What a moment!
Ready to go to bed, I go upstairs and take my shower. I’ve had quite a few late nights this week and I’m exhausted. The adrenaline flowing through my blood while riding the scariest rides in Chessington completely deflated me.
Feeling refreshed after the shower, but only for a short while, I’m certain, I go into my study to watch some TV, to get me in the mood for sleep again. Why watching TV always puts me to sleep I have no idea.
Not even thirty minutes have passed and I’m dozing off when I hear someone banging on the front door. I jump, instantly thinking of Thomas, and I run around the house, making sure the windows are bolted. The door continues to shake under the mighty fists of the person standing outside and armed with my cell, I stand by the door quietly and dial Alexander’s number. It starts ringing and, strangely, I hear the ringing outside. Is that him?
“Alexander?”
“Ammmelia…” He continues with the banging.
I open the door straight away and there he is, slumping over me. He’s completely inebriated. And heavy.
“Is Quinn with you? Where’s your son?” I ask and look around but all I see is Her Majesty in my driveway.
“Thhhey are hooome,” wasted, he tries to talk but he can’t make the words out.
“Fuck, Alexander! You didn’t drive here, did you?”
“Fuuuck yyyou!” he shouts, waving his index finger at my face. “..I dooon need you!”
“You don’t need me? What’s happening to you, Alexander?”
“Or anyone!” he continues.
I try to help him get in but he pushes me away. I lose balance, grabbing his arm to steady myself and I fall backwards with him on top of me. We both end up on the floor, him over me; thank god I wasn’t squashed dead. The stench of alcohol is nauseating. I push him off of me and with all my strength I try to help him up. Barely able to walk and lugging him with me, I manage to reach the study and to put him down on the sofa. With his eyes closed, his face is all tormented. His eyebrows are knitted together.
“Now comes the painful part...” he mumbles to himself. “Fucking hell it does!”
“What? What are you talking about?” I move near him, hoping to hear him better. “Are you awake? Alexander?”
“I’m to blame?” he whispers. And then, suddenly he screams. “I don’t fucking need anyone taking care of me!”
“Shhh.... it’s okay, Alexander. It’s fine. Whatever you say.” I try to calm him. He’s drunk beyond comprehension.
“My heartbreak will bring me home...” he speaks unclearly. “I am home!” he shouts one more time and then, just as suddenly, he starts sobbing.
“Oh god, Alexander, shhh, it’s okay.” I sit next to him, drape my hands over his body, and as I do he rests his head on my chest. And quietly cries. Real tears are falling down his face and I wipe them with my hand.
“All this time...I thought it was me….” he sobs. “You can’t make amends like that…”
He cries for the next hour in my arms and I don’t stop him. I don’t ask any more questions. He’s going through so much grief; he needs to get it out of his body. So I’m quiet; all I do is hold him. Nothing else. He cries every tear he’s held in throughout his life.
~
We must have fallen asleep and I don’t understand how, but as I hear my cell alarm going off in the hallway, where I left it last night, I realize that our positions have changed. Alexander is now holding me, rather than the other way around. He has me tight in his grip. I try to move but his arms just tighten around me.
“Alexander,” I whisper. “I must get up.”
He mumbles incoherently and releases his hand.
I promised the boys I’d take them to school today, just as I did yesterday. I get up and cover him with the blanket lying at the foot of the sofa. He can sleep in and, going by the condition he was in last night, he’ll have one hell of a hangover, too.
I go upstairs and check on Mrs. Saunders. She hasn’t come back at all. Well, I hope she got lucky last night. Jason and Michael seem to be awake; they’re talking in their bedroom. I walk in and give them a good morning cuddle.
“Morning, boys.”
“Good morning, Aunt Lia. Are we spending the day together again? Can you take us to school? Please?” their excited voices are such a wonderful sound to hear.
“I told you I am, sweetie. Now come on, wash your face, and brush your teeth, you’ve got to start getting ready.”
They jump from their beds and off they go to the bathroom.
While they prepare for school, I run downstairs to the study and enter quietly. I’m looking for the key to lock the door; I know Alexander won’t wake up for another few hours, but just in case, I don’t want Jason and Michael seeing him here at all.
I know it was on the coffee table and as I can’t see it now, I presume it must have fallen off of it. I kneel down and search for the key; instantly I see it and I pick it up but I also see a small toy car lying next to Alexander’s suit jacket. I haven’t seen this toy around the house but also, it seems old, very old. I shrug, put it up on the coffee table and quickly exit, locking the door behind me.
~
Just like yesterday, the ten minute walk is so much fun; the boys can talk, that’s for sure! I haven’t seen Jason being as confident as this. It’s like he’s a different person altogether. And I like it.
“Aunt Lia, where was Mrs. Saunders this morning?” Michael asks just as we near the school entrance.
“Why, did you miss her?” I joke. “She’s got a day off, baby. We’re having a good time, just the three of us, yeah?”
The smile I get from them tells me everything. They give me a hug and a kiss, and shoot off towards the entrance.
I’m left outside standing and smiling with some other parents who are in the same position as me.
I pull the cell out of my bag.
“Good morning, Mrs. Saunders. I’m just checking up on you. Please let me know you’re all right and well looked after.”
I text her and receive a text back almost immediately.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call. Yes, I’m okay. I may be late today. Mrs. Saunders”
Perfect. I’ll have time now to cross-examine my lover who’s sleeping in my locked study.
I walk back to my house and go inside, locking the door behind me. Taking a few tablets of Advil and a glass of water, I head for the study. He is peacefully sleeping on the sofa but the moment I sit down next to him he becomes aware of my presence. He squints and slowly opens his eyes.
“Hey, beautiful,” confused, he looks around. “How did I get in your house?”
“Take this.” I give him the water and the tablets. “You’ll thank me later.”
He looks at me and tries to remember what happened last night, whatever it was that got him to drink that much.
“Do you remember anything?”
“I was drinking. And I know I desperately needed you, so I must have driven to your house. Fuck!”
“Go upstairs and take a shower.” I kiss him. “We’ll talk over coffee. Mrs. Saunders is not around so please make yourself at home.”
I get up and head for the kitchen, to put the coffee pot on.
I hear him getting up, shuffling around and walking up the stairs.
“Oh fuck, my head! What was I drinking last night?”
“That’s what I want to know, too.”
“You know, this is the first time I’m actually going to see your bedroom.”
“Erm…you’re going up there to have a shower, right?”
“Yes, but the bedroom is so close. I have to take a peek,” he says from the landing.
“You’re such a teenager, Alexander.”
I’m almost finished with my cup of coffee in the kitchen when I hear his voice shouting from upstairs.
“Amelia? I can’t find the shower gel.”
“On the window ledge!” I shout back. Hasn’t he showered yet?
�
�Not here.”
“It’s right there!” I head upstairs to show him and as I reach the landing, I open the bathroom door wide.
“Alexander,” I walk next to him. “Here it is. On the window ledge.”
I pass the gel to him and only then do I realize what he’s done. His cocky smile tells me all. Engulfed in steam, his hair wet and falling over his forehead and a smile to die for, he is leaning on the tiles, water spraying his pecs and he just tuts and shakes his head at me. He’s miles away from the Alexander who was broken and crying in my arms last night.
“Oh no! You are not going to ….”
Before I finish my sentence I’m grabbed by my waist and pulled flush against his wet body, under the running water. “Too late, pet.”
I scream and thrash about, and laugh at the same time.
“Let me go!”
“Never!” he manages to hold my hands behind my back and leans down on me, so now the water is falling directly on my head; I’m a complete wet mess. And still, I’m laughing.
Our laughter is resonating in the small space but the fire raging inside his eyes can be seen miles away. There are sparks flying around; the air is charged that much. My hands are still held firmly behind my back but I take no notice of it. I get closer to him, parting my lips, and I kiss him. He joins my pace and interweaves his tongue with mine, lightly biting my lips and rubbing them sensuously with his for a while, and then, he speeds up the tempo, ending our fervent kiss with a painful nip on my upper lip. I moan and open my eyes. His wild, untamed look under the water spray reminds me of who is in charge.
“Let's take this off...” he whispers.
I let myself get caught in his hypnotic stare, a stare that has taken me to forbidden lands so many times before.
My dress is off, my bra unhooked and slid down, off my shoulders and right now, he’s on his knees, painstakingly taking my panties off.
I lean on the tiles, my back flat on the wall, and I feel. I feel. Every single moment spent with him my synapses go into overdrive and my perception amplifies a million times.
My legs are weak, my whole body buzzing from the endorphins and he…argh, he kisses me down there zealously, parting my folds with his thumbs and nesting his tongue right where my nub is, vehemently stirring the fire in my groins. My knees cave in but just a little, enough to open them wider and raise my pubic bone closer to his face. And I grind. Oh, how I grind.
The fire igniting in my center is shooting up through my body and is going back down to throb; all this is maddening.
He eases off of me and now his kisses follow a trail up my body, my stomach, my breasts, and end on my lips. Again, he does one single deep weave with his tongue in my mouth and that’s enough to make me grab his face and kiss him obsessively; being malnourished clearly has an effect on me. I moan as we’re merged by our kiss and I raise one of my legs up on the wall; with my hips I try to hump his hard and eager cock, to get him in me. With the urgency I have, he grabs my butt cheeks and lifts me up in his arms.
“'Wrap your legs around me.”
I do as I’m told and, seeing that I was ready since the moment he got me under the shower, he positions his cock between my slit and slides it in me. Under the running water we’re holding each other, him lifting my body up and down in a rapid motion, and during all the pounding we’re kissing, biting each other, our tongues devouring, playing, savoring, getting us closer. He presses me against the wall for leverage, and I now feel it harder, rougher, our bones hammering agonizingly, and it's a pain I welcome.
The louder he grunts the closer my rapture is. And the moment his grunts turn into a long growl, long enough for me to realize he’s there, on the precipice, I don’t wait. I explode, wave upon wave crushing over me, delivering my orgasm. His hard, veiny cock is linked with my energy field and as if it’s my needed fuel, he spurts his life inside of me, delivering his own peak.
We’re out of breath, still panting under the shower, when we kiss one final time, weaving our tongues, taking as much as we can from each other’s essence. He lifts me up off of him and puts me down gently.
“Oh god, Alexander… My legs are shaking.”
“Don’t tell me this is the first time your legs are shaking? Amelia, I better step up my game.”
“Very funny. Here,” I pull out a clean towel and pass it to him. “Dry yourself off. I'm staying here a bit longer.”
He smiles as he dabs the towel over his body. “I’m dying for a cup of coffee.”
“I bet you are.”
“What the fuck was I drinking last night?”
“Beats me. But whatever you were on, you were quite, erm, how can I say this, emotional.”
“Emotional?”
“I’ll tell you all in a minute, but first let me finish my shower.” I close the shower door and turn on the hot water.
“Don’t be long. Or I’ll come and get you.” He smirks and leaves the bathroom.
~
Having finished my shower, I dress and go downstairs. Alexander is on the phone with someone; I can’t make out what he says but it’s definitely not for everyone to hear as he talks in a hushed tone.
“I told you, he called me. Fuck me if I know what he wanted. I told you everything I know, for fuck’s sake! I’m going to the States next week. I must straighten this out once and for all. Stop calling me, I don’t have it and I have no idea what you’re talking about!”
I clear my throat as I come in the kitchen and he just says “Goodbye” and cuts the line.
“Who was that?” I ask casually.
“Work,” he says and looks at me. I don’t believe him.
“Do you remember at all what you did last night, Alexander?” I say in a condescending voice.
“I had a drink, or two, by myself. Got drunk and I must have come here. Why?”
“Why? Because you were sobbing in my arms, that’s why. All night.”
“What?” his eyebrows crook over his eyes; he has an utterly confused look on his face. “Th-That’s impossible.”
“And why’s that?”
“Because I don’t cry, Amelia, that’s why,” he says with firm tone. “I never do.”
“Well, last night you did. And driving here drunk, that was plain stupid. You could have called me; I’d have come to get you from wherever you were.”
“Amelia, I don’t need you to take care of me. In fact, I don’t need anyone taking care of me.” Suddenly, he’s all riled up.
“Funny, that’s what you said last night. Just before you broke down.”
He slowly sits down on a chair, still upset, but in his icy blue stare I see questions. I smell his fear.
“What else did I say?”
“Don’t worry, you didn’t give any secrets away,” I sigh. “There was something about how a heartbreak will bring you home and how you thought it was you all this time. And some other gibberish.”
He looks away, trying to remember. Or hide. Whatever he does, at the end he just sighs. “This is getting out of hand.” He rakes his fingers through his still wet hair. “I don’t drink, Amelia. And I certainly don’t drink and drive. Fuck, I really am struggling to find a way out.”
“Then tell me! What is it? I want to help, Alexander. I want to be involved.”
“No.” He’s shakes his head adamantly. “I’ll go to San Francisco next week and finally put an end to it.”
“Is this about that stupid box?”
“Yes, it is. Look, this is really keeping me on edge. I mean, what I did to Thomas, he did deserve what he got but not that much.”
“Thomas?? How…Why are you even talking about him?”
“I’m not. I just realized how every aspect of my life is affected. I’m worried, Amelia. Worried about you. That I might lose you and it’s driving me mad. And this stupid fucked up box is adding so much pressure that I’m completely losing myself. This is not me.”
“Then tell me. Share it with me. You’ll feel better. I don’t need to do a
nything else. Just listen.”
“No. You must trust me, Amelia. I only need to do this once. I’ll go to San Francisco and straighten it out.”
“But why? Why do you have to go there?”
He holds my hands in his and gently raises them to his lips, kissing my palms. Not saying a word.
“You’re an enigma, Alexander. My mother warned me about you. I’m starting to think she might have been right.”
He just smiles. He knows I don’t mean that. A pathetic way to get him to talk.
“Tell me who you are. The real Alexander.”
“I’m the one who’s loved you since the moment we shook hands that Monday morning. Amelia, that day, I saw you. I freed you. And I’d be lying if I said that you haven’t done the same to me. Prisoners in our own lives, we’ve done our time, and we’re ready to live now. I think we deserve that much.”
“But there’s so much that you’re not telling me. Like, why nothing sticks on you? You hurt Thomas, twice, and nobody even mentioned your name. No police inquiry, nothing. Also, that guy in Bishops Avenue, you almost broke his skull and again, nobody pressed any charges. It seems like you do whatever you please and nobody is there to rein you in. And now, you have enough connections to move Thomas to the States? Who are these people who support you? Why are they doing that? Tell me.”
“Not before all this is over. I need time. One week. I promise.”
“Just as I do, Alexander.” It wasn’t my intention to mention it, it just happened. “Please, give me at least a week before we move in to your house.”
Exasperated, he shakes his head in frustration. He hates being cornered but knows there’s no other option.
“I’m not happy. But very well.” he sighs, agreeing halfheartedly. “Until I get back from San Francisco.”
“Thank you.”
“I better go,” he looks at the time, “Max will be waiting for me. It’s his last day today.”
“Already? Can’t he stay any longer?”
The Collar of Sacrifice Page 9