he hasn't tried to contact me."
"So have you given any more thought about telling Ben?"
"No. They've just asked him to stay in London for the rest of the summer."
More writing and I already know the question before she asks it.
"I'm not happy about it," I say before she can ask how I feel.
"Did you express that to him?"
I release a frustrated sigh.
"He and I both know he needs to be there. Throwing a fit and asking him to come home will eventually just make him resent me. I won't be that girl. I'll figure out how to handle things here on my own."
"He deserves to know, and it's a conversation I suggest you have with him sooner than later. The longer you keep this from him, the more resentful he's going to be when he does find out."
"I know."
"Is there anything else you would like to discuss today?"
"Natalie, my co-worker, invited me out for a girls’ night tomorrow."
I'm deflecting, and I hope she'll lay off for a minute and be happy that I'm making an attempt to live normally.
"Are you looking forward to that?"
"I am. It'll be nice to hang out with her outside of the office."
"Is Natalie someone who you confide in?"
"Sort of. We're still getting to know each other, and I've talked to her about Ben, but I wouldn't lay something this heavy on her. It was hard enough to tell my cousin."
"That's good. I think you should surround yourself with a support system outside of your family. Having good friends around is also very important." I nod.
“Are you feeling anxious at all about tomorrow night?" she asks.
We've talked about my anxiety
issues around certain social settings.
"I'm more excited than anxious. The club we're going to is a Hollywood hotspot that hosts a burlesque show once a month. It's almost impossible to get in, and Natalie's boyfriend was able to reserve us a table."
"That sounds like fun. Will her boyfriend be joining you two?"
"Not exactly, he'll be working. He plays in the band."
"It sounds like you're in for some fun."
We wrap up our session, and I head back to the apartment to catch up with Letty and get ready for my phone call with Ben.
I'm restless and have been in and out of sleep all night. It's 3:30 A.M. and my mind won't shut down long enough for me to get a good night's rest. I need to talk to Ari; I hate that I missed our call. The screen of my cell lights up my bedroom as I FaceTime her. It rings a few times before she appears on my screen.
"Babe?"
"Hey."
"What time is it over there? Are you okay?" she asks looking worried.
"Hey, Ben." Letty peeks her head in, and I give her a wave.
"Hold on. I'm going to go to my room."
She gets up from the couch, and I get a perfect view of her tits as she walks down the hall. The sight of her hardened nipples against her thin tank gives me instant wood.
"Okay."
Her face comes back into view and the headboard in the background lets me know she's sitting on the bed.
"Thanks for that view. You just made my dick stand at attention."
"What?" she asks giggling.
"You kept the phone pointed at your chest as you walked down the hall."
"Oh," she says blushing, and fuck me, she's not going to make getting back to sleep any easier for me tonight.
"So what's going on? It's like three in the morning over there."
"Couldn't sleep, I miss you."
"I miss you too," she whispers.
"I think he misses you more." I pan the phone down to the strain in my boxer briefs, and she sucks in a breath.
"Ben?" I take my time bringing the camera back to my face. I'm only wearing boxers.
"Yeah, babe?"
"You know Letty's just down the hall." Her face has that flush she gets when she's turned on, and I love that she's just as affected.
"And?" She moves away from the screen, and I'm happily looking at her tits again. I hear the click of a lock, and she's back.
"We'll have to be quiet," she whispers making me chuckle.
"I'm not the one who gets loud."
She grins narrowing her eyes at the screen. "So do you want me to help you with that situation or not?"
My hand slides under the waistband of my boxers. "Fuck, yes," I hiss.
"What did you have in mind?" she asks lying back on the bed. Her chestnut hair strewn over my pillow.
"The first time we did this, I could only hear you. You don't know how bad I wished I could have watched." She licks her lips, and my dick is in my hand before she can respond.
"Okay."
"From what I remember I think I had you strip for me." She nods.
Propping the phone on a pillow, she steps in front of the screen. She's wearing those tiny as fuck boxer shorts that make me lose my mind.
"Start with the tank." She plays with the hem and slowly slides it up her torso giving me just a hint of skin. My strokes are slow and even as I wait for her to pull it over her head. She hugs her chest with one arm and holds the tank on the edge of her finger before letting it drop to the floor.
Her eyes never leave mine, and as I open my mouth to continue my directions, she gives me exactly what I want. I watch as her arm drops to her side, her tight nipples begging to be licked. Her hands trail up her body, and my eyes are fixed on her hands wishing they were mine.
I'm rock hard, and I pan the camera down to give her another glance. She licks those luscious lips I wish were currently wrapped around me.
"Fuck,” I moan.
My thumb wipes at the wetness pooling at the tip. As her hands continue to explore her body, her fingers twist and pull at her pink nipples. She turns away from the screen, and I'm about to protest until I notice her hands moving to the waistband of her shorts. Hooking her thumbs into the sides, she tortures me slowly as she takes her time sliding them over her hips.
I get a glimpse of her lacy white thong as she shimmies them off letting them fall to her feet. Looking over her shoulder, she gives me a coy grin, and I swear if I don't start thinking about baseball soon, I'm gonna bust a nut in the next thirty seconds. She toys with the strings; her perfect round ass facing the screen.
"Turn around." She does as I ask. A small scrap of lace covers the area I wish I could currently bury my face in. I lick my lips at the thought and watch as she presses her thighs together.
"Are you wet for me, baby?" She nods. "Show me." Her eyes are hooded with lust; she sucks on two fingers trailing them between her breasts before sliding them into the front of her panties. Her head lolls back, and she releases a moan that takes me over the edge. My hand is moving as I watch her come apart. A few strokes of her fingers and she's right there with me. She braces herself against the tall dresser as her legs tremble.
"Jesus, Ari. That visual was so much better than what my imagination came up with."
She giggles and steps out of the frame for a bit. The camera goes out of focus, and when she comes back, she's wearing her robe.
"Feeling better?" she asks while throwing her hair up into a messy knot. The front of her robe opens, and I sit back and enjoy the view.
"Ben?"
"Hmm . . .” She looks down and realizes where my focus is.
"Seriously?" she says tightening the belt on her robe. I get a semi just watching her put her hair up. I'm so screwed.
"Are you going to try to get a couple more hours of sleep?"
"I don't think I could even if I tried. I'm more relaxed, though." She smiles.
"How was your appointment with Dr. Stone?" She gives me brief updates every week. Not as much info as I would like, but I'm just glad she's still going.
"Good. We talked about you a little."
"Oh yeah, about what an awesome, incredibly hot boyfriend I am."
"Yeah, and humble too," she says with a laugh.
"So have you told them you’re staying?" she asks.
"I haven't decided yet."
"You know what you should do." What I want and what I should do are on two different sides of the coin, and therein lies my dilemma.
"So what's your plan for the weekend? You girls doing anything?" I ask changing the subject.
"Natalie asked me out for a girls’ night tomorrow. Letty has to work the whole weekend, so other than that, not much."
"Where are you going?" I'm struggling to keep my envy in check. She deserves a night out; I just wish I were the one taking her.
"It's this club in Hollywood that hosts a burlesque show. Her boyfriend plays in the band. If it's cool, then maybe we can go when you get back."
"Yeah."
"Babe?" I meet her eyes. "You know I wouldn't do anything stupid right? We're just gonna have a few drinks and hang out."
I force a smile to keep her from worrying.
"I know. Will you call me before you leave? I might have to work late again, and I can't go without our calls. I don't care what time it is. I need to see you."
"Okay, try to get some sleep. We'll talk later. Promise."
"Love you." This time, she traces the screen.
"Love you too. Good morning," she says with a smirk.
"Good night."
The screen goes black, and I've made my decision.
"It’s girls’ night," Natalie sings in greeting as I step around the partition wall. I frown.
"Oh no, don't do that. You're still coming right?"
"Yes, I'm still going." I laugh as she swats me with a file.
"Brat. You scared me. I thought I was going to have to sit all by myself."
"No, we're good. Letty has to work, thou
gh. She's bummed she couldn't join us."
"Next time," she says sitting at her desk.
The phones start ringing off the hook, and it’s business as usual until five o'clock. As I gather my things to go home, we plan to meet out front at nine. I confirm the address, and I'm off to sit in traffic for a few hours.
Letty calls just as I'm exiting the freeway.
"What's up?"
"Hey, I thought I was going to be able to do your makeup before I left, but there was a change of plans. I have to drive my happy ass to Riverside right now."
"Riverside? Why?"
"I guess the maid of honor decided to get a suite at the Mission Inn for everyone to get ready. They offered to pay me extra if I'd drive out there."
The wedding she's in town doing makeup for has become a nightmare. The girls in the wedding party cannot agree on anything and every scheduled event has either run late or changed at the last minute. Today is just another example.
"That sucks about the drive but awesome about the extra cash." I try to cheer her up.
"Yeah, just didn't plan on sitting in an extra hour and half of traffic on a Friday."
"Welcome to my world," I say with a laugh.
"You're going to be okay, right? I'm going to be back kind of late. Text me when you get ready to leave the club and I'll let you know where I'm at. Maybe Nat-"
"Letty, I'll be fine. Breathe. I have my pepper spray and I'll text you before I leave okay?"
"Okay, don’t forget. I made sure to lock everything up and I didn't see anyone creepy hanging around."
"All right, be careful driving. I'll talk to you later."
I hate that I've also made her into a paranoid wreck. She shouldn't have to worry about leaving me alone.
Pulling into my parking spot, I run through my usual ritual of checking my windows and mirrors. Taking a deep breath, I exit the car and grip my pepper spray making sure to be aware of anything suspicious while making the trek to my front door.
I breathe easier once I’m inside. Locking the door behind me, I make sure to latch the security chain. It's almost seven, and without Letty here to do my makeup, I head toward my bedroom to begin the daunting task of getting ready. As I turn the corner into my bedroom, I notice an outfit, jewelry, and heels laid out across my bed. A hot pink sticky note with Letty's writing catches my eye.