by David Allen
CONTENTS
Copyright
Dedication
Seek First to Understand
Discussion Questions For Each Chapter
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Epilogue
Want More From the Authors?
Worksheet 1 - Integrity
Worksheet 2 - Getting the Job Done
Worksheet 3 - Having Others' Bests Interests In Mind
Worksheet 4- Your Total Score
Worksheet 5 - Who Do You Trust?
A Look at Book Two - The 3, 12, and Seventy
Copyright
Emotionally Bulletproof - Scott’s Story: The Three Legs of Trust - By Brian Shaul and David Allen
Copyright © 2010 By Brian Shaul and David Allen
Emotionally Bulletproof Scott’s Story - Book 1
by By Brian Shaul and David Allen
All rights reserved solely by the author. The author guarantees all contents are original and do not infringe upon the legal rights of any other person or work. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the permission of the author. The views expressed in this book are not necessarily those of the publisher.
Unless otherwise indicated, Bible quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation. Copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
Acknowledgements
We want to thank certain individuals who have embraced the Emotionally Bulletproof principles.
Thank you to Joel and Ashlee Starn, for the wordsmithing they did for this book series.
Eric and Angela Carlson for the months of helping refine these ideas.
Thank you John and Marlys Hall, for their assistance in editing the original manuscripts and openly sharing these ideas with so many people.
Thank you Janette Riehle for your advice and editing expertise.
Thank you Tim Carrick for being Pastor Tim.
Seek First To Understand
My name is Scott. The authors are about to reveal intricate details of my life, and I insisted on having the chance to speak my part before you read it. I wanted to give you a few words to keep in mind before you read.
I am going to speak to you like you are one of my closest friends. Since you will hear all about what happened to me, I trust you, and don’t mind if you tell all your friends about my story. In fact, I hope you do.
First, a little background:
I was born in Wasilla, Alaska and went to public school. My dad’s name is Robert, and he is a psychologist. He loves to diagnose. Being in a position of dispensing wisdom was more important to him than actually having wisdom to begin with. Anyway, I grew up with him, my older brother, Phillip, and my mom in a fairly large house outside of town.
My uncle, Matthew, was my favorite person in the world to hang out with. He taught me things you will read about in this book. When he died, I was very angry with God for taking away my favorite person in the world and became a bit of a troublemaker as a teenager. After several years of issues arising from rebellion, it took the help of a pastor named Tim to help me straighten up and begin the part of my journey that I want you to know about.
My brother seemed to have no problem following in the footsteps of my dad and going to college for psychology as well. I, however, noticed that for all the bragging about how successful my family was, they weren’t always very happy. Looking back, that’s what it was, but at that age I couldn’t quite explain it. For this reason, I chose a different path in life, one that was unconventional for them. It caused a lot of tension between me and the rest of my family.
Enough of that. I have no regrets about that part of my past. It was all for the glory of God so that you could hear this story today. Now that you know a bit about me, there are several things I hope you take away from my story.
First: Enjoy the book. Stories are meant to be enjoyed.
Second: Even though I am a fictional character, I hope I can connect parts of what you read with how you experience real life. I know I’m not supposed to just come out and say that, but it’s too important not to say.
My story happened years ago, and I know that you have different challenges facing you than what I faced at your age. Families are even more broken. Financial challenges that people never faced when I was your age are in front of you. In times of such uncertainty, we cannot cling only to things. We must instead focus on principles; lifelong truths that have served all who focus on them since the beginning of time.
This story is about my journey to discovering one of these truths. As you read my story, you will learn about trust, the foundation of all relationships. Without it, you won’t know how well you are helping others, nor will you know how others can help you, or even if they want to. Pay close attention to trust as you read about my life.
By focusing on the actions of each character and determining whether those actions lay within the three key aspects of trust, you will be able to apply this principle of truth to your own life.
Many of you who read this may have trouble with relationships, whether the trouble is with getting a relationship in the first place, or keeping it after you get it.
Others still have trouble with money. Maybe you need to make more to achieve your dreams than you are currently capable of making. Maybe you’re drowning in debt.
Lastly, you may just need support in times of instability. Believe me, I’ve been there.
All aspects of your life require a high amount of trust, both with yourself and those you associate with. All those areas will improve with successful practicing of trust. Try to see if anyone in my story seems similar to people in your own. If not, use what you learn about trust to make your own decisions.
If you want to use this book as a self-help book, you will probably want to fi nish this chapter. If you are reading it only for entertainment purposes, I’m going to get a bit preachy in the rest of this chapter, so go ahead and begin the story in Chapter 1.
In developing your trust and taking it to a higher level, you must be aware of certain mindsets that may cause problems when you try to change. By being aware, we can act in spite of those paradigms and make a true improvement. I have taken some of the common issues I have seen and described them here for you.
Blaming - When people learn about trust, they begin to see examples in the world around them of trust and mistrust in action. You will see it in your church, your family, your friends, your school, your government, and your town. Your awareness is going to sharply increase, as you will see the direct result of low trust and high trust environments and their consequences. This is normal and healthy. It is part of the learning process for you.
Before you run to your pastor and confront him, before you scream at your wife, and before you point the finger at your employees, stop and think: How will people unaware of trust issues respond to accusation? Will they say, “Oh, I’ve never thought about it that way. Please tell me how to change!”? Will they bow in humility when you proclaim your newfound truth? While you may have visualized that type of reaction, the reality is that blaming someone else will be seen as denying your own responsibility for the situation. They will likely respond by confronting you with the same intensity and emotions that you sent their way.
There are ways to bring about their awa
reness without acting like a prosecuting attorney or talking like a victim. I challenge you, before trying to influence others, to take a look at yourself. A high trust or low trust environment is just that, an environment. You are part of the environment too.
In the Bible, a passage is written that has the same relevance today as it did when it was written, and accurately gives counsel on this issue. “How can you think of saying, ‘Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” I believe it was Luke 6:42, or somewhere around there.
In short, always look towards improving your own level of trust first.
Deception - When someone has lied to you and you believe it, you start acting on that lie as if it were true. Telling someone about this is challenging, because doing so will usually get the response of “I’m not deceived.” Let me ask you something. If you know someone is lying to you, can they deceive you? No. You have to believe a lie to be deceived. You won’t believe a liar knowingly, at least I hope you don’t. You can only be deceived by not being aware of the deception.
Remember the previous section on blaming, and be aware that we all have been deceived. Deception happens to everyone. The best way to combat deception is to form a group of people who all seek to improve their trust, and discuss it with them. Some of these people will have an area of strength that you may be lacking, and they will be able to see things that you could not on your own. This guidance is priceless. Be careful whose advice you accept, though, and be careful which advice you apply.
1 John 4:1 says, “Dear friends, do not believe everyone who claims to speak by the Spirit. You must test them to see if the spirit they have comes from God. For there are many false prophets in the world.”
Many people who speak falsely may do so out of the best intentions, yet may also be deceived themselves. In all situations, look for the truth, and don’t be afraid of being wrong.
Pride - This one ties into deception and blaming as well. I want to discuss pride for two reasons: to lower pride so that you may face the truth and get out of deceiving yourself, and so that you may keep the influence and trust you have won.
Let’s go over lowering pride. When increasing trust, try your best not to attack those who challenge you with an idea. Doing so is a way of communicating pride. If you’re fortunate, the person challenging you is trustworthy enough to know when you are feeling defensive. More than likely, though, the people who can help you grow will become discouraged and stop trying to help you on your journey. If you burn bridges and scare away people who want to free you from deception, you are isolating yourself with those who are deceiving you. In short, pride causes you to deceive yourself. So stop it.
With all the deception in the world, the ‘Main Deceiver’ doesn’t need your help.
Now for the next reason. Listen when I say this: I am NOT an expert! If I refer to myself as the expert on trust, there is a danger that I might stop trying to grow personally. If that happens, think of my family, friends, employees, and students who look up to me. If they see me as the expert on trust, and I do nothing to improve myself, they will imitate me so that they, too, will become experts. This will cause my family to suffer, my employees to lose motivation, and my church to stop growing. Do you really want to think of yourself as the expert? Do you want to be responsible for all those negative consequences affecting so many people? I wouldn’t go to a church full of ‘experts’ if I could avoid it.
Lack of Healthy Boundaries - It is here that you need to know one of the legs of trust. Having other people’s best interests in mind. I bring it up because you may find someone who wants to hog your mind, to be the only source of advice and council for you. They may seem to have it all together, and people talk in public about how great they are. It may be because they have high trust in several areas.
It is important that you develop multiple sources of advice. Study truth with more than just one person. If that one person or group seeks to keep you from learning anywhere else, there may be a conflict of interest. Their desire to control may be higher than their desire for you to grow as a person. Every aspect of trust ties together, so if this is the case, you will often find a lack of trust in another area of their life. Read the story and you will discover what those legs of trust are.
I want to leave it up to you to find out more. This principle of trust can be applied anywhere to achieve results, and its options are without limit. When you do find how to use it, tell me one day. I need this information more than ever!
Before I let the authors take over, I wanted to leave a gift with you, which you’ll find at the end of the book. You see, I learned from mistakes made by me and those around me. The authors put me through much agony to learn this. It made me wish I had a guide to help me understand trust; something that I can share with others, so we all could have each other’s best interests in mind. Well, the authors worked with me to make one, and I am proud to present it to you. After you read, you can fill out the papers or make copies so that you can use what I learned to improve the quality of your own life.
Now I turn it over to the authors, finishing by saying three words I wish upon everyone: God Bless You!
Discussion Questions For Each Chapter
On this page you will find five questions you can use when studying my story with others. You can use those questions to learn more about trust, and discuss it with others so they can grow too. If you don’t know the three aspects of trust yet, you can look at the back of the book where the worksheets are. I know, I said you have to read to find out, but I care more about you learning than whether or not you read about me. Cheating is encouraged in this special case.
How was Scott affected in a negative way by trusting somebody who scored low on trust?
Did Scott have the three legs of trust for himself in this chapter?
How was Scott affected in a positive way by trusting somebody who scored high on trust?
Can you remember a time in the last week when you were blessed by somebody having the three aspects of trust?
In the next week, which of the three aspects of trust are you going to focus on improving?
CHAPTER ONE
The door slammed, echoing behind Scott. He trotted through the dimly lit gym. Outside, large palm fronds hung across the windows, blocking the light, creating a speckled pattern across the concrete floor.
“Tony,” Scott hissed. “Tony.”
“What?” Tony turned, tossing his blond hair. “What’s the problem?” He leaned on his mop, annoyance in his voice. “I’m trying to work here.” He stood, legs apart, wearing a pair of cutoff shorts, eyeing Scott suspiciously.
Scott stopped, panting to catch his breath. “You really need to get out of here Tony.” He gulped air. “Tai, he’s drunk and very angry. He’s coming with some friends to beat you up.” He glanced behind him. “He has a machete.”
“Ha!” Tony looked uncertain. “Probably because you gave him one.” He spun toward Scott, eyes narrowing. “What’d you tell Tai? I know you’re still trying to get back at me for Janet.” He gripped his mop and stepped forward. “Don’t pretend that you’re innocent.”
“Tony, stop being stupid. I told them nothing. Abra told me to run and tell you quickly.” Scott motioned desperately. “Hurry! Go, you’re alone in this gym and they’re coming on the road behind me. I cut across the island to get ahead of them.”
“How do I know you’re not sending me into a trap?” Tony’s face was a mask of distrust. “I’ll do no such thing. I’m not afraid of a couple of stumbling drunks.” He began to turn away.
Scott made one final effort, reaching out and grabbing his sleeve. “Tony there’s five of —” Boom! The gym’s front door was flung open. Five sullen islanders stepped through the door, three of them clutching short wooden clubs.
Tony shook Scott off wi
th an angry twist, and then stepped back uncertainly. Tai stood in the middle, long, unkempt black hair framing his dark countenance. He glared at Tony through bloodshot eyes. A machete hung from his stocky waist.